Hello, dear friends, readers and guests. Today I want to look at the topic of “emotional intelligence in children.” Recently, parents have become increasingly interested in it, and, in my opinion, for good reason. There is now an overabundance of information on how to develop a child’s mental intelligence from the cradle. There are a lot of different early development methods, as well as many proprietary courses, programs and trainings on this topic. The vast majority of parents know practically nothing about emotional intelligence, and the term itself appeared only in the 90s of the last century.

However, developing emotional intelligence in children is even more important than the notorious IQ. After all, this is a phenomenon that includes the ability to distinguish, understand and manage one’s own emotions and the emotions of those people with whom one communicates.

Looking at the experience of the previous generation, you can see that all emotions were divided into good and bad. And if it was good to rejoice, laugh and feel happy, then crying, angry or afraid was shameful. I can clearly see the echoes of such upbringing within my family. I allow my daughter to cry, get angry, stomp her feet and even scream, and I don’t see anything wrong with her openly expressing her dissatisfaction or admitting that she is afraid of something. At the same time, her grandmother, a teacher by training, can easily say that crying is not nice, screaming and being indignant is wrong, and only fools are afraid, for example, of vaccinations.

Why is it so important to develop not only a child’s intelligence or creativity, but also why is it necessary to devote time to the development of children’s emotions? A busy class schedule and a rigid schedule for visiting clubs, sections and early development schools is quite capable of crowding out a child’s free play and does not leave time for intimate conversations or “tomfoolery” with parents. Role-playing play, independent activity, observations and analysis are very important for the timely formation and development of a child’s emotions.

Some studies show that emotional intelligence is also related to a person's ability to feel happy. Children with developed emotional intelligence have higher self-esteem, they are self-confident, quickly adapt to new circumstances, follow accepted rules of behavior in society, study more successfully and are popular with their classmates. In addition, they resolve conflict situations more effectively and show less anxiety.

You can develop emotional intelligence, just like mental intelligence, from the very birth of your baby. But, of course, it is worth taking into account the child’s age and the means of developing emotions. Preschool and primary school age will be the most favorable periods of intensive activities with children. It is at this time that the child improves his self-awareness, ability to understand other people, the ability to accept the position of his interlocutor and take into account the feelings and needs of those around him.

How to develop emotional intelligence in children?

The most accessible remedy is, perhaps, reading books. Through living through fairy-tale situations, through discussing stories, through explaining the behavior of a particular character, children become familiar with different situations and the feelings of the characters. They can see different points of view of characters on the same situation, and books enrich the child’s speech and it will be easier for him in the future to deal with his feelings and express them in words.

Communication and games with other children. The game helps the child relax and also express all the feelings that he experiences. During the game, no one puts pressure on the child or controls his behavior. At this time, the child shows his true self.

In order to instill in a child a sense of responsibility, it is necessary to involve him in household chores, go shopping together, and allow him to make his own choice when buying food or party supplies.

Talk to your child, discuss the past day, allow him to be himself in the family circle, give him the opportunity to show his individuality. Create a comfortable situation so that the child does not hesitate to share his impressions and experiences of the day.

Be an example for your child. Demonstrate acceptable and desirable behavior patterns in different life situations. Follow the principles.

Psychology and pedagogy

Emotional intellect

Emotional intelligence is a relatively young theoretical construct that appeared about 25 years ago. At the peak of intelligence research, psychologists noticed that there is a whole layer of phenomena that standard intelligence tests cannot measure - a layer about feelings, experiences, emotions. This is how the concept appeared emotional intellect. Initially, this concept included a person’s ability to understand and correctly interpret their emotions and the emotions of other people.

It has been suggested that understanding other people's feelings has a positive impact on a person's success in life. But this did not negate the fact that children’s cognitive abilities are just as important and play a key role in their lives, studies and future careers.

Reasoning about the role of understanding the experiences of other people was a logical continuation of intelligence research. Man is a social being, and the feelings of other people, their reactions are an important part of social reality. Thus, the rational and the sensual are balanced in human nature, and there is no point in guessing which of these components is key to success.

Structure of emotional intelligence

What components make up a clear understanding of human feelings and reactions? Researchers on this issue still disagree about these components. Mayer, Nightingale, and Caruso identify four components of emotional intelligence:

Perception of emotions is the ability to recognize the emotions (by facial expressions, gestures, appearance, gait, behavior, voice) of other people, as well as to identify one’s own emotions.

The use of emotions to stimulate thinking is a person’s ability to revive his thought process, enriching him with experiences, inventing new things, and being creative.

Understanding emotions is the ability to determine the cause of an emotion, recognize the connection between thoughts and emotions, determine the transition from one emotion to another, predict the development of an emotion over time.

Managing emotions is the ability to choose the most appropriate form for the situation to express a particular emotion.

In any case, it is important to note that the skill of recognizing one’s own experiences and the experiences of other people is multifaceted, complex, and develops gradually. Starting from infancy, children are immersed in social and sensory reality; interaction between the child and his loved ones occurs through facial expressions and gestures. How does a child learn to smile, laugh, cry? There are many studies on this matter. Historically, it was believed that emotions are innate ancient instincts that are the same in all people. But further research has refuted the universality of experiences across different cultural contexts. Psychologists have discovered that emotions are a cultural phenomenon, the manifestation and development of which depends on learning. Since childhood, we have been told in general terms when people are angry and when they are happy. Depending on the social environment, the child learns to be more or less expressive, including the strength of emotional expressions that strongly depend on the constitution of the nervous system.

Social Intelligence and Success

Initially, it was believed that in order to achieve success, it was very important for children to learn to control themselves, to be able to force difficult operations to be done, to postpone pleasure until later, and also to be smart and intellectual. There have been many studies highlighting the importance of IQ. Parents were worried and tried to prepare their children for future life as best as possible, developing their thinking and enriching them with knowledge. Attention to human social skills has enriched this picture. It turned out that social skills are also important for the success of children: the ability to negotiate, sympathize, enter into relationships, understand the feelings of oneself and others. But this does not mean that it is important for all children to become emotional and open in expressing their feelings in order to achieve success. It has not been experimentally established that all professions require high emotional intelligence.

The child and his emotionality

Children have the right to be different in how they express their experiences. Conducted studies of emotions have proven that every experience has a variety of forms. The same person can, at different moments, cry with anger, boil over, and start screaming. Sometimes parents find it difficult to deal with the emotional character of their child. It’s hard for someone if the child is too withdrawn and closed in his experiences. For some, on the contrary, the excessive passion of their child is a difficult test.

Vector of development of emotionality

It doesn’t matter whether a child is expressive or reserved, there is a common vector for the development of the emotional sphere - self-regulation. Emotional self-regulation is an important outcome of the development of many skills and processes. This is the ability to clearly recognize your experiences, give them a name, and choose the most adequate form of expression, choose when to give in to feelings and when to control them. Learning to deal with your emotionality wisely is like learning to drive a complex and delicately designed machine that sometimes breaks down or drives on a slippery road. A child, over the course of his life, becomes sensually more complex; in adolescence, the child’s arsenal of experiences contains the same components as an adult’s: from euphoria to despair. A child is exposed to strong experiences from birth; children in infancy already experience extreme fear or anger, as well as joy and calm. It is important for a parent to help give experiences different names, read literature that contains different experiences, and tell the child about them. It is also important to explain your conditions to the child within reason: for example, dad is upset that he couldn’t take a vacation and he won’t be able to go to the dacha with us and that’s why he’s sad.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize feelings, develop positive emotions and extinguish destructive emotions. This book is the first to talk about the concept of emotional intelligence from the point of view of Russian reality, experience and traditions.

Emotional-volitional regulation is the cornerstone in the process of growing up a child. It is very important that in the process of development a child learns to be in strong relationships with different people, to trust, to care, and to understand in time what is happening in these relationships. Often we observe either biases towards trust, or towards suspicion. Children who are too trusting often do not notice the catch, and can easily fall for manipulation, deception and exploitation. Suspicious children can be so closed that it is difficult for them to open up in relationships, be spontaneous, emotional, and they may suffer from loneliness. It is important to notice and smooth out these distortions in time. If a child is flexible and sensitive, then he can be taught to navigate relationships with people well. It is important to teach safety precautions, talk about manipulation and deception, and give examples of dialogues that can alert a child. Fearful and closed children can be helped by supporting their expressiveness; it is important to support the child on the path of expressing feelings, not to pressure or shame the child, to give him enough time to learn to express emotions. At the same time, we should not forget that sometimes it is impossible to make a shy child emotionally liberated and open; there are constitutional differences and restrictions.

Impulsivity in expressing emotions can also interfere with a child’s adaptation to a team. You can explain to your child that his outbursts of feelings can frighten other children and push them away.

Thus, we can summarize that the emotional development of each child is unique, it is important for the parent to be sensitive and notice where the child needs support and where there are limitations. For the development of emotional intelligence, a child’s active social life is necessary, when there is interaction with others and there is an opportunity to discuss the fruits of this interaction with the parent. It is necessary to remember that sensory meanings and social literacy are the result of culture and learning; it is important to talk with the child about experiences, give them names, and teach them how to interact with other people. Such an important matter as the formation of emotional intelligence should not be left to chance.

Empathy and sympathy.

Empathy is the icing on the cake of social intelligence. This skill is extremely complex and not all mature people are sufficiently developed. Initially, children have very little ability to empathize with others. Their nature is egocentrism. Children defend their interests well and clearly, and can relate to other people in a consumerist manner. How to teach a child empathy? To begin with, it is important to understand the reality that empathy does not arise by itself at a certain period. Empathy is the result of a warm, trusting relationship between a child and an adult. First, the child learns that he is treated with love and care, and only then learns to give love and care himself. Around the age of five, children begin to confess their love to their parents, although this age is different for everyone. After this, children learn a new idea for them: that an adult is also a person, also gets tired, also gets upset, and can also insist on his own. If this idea can be conveyed to the child in a respectful manner, then this will mark the beginning of genuine, not ostentatious, empathy. Empathy is the ability to move your consciousness into another person, to take his place. This procedure requires quite a lot of internal tension. The ability to take the place of another, especially the place of one’s opponent in a quarrel, is not even developed among all teenagers. This skill is called decentering, and it develops in relationships, conversations and learning.

The importance of emotional intelligence in a child's life

Understanding your experiences and the ability to give them the necessary form of expression - the opportunity to be free, the opportunity to choose the degree and form of feelings, and not be in slavery to them. Emotional intelligence is an important step towards maturity and autonomy. When a child learns to navigate the world of feelings and interactions, he gains the opportunity to enter into relationships with others, make friends and love, and also constructively conflict if necessary. Two factors are key to the development of emotional intelligence: relationships with parents, their learning to express their feelings and communicate, and a diverse social environment in which the child can interact with other people.

“It turned out that successful people have a high level of emotional intelligence, which determines the effectiveness of their interactions with people around them and with the world in general. Increasing the level of EQ, that is, developing self-perception, social sensitivity, self-management skills and relationship management is quite a feasible task, just pay close attention to the book’s recommendations.”

Maria Sluchaeva
Emotional intellect. What is this? Why does it need to be developed in a child?

Our whole life is a continuous stream of stress, events, conversations, conflicts, disappointments and impressions. We experience something every minute. But understanding the nature of these experiences can be difficult even for adults, let alone children.

Most often harmonious Child development is hampered by emotional instability. This is why it is important to teach your child to deal with his own problems in a timely manner. emotions: do not suppress them, but be friends with them. Be able to manage your anger, understand the cause of sadness, communicate better with the people around you in order to establish stronger, happier relationships. All this constitutes what is known as emotional intellect.

Emotional intellect- this is an understanding of one's own and others' emotions, feelings and experiences for effective and harmonious interaction with the outside world, as well as the ability to manage your emotions and emotions other people in order to solve practical problems.

Development of emotional intelligence directly related to communication development. Child who can understand his emotions and it is easier to manage them; he has easier contact with others, and the people around him treat him more favorably.

In preparation for school emotions also play a big role. They direct and organize perception, attention, memory, thinking, awaken the imagination, and stimulate creative knowledge of reality. Emotions play a motivating role, being a kind of trigger for a preschooler. A child who has positive, varied, rich experiences is cheerful, active, inquisitive and optimistic.

Researchers have found that about 80% of success in social and personal spheres of life is determined by the level of development of emotional intelligence, and only 20% - the well-known IQ - coefficient intelligence, measuring the degree of mental ability of a person. How develop emotional intelligence in a child, what is needed for this, what to use in your work?

For development of emotional intelligence must be developed in a child:

1. Self-awareness (understanding the “psychological structure” of oneself);

Your children should know what they are called emotions. To do this, it is important that you act as their emotional guide. If we ourselves voice our feelings ( For example: “I feel joy because we had such a great time as a family this weekend, and I would like us to spend the whole weekend together,” this will become the norm of communication. Then it will be easy for the child to understand his emotions: “I feel resentful and sad because I couldn’t draw a beautiful picture, although I tried very hard.” Teach children to express their feelings with phrases like "I feel... because...".

Key Component emotional intelligence is empathy. The ability to understand the feelings of others. Ask your children: How do you think grandpa is doing today? Is he happy or sad or excited? How do you think he felt? child in the park when did you push him? Be a role model for your children: Allow them to see you every day as a person who cares about others, who is able to show empathy, intuition, and stand in the shoes of others to understand their point of view. If children see this behavior of yours, then, little by little, they will adopt these useful skills from you, without even realizing it.

Mature communication when child learns to use empathy and discuss her own feelings.

One of the methods development of emotional intelligence – fairy tale therapy. With the help of a fairy tale child learns to overcome various life obstacles, explore this world and prepare for adulthood. A single fairy tale plot helps to kid form a holistic perception of various life phenomena. He unconsciously associates himself with the main characters of the story and adopts their life experiences. A good book that was written specifically to child learned to be friends with my own people emotions -“Monsiki. What's happened emotions and how to be friends with them?.

This book teaches you to communicate, make friends, understand yourself and this world with the help of benevolent creatures Monsiks. Together with them you can get acquainted with emotions, find a way out of a difficult situation, learn to distribute all your affairs and master many other useful skills.

Developing a child's emotional intelligence, We develop self-control(the ability to cope with one’s feelings, desires);

First with what do you need start your work on emotions- is to accept that fact: what all emotions exist and are all necessary. There are feelings that make you want smile: joy, tenderness, pride, happiness. From others it becomes Badly: fear, anger, resentment, guilt. Help your child master this algorithm:

1. Understand your emotion;

2. Accept it. Don't crush, don't reject. Honestly let yourself feel it inside;

3. Understand why you are experiencing these feelings;

4. Decide how to express these feelings in a socially acceptable way.

Publications on the topic:

What parents need to know about their child’s speech readiness for school Speech is a process of communication, therefore readiness or unpreparedness for learning at school is largely determined by the level of speech development. After all.

Correct speech breathing ensures normal sound production and creates conditions for maintaining normal speech volume and clarity.

Report on self-education “What is sensory education and why it needs to be developed” Report on the topic: “What is sensory and why is it so important to develop it?” Goal: to increase the level of competence of preschool teachers in the matter.

Consultation for teachers “Adjusting the palm or why you need to develop fine motor skills of the hand” A child is a social being and the main task facing us (parents and people with whom the child comes into contact) is to raise him harmoniously.

Consultation for parents “What parents need to know about preventing speech disorders in their children” What parents need to know about the prevention of speech disorders in a child With the birth of a child, there is a special responsibility for his neuropsychic health.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift,
and rational thinking is a devoted servant.
We have created a society that honors
servants, but forgetting about the gifts.
Albert Einstein .

What is emotional intelligence?

Currently, the problem of the connection between feelings and reason, emotional and rational, their interaction and mutual influence is becoming increasingly interesting. Emotional intellect is a phenomenon that combines the ability to distinguish and understand emotions, to manage one’s own emotional states and the emotions of one’s communication partners. The field of emotional intelligence is relatively young, dating back just over a decade. However, today specialists all over the world are working on this problem. Among them are R. Bar-On, K. Cannon, L. Morris, E. Orioli, D. Caruso, D. Goleman and others.

The term “emotional intelligence” was first used in 1990 by J. Meyer and P. Salovey. One of the definitions of emotional intelligence formulated by these authors is “the ability to carefully comprehend, evaluate, and express emotions; ability to understand emotions and emotional knowledge; as well as the ability to manage emotions, which contributes to the emotional and intellectual growth of the individual.

The development of emotional intelligence acquires particular importance and relevance in preschool and primary school age, since it is during these periods that children actively develop emotionally, improve their self-awareness, ability to reflect and decenter (the ability to take the position of a partner, take into account his needs and feelings). Work to expand emotional intelligence is also advisable with teenagers who are distinguished by high sensitivity and flexibility of all mental processes, as well as deep interest in the sphere of their inner world.

Today, in Canada and Europe, entire institutes have been opened that deal with the problem of the relationship between emotions and intelligence, and separate programs have been created for the development of children’s emotional intelligence.

Why do you need to develop emotional intelligence?

Teachers and psychologists may have a fair question: why is it so important to develop emotional intelligence? The answer is provided by numerous scientific studies indicating that a low level of emotional intelligence can lead to the consolidation of a complex of qualities called alexithymia. Alexithymia- difficulty in recognizing and determining one’s own emotions – increases the risk of psychosomatic diseases in children and adults. Thus, the ability to understand one’s own feelings and manage them is a personal factor that strengthens the child’s psychological and somatic health.

In addition, the researchers found that near 80% of success in the social and personal spheres of life is determined by the level of development of emotional intelligence, and only 20% by the well-known IQ - intelligence quotient, which measures the degree of a person’s mental abilities. This conclusion of scientists changed views on the nature of personal success and the development of human abilities in the mid-90s of the 20th century. It turns out that improving a child’s logical thinking and outlook is not the key to his future success in life. It is much more important that the child master the abilities of emotional intelligence, namely:

• the ability to control your feelings so that they do not “overflow”;
• the ability to consciously influence one’s emotions;
• the ability to identify your feelings and accept them as they are (recognize them);
• the ability to use your emotions for the benefit of yourself and others;
• the ability to communicate effectively with other people and find common ground with them;
• the ability to recognize and acknowledge the feelings of others, to imagine oneself in the place of another person, to sympathize with him.

Foreign researchers of emotional intelligence have identified some age-related features in the development of this quality. Emotional intelligence improves as one gains life experience, increasing during adolescence and adulthood. This means that a child’s level of emotional intelligence is obviously lower than that of an adult and cannot be equal to it. But this does not mean that the formation of emotional abilities is inappropriate in childhood. On the contrary, there is evidence that special educational programs significantly increase the level of emotional competence of children.

How can you measure emotional intelligence?

A few words need to be said about the emotional intelligence diagnostic system that exists today. Since the psychology of emotional intelligence develops mainly abroad, its diagnostic apparatus also appears in the form of foreign techniques, often not adapted and not translated into Russian. Nevertheless, foreign methods for measuring emotional intelligence deserve the attention of domestic specialists, because a promising task for the development of this scientific field is the adaptation of existing developments to Russian conditions.

Currently exists 3 groups of emotional intelligence techniques:

1. Methods that study individual abilities that make up emotional intelligence;

2.Methods based on self-report and self-assessment of subjects;

3. Methods - “multi-evaluators”, that is, tests that must be filled out not only by the subject, but also by 10-15 people he knows (the so-called “evaluators”), who assign points to his emotional intelligence.

For example, the Multifactor Emotional Intelligence Scale MEIS belongs to the first group of methods. It was developed in 1999 by J. Meyer, P. Salovey and D. Caruso. The MEIS is a written test with true and false answer options. MEIS contains several types of tasks that the test taker must solve: tasks on recognizing emotions, tasks on the ability to describe one’s own emotions, tasks on understanding the composition and relationships of various emotions, as well as tasks on the ability to manage emotions.

The group of methods based on self-report and self-assessment includes EQ-i Emotional Quotient Questionnaire R.Bar-On . Foreign researcher R. Bar-On spent about twenty years researching and creating this technique. It was he who introduced the concept of emotional coefficient into psychology - EQ-as opposed to classic IQ. R. Bar-On's questionnaire was released in 1997 and has already been published in 14 languages, including Russian. The big advantage of the technique is that it has a children's version (for testing children and adolescents from 6 to 18 years old). In addition, this questionnaire measures five main components of emotional intelligence: intrapersonal(self-esteem), interpersonal(sympathy, responsibility), adaptability(the ability to adapt your emotions to changing conditions), stress management(emotional stability and stress resistance) and general mood(optimism).

One of the “multi-estimator” tests is Ei-360, created in 2000 by Dr. J.P. Pauliu-Fry. The measurement includes self-assessment, as well as assessment by up to ten “evaluators” (this could be the subject’s family, peers, or colleagues). The entire diagnostic process takes place via the Internet. This technique is fully presented on the Internet and is available to everyone. It provides an opportunity to compare your own perception of emotional intelligence and other people’s perception of their intelligence.

As we can see, there is a fairly wide range of methods for diagnosing emotional intelligence. Depending on the goals and objectives of a particular study, one or another technique may be more suitable than others.

How can you develop emotional intelligence in children?

There are two possible approaches to the development of emotional intelligence: you can work with it directly, or you can work with it indirectly, through the development of qualities associated with it. Today it has already been proven that the formation of emotional intelligence is influenced by the development of such personal qualities as emotional stability, a positive attitude towards oneself, an internal locus of control (the willingness to see the cause of events in oneself, and not in the surrounding people and random factors) and empathy (the ability to empathy). Thus, by developing these qualities of a child, you can increase the level of his emotional intelligence.

As for direct work with emotional intelligence, we have to admit that a Russian-language program has not yet been developed. Although in domestic practical psychology there are many developments in the field of emotional development of the child, increasing his reflection, empathy and self-regulation.

The author of this article has been conducting preventive and developmental psychology classes in 1st grade for three years now. "Land of Emotions" aimed at developing the psychological health and emotional intelligence of children. The program was compiled by the author, but it uses both the author’s exercises and those borrowed from other specialists (T. Gromova, O. Khukhlaeva, Lyutova, Monina, etc.). There were no standardized procedures for assessing the effectiveness of this program. However, reviews and observations from teachers, parents, and psychologists indicate a significant increase in students’ reflection, empathy, expansion of psychological vocabulary, as well as children’s awareness of the causes of various emotional states and the possibilities of getting out of them.

As an illustration of group work with children aimed at developing their emotional intelligence, I offer a plan for several lessons from the program "Land of Emotions" dedicated to the emotion of fear.

Lesson objectives:

• “introducing” children to the emotion of fear: students’ awareness of why a person needs fear, how it hinders him, how it helps him (the development of metacognitive abilities);
• actualization and response to feelings of fear;
• children's awareness that fear is a normal emotion for all people, and at the same time understanding the need to overcome their own fears;
• reducing fear of fairy-tale characters using techniques of identification, empathy, as well as the grotesque and humor;
• teaching children to independently find ways out of “terrible” traumatic situations;
• symbolic transformation of negative emotions into positive, pleasant ones.

Lesson No. 1. Fear Island and its inhabitants

1. Greeting: “Let's say hello and greet each other with hands, feet, noses...”, etc.

2.Psychological warm-up. “Inhabitants of the Island of Fear”: Each child receives a card on which the name of one of the scary characters is written (Baba Yaga, Koschey the Immortal, vampire, skeleton, etc.). At the presenter’s signal, the child shows the hero as scary as possible, and everyone else guesses who was depicted.

3. “Make a scary hero kind!” Each child comes up with a story about why his hero - a resident of the Island of Fear - became scary, and everyone thinks together about how to free him from anger and fear, how to make him kind and happy. Each scary character goes through a ritual of liberation from anger and becomes kind (the child plays out or pronounces this transformation: for example, his hero forgives the one who offended him, etc.).

4. Farewell ritual - Firework. presenter Placing his palm, the child answers the question: Why do heroes and people become scary? (Because of resentment, anger, revenge, etc.). At the leader’s command, everyone releases their hands and raises them up, launching fireworks: Hurray!

Lesson No. 2. The inhabitants of Fear Island have become funny!

1.Greeting.

2.Psychological warm-up. “Scary - funny”: Each child receives a card with the name of one of the scary characters and his “non-scary” activity written on it. For example, Baba Yaga is going on a date or Koschey is working out in the gym, etc. The goal is to portray the character as funny as possible and make everyone else laugh.

3. “Gallery of Laughter”. Children draw in their albums any resident of the Island of Fear, but in such a way that it turns out not scary, but funny. Then an exhibition is held in the Gallery of Laughter, where each artist talks about his creation, trying to make the audience laugh.

4. Farewell ritual - Firework. All class participants place their palms on the leader’s palm. At the signal 1-2-3, everyone releases their hands and raises them together, launching a fireworks display: Hurray!

Lesson No. 3. We will conquer any fears!

1.Greeting.

2.Psychological warm-up. “Fear Competition”: children pass the ball around, finishing the sentence: “The person is afraid...”. You can't repeat yourself. Whoever repeats himself is eliminated from the game. At the end of the game it is done conclusion: All people are afraid of something, but we must learn to overcome our fears.

3. “Cube of revelations.” During class, a magical “revelation cube” appears. Children optional they talk about their personal fears, and everyone else thinks that they can advise in this situation how to cope with fears.

3. “Darkland”. Children are read a fairy tale of the same name about how a little boy was afraid of the dark and how he overcame his fear. Everyone listens and draws an illustration for this fairy tale in their albums. After reading the fairy tale, there is a discussion about how the hero dealt with his fears, and what helped him in this. Those who wish to talk about their experience of overcoming certain fears. Then everyone completes the sentences: “Fear interferes when...”, “Fear helps when...”. Done conclusion that fear can not only hinder, but also help a person: for example, warn and protect him from danger.

4. Farewell ritual - Firework. At the leader’s command, everyone releases their hands and raises them together, launching a fireworks display: We will conquer any fears!

The training program described above is built on the following principles:

1) familiarization or repetition of emotions, psychological concepts necessary for successful work in class;

2) a block of “warm-ups” and psychological exercises aimed at removing emotional pressures, free expression and response of emotions, spontaneous behavior;

3) establishing various types of communications at the emotional, behavioral and cognitive levels using gaming methods;

4) playing out various role-playing situations to learn to control one’s own emotions;

5) the use of exercises to develop cognitive structures, awareness of the causes and consequences of various emotional states.

1. Games and tasks that promote mastery of interpersonal communication techniques, developing verbal and non-verbal means of communication;

2. Various types of discussions, games, elements of psychodrama;

3.Tasks that help increase self-esteem, which leads to a feeling of self-worth and self-confidence;

4. Relaxation exercises to relieve psychological tension and anxiety; teaching self-regulation techniques.

How can you develop emotional intelligence in adults?

It is also worth noting some approaches and techniques that can be used to develop emotional intelligence not only with children, but also with adolescents and adults.

To develop emotional competence and mastery of emotions, it is very important to improve the process of perception and emotional assessment of reality. There are two main ways of perceiving the surrounding reality and recreating its image - associated and dissociated. Associated approach means that a person is inside the experienced situation, looks at it with his own eyes and has direct access to his own emotions. Dissociated method allows you to evaluate an event as if from the outside, as a result of which a person loses touch with the feelings and experiences that took place in the real situation.

To stop experiencing negative emotions and discomfort, many experts recommend dissociating from the disturbing, unpleasant memory. To do this, you need to mentally get out of the experiencing situation and look at this event from the outside. By watching a movie about yourself in your imagination, you can reduce the brightness of the image and replace color images with black and white. As a result of such actions, the unpleasant situation gradually ceases to worry the person, which allows him to later return to it and calmly analyze all his actions.

The reverse procedure is also very effective. association with pleasant memories. Everyone can remember many events that were associated with positive emotions and high spirits. In order to regain the freshness of joyful memories, it is enough to re-enter “inside” a once pleasant event, see it with your own eyes and try to experience the same emotions as then ( visualization technique). Association can also help when communicating with other people. Since in the process of communication many are associated only with unpleasant details, interaction with communication partners sometimes causes rejection. If you carry out the opposite action and associate yourself with pleasant feelings in communication, you can find pleasant interlocutors nearby.

Thus, emotions are directly dependent on thinking. Thanks to thinking and imagination, a person can have various images of the past and future, as well as emotional experiences associated with them. Therefore, the one who controls his imagination also has good control over his emotions.

In order to be able to control not only your own states, but also the emotions of your communication partner, which will greatly increase your emotional intelligence, you can do an exercise “Help me calm down.” A couple of people are presented with some kind of emotionally intense situation. The task of one member of the couple is to relieve the tension of his partner. Situations are usually abstract or even fantastic in nature in order to avoid personal involvement of the participants. Time is limited to 2-3 minutes. The partner and situations change every time. At the end of the exercise, there is a discussion about what techniques the participants used to relieve tension, and which of them succeeded best.

Exercises to find similarities with other people are also useful for developing emotional intelligence, which is one of the ways to learn to better understand yourself and others. For this purpose the task is used “Emphasising commonality”: you need to mentally find 20 common qualities with a person you met a few days ago or even half an hour ago. This simultaneously develops the ability for reflection and adequate self-esteem.

To develop your knowledge of emotions and emotional states, you can develop your own Dictionary of emotions. It should have four sections: positive, negative, neutral and ambivalent (contradictory) emotions. The dictionary needs to be replenished every time a new term describing an emotional state is remembered.

The ability to unconditionally accept people, which, according to many authors, also refers to emotional intelligence, can be developed in a fairly simple way. You can use the exercise for this “Emphasis of importance”: you need to set a goal during the day at least two (three, four, five) times to emphasize the importance of those people with whom you work or communicate - to note their successful ideas, suggestions, to express respect and sympathy to them.

Thus, the range of techniques and ways to develop emotional intelligence is quite rich. The choice of a specific approach depends in each individual case on the goals and those people who are involved in the work.

I sincerely hope that the experience presented in this article will be interesting and useful to teachers and psychologists in a variety of fields.

Bibliography:

1. Buzan T. The power of social intelligence. – Minsk: “Medley”, 2004. – 208 p.
2. Orme G. Emotional thinking as a tool for achieving success. – M.: “KSP+”, 2003. – 272 p.
3. Taylaker J.B., Wiesinger U. IQ training: Your path to success. – M.: Publishing house “AST”, Publishing house “Astrel”, 2004. – 174 p.
4. Khukhlaeva O.V. Path to your Self - M.: Genesis, 2001. – 280 p.

Becoming a feeling specialist means mastering several skills, explains Mark Brackett, director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. First, acknowledge emotions in yourself and others (“Yes, I’m really upset!”). Secondly, understand the causes and consequences of emotions (“Is this blues because of the weather or because of the exchange rate?”). Third, accurately label what is happening (“My frustration is due to confusion”). Fourth, express emotions in a socially acceptable way (“In this tribe, laid-off people tear their hair out”). Fifth, manage your emotions (“I’ll stand on my head and everything will pass”), as well as help other people cope with their feelings (“I brought you tea and am ready to listen to you”).

Why not forget about all these emotions altogether?

The strong-willed hero who acts successfully without fear or doubt is a myth. Without emotions, people won’t even be able to write a test, and they won’t even come to it: there’s no point. The works of the American neurologist Antonio Damasio clearly show that by turning off emotions, a person completely loses the ability to make decisions. By and large, emotion is additional information. If a person understands what to do with it, then this greatly helps in solving various life problems.

Why do children need this?

Parents typically try to focus on developing academic skills. It is believed that it is more important for children to be able to perform arithmetic operations with mushrooms than to guess in time that someone is about to cry. American scientists are ready to argue with this, who claim that emotional competence plays a decisive role in academic success. And this is understandable. Almost thirty years ago, the pioneers in the study of emotional intelligence - Mayer and Salovey - proved that the sensory sphere directly affects attention, memory, learning ability, communication skills, and even physical and mental health.

Psychologists from the University of Oregon add that students with developed emotional intelligence concentrate better, have an easier time establishing relationships at school and are more empathetic than their unsavvy peers.

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How much depends on parents?

Actually, yes. Psychologists believe that parental responsiveness helps children develop emotional intelligence, as well as coaching approach to emotions: Dad and Mom talk about their experiences, and at the same time demonstrate by their example that you can not only bang your fist on the table with feeling, but also work. In addition, a lot depends on the situation in the family. The more prosperous the home atmosphere, the greater the chances of learning to recognize the undertones of mood by the tilt of the grandmother’s head. In 2011, British scientists published a study examining the lives of 17,000 children. It became clear that the level of mental well-being was highly correlated with future success.

At what age should you develop emotional intelligence?

At 2-4 years old, children fully recognize basic emotions: happiness, sadness, sadness, fear. The better a kindergarten visitor understands emotions, the more words he knows to denote them, the fewer behavioral problems he will have.

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How to develop emotional intelligence in children from 2 to 7 years old

Psychologist and teacher at the House of Gnome children's center Irina Belyaeva recommends four steps to develop emotional intelligence in children under 7 years old.

• Show emotion. You can depict different feelings, draw faces, show close-ups from cartoons.
• Name emotions. The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence has even developed a special mood scale, on the axes of which you need to mark your state and name it. It is especially important to notice happy moments: “You are very inspired. It seems like inspiration struck you. I see you’re flattered.” By talking with children about positive experiences, we expand their picture of the world.
• Ask your child to act angry, confused, and confused.
• Discuss personal experience. In what situations did the child experience certain emotions, what helped? At the same time, it makes sense to decipher bodily signs: what I feel and in what place. Is there a pounding in my temples, is there a lump in my throat, and where did these tears come from? What does the other person’s body language want to say: is he interested in listening to me or is he trying to stay awake?

It is useful to create books of emotions. The child's face with comments is pasted in there. “At this point I got angry and clenched my fists.” An important knowledge for a child is that emotions are not forever, they pass, they change, and they can also be influenced.

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How to develop emotional intelligence in children from 7 to 10 years old

Clinical psychologist, psychotherapist Ekaterina Blyukhterova, creator of the Home Psychology Workshop, advises the following steps.

• Show your parental emotions. The child needs to know that dad is not just running to the pond with a changed face, but he is very, very angry that hamster houses were made from his shoes. “Mom is worried, grandfather is euphoric, uncle is afraid of thunderstorms” - children need to not only say this, but also show it through facial expressions and body language.
• Voice the child's feelings. Even at 8 years old, it’s not easy to figure out what’s happening to you until a parent says: “I see you’re restless because of frustration.” At the same time, it is important to support and console the child.
• Do not put a ban on children's feelings, but find a socially acceptable way out for them. “Let’s cry, and then we’ll go into the closet to stomp our feet and tear up napkins.”
• Use therapeutic stories that offer a strategy for behavior in a difficult situation for the child. “One girl also came to the new class...”

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How to develop emotional intelligence in teenagers

All of the above points can help teenagers. What you should pay special attention to.

• A teenager's provocative behavior can easily be confused with emotional deafness. From the age of 12, children begin to have a biological program for separation from their parents, so teenagers do many things so that they can quickly be told: “It seems that it’s time for you!”
• It is important for parents to recognize that the child has a lot of complex, new and disruptive sensations, and not to reject or devalue them. You can remember yourself at this age, talk about your experience and sympathize with the person who is going through all this now.
• It is useful to discuss books and films about moral dilemmas and difficult moral choices. This will help the teenager look at the world through the eyes of another person.

And what works?

Yes, it works. Research from the University of British Columbia, the University of Illinois at Chicago, and Loyola University summarizes the results of emotional intelligence programs that Americans have implemented in schools and unanimously declares that children do indeed experience improved mental health, social skills, and educational outcomes. Moreover, all this turns out to be useful even years later.

What to read on the topic

Psychologist Irina Belyaeva recommends books to parents “Emotional Intelligence” by D. Goleman And “Emotional intelligence of a child” by D. Gottman and D. Decler. You can discuss emotions with children using children's books as an example: a play book is suitable for 3-year-olds Mikhail Yasnov “The Big Book of Emotions”, book Judith Viorst "Alexander and the Horrible, Horrible, No Good, Bad Day", series Ruse Lagerkrantz "My happy life" And Dorothy Edwards "My Naughty Sister". It is better to choose books with stories about children rather than anthropomorphic animals, since children are more likely to perceive stories about people as stories about themselves. From the age of 5 you can reflect on the books of Oscar Breniffier, for example “What are feelings?”. From 7 years old to old age - develop emotional intelligence with the help of fiction, cinema, art, even with the help of computer games. It is important to discuss with your child why there are such characters, such pictures, such music, such colors. Any good book has something to discuss: from “Sasha and Masha” Annie M.G. Schmidt to Hamlet and "The Brothers Karamazov".