Is it possible to address a stranger as dear? Speech etiquette

Not everyone knows how best to address a stranger. Of course, you can still say to a man in the old fashioned way: “Comrade.” In the same manner, of course using the plural, you can address several people. But what to do with a woman - call her: “Commodity!”? Or, at worst, a “girlfriend”? The first sounds unusual, although it is literary literate, but it is unlikely to be taken as an insult. The second hurts the ear with familiarity that is not always appropriate.

By gender

We, as a rule, respond obediently to the more persistent and widely used “citizen” or “citizen”, but not without hidden, or even obvious displeasure. There is something in this address from a stern police shout. The unforgettable Ostap Bender proposed a softening French version - “situayen”. The French, like the Germans, British, Poles and other Swedes, can only be envied in this sense. In their linguistic spaces, fixed addresses have lived for centuries. They have no reason to call out to each other “Woman!” or “Man!”

And we call out all the time. While “man” is no better than the calls “blonde” or “brunette” - it’s better not to remember the origin of all three calls in polite society. The call “Woman!” - also not the best invention. If only because, having spent up to forty years as a “girl” and hearing “woman” one far from wonderful day, we instantly experience the hitherto unfelt burden of the years we have lived. And our hand naturally reaches for the mirror, which dispassionately confirms: “Yes, , not a girl, that’s for sure.”

The slang “dude,” “brother,” or even “boy” are clearly inappropriate in the mouths of gentle and delicate female creatures. “Young man” is undoubtedly more decent and familiar, but again it is not always appropriate for the reason that the person may turn out to be far from young. Don’t call him “dad”! It would be nice to address yourself as “Mr!” and to a woman as “Madam!” However, the famous satirist Mikhail Zadornov, through broadcast television, has long convinced the entire population of our country that we are not masters, we have to grow and grow before such treatment, which was widespread at the beginning of the 20th century.

Several years ago, one writer proposed introducing the original Russian words “sir” and “madam” into general use. This too has not yet caught on. Maybe because our state is multinational, or maybe it sounds too ceremonious, which we are again not used to. It’s easier for children: they can easily say “boy” or “girl” to each other without offending even the most demanding tastes and ears. So is it really true that for adults who want to look decent and not offend anyone, the same “citizen” with a “comrade” and a “girl” with a “citizen” are left?

Polite and friendly

In view of the above, the classic question arises: what to do? After all, while we are growing up to be “gentlemen” and “gracious sirs,” we need to somehow address strangers, while remaining within the bounds of decency. And here we can only offer impersonal, but quite polite and friendly “let me,” “do me a favor,” “excuse me” and “be kind.” It goes without saying that the interjections “E!” and "Hey!" at the beginning of the mentioned phrases-appeals, all our politeness will immediately be nullified.

And it would be really good to start every conversation with unfamiliar salespeople, cleaners, taxi drivers, receptionists in clinics and other people who serve us, as old as the world, kind and, of course, pleasant, “Hello!” So without the sacramental “Man!” and “Woman!” It's quite possible to get by.

Correctly asking people around you for something is actually not as difficult as it seems. The main thing is to always be prepared for failure. Well, they will refuse and refuse. After all, the person you are asking may have a really good reason for refusing you, or it is simply unacceptable for him. If you don’t get offended, then you won’t feel constrained in communication. As the already popular aphorism says: “Be simpler and people will be drawn to you.” And in case of refusal, you almost always have a backup option, you just need to take a closer look at your surroundings.

So, how to ask people for help, phrases and wording

Try to casually, or setting a humorous tone for the conversation, ask:

• I’ve been wanting to contact you for a long time: ... help me out;
• Can I ask you one favor... ;
• I have a small matter for you, I know that you understand this issue...;
• If I ask you, it won’t be hard for you to do for me...;
• Sorry for asking, but only you can help me in this matter...;
• Take my place... I can’t help but ask you;
• It’s even a little awkward for me to make this request to you, but...;
• I want to ask you... can you help?

With these simple formulations you can ask a person for some favor or action, the main thing is to have courage and shake out all the cockroaches from your head that are stopping you. The main thing is to be prepared for refusal in advance and treat it as simply as possible.

But that is not all. The most important secret in asking people from childhood for something can help you a lot, and this word " Please". Not every person will be able to refuse after hearing a simple word “please” after your request.

Try to use these tips in life as often as possible if you feel constrained when you need to ask for something, and after a certain period of time you will be able to ask anyone without any complexes.

Etiquette is a system of orders, rules and forms of social-role communication.

Functions of etiquette: regulatory (behavior in a situation); symbolic (attitude to the situation and partner); communicative (form of communication).

Business/office etiquette

1. Compliance with the rules of behavior in regulated space and time.

2. Recognition and mutual teamwork of the role of the Chief. That is: Any event begins in the presence of the boss. Any initiatives pass through the levels of the service hierarchy.

3. Recognition and mutual cooperation of the role of the organization. That is: Recognition of the interests of the organization as superior to personal interests. Loyalty to the organization. Dosing information about the organization.

4. Any real relationship (love, friendship, friendship, hostility) is disguised as a “manager-subordinate”, “colleagues”, “partners”, “company-client” relationship.

Universal rules exist, they constitute the so-called international etiquette, but they are few.

1. This is to ensure partnerships. Priority of maintaining relationships in controversial situations; concern for “saving face” of the partner; equal exchange of visits, gifts, messages.

There are official protocol events: meetings and farewells, speeches to the press, etc., which require the unification of procedures and ceremonies.

General requirements for formal clothing.

The handshake is a universal form of greeting accepted throughout the world.

Label forms include performance,address, greeting, compliment, sympathy, farewell,requests, apologies, refusals, consolations and.. Speech etiquette norms include “small talk.” At the same time, we are talking about meaningful constructions and formulas of emotive communication that express your attitude towards your partner.

Any etiquette situation has a verbal form or signs that replace speech. (Examples)

Individual appeal. In etiquette, special importance is attached to address - the future relationships between people largely depend on the correctly chosen form, tone, and energy of the voice.

Psychology of a name. People should be treated the way they like to be addressed.

Every third or fourth phrase should begin with the name of the interlocutor.

How do you feel when a new boss (colleague, subordinate, partner) treats you incorrectly? Your actions?

Do you need to know the name of your interlocutor?

At the same time, “the address is more often ignored than used, despite the psychological effectiveness of this etiquette norm.

The address is more often used when communicating with the closest people, animals and superiors.

It is used less in general communication in the family, at work with colleagues and subordinates.

Even less in communicating with clients, strangers...

Functions of address: contact-establishing, characterizing the “nomination” of the addressee in the form of indicating an external sign.

There are certain standards of treatment adopted in official and informal settings.

Please note that you can demonstrate your intimacy with one partner to another by changing communication styles. Changing the style of address, for example, “You are you forms,” can be aimed at increasing or decreasing the status of the interlocutor, at demonstrating an intention to get closer or at a desire to distance oneself. A change in style of address occurs on the initiative of someone older in age and status. In this case, you need to express agreement and try to change the form in the next phrase. If it doesn’t work out, say that you will get used to it gradually. But you shouldn’t tolerate it if, under equal conditions, you say “you” and you say “you”. In relation to a woman, it is more often the man who takes the initiative. This is allowed, but refusal on her part is also not a violation of etiquette.

You are communication.

You are communication

Your business partner, without your consent, began to address you as “you”. What's your reaction? Your boss has been addressing you as “you” for four days now. Your actions?

Selecting a form of appeal reveals social hierarchy, and with equal social status shows the nature of personal relationships between partners. Treatment depends to the greatest extent on the national-cultural characteristics and personal relationships of the partners. For example, in Russian business culture, the etiquette norm of addressing each other by name, patronymic and “you” is preserved. At the same time, during introductions, the middle name is often omitted, regardless of the age and status of the person being represented. In America, calling by name is practiced, however, with the prior permission of the partner. In German, it is possible to address people by surname and title. In any case, the rule applies: regardless of personal relationships, address in an official setting in the presence of other people must be official.

What to do if you find it difficult to say “you” to your former classmate?

Use more impersonal forms.

In everyday life, appeals can be very diverse. The main condition is that they should not be familiar or offensive to a person.

Addressing a stranger.

In the modern Russian language there are no established forms of addressing a stranger, so it is recommended to use an impersonal form of address: “Please forgive me...”, “Excuse me...”, “Be kind...”, “Be kind...”, “Please tell...”, “Excuse me.” ...", etc. The named phrases are the most common forms of attracting attention, followed by a question, request, proposal. The address “Mr.” plus a surname, accepted today in political and business circles, has not yet become widespread.

The choice of form of addressing the audience depends on its composition, number audience and status of the event. Today, the most common forms of addressing the audience are: “Ladies and Gentlemen”, “Gentlemen”, “Dear Colleagues”, “Dear Friends”, etc.

Today, when international contacts have increased unusually, the form of addressing a representative of another country, a foreign partner, is also becoming important. In an informal setting, it is customary to address a citizen of another country with the words “Mr.” plus the last name, for example, “Mr. Johnson.” When addressing officials with state status (regardless of rank), military diploma or religious rank, as a rule, they do not mention the name. For example, “Mr. President”, “Mr. Minister”, “Madam Ambassador”, “Mr. General” (without calling the full rank “Major General”, “Lieutenant General”), “Mr. Secretary”, etc.

Etiquette also provides for such a remarkable detail: usually, when addressing an official, he is slightly promoted. Thus, a deputy minister is called “Mr. Minister”, a lieutenant colonel is called “Mr. Colonel”, an envoy is called “Mr. Ambassador”, etc.

If you have a scientist in front of you, then you should address him as “Dr. Keller”, “Professor Wilson”. In many countries, especially Germany and England, the title of doctor is given to anyone with a university or medical education. One subtlety - in Germany it is customary to say “Mr. Doctor” plus the surname, but in Australia and Switzerland it is enough to say “Mr. Doctor”. In France, the title doctor refers only to physicians. In France, England and Germany, university professors are titled according to their rank. In the USA, “professor” can serve as an address to representatives of teachers of any rank at a university, college, etc.

It is preferable to address a woman by her husband's last name: "Mrs. John Smith", since married women bear the first and last name of their husband. In difficult to pronounce and complex names, you can do without a surname by using the international form “madame”. In England/USA, France and Germany, respectively, “Miss”, “Mademoiselle”, “Fräulein” plus a surname is a form of address to a girl or young woman.

Particular care should be taken when addressing men and women in countries where titles of nobility are maintained. This is especially true for England, although the table of ranks with all its complexity of the hierarchy of titles and ranks is preserved mainly in writing and is used in full only in relevant correspondence and official documents.

In contrast to addressing strangers, addressing (vocal forms) to familiar people, depending on the existing relationship, their official position, and the situation, can be strictly official or take on an informal character.

For example, in oral use, in relation to a certain Mr. John F. Brown, Doctor of Philology, the following forms of address are possible at the official level: Sir - at the university (younger colleagues, students), on the street (unfamiliar youth, children), in a store ; Professor - students or work colleagues; Dr. Brown - work associates; Mr. Brown - in all other cases.

Addresses undergo some changes in the course of historical development, for example, the form of addressing women Ms’, which is necessarily followed by a surname, is a new address. The Ms’ form, which does not indicate the woman’s marital status, was recommended for use by the UN in 1974. This form has not yet become widespread enough. However, modern formal and semi-formal correspondence tends to use the form “Ms’” etc.

Meeting and introduction:

Analysis of the situation.

Dialogue between 3 people, two of whom are familiar.

Have you come to the Olympics? May I join you?

Yes. What city are you from?

From Tomsk, and you?

From Saint-Petersburg. What university?

Exercise: 1) indicate obvious violations of etiquette;

2) write two possible options for correct etiquette behavior.

Performance . Individual or public.

Do you need to introduce yourself?

Don't exaggerate someone's fame.

Acquaintance without an intermediary or self-introduction. The rules of good manners do not include dating without an intermediary. But situations are different, so if you meet without an intermediary, you can resort to one of the proposed formulas: allow me to get to know you; let me meet you; let me introduce myself; Let me introduce myself.

If you are presenting a business card, do you need to identify yourself?

Dating through an intermediary.

The most common mistakes:

-This is Svetlana Petrovna’s status?)

-This is our director (name?)

But there stands Ivanova, everyone knows her. Option: Of course you know her? (how to apply?)

If a person who only knows you approaches you and your partner, first of all you need to introduce him to your partner. If you don't want to, step aside with him. In a situation with several strangers, the following options are possible: You ask to be introduced to everyone at once; You loudly introduce yourself to everyone at once; You go around the campaign introducing yourself to everyone. You ask the intermediary to introduce you to everyone. You shouldn't remain nameless.

When meeting through an intermediary, the principle of emphatic respect is observed, which requires that: the man is introduced to the woman; younger to older; all parents, regardless of age and social status; a person less familiar to a more familiar one; entered by those present.

As a rule, the intermediary first names the person to whom he is introducing the guest, visitor or new employee, and only then the name of the person being introduced. The following clichés are commonly used:

allow me / allow me to introduce you to ...; allow me/allow me to introduce you...; please meet….

The person being introduced should pay attention; it would be impolite not to show interest. The one who was introduced is a passive person, he is waiting for an outstretched hand, a compliment, participation.

If one person is introduced to two, three, or four, the introduction procedure will be mutual; if there are five or more gathered, they are not named. The owner must introduce the newcomer to everyone and lead him to one of the guests. This latter already plays the role of an intermediary.

In a situation of official acquaintance, one of the etiquette rules is to indicate the profession, position, position. This is a reciprocal procedure.

Among young people, when meeting someone, they usually say their first name; in an official or business meeting, they usually say their last name or last name and first name.

In a formal setting, after the exchange of greetings and the introduction procedure, a business compliment follows.

Greetings:

You entered a room where five men were sitting. You know three. What's the best way to say hello?

You entered a room where five men you know were sitting. How will you greet?

You entered a room where your boss and three colleagues are sitting. How will you greet?

In the room are your boss, you and three colleagues. A woman enters. Your actions?

You and three colleagues are in the room. A woman enters. Your actions?

What are the basic etiquette rules when presenting?

What are the basic etiquette rules when shaking hands?

Welcome initiative. The man greets the woman first (the woman extends her hand first), the junior greets the elder, the subordinate greets the boss, enters with those present, regardless of rank, and passes with those standing still. Of two people of the same gender, age, position, the polite and well-mannered one is the first to greet.

When entering a room in which there are guests invited by the owner, a person must greet each person present separately or all at once. Approaching a table at which guests are already sitting, a latecomer should greet everyone present with an apologetic gesture - hand to chest and a slight bow. When taking your seat, you must once again say hello to your neighbors at the table. At the same time, it is not customary to shake hands with friends, especially across the table.

At official receptions, the hostess and host are greeted first, then the ladies (first the older ones, then the younger ones), then the older and senior men, and only after that the rest of the guests.

A seated man, when greeting a lady or a person older in age or position, must stand up. If he greets people passing by without entering into conversation with them, he may not stand up, but only sit up.

Gestures accompanying greetings. Greetings (like farewells) are usually accompanied by gestures: a handshake, raising a hand, nodding the head, bending over, and sometimes kissing the woman’s hand. Gestures when greeting play a significant role - certain information (positive or negative) is transmitted by interlocutors on a non-verbal level. The most common gesture is the handshake.

Handshake. There are strict etiquette standards when shaking hands. The first to extend a hand is: a woman to a man, a senior to a junior, a boss to a subordinate. The mistress of the house should not forget to shake hands with all guests invited to her home.

When greeting a woman he knows on the street, a man should raise his headdress (with the exception of a beret and a winter hat). If the greeting is accompanied by a handshake, the man must take off his glove; the woman may not take it off (except when she greets a much older woman), since gloves, a bag, a scarf, and a headdress are part of the women's toilet. At the same time, mittens and warm leather gloves should be removed when shaking hands.

When greeting, your demeanor is of great importance. An unfavorable impression is made by a person who, while extending his right hand in greeting, keeps his left hand in his pocket, looks away or continues a conversation with another person. All this borders on bad manners. Impoliteness and marked inattention are not conducive to further communication. Very noisy greetings are also considered a violation of etiquette. You should not flaunt your acquaintances and attract the attention of everyone present to your person.

The words with which people greet each other when meeting should always be respectful, friendly and benevolent. Greeting is a perfectly acceptable way to engage in conversation or make new acquaintances.

It is advisable that the greeting be expanded and open to continue the conversation. For example: “Good afternoon, Tatyana, how are you?” Many are afraid of a direct reaction to a question, that is, a story about business. It's not scary. There are several unconditional advantages in an extended greeting: everyone loves their name, everyone loves attention to themselves, the question allows you to stop the person you need. When greeting, you can and should take into account the status and age and gender characteristics of your interlocutor. You can’t ask your boss: “How are you?”, and you can’t say to a woman: “You look bad, are you healthy?” On the other hand, in relation to colleagues and subordinates, the formula: “Glad to see you” is always appropriate. You can say to your boss: “It’s so good (lucky) that I met you.” It is advisable to have your own “Hello”, that is, a greeting address peculiar to you to a person. This makes you memorable - an important condition for long-term business relationships.

Compliment- pleasant words, somewhat exaggerating the positive qualities of the interlocutor, pronounced with the aim of giving the person pleasure, gaining favor with oneself or the issue under discussion. Difference from praise: praise is directed from top to bottom and states the fact of a positive attitude towards the work done. Difference from flattery: flattery is directed from the bottom up and always has selfish goals.

Conventionally, a compliment can be divided into two types: secular and business.

A secular compliment. A secular compliment is a compliment to a person’s appearance and dignity. It is intended, as a rule, for familiar people: relatives, loved ones, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues. At the same time, it is necessary to emphasize that even in modern times it is necessary to distinguish between a compliment addressed to a man and a compliment addressed to a woman.

Complimenting a woman is a little easier. You can praise her appearance, clothes, perfume, jewelry, etc. Complimenting a man is a more complicated matter. In the West, it is customary to praise a country villa, a car, horse riding, playing golf, etc. Property, intelligence, abilities - these are the main topics for a compliment intended for a man. But in all cases, a compliment always emphasizes the merits of your interlocutor.

A compliment requires special tact towards the recipient. On the one hand, you should not get too carried away with this form of verbal communication; on the other hand, in some cases an unspoken compliment can border on impoliteness. For example, if you were unable to appreciate the hospitality of the owners of the house.

A secular compliment is very common in informal settings. However, this form of compliment is also necessary at the level of formal relationships, especially in the field of management.

A compliment is always addressed to the interlocutor, clearly addressed, while the speaker’s “I” steps back somewhat: “You look great!”, “This suit suits you very well,” etc. In response to a secular compliment, it is customary to say thank you: “Thank you ", "Thank you", "You are very attentive", etc. Responses: "You flatter me", "It's just a compliment" and others are considered impolite. Any compliment should contain a considerable amount of truth.

One small detail. If you always just thank for a compliment, nodding your head with a satisfied expression: “Yes, I am like that,” you risk losing the favor of your acquaintances, friends, and colleagues. In any situation, in almost any person, you can find and emphasize something good that is worthy of encouragement. Find a reason to respond with words of approval, admiration, recognition to your close friends, colleagues, acquaintances.

Business compliment. A business compliment is an exchange of pleasantries between parties, partners (“I’m glad to see you,” etc.). A business compliment begins and ends any business meeting, conversation, negotiation. According to the protocol, this is a mutual and mandatory procedure.

In written business etiquette, a business compliment is an expression of politeness that ends any formal or semi-formal letter. A compliment at the end of a letter is an obligatory part of correspondence, including private ones. The following final politeness formulas are used in the letter: “With respect, yours...”, “Sincerely yours”, “Devoted to you”, etc. In their style and tone, the final politeness formulas should be harmonious with the address and the main text of the letter. So, if the letter begins with the words: “Dear Sirs!”, “Gentlemen”, then the following final formulas will be preferable: “Sincerely yours”, “With respect”, etc.

Rules for using compliments.

Compliments must be given.

A compliment should be interpreted unambiguously so that the interlocutor does not perceive it as a “pin.”

The compliment must also be truthful: if you praise those qualities of your interlocutor that he does not possess, then you will be suspected of insincerity.

The best compliment is the pleasant words that you found for this particular person, that is, individuality is a mandatory quality for a compliment.

The compliment should sound sincere. Praise what you really like.

You not only need to be able to say compliments, but also to accept them. If you are praised, and you begin to ardently or with a grin deny your positive qualities, you put your interlocutor in a very unpleasant position.

As a last resort, you can always just say “thank you,” although it’s better to show that you appreciate compliments, especially from this person.

The compliment can be closed: “It’s so nice that you are punctual!” and open: “Students really like your lectures. You probably prepare a lot?” A contrasting compliment is psychologically effective: “You always do everything on time, I can’t do that.”

Task 3. "Compliment".

Give a simple compliment: I like your hairstyle.

Give a compliment with a continuation: I like your hairstyle. How do you do it?

How can you respond to a compliment other than “thank you?”

How do you feel when, in response to your compliment: “What a nice suit you have,” they answer you: “Yes, there’s no way to throw it away.”

Your Very Short Compliment.

Your Very Flowery compliment.

Your compliment to a business woman.

Your compliment to a man during business communication.

Sympathy.

Parting.

Basic rules of speech etiquette - any address or show of attention to a partner must be: thoughtfully thought out, intonationally verified, timely, adequate to the situation and status of the partner, the nature of the relationship. Comfort. Of course it depends on the personalities of the comforter and the comforted.

Sometimes it helps a person if you imagine his problems as insignificant: don’t worry, but I have..., you’re not the only one, God, what nonsense! Some perceive this form of consolation painfully. They feel that they or their problems are not taken seriously. This especially applies to women. When consoling such interlocutors, you should try to switch their attention to the bright side of life, or completely immerse yourself in all the details of what happened, and experience them together. This calms almost everyone down. . Parting

The main requirement for farewell is to never say goodbye for good, always leave the opportunity to continue contacts. When saying goodbye to your business partner, repeat the terms. time and place of the next meeting. In farewell, as in greeting, it is recommended to express pleasure from the meeting and have your own “goodbye” that distinguishes you from others. The "somehow" form.

APOLOGY.

Meaning: admitting one’s guilt/mistake; The goal is the desire to establish contact and optimize the situation.

Verbal forms of apology:

Meaning: disagreement, dissatisfaction, indignation, admission of guilt, appeal, reproach.

Politeness response formulas:

It's okay, it happens, it's good, it's accepted,

Requests and refusals Politeness formulas depend on status and age. Degrees of familiarity.

Direct and no tricks

Indirect

Etiquette, as a symbolic form of communication, can be used as a way to manipulate a partner.

Change of good and bad manners. Unceremoniousness.

Punctuality as a way to manipulate a partner.

Punctuality: American version, Russian version, options...

If you are forced to wait more than 15 minutes, then you are being manipulated. You have to determine: your position in relation to this person,

the reason for the meeting; the goal you are striving for.

After waiting 15 minutes, say that you can’t wait any longer and arrange the next meeting by phone. Reaction options: 1. You are accepted immediately; 2. They apologize to you and ask you to wait. 3. They don’t respond to you. Your reaction is to leave or continue to wait. Respond by delaying the start of contact.

How to protect yourself:

1.Do not arrive earlier than 5 minutes.

2.Always confirm your appointment.

3. Leave some extra time for unforeseen circumstances.

4. Keep busy while you wait.

Food as a form of communication, manipulation and relaxation.

Food as a protocol event. Seating rules, table manners, food rules.

Food as a form of communication.

Communication begins with competent communication. According to the rules of communication etiquette, you can address those closest to you and children under 18 years of age (according to some sources, you are already supposed to say “you”). All other people, even strangers who are the same age as you, should be addressed as “You”.

The rules of etiquette require you to switch to “you” and call a relative or friend by first name and patronymic in the presence of strangers. Sometimes it is inappropriate to demonstrate familiarity or family relationships in society.

You need to move tactfully from addressing “you” to “you”. It’s good when a woman or someone older in age (position) takes the initiative in this regard.

When talking about someone, don't talk about them in the third person. Instead of “he” or “she,” it is better to call them by their first name and patronymic. For example, “Alexander Petrovich asked to convey...” or “Anna Sergeevna will be waiting for you...”

Typically, depending on the circumstances, the following types of treatment are used:

1. Official (citizen, madam, master; in some cases with titles and ranks);
2. Informal (usually by name, more often on “you”);
3. Without a personal appeal (when you are forced to contact a person unfamiliar with some kind of request - the phrases “I beg your pardon,” “excuse me,” “tell me,” etc.) will help.

Under no circumstances should you address a person as “man” or “woman”, “grandfather” or “boy”. We are used to calling representatives of the service sector “girls.” But this is not according to etiquette - in the West they only address prostitutes in this way. Therefore, be careful - it is better to prefer impersonal treatment.

If you mix up your name or stumble in conversation, it’s enough

The distance between interlocutors plays an important role in communication. For unfamiliar people or business partners, the optimal distance is 2 outstretched arms. Moreover, each interlocutor has the opportunity to leave the conversation - no one is blocking anyone’s passage or holding anyone’s jacket by the button or lapel.

When communicating, it is important to choose the right topic of conversation. It is unacceptable to indulge in lengthy memories, stories about your affairs, conduct a long monologue, focus on children, dreams, habits, tastes, health problems, and gossip.

It is bad form to talk about those present; it can provoke a sticky situation.

If you notice that the conversation is clearly unpleasant for the interlocutor, briefly apologize and move the conversation to another, more neutral plane.

It is disrespectful to speak in a language or jargon that others do not understand, including professional slang. By the way, if you meet a lawyer or doctor at a party, do not ask - this is a blatant tactlessness! It is better to arrange a separate meeting in their office to clarify the issue.

In an uninteresting or boring conversation, good form is not to show displeasure, irritation, or impatience in order to interrupt the conversation. It is also not customary to interrupt the speaker or make comments to him.

Funny stories and anecdotes are appropriate in small quantities and preferably in the topic of conversation.

According to the rules of etiquette, it is indecent to clearly observe a person or stare at him closely, especially when he is eating.

Katerina

I support :) Now I’m puzzled. This is the situation. I have a list of phone numbers and last names with initials, and I need to call these people. And how to contact them? So I came up with: Mr. and by last name. But the first person I called said that they hadn’t called him that for 20 years and laughed. How should I deal with others... Eh.. I’ll probably call him master again. There are no alternatives

Dmitry Zhuravlev

I'm clearing up the confusion.

Master's address to a man. Mistress's address to a woman.

When addressing any stranger, I impose on him the obligation to be master of himself. To the answer: “What kind of master am I to you?” - you should answer: “No one for me, but a complete master for yourself.” or answer like this: “Aren’t you the master of your words? Your promises and actions?” Thus, everyone is his own master and only himself! He who refuses to consider himself master of himself becomes the slave of others. A person who recognizes himself as a master only for himself automatically bestows such recognition on anyone he meets. Mr. Janitor is the master of his business, personality and body. I tried to present it in more detail in MIR. Although the essence of addressing a person in Russia is in context. I give PEACE to everyone: http://yadi.sk/d/JlNREoWSSe9Gu

Victor Ivanovich

I absolutely agree with you. Believe it or not, I even wrote a letter to the President of the Russian Federation with a request to speak about this publicly and invite people to address each other in a cultural, generally accepted, human way. For example, I always feel awkward when I have to address someone I don’t know. You are right, the reaction can be inadequate. I have to do without the address, just start: “Tell me, please...” It just infuriates me when people address me by gender: “Male,...” How I liked the address in Poland! Mister, Monsieur, etc. They sound somehow dry, they don’t have any sincerity (this is my feeling), but in Poland! Madam, how do you like the address “lady”? After all, culture, oddly enough, begins with conversion. You can feel it too. Address a person as “sir” and you are unlikely to hear a boorish response in return. That is how we live. At the same time, it is difficult to call us a civilized nation.

Svetlana Goncharuk

I worked in the medical center of the heads of the UPDC and at first I had great difficulty getting used to being addressed as madam. sir. become. I advise you to try it.

Sincerely, S.A. Goncharuk

Olga Grishina

Gentlemen, firstly, the address “Mr” or “Mrs” can only be heard from street punks or alternatively gifted geniuses. Usually in English-speaking countries they are addressed like this: “Excuse me...”; in Germany: "Entschuldigung!"; in France: "Ecxusez-moi", etc., etc.

In other words, neutral address on the street is the most acceptable option: “I beg your pardon...” “Excuse me, can you tell me...” And the official one, of course, is “Mr.” and “Madam.” “Mrs. Ivanova, you are expected at five o’clock...”

Eugene

Mr. and Mrs. are used formally in English-speaking countries along with the surname of the person being addressed. Impersonal address - sir, ma'am.

Elena

Why do we enjoy being addressed in foreign countries: madam, ma'am (the same madam, but transferred to the English-speaking environment), lady, khanum, etc.? Yes, because all these words do not just designate a woman, but, to put it simply, combine two elements: an indication of gender and a respectful attitude. In our “girls”, “women”, “grandmothers” the second element is completely absent. The fact is that most of our people are catastrophically unable to respect each other and do not feel the need to find a word that could express respect. In fact, how, and most importantly, why should we designate in speech what we do not experience. That is why the above-mentioned appeals to representatives of the fair sex not only do not show respect, but demonstrate anti-respect on the verge (or beyond) of rudeness.

“Girl” is from the service sector, where, by the way, a person is called this way even if she is working for the last year before retirement or the last day before maternity leave (Girl, show me! Girl, bring it!).

By addressing us as “woman,” we show our interlocutor that we see her as an elderly woman, well over 50, and with a blurred figure.

Well, “grandmother” is the height of tactlessness. If a person over 60, 20-30 years old, is addressed as “grandmother,” she will be horrified: does this fully grown person really think that he is fit to be my grandson? So I look 80!

Personally, I use the word "lady" for address. The word is completely Russified, short (which compares favorably with the pompous “madam”), sonorous, completely removes the indication of age and characteristics of complexion, and most importantly, contains an element of respect: give up a seat to a lady, do not swear obscenely in front of a lady, etc. Yes, I know that many philologists argue, not without reason, that this is not an appeal. However, the address “lady” has been around for many years in St. Petersburg, dating back to the times when it was Leningrad. Why don't we follow the example of the cultural capital?

Personally, when addressing a stranger, I say “lady” or “dear lady.” If such an address puzzles the interlocutor, I say: “You should be addressed only this way, and whoever addresses you differently is unworthy of you.” As a rule, further communication turns out to be quite friendly.