How to treat strangers. So, how to ask people for help, phrases and wording
Have you ever thought about how we address each other now? For example: in public transport, on the street, in shops, by phone and finally on the Internet, in letters, on forums. My opinion is that our way of addressing each other is somehow limited by gender and age. You can often hear: “Man”! "Young woman!" "Woman"! Young man"! But there is also "Hey you"!! etc.
RULES OF HANDLING
Neither work nor social status, neither the trouble experienced, nor bad condition health does not give us the right to be impolite with others. Even orders can be given in a polite tone - calmly, businesslike, softly and at the same time categorically.
You should also follow a number of rules when contacting someone.
We use two forms of address: “you” and “you”. In England, for example, there is only one form; in Romania there were even three forms of address. In Sweden and Poland, it is considered not polite enough to address strangers, especially elders or superiors, as “you”; for this, a third person form is used, for example: “Would the doctor like to help me?”, “Can I see the lady out?” etc.
The form of addressing a person depends on the circumstances. Whether this person is your friend, boss, subordinate, or even a random passer-by, addressing you as “you” will in no way humiliate you.
In Russian, for greater politeness, the last name, first name, and patronymic or title are added to the pronoun “you”. For example: “Comrade Director, they ask you to come to the phone,” or “Please, Comrade Berezin, they are waiting for you,” or “Ivan Ivanovich, can you help me?”
The address “comrade” or “dear comrade” is anonymous and in no case expresses sufficient respect. It can only be used when addressing a stranger whose name you do not know, for example, on the street, on a train, in a store, etc.
In closer relationships, a person is called by his first name or first name and patronymic, before which, naturally, the word “comrade” is not used.
When we're talking about about a third person, it is not customary to use only a pronoun. You should say not “he knows”, but “Comrade Ivanov knows”, or between peers - “Ivan knows” or “Ivanov can”.
The child needs early childhood demand polite treatment and teach him this. Not only in relation to strangers, but also about father, mother and even brother or sister, you should not allow yourself to say “he” and “she”: you should say “mother asked me to tell you”, and not “she said”, or “father, he’s busy now,” not “he’s busy.”
It is even less polite, in the presence of the person they are talking about, to use the general terms “person”, “man”, “woman”.
The conversation takes on a more friendly, warm and polite tone if you insert addresses into the conversation from time to time. For example, like this: “Yes, you are right, Ivan Petrovich...” When addressing one of the spouses, they say about the other not “Your husband”, “Your wife”, but “Your husband”, “Your wife”. When talking about your own spouse, it is not necessary to adhere to this rule. You can say, “My husband is at work now.” Such expressions as “my old woman”, “my old man”, and in relation to children - “boy” sound rude, even offensive.
Some young people have developed bad habit address strangers with the words “dad”, “mummy”, “auntie”, “uncle”, “grandmother”, etc. It's common to call acquaintances this way behind their backs. If men who address women, according to their concepts, are very cordial: “kitty”, “bird”, “mouse”, “hare”, etc. such words can only be used intimately, and even then only when they are pleasant to the one to whom they are addressed. When chairing a meeting or giving a lecture, those present should be addressed as “dear listeners” or “dear comrades.”
The “you” form of address speaks of a closer relationship with a person. “You” means respect that arose for someone on the basis of camaraderie, friendship or love. Respect is expressed in the form of care and attention to another. When using the “you” form of address, you should be no less, and sometimes more polite, than when addressing “you”.
When, in the midst of a quarrel, someone switches from “you” to “you,” this will not at all humiliate the enemy, and, moreover, it will not show your superiority, but only lack of restraint and bad manners.
In our country, it is customary for family members and other close relatives to speak first name to each other. In most cases, employees, colleagues, and friends address each other using “you.”
It is natural that children say “you” to each other. Adults call them "you" until they become teenagers. At the moment when you need to turn to your old acquaintance, childhood friend or classmate, you should rely, first of all, on your feelings. If you previously had warm and friendly relations, and at the meeting mutual joy was noticeable, it is natural that “you” would leave the lips. But if there was no contact between you before and there was no need for it, then it would be more correct to address it as “you.”
In general, there are no rules when and under what circumstances you can switch to “you”. This depends entirely on the character of the people, and often on the situation. The transition to “you” can only be suggested by a senior to a junior and a boss to a subordinate. In a relationship between a man and a woman, only the woman can allow speaking on “you,” and the man can only ask for this form of address.
Having mastered the basics of communication and circulation, you can become a full-fledged member of society and be a welcome member of any company. You need to strive for the ideal, so you shouldn’t stop halfway, you need to make your way and improve your knowledge. Kirill Kulygin
Business etiquette: “Mr. Chief, may I please address you?”
We will call a person we know by his first name, first name, patronymic or last name. When addressed by last name, the words “Mr.” or “Mrs.” are required, for example, “Ms. Sokolova,” but in no case should one simply address oneself as “Sokolova.” By the way, if you call a person by his position or profession, you must also use the word “Mr.” For example, “Mr. Director”, “Mr. Professor”, “Mr. Doctor”.
How to properly address a stranger? The Russian language has never had a neutral word suitable for addressing a person of any class. In other languages, such addresses live for centuries: Madame and Monsieur, sir, Fräulein, Frau, Herr, Signora, Signor, and so on, but in Russia before the revolution, addresses between people were very diverse. The most respectful and official formula was “gracious sir” and “gracious empress”, which had a strict, cool shade. This is how official documents began.
In his famous dictionary, Vladimir Ivanovich Dal points to variations and gradations: “Our fathers wrote to the highest: my dear sir, to an equal - my merciful sir, and to the lowest - my lord.”
In common parlance, this form of address was simplified into “sovereign”, and then the first syllable was dropped and “sir”, “madam” became regular form appeals to wealthy and educated people.
In our time, there are no generally accepted forms of address, and to a stranger It is best to address him impersonally, with the words “I beg your pardon,” “Please be kind,” “Please allow me.” You can address yourself as "sir" or "madam", but you must remember that these addresses are used only in singular and no last name. You can’t say “Sir Ivanov.” Let us recall, by the way, that the address “Mr,” on the contrary, cannot be used without a surname or position.
When addressing several people at once, they say “gentlemen,” but in no case should they say “ladies and gentlemen.” This incorrect expression is a copy of the English "ladies and gentlemen", that is, "noble ladies and noble men". In the Russian language, the word “gentlemen” refers to persons of both sexes at once, as, for example, “comrades” or “citizens” (we do not say “comrades and comrades” or “citizens and citizens”).
Addressing strangers (on the street, in transport, in a store, etc.) hometown sometimes causes confusion and confusion. And if you find yourself in another country, on the streets unfamiliar city? Use our recommendations. A polite approach to a stranger should begin with an apology for the inconvenience caused. Then, after apologizing, feel free to follow up with a question or request. The most used revolutions in English language are "Excuse me", "Pardon me" and "I beg your pardon". If we draw a parallel with the Russian language, they correspond to the following expressions: “Sorry,” “Sorry,” and “I beg your pardon.” The phrase “Pardon me,” or less commonly “I beg your pardon,” is used if, when addressing a stranger, you distract him from his business or interrupt his conversation with other people. In all other cases, the phrase “Excuse me” is used.
Examples of addressing a stranger:
(Addressing passers-by on the city streets)
Excuse me, can you tell me the way to Westminster Abbey?
Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Westminster Abbey?
Excuse me, can you please direct me to the nearest bus stop?
Excuse me, can you please tell me how to get to the nearest bus stop?
Excuse me, which is the way to the underground here?
Excuse me, how do you get to the metro from here?
Excuse me, could you tell me the shortest way to the theater?
Excuse me, could you show me the closest route to the theater?
Excuse me, how can I get to the nearest underground station?
Excuse me, how can I get to the nearest metro station?
Excuse me, but I wish to know where the Caesar Hotel is?
Excuse me, I need to know where the Caesar Hotel is located?
Excuse me, could you tell me the correct time?
Sorry, could you tell me the exact time?
(Addressing a passenger in transport)
Excuse me, you"ve left your umbrella here.
Sorry, you forgot your umbrella.
Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Sorry, is this seat unoccupied?
Excuse me, are you getting off at the next stop?
Excuse me, are you getting off at the next stop?
(Address of a woman/man to a younger person)
Pardon me, would you please help me cross the street?
Excuse me, could you help me cross the road?
(Address to a group of people engaged in some activity)
Pardon me for interrupting, where can I find the Tower on this map, please?
Sorry to interrupt your conversation, tell me where can I find the Tower on this map?
Under some circumstances, a stranger is approached not with a polite request, question, etc., but only with an apology. So, for example, in a theater, walking between rows of seats, you disturb people who are already sitting in their seats. In this case, the polite behavior is to apologize for each such disturbance by saying:
In the case when the concern turns out to be more significant - they accidentally pushed, accidentally touched, stepped on a foot, etc. - any of the following expressions are possible as a form of apology:
I"m sorry! - Sorry!
I"m very sorry! – I’m very sorry!
Pardon me! - Sorry!
Please pardon me! - Excuse me, please!
I beg your pardon! - I'm sorry!
I beg your pardon for... - I apologize for the fact that...
For example:
I beg your pardon for bothering you!
I apologize for disturbing you!
If you are sure that your actions are disturbing strangers, for example, while on a train, listening to the radio in the presence of fellow travelers, then be sure to ask them the question:
I"m sorry, am I disturbing you? - Sorry, I’m not bothering you?
Sometimes it becomes necessary to turn to a stranger with a request, the fulfillment of which requires effort or action, for example, open or close a window, move, pass something, rearrange, etc. In this case, the call starts like this:
Sorry to trouble you, but... - Sorry, I have to bother you, but the expression “sorry to trouble you” can be used in various requests. Using this expression gives the request additional politeness, for example:
Sorry to trouble you, but could you tell me the time?
Sorry to disturb you, could you tell me what time it is?
The expressions “Excuse me” (Pardon me, I beg your pardon) are not used as a form of address to police officers, porters and waiters. Accepted addresses: to a policeman - Officer!, to a porter - Porter!, to a waiter - Waiter!
Now all you have to do is put the acquired knowledge into practice and become known as the most polite foreigner abroad.
Shvyryaeva Marina Borisovna
Etiquette is a system of orders, rules and forms of social-role communication.
Functions of etiquette: regulatory (behavior in a situation); symbolic (attitude to the situation and partner); communicative (form of communication).
Business/office etiquette
1. Compliance with the rules of behavior in regulated space and time.
2. Recognition and mutual teamwork of the role of the Chief. That is: Any event begins in the presence of the boss. Any initiatives pass through the levels of the service hierarchy.
3. Recognition and mutual cooperation of the role of the organization. That is: Recognition of the interests of the organization as superior to personal interests. Loyalty to the organization. Dosing information about the organization.
4. Any real relationship (love, friendship, friendship, hostility) is disguised as a “manager-subordinate”, “colleagues”, “partners”, “company-client” relationship.
Universal rules exist, they constitute the so-called international etiquette, but they are few.
1. This is to ensure partnerships. Priority of maintaining relationships in controversial situations; concern for “saving face” of the partner; equal exchange of visits, gifts, messages.
There are official protocol events: meetings and farewells, speeches to the press, etc., which require the unification of procedures and ceremonies.
General requirements for formal clothing.
The handshake is a universal form of greeting accepted throughout the world.
Label forms include performance,address, greeting, compliment, sympathy, farewell,requests, apologies, refusals, consolations and.. Speech etiquette norms include “small talk.” At the same time, we are talking about meaningful constructions and formulas of emotive communication that express your attitude towards your partner.
Any etiquette situation has a verbal form or signs that replace speech. (Examples)
Individual appeal. In etiquette, special importance is attached to address - the future relationships between people largely depend on the correctly chosen form, tone, and energy of the voice.
Psychology of a name. People should be treated the way they like to be addressed.
Every third or fourth phrase should begin with the name of the interlocutor.
How do you feel when a new boss (colleague, subordinate, partner) treats you incorrectly? Your actions?
Do you need to know the name of your interlocutor?
At the same time, “the address is more often ignored than used, despite the psychological effectiveness of this etiquette norm.
The address is more often used when communicating with the closest people, animals and superiors.
It is used less in general communication in the family, at work with colleagues and subordinates.
Even less in communication with clients, strangers…
Functions of address: contact-establishing, characterizing the “nomination” of the addressee in the form of indicating an external sign.
There are certain standards of treatment adopted in official and informal settings.
Please note that you can demonstrate your intimacy with one partner to another by changing your communication styles. Changing the style of address, for example, “You are you forms,” can be aimed at increasing or decreasing the status of the interlocutor, at demonstrating an intention to get closer or at a desire to distance oneself. A change in style of address occurs on the initiative of someone older in age and status. In this case, you need to express agreement and try to change the form in the next phrase. If it doesn’t work out, say that you will get used to it gradually. But you shouldn’t tolerate it if, under equal conditions, you say “you” and you say “you”. In relation to a woman, it is more often the man who takes the initiative. This is allowed, but refusal on her part is also not a violation of etiquette.
You are communication.
You are communication
Your business partner, without your consent, began to address you as “you”. What's your reaction? Your boss has been addressing you as “you” for four days now. Your actions?
Selecting a form of appeal reveals social hierarchy, and with equal social status shows the nature of personal relationships between partners. Treatment depends to the greatest extent on the national-cultural characteristics and personal relationships of the partners. For example, in Russian business culture, the etiquette norm of addressing each other by name, patronymic and “you” is preserved. At the same time, during introductions, the middle name is often omitted, regardless of the age and status of the person being represented. In America, calling by name is practiced, however, with the prior permission of the partner. In German, it is possible to address people by surname and title. In any case, the rule applies: regardless of personal relationships, address in an official setting in the presence of other people must be official.
What to do if you find it difficult to say “you” to your former classmate?
Use more impersonal forms.
In everyday life, appeals can be very diverse. The main condition is that they should not be familiar or offensive to a person.
Addressing a stranger.
In the modern Russian language there are no established forms of addressing a stranger, so it is recommended to use an impersonal form of address: “Please forgive me...”, “Excuse me...”, “Be kind...”, “Be kind...”, “Please tell...”, “Excuse me.” ...", etc. The named phrases are the most common forms of attracting attention, followed by a question, request, proposal. The address “Mr.” plus a surname, accepted today in political and business circles, has not yet become widespread.
The choice of form of addressing the audience depends on its composition, number audience and status of the event. Today, the most common forms of addressing an audience are: “Ladies and Gentlemen”, “Gentlemen”, “Dear Colleagues”, “ Dear friends" and etc.
Today, when international contacts have increased unusually, important also takes the form of addressing a representative of another country, a foreign partner. In an informal setting, it is customary to address a citizen of another country with the words “Mr.” plus the last name, for example, “Mr. Johnson.” When addressing officials with state status (regardless of rank), military diploma or religious rank, as a rule, they do not mention the name. For example, “Mr. President”, “Mr. Minister”, “Madam Ambassador”, “Mr. General” (without calling the full rank “Major General”, “Lieutenant General”), “Mr. Secretary”, etc.
Etiquette also provides for such a remarkable detail: usually, when addressing an official, he is slightly promoted. Thus, a deputy minister is called “Mr. Minister”, a lieutenant colonel is called “Mr. Colonel”, an envoy is called “Mr. Ambassador”, etc.
If you have a scientist in front of you, then you should address him as “Dr. Keller”, “Professor Wilson”. In many countries, especially Germany and England, the title of doctor is given to anyone with a university or medical education. One subtlety - in Germany it is customary to say “Mr. Doctor” plus the surname, but in Australia and Switzerland it is enough to say “Mr. Doctor”. In France, the title doctor refers only to physicians. In France, England and Germany, university professors are titled according to their rank. In the USA, “professor” can serve as an address to representatives of teachers of any rank at a university, college, etc.
It is preferable to address a woman by her husband’s surname: “Mrs. John Smith”, since married women bear the first and last name of their husband. In unpronounceable and complex names you can do without a surname by using the international form "madame". In England/USA, France and Germany, respectively, “Miss”, “Mademoiselle”, “Fräulein” plus a surname is a form of address to a girl or young woman.
Particular care should be taken when addressing men and women in countries where titles of nobility are maintained. This is especially true for England, although the table of ranks with all its complexity of the hierarchy of titles and ranks is preserved mainly in writing and is used in full only in relevant correspondence and official documents.
In contrast to addressing strangers, addressing (vocal forms) to familiar people, depending on the existing relationship, their official position, and the situation, can be strictly official or take on an informal character.
For example, in oral use, in relation to a certain Mr. John F. Brown, Doctor of Philology, the following forms of address are possible at the official level: Sir - at the university (younger colleagues, students), on the street (unfamiliar youth, children), in a store ; Professor - students or work colleagues; Dr. Brown - work associates; Mr. Brown - in all other cases.
Appeals during historical development undergo some changes, for example, the form of addressing women Ms’, which is necessarily followed by the surname, is a new address. Form Ms' not indicating Family status women, was recommended for use by the UN in 1974. This form has not yet become widespread enough. However, modern formal and semi-formal correspondence tends to use the form “Ms’” etc.
Meeting and introduction:
Analysis of the situation.
Dialogue between 3 people, two of whom are familiar.
Have you come to the Olympics? May I join you?
Yes. What city are you from?
From Tomsk, and you?
From Saint-Petersburg. What university?
Exercise: 1) indicate obvious violations of etiquette;
2) write two possible options correct etiquette behavior.
Performance . Individual or public.
Do you need to introduce yourself?
Don't exaggerate someone's fame.
Acquaintance without an intermediary or self-introduction. Rules good manners do not provide for acquaintance without an intermediary. But situations are different, so in the case of meeting without an intermediary, you can resort to one of the proposed formulas: allow me to get to know you; let me meet you; let me introduce myself; Let me introduce myself.
If you are presenting a business card, do you need to identify yourself?
Dating through an intermediary.
The most common mistakes:
-This is Svetlana Petrovna’s status?)
-This is our director (name?)
But there stands Ivanova, everyone knows her. Option: Of course you know her? (how to apply?)
If a person who only knows you approaches you and your partner, first of all you need to introduce him to your partner. If you don't want to, step aside with him. In a situation with several strangers, the following options are possible: You ask to be introduced to everyone at once; You loudly introduce yourself to everyone at once; You go around the campaign introducing yourself to everyone. You ask the intermediary to introduce you to everyone. You shouldn't remain nameless.
When meeting through an intermediary, the principle of emphatic respect is observed, which requires that: the man is introduced to the woman; younger to older; all parents, regardless of age and social status; a person less familiar to a more familiar one; entered by those present.
As a rule, the intermediary first names the person to whom he is introducing the guest, visitor or new employee, and only then the name of the person being introduced. The following clichés are commonly used:
allow me / allow me to introduce you to ...; allow me/allow me to introduce you...; please meet….
The person being introduced should pay attention; it would be impolite not to show interest. The one who was introduced is a passive person, he is waiting for an outstretched hand, a compliment, participation.
If one person is introduced to two, three, or four, the introduction procedure will be mutual; if there are five or more gathered, they are not named. The owner must introduce the newcomer to everyone and lead him to one of the guests. This latter already plays the role of an intermediary.
In a situation of official acquaintance, one of the etiquette rules is to indicate the profession, position, position. This is a reciprocal procedure.
Among young people, when meeting someone, they usually say their first name; in an official or business meeting, they usually say their last name or last name and first name.
In a formal setting, after the exchange of greetings and the introduction procedure, a business compliment follows.
Greetings:
You entered a room where five men were sitting. You know three. What's the best way to say hello?
You entered a room where five men you know were sitting. How will you greet?
You entered a room where your boss and three colleagues are sitting. How will you greet?
In the room are your boss, you and three colleagues. A woman enters. Your actions?
You and three colleagues are in the room. A woman enters. Your actions?
What are the basic etiquette rules when presenting?
What are the basic etiquette rules when shaking hands?
Welcome initiative. The man greets the woman first (the woman extends her hand first), the junior greets the elder, the subordinate greets the boss, enters with those present, regardless of rank, and passes with those standing still. Of two people of the same gender, age, position, the polite and well-mannered one is the first to greet.
When entering a room in which there are guests invited by the owner, a person must greet each person present separately or all at once. Approaching a table at which guests are already sitting, a latecomer should greet everyone present with an apologetic gesture - hand to chest and a slight bow. When taking your seat, you must once again say hello to your neighbors at the table. At the same time, it is not customary to shake hands with friends, especially across the table.
At official receptions, the hostess and host are greeted first, then the ladies (first the older ones, then the younger ones), then the older and senior men, and only after that the rest of the guests.
A seated man, when greeting a lady or a person older in age or position, must stand up. If he greets people passing by without entering into conversation with them, he may not stand up, but only sit up.
Gestures accompanying greetings. Greetings (like farewells) are usually accompanied by gestures: a handshake, raising a hand, nodding the head, bending over, and sometimes kissing the woman’s hand. Gestures when greeting play significant role– certain information (positive or negative) is transmitted by interlocutors at a non-verbal level. The most common gesture is the handshake.
Handshake. There are strict etiquette standards when shaking hands. The first to extend a hand is: a woman to a man, a senior to a junior, a boss to a subordinate. The mistress of the house should not forget to shake hands with all guests invited to her home.
When greeting a woman he knows on the street, a man must raise his headdress (with the exception of a beret and winter hat). If the greeting is accompanied by a handshake, the man must take off his glove; the woman may not take it off (except when she greets a much older woman), since gloves, a bag, a scarf, and a headdress are part of the women's toilet. At the same time, mittens and warm leather gloves should be removed when shaking hands.
When greeting, your demeanor is of great importance. An unfavorable impression is made by a person who, while extending his right hand in greeting, keeps his left hand in his pocket, looks away or continues a conversation with another person. All this borders on bad manners. Impoliteness and marked inattention are not conducive to further communication. Very noisy greetings are also considered a violation of etiquette. You should not flaunt your acquaintances and attract the attention of everyone present to your person.
The words with which people greet each other when meeting should always be respectful, friendly and benevolent. Greeting is a perfectly acceptable way to engage in conversation or make new acquaintances.
It is advisable that the greeting be expanded and open to continue the conversation. For example: “Good afternoon, Tatyana, how are you?” Many are afraid of a direct reaction to a question, that is, a story about business. It's not scary. There are several unconditional advantages in an extended greeting: everyone loves their name, everyone loves attention to themselves, the question allows you to stop the person you need. When greeting, you can and should take into account the status and age and gender characteristics of your interlocutor. You can’t ask your boss: “How are you?”, and you can’t say to a woman: “You look bad, are you healthy?” On the other hand, in relation to colleagues and subordinates, the formula: “Glad to see you” is always appropriate. You can say to your boss: “It’s so good (lucky) that I met you.” It is advisable to have your own “Hello”, that is, a greeting address peculiar to you to a person. This makes you memorable - an important condition for long-term business relationships.
Compliment- nice words, somewhat exaggerating positive traits interlocutor, pronounced with the aim of giving a person pleasure, gaining favor with oneself or the issue under discussion. Difference from praise: praise is directed from top to bottom and states the fact of a positive attitude towards the work done. Difference from flattery: flattery is directed from the bottom up and always has selfish goals.
Conventionally, a compliment can be divided into two types: secular and business.
A secular compliment. A secular compliment is a compliment to a person’s appearance and dignity. It is intended, as a rule, for familiar people: relatives, loved ones, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues. At the same time, it is necessary to emphasize that even in modern times it is necessary to distinguish between a compliment addressed to a man and a compliment addressed to a woman.
Complimenting a woman is a little easier. You can praise her appearance, clothes, perfume, jewelry, etc. Complimenting a man is a more complicated matter. In the West, it is customary to praise a country villa, a car, horse riding, playing golf, etc. Property, intelligence, abilities - these are the main topics for a compliment intended for a man. But in all cases, a compliment always emphasizes the merits of your interlocutor.
A compliment requires special tact towards the recipient. On the one hand, you should not get too carried away with this form of verbal communication; on the other hand, in some cases an unspoken compliment can border on impoliteness. For example, if you were unable to appreciate the hospitality of the owners of the house.
A secular compliment is very common in informal settings. However, this form of compliment is also necessary at the level of formal relationships, especially in the field of management.
A compliment is always addressed to the interlocutor, clearly addressed, while the speaker’s “I” steps back somewhat: “You look great!”, “This suit suits you very well,” etc. In response to a secular compliment, it is customary to say thank you: “Thank you ", "Thank you", "You are very attentive", etc. Responses: "You flatter me", "It's just a compliment" and others are considered impolite. Any compliment should contain a considerable amount of truth.
One small detail. If you always just thank for a compliment, nodding your head with a satisfied expression: “Yes, I am like that,” you risk losing the favor of your acquaintances, friends, and colleagues. In any situation, in almost any person, you can find and emphasize something good that is worthy of encouragement. Find a reason to respond with words of approval, admiration, recognition to your close friends, colleagues, acquaintances.
Business compliment. A business compliment is an exchange of pleasantries between parties, partners (“I’m glad to see you,” etc.). A business compliment begins and ends any business meeting, conversation, negotiation. According to the protocol, this is a mutual and mandatory procedure.
In writing business etiquette a business compliment is an expression of politeness that ends any official or semi-official letter. A compliment at the end of a letter is an obligatory part of correspondence, including private ones. The following final politeness formulas are used in the letter: “With respect, yours...”, “Sincerely yours”, “Devoted to you”, etc. In their style and tone, the final politeness formulas should be harmonious with the address and the main text of the letter. So, if the letter begins with the words: “Dear Sirs!”, “Gentlemen”, then the following final formulas will be preferable: “Sincerely yours”, “With respect”, etc.
Rules for using compliments.
Compliments must be given.
A compliment should be interpreted unambiguously so that the interlocutor does not perceive it as a “pin.”
The compliment must also be truthful: if you praise those qualities of your interlocutor that he does not possess, then you will be suspected of insincerity.
The best compliment is the pleasant words that you found for this particular person, that is, individuality is a mandatory quality for a compliment.
The compliment should sound sincere. Praise what you really like.
You not only need to be able to say compliments, but also to accept them. If you are praised, and you begin to ardently or with a grin deny your positive qualities, you put your interlocutor in a very unpleasant position. IN as a last resort You can always just say “thank you” though better show that you enjoy compliments, especially from this person.
The compliment can be closed: “It’s so nice that you are punctual!” and open: “Students really like your lectures. You probably prepare a lot?” A contrasting compliment is psychologically effective: “You always do everything on time, I can’t do that.”
Task 3. "Compliment".
Give a simple compliment: I like your hairstyle.
Give a compliment with a continuation: I like your hairstyle. How do you do it?
How can you respond to a compliment other than “thank you?”
How do you feel when, in response to your compliment: “What a nice suit you have,” they answer you: “Yes, there’s no way to throw it away.”
Your Very Short Compliment.
Your Very Flowery compliment.
Your compliment to a business woman.
Your compliment to a man during business communication.
Sympathy.
Parting.
Basic rules of speech etiquette - any address or show of attention to a partner must be: thoughtfully thought out, intonationally verified, timely, adequate to the situation and status of the partner, the nature of the relationship.
Comfort. Of course it depends on the personalities of the comforter and the comforted. Sometimes it helps a person if you imagine his problems as insignificant: don’t worry, but I have..., you’re not the only one, God, what nonsense! Some perceive this form of consolation painfully. They feel that they or their problems are not taken seriously. This especially applies to women. When consoling such interlocutors, you should try to switch their attention to the bright side of life, or completely immerse yourself in all the details of what happened, and experience them together. This calms almost everyone down.
Parting . The main requirement for farewell is to never say goodbye for good, always leave the opportunity to continue contacts. When saying goodbye to your business partner, repeat the terms. time and place of the next meeting. In farewell, as in greeting, it is recommended to express pleasure from the meeting and have your own “goodbye” that distinguishes you from others. The "somehow" form.
APOLOGY.
Meaning: admitting one’s guilt/mistake; The goal is the desire to establish contact and optimize the situation.
Verbal forms of apology:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I'm sorry.
Meaning: disagreement, dissatisfaction, indignation, admission of guilt, appeal, reproach.
Politeness response formulas:
It's okay, it happens, it's good, it's accepted,
Requests and refusals Politeness formulas depend on status and age. Degrees of familiarity.
Direct and no tricks
Indirect
Etiquette, as a symbolic form of communication, can be used as a way to manipulate a partner.
Change of good and bad manners. Unceremoniousness.
Punctuality as a way to manipulate a partner.
Punctuality: American version, Russian version, options...
If you are forced to wait more than 15 minutes, then you are being manipulated. You have to determine: your position in relation to this person,
the reason for the meeting; the goal you are striving for.
After waiting 15 minutes, say that you can’t wait any longer and arrange the next meeting by phone. Reaction options: 1. You are accepted immediately; 2. They apologize to you and ask you to wait. 3. They don’t respond to you. Your reaction is to leave or continue to wait. Respond by delaying the start of contact.
How to protect yourself:
1.Do not arrive earlier than 5 minutes.
2.Always confirm your appointment.
3. Leave some time for unforeseen circumstances.
4. Keep busy while you wait.
Food as a form of communication, manipulation and relaxation.
Food as a protocol event. Seating rules, table manners, food rules.
Food as a form of communication.
Recently, Vladimir Ivanovich Novikov, a professor at the Faculty of Journalism at Moscow State University, again raised on his Facebook an issue that has been worrying the public for twenty years now - appeals. The topic came up in a series of his notes “No Etiquette.” “What, shouldn’t you get angry when the receptionist at the clinic calls you “young man” - an elderly person, but still ten years younger than you? - asks the philologist.
This question has been around for quite some time; it has even been recorded in books. “Having ceased to be comrades, we never became masters,” states Maxim Krongauz sadly in his book “The Russian language is on the verge nervous breakdown" Back in the 80s, the writer N.I. Ilyina mentioned this in her “Roads and Fates”: ““Woman!” Your stocking is torn!” "Man! They forgot the change!” “You hear these shouts more and more often, and, in my opinion, they are terrible, but what can replace them, what?” We still ask this question twenty years later.
So what exactly is the problem? Quick answer: the culture of verbal communication in Russia is not established, and therefore does not require addressing an unfamiliar person. Experts’ comments on this are collected in the “BG” material, which we will turn to later.
The word in the context of history
The life and development of language are inseparable from the life of society. Just as speech etiquette has not been established, so Russia has not been established: the paths of its development, if not vague, then at least a turn sign is visible by the road. Previously, language norms were more precise in this regard; everyone “knew” (“politeness” comes from the word “to know”) how to address a person of a certain position. The slave was called, and this was the result of knowledge.” - St. Ya. Krotov). What do we know now?
Positions, ranks, professions, scientific titles. There are no estates; It is hardly reasonable to classify people on economic grounds, because money is not a measure of dignity. What remains is the place of communication (at some events it would be appropriate to address oneself as “colleagues”), attitude towards the interlocutor (respectful, respectful, neutral-polite) and age. For example, older ladies prefer to address younger people as “young lady/young man”, and older people as “madam/citizen”. It sounds quite neutral coming from them, doesn’t it?
Self-respect and mutual respect are incredibly important in general and for public relations in particular, don't you think? Even if society gave birth to the state, which today illustrates many satires and absurdities, it is still only an instrument of social life. Therefore, it is quite possible that history itself will tell you how and to whom you should contact, but for now we will offer a modus vivendi in the name of creativity, constructiveness and a pleasant atmosphere in society. But before that, let’s take a closer look at the available
Options
Addresses can be impersonal (“Sorry,” “Excuse me,” etc.), formal and informal (kinship terms like “father,” “grandfather,” “grandmother,” “mother,” and others). Let me make a reservation right away that we are talking more about everyday business addresses to strangers - for example, on the street, in transport, with people providing services, etc. List: sir / madam, madam / gentleman, citizen / citizen, comrade, respected + IO, young man / girl, dear.
The main problem seems to be that most of the generally accepted forms of address, which in our time have acquired a respectful connotation due to their archaic nature, have archaic political connotations: “sir” comes from “sovereign”, and sometimes the interlocutor was even called “dear sir” (and it seems that often this did not sound polite, but rather neutral-polite). With the current form of government, they may look irrelevant - but, then, why not?
Indeed, if in our life today there are no clearly established classes and strata, then this does not have to be literally reflected in addresses, because they are designed to express respect for the interlocutor, regardless of his position, education or phone model. And if somewhere there was a discussion on the topic of ironic respect and “dear/deeply respected” addresses, then I will allow myself not to participate in it, since we focus on genuine intelligence, which is not typical for expressing disdain.
Sir
Here and there the writer Vladimir Iosifovich Soloukhin is quoted, who suggested calling each other “sirs.” He is supported by Doctor of Philology Natalya Ivanovna Formanovskaya: “We can agree that these appeals are in the past in least degree reflected social inequality. Soloukhin's proposal was discussed in the press. Many opinions were expressed for and against. Opponents mainly referred to the fact that it was unusual and strange. Yes, of course, everything newly introduced is strange at first, but how quickly we get used to the new!” (Culture of communication and speech etiquette. - M.: Ikar, 2005).
The main arguments about the inconvenience of “sirs” are in a variety of syllables and strange, random associations (“blow”, “court”, “dishes” and so on). I have nothing to object to the association, however, one can come to terms with the length of the word - our language, with the exception of some unprintable cases, is not the shortest and poorest, no matter how inconvenient it may be for someone. (Here we can recommend a smile: there are no syllables, but everyone understands, and everyone is pleased.)
Let's look at other options.
1. Official address: “Mr. + title, position, position, profession.” In the book “The Russian Language on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown,” Maxim Krongauz notes that addresses like “Mr. Janitor” are now acceptable as polite official address.
An agender friend of mine, who has been at war with the gender definition of the Russian language for many years, verbally calls his interlocutors “gentlemen” in the plural. This name, in fact, has neither gender nor a strictly defined ideological connotation, unlike “comrade”. Not everyone knows, but the address “gentlemen” includes persons of both sexes, although according to the rules of pre-revolutionary etiquette it was customary to single out ladies from it. It is worth adding here that modern standards of decency do not advise addressing people by gender, which confirms the rudeness that others hear in “men” and “women.”
2. Citizen: the address came into use after the revolution. Nowadays, this is how convicts are ordered to address representatives of the law (as stated by Formanovskaya), and in general it is most often found in the legislative context. It would seem that, neutral treatment(like “countryman”, since we can simply talk about territory), however, it seems to take the interlocutor out of his personal space, placing him on a common, clearly limited territory, emphasizing his belonging to the state. In this sense, as it seems to me personally, “citizen” has an ideological connotation, because the speaker must have reasons to emphasize the fact that he is a resident when calling a person. Again, I’ll make a reservation that this appeal may have other semantic connotations.
3. “Comrade” is clearly ideologically colored, but the last to die is the hope of neutralizing the word: “Comrade! Believe: she will rise, a star of captivating happiness...”
4. Master and hostess. It is more appropriate in relation to people providing services. Some cafes even call their waitresses or managers “hostesses.” This is not always literally accurate, but the meaning of the address is not only to designate the interlocutor (“Waiter!”), but also to express respect for him (otherwise the almost neutral “dear sir” would not have been so common in its time).
However, despite the street shouts, the discontent of citizens and the confusion of dictionaries, at the first glance at the question we see its solution: peace and grace reign on Wikipedia, where, out of nowhere, a reasonable answer is still given: “The addresses “Mr,” “Madam” and “ladies and gentlemen” have now returned and are official in modern Russian business communication and document flow, and “sir”, “madam” and “young lady” are used in privacy. “Comrade” is still used today, it is an official address to Russian army, Cossacks and in a number of leftist and communist organizations."
Offer
If both etiquette and language are the results of linguistic creativity, then I invite you to it. You can join the discussion of the issue and contribute to the development of an agreement, the so-called consensus, and/or decide the issue for yourself and consolidate the decision with everyday practice. Language is alive, revive the words with your speech - and they will bloom again.
So, agreeing with V.I. Soloukhin, N.I. Formanovskaya, as well as with the historian Andrei Borisovich Zubov, I will address strangers - in addition to impersonal addresses and first names and patronymics - “sir” or “madam”, and also, possibly, “gracious sir” and “gracious empress” (“this is adequate Russian language: this is how they were addressed before the revolution, this is how they are addressed in the Russian diaspora” - A.B. Zubov, see “BG”). The shortest, simplest and most comprehensive address - “gentlemen” - is also invited to the active lexicon.
The unforced practice of application, in theory, should erase the ironic connotation and, if there is the people's will, these appeals will become neutral. A guest of one forum spoke correctly: “Yes, and if we were less afraid of shades of a smile in such addresses, and fearlessly used them, with habit, any shade of irony would soon disappear. In general, I am surprised why we are not afraid of shades of rudeness and rudeness that clearly sound in address as “man”, “woman”, but shades light irony in “sir/madam” are they afraid?”
P.S. Finally, we express love and support for folk etiquette that appeals to kinship: “father”, “mother”, “grandmother”, “grandfather” and so on. These words emphasize the connection between people, bring them closer and warm. Of course, there are a number of situations in which they would not be appropriate, but I would not want this expression of friendly participation - a part of our culture, familiar to us from fairy tales - to remain the property of only Orthodox communities.
Not everyone knows how best to address a stranger. Of course, you can still say to a man in the old fashioned way: “Comrade.” In the same manner, of course using plural, you can contact several people. But what to do with a woman - call her: “Commodity!”? Or, at worst, a “girlfriend”? The first sounds unusual, although it is literary literate, but it is unlikely to be taken as an insult. The second hurts the ear with familiarity that is not always appropriate.
By gender
We, as a rule, respond obediently to the more persistent and widely used “citizen” or “citizen”, but not without hidden, or even obvious displeasure. There is something in this address from a stern police shout. The unforgettable Ostap Bender proposed a softening French version - “situayen”. The French, like the Germans, British, Poles and other Swedes, can only be envied in this sense. In their linguistic spaces, fixed addresses have lived for centuries. They have no reason to call out to each other “Woman!” or “Man!”
And we call out all the time. While “man” is no better than the calls “blonde” or “brunette” - it’s better not to remember the origin of all three calls in polite society. The call “Woman!” - also not the best invention. If only because, having spent up to forty years as a “girl” and hearing “woman” one far from wonderful day, we instantly experience the hitherto unfelt burden of the years we have lived. And our hand naturally reaches for the mirror, which dispassionately confirms: “Yes, , not a girl, that’s for sure.”
The slang “dude,” “brother,” or even “boy” are clearly inappropriate in the mouths of gentle and delicate female creatures. “Young man” is undoubtedly more decent and familiar, but again it is not always appropriate for the reason that the person may turn out to be far from young. Don’t call him “dad”! It would be nice to address yourself as “Mister!” and to a woman as “Madam!” However, the famous satirist Mikhail Zadornov, through broadcast television, has long convinced the entire population of our country that we are not masters, we have to grow and grow before such treatment, which was widespread at the beginning of the 20th century.
Several years ago, one writer proposed introducing the original Russian words “sir” and “madam” into general use. This too has not yet caught on. Maybe because our state is multinational, or maybe it sounds too ceremonious, which we are again not used to. It’s easier for children: they can easily say “boy” or “girl” to each other without offending even the most demanding tastes and ears. So is it really true that for adults who want to look decent and not offend anyone, the same “citizen” with a “comrade” and a “girl” with a “citizen” are left?
Polite and friendly
In view of the above, the classic question arises: what to do? After all, while we are growing up to be “gentlemen” and “gracious sirs,” we need to somehow address strangers, while remaining within the bounds of decency. And here we can only offer impersonal, but quite polite and friendly “let me,” “do me a favor,” “excuse me” and “be kind.” It goes without saying that the interjections “Eh!” and "Hey!" at the beginning of the mentioned phrases-appeals, all our politeness will immediately be nullified.
And it would be really good to start every conversation with unfamiliar salespeople, cleaners, taxi drivers, receptionists in clinics and other people who serve us, as old as the world, kind and, of course, pleasant, “Hello!” So without the sacramental “Man!” and “Woman!” It's quite possible to get by.