Jokes about Vovochka. Jokes about Vovochka new Jokes to read about Vovochka

A collection of the funniest jokes about Vovochka.
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Teacher:
- Vovochka, would you like to go to heaven?
- Yes, but my mother told me to go straight home after school...

The teacher asks Vovochka:
- If I give you two apples, then two more apples, and then two more, how many apples will you have in total?
- Seven.
- Vovochka, count more carefully. If I give you two apples, then two more apples, and then two more, how many apples will you have in total?
- Seven.
- Okay, look. If I give you two pears, and then two more pears, and then two more, how many pears will you have?
- Six.
- You see now! What if it’s the same thing, but with apples???
- Seven.
- Why seven?
- Because I already have one apple.

Children, do you know that a tulip bud closes at night and opens again in the morning.
- Like a beer stall?
- Yes, Vovochka, like a beer stall.

What was the writer thinking about when creating his immortal monumental work? What do you think, children?
- About raising a new person, about our wonderful future, about the beauty of this world!
- And you, Vovochka, why are you silent?
- Then they paid line by line - he thought about grandmas...

On the Literature lesson:
- Vovochka, about whom Gorky wrote his work “At the Depths”.
- About submariners?..

Vovochka is asked:
- If you became president, what would you do?
- I would have stayed with them.

Vovochka, give us, from your point of view, an example of absolute stupidity.
- This is when a husband leaves his wife and goes to her twin sister.

Vovochka is asked:
- How does natural history differ from jurisprudence?
- There is less responsibility for ignorance of the laws of nature...

Vovochka, tell me what Pasternak wanted to say in his poem “Loving others is a heavy cross, but you are beautiful without twists...”
- What's better than a beautiful fool than a smart bastard?

Vovochka, he already lives here in our biology classroom, tell us the whole process of his changes during evolution,” the teacher said.
- This is what the school of Zmey Gorynych brought to!

Children, what can you say about the image of Tatyana Larina in Eugene Onegin?
- She was a lesbian.
- Vovochka, where did you get this from?
- Well, of course, Marivanna! Here it is directly written: “If only I had Hope, even rarely, even once a week...”.

Now let’s look at Vovochka’s essay. If you go to the right, you'll end up in shit; if you go to the left, you'll end up in shit; if you go straight, you'll end up in shit. Vovochka, what is this?!
- Spring, Marya Ivanovna!

The teacher told the students about great inventions and asked:
- Children, what would you like to invent?
- I would invent such a robot: press a button and the lessons are done!
- Petya, what a lazy person you are! What will Vova say?
- And I would invent a machine that would press this button!

Vovochka:
- Dad, this is the case. I need to help make some repairs in the physics room on Saturday. Well, take out the desks there, paint them, etc. I promised that you could help!
Father:
- What?!
Vovochka:
- Dad, there’s a young teacher there, unmarried, you’ll stir things up! I think about you first of all!
Father:
- Oh, okay, I persuaded you!
He returns home on Saturday evening and yells from the doorway:
- Vovochka, fuck you! Your teacher is an old purse, about 60 years old!
Vovochka:
- Dad, I'm sorry. Well, there’s no other way I wouldn’t have gotten a C in a year...

Vovochka stands in the rain. They shout to him:
- Vova, you’ll get wet and catch a cold! Hide quickly!
- If I get sick, we’ll eat raspberry jam, and we don’t even have to go to school. And if not, I’ll toughen up and be even stronger than Schwarzenegger himself!

All jokes are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

Funny jokes about Vovochka have long gained fame as one of the most popular and widespread jokes. If the story is about a little boy who did something weird somewhere, then it will definitely be a joke about Vovochka. Although there are a huge number of jokes on this topic, we still tried to select the funniest jokes about Vovochka and we hope that you will like our work and you will find funny jokes about Vovochka that you have not yet read or heard.

Vovochka noticed that his older brother shaved every evening and left somewhere in the car. Well, Vovochka was interested in where his brother was going. He hid under the back seat of the car and went with him. They arrive at the center, the brother picks up the heifer and takes her to the forest. In the forest he asks:
- Will you give in?
- No, I won’t give in!
- Then get out and walk home!
The chick got out and they went home. The next day Vovochka shaved, got on his bike, and went to the center. He picked up some girl, put her on a frame, and took her to the park. In the park he asks:
- Will you give in?
- I'll give in!
Vovochka thought and said:
- Then get on your bike and go home, and I’ll go on foot!

Dad and Vovochka are walking down the street and see two dogs.
- Dad, what are the dogs doing?
- You see, son, that dog upstairs injured its paw and can’t walk. And the one below is very kind and helps her walk.
- Dad, why are kind people always fucked?

At school teacher:
- Children, what is temptation?
“These are bananas and oranges,” says one.
“Gum, candy,” says another.
“This is the butt of a seventeen-year-old girl,” Vovochka says from the first desk.
- Get out of class! And to school tomorrow with my father!
The next day, Vovochka comes to school without her father and sits at the last desk. The teacher asks why father didn’t come and why Vovochka sat at the last desk.
“Dad said that if a seventeen-year-old’s ass is not a temptation for a teacher, then he is a homosexual and you should stay away from him.”

Marya Ivanovna:
- Children, come up with a sentence with the phrase “..., as I, in fact, expected...”. Come on, Vitya!
- Dad went on a business trip and brought me a gift, as I, in fact, expected.
- Well done! Now you, Petya.
- In the evening I baited a place in the pond, and in the morning I caught a whole bucket of fish there, as I, in fact, expected.
- Fine! Come on, Vovochka.
- Katka Puzyreva from the parallel class does excellent m@@et...
- Get out of class, and don’t come without your parents!!!
- As I actually expected...

The postman brings a registered letter and rings the doorbell. The door is opened by a boy of about eight years old, in one hand he has a bottle of cognac, in the other a huge Havana cigar. The postman squeezes out in amazement:
- Uh... are your parents home?
The boy casually flicks the ash from his cigar onto the carpet, winks and answers:
- What do you think?

English lesson. A guy sat at the back desk - an inspector from RONO. A young teacher writes an English phrase on the board and asks her students to translate it. The class is silent, and suddenly Vovochka reaches out from the second to last desk. The teacher hesitated, but there was nothing to do - she called.
Vovochka:
- That's an ass. I'd like to plant it now!
The teacher, blushing with shame:
- Vovochka, how can you!!!
Vovochka, turning to the man:
- If you don’t know English, there’s nothing to suggest!

Lesson at school. Children talk about their parents.
Peter:
- My dad is a traffic cop, we have a lot of money, we live in abundance.
Masha:
- My mother is a prostitute, we have a lot of money, we live in abundance.
Vovochka:
- And my dad is a truck driver. If it were not for traffic cops and prostitutes, then we would live in abundance

Biology lesson. The teacher says to the children:
- Children! Do you know that the stamen and pistil of flowers are organs
reproduction.
From the back desk Vovochka:
- Fuck. And I smelled them.

The teacher asks the students what they are going to become when
will grow up.
Petenka: I will be a doctor.
Kolenka: I will be an astronaut.
Mashenka: I will be a mother.
Vovochka: I will help Mashenka become a mother.

Vovochka is sitting in class. he's being naughty and doesn't want to do anything
(Marya Ivanovna) Vovochka, have you learned the poems?
(Vovchka) No, I forgot.(
(Marya Ivanovna) Well, you’ll have to put 2
(Vovchka) This is not fair! When I become president, I will fire you!!!
(Marya Ivanovna) Sit down, Putin! don't be a clown.

Dad asks Vovochka when he comes home:
- What grades did you get at school today?
- Two in physical education...
After a SPECIFIC thrashing, dad asks:
- For what?
Vovochka:
- The teacher says “Raise your left leg”, then “raise your right leg”...
Father (with great surprise):
- So, are you supposed to stand on the f*ck?
Vovochka (downcast):
- I also asked...

The teacher scolds Vovochka:
- Do you really only know how to count to ten? I just can’t imagine who you think you’ll become...
- Boxing judge!

Father - Vovochka:
- Well, son, what will you please dad with today?
- Dad, all the things that can please you, the boys and I drank yesterday!

Vovochka told the teacher in the first lesson:
- Mary Vanna, I'm too smart for first grade! Let me go straight to the third one!
She brings him to the director: so, so and so. Director:
- Well! Let's check it out! And how much, Vova, will it be 3 x 3?
Vovochka:
- 9!
- Right! How much is 6 x 6?
- 36!
- Right! I think, Mary Ivanna, we can transfer him to 3rd grade!
Mary Ivanna:
- Let me ask him about his logical thinking! What is it, Vovochka, the cow has 4, and I have two?
Vovochka (after thinking):
- Legs!
- Hmm, what do you have in your pants that I don’t?
The crazy director didn’t even have time to open his mouth before Vova said:
- Pockets!
Teacher:
- That's right, come on, Vova, go to third grade!
Director:
- But I think, Mary Vanna, that Vova can be immediately transferred to the 5th grade, because I myself was wrong on the last two questions!

Vovochka, why did you get a D in dictation?
- The teacher dictates: “In the evenings, our mothers go for a walk on the boulevard.”
And I wrote: “My mother is not like that!”

The teacher calls Vovochka to the board:
- I didn’t learn my lesson.
- Sit down, two.
- Don’t bet, I can crow like a rooster!
The rooster crowed:
- Well, that's a three.
- And I can walk on the ceiling!
Walked along the ceiling:
- Well, that's a four.
- Do you want me to spit on you and make you smell like French perfume?
He spat.
- Something doesn’t smell like perfume.
- And even a four is enough for me.

Vovochka puts on rubber boots. Mom tells him:
- Vovochka, it’s dry outside, there’s no mud or puddles.
“I’ll find it,” he answers cheerfully.

Vovik at the world map. Reads the names of the islands and dreams:
- Japan - Yaponchik, Taiwan - Taiwanchik. I'll probably be a Singaporean.

Vovochka comes home from school sad, his dad asks him:
(Dad) - What happened?
(Vovochka) - Everything is fine.
(Dad) - Come on, tell me what happened!
(Vovochka) - Well... In general, we had a labor lesson, the guys and I were carrying glue and accidentally spilled it...
(Dad) - So what? Should I come to school for you now?
(Vovochka) - No, that’s not the point, the young teacher slipped and stuck herself.
(Dad) - Have you even torn her off?
(Vovochka) - Yes, some three times.

Vovochka comes home from school:
- I want to notify all interested parties that I, Vovochka, showed myself to be a complete idiot in front of the whole class today when, during a sex education lesson, I repeated stories about storks told to me by some people living in this apartment.

• Forward >

Vovochka skipped classes, spending time at a construction site, and by the end of the fifth grade he was appointed as a foreman.

Vovochka farts loudly in class. Everyone starts holding their noses and looking around.
Marya Ivanovna:
“I’m asking for the last time, who did this?”
Vovochka reluctantly rises from her desk:
- It's me!
Marya Ivanovna, with all her strength, clutching her nose with a handkerchief:
- Leave the classroom immediately, you little monster!
Vovochka goes out into the corridor, breathes in clean air:
- Still, it pays to be honest!

Vovochka goes to her parents’ bedroom in the morning, but shit
locked.
Vovochka looks through the keyhole, her parents are there
making love. With a gloomy look he returns to his room:
- And these people!!! And these people forbid me to poke around in
nose!!!

Vovochka comes home from school and says:
- Mom, I need a photo of our dad.
- Why do you need it?
- Marya Ivanovna asked to show the idiot who did my homework.

Breakfast. Mom persuades Vovochka to eat semolina porridge:
- I won’t eat semolina for breakfast! I don’t like having a mess in my head in the morning!

The teacher, after checking Vovochka’s essay:
“It’s incredible how one person can make so many mistakes!”
- Why alone - with dad?

Vovochka asks her mother:
- Mom, tell me, where do children come from?
“I told you, the stork brings them.”
- I know it’s a stork. But who fucks the stork?..

At school in class:
- Vovochka, why are you chewing on your pen?
- Well, Marivanna, it’s a habit. I can't help it. When I think, I always do this.
- Your habit, Vovochka, is a complete waste for school! Quickly move away from the door and sit down!

The teacher addresses Vovochka:
- Tomorrow I want to see your parents!
- No problem, Marya Ivanovna, I’ll bring you a photo.

At school, the teacher asks the children which ones they know
prehistoric animals.
Mashenka: I know - there were mammoths!
(y): That's right, what else?
Vovochka: there were also paponts!
(y): who is this?
Vovochka: they fucked mammoths!!!

Vovochka comes home from school after the first day and says to his mother:
— Mom, today the teacher asked me if I have brothers and sisters who go to the same school as me.
“It was very kind of her to ask you about this.” And what did she say when you answered that you were the only child in the family?
“She answered: “Glory to you, Lord!”

Vovochka’s mother scolded him: if he’s late for dinner, he must remain silent at the table. Of course he was late again.
- Mom...
- Not a word!
- There…
- Shut up!
After lunch:
- Well, what did you want to say?
- Yes, nonsense! There's a little brother in the room pouring mayonnaise into dad's socks...

Vovochka came home from school.
“Did they call you today?” asked the father.
“They called,” Vovochka answers.
-So how is it?
They will call you tomorrow.

Vovochka approaches the teacher and says:
- Mary Ivanna, why did you give me a bad grade? I answered all the questions correctly! Here, look...

Question (Q): In what battle did Chelubey and Peresvet kill each other?
Answer (O): In my last one.

Q: Where was the Molotov-Ribbentropp Pact signed?
A: At the bottom of the page.

Q: What happens if you throw a stone into a lake?
A: It will get wet.

Q: How can you live 8 days without sleep?
A: I don't see any problems. Need to sleep at night.

Q: If you have 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand, and 4 apples and 3 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Very big hands.

Q: 8 people built a wall in 10 hours. How long will it take 4 people to build it?
A: Not for a second: it’s already built.

Q: How do you throw an egg on a concrete floor without breaking it?
A: No matter how hard you try, you can’t break a concrete floor with an egg.

During a literature lesson, Vovochka recites an excerpt from Eugene Onegin:
- If only I had hope even rarely, even once a week...
Marya Ivanovna:
- Well, Vovochka, have you forgotten again?
- No, I’m just thinking what a beautiful name Nadezhda is.

There is a biology lesson at school.
Teacher: - Vovochka, what part of the human body is this? (shows on poster)
Vovochka: - Ass!
Teacher: - There is no such word!!! (indignantly)
Vovochka: - How’s that?! There is an ass, but there is no word?!

Vovochka asks:
- Mom, how was I born?
- We found you in the cucumbers.
- How did my little sister appear?
- And we found it in cabbage.
The next day, Vovochka comes into her parents’ room and, finding them in bed doing an interesting activity, says:
- Well, is vegetable growing in full swing?

Vovochka comes to class with a swollen lip.
Marya Ivanovna:
- Vovochka, what happened?
“I was fishing with my father, and a wasp landed on my lip.”
- And what did you bite?
- No, dad killed him with an oar!

Second-grader Vovochka asks his parents traveling in the car with him:
- What time is it now?
They tell him:
- Look on your cell phone.
And in response to the fact that he forgot it at home, they insistently explain in two voices that when leaving the house, you must take your phone, keys and money with you.
- I'm going with you! - the son tries to justify himself.
- So what?! - the parents retort. - And if we stop at a store, and you get lost there, you won’t be able to call, you won’t get home on the bus without money, you won’t get into the apartment without the keys. What if suddenly there is an earthquake or flood?..
After lengthy parental notations, an additional question follows:
- Well, what conclusions did you draw from our conversation?
Vovochka, sad:
- I shouldn’t have asked you about the time...

On a walk in the park:
- Mom, I want to write!
- Quiet, Vovochka. You're big. You can’t say that, there are people all around. Speak - I want to whistle. Fine?
- Yes Yes. I really want to whistle!
Mom took Vovochka behind the tree, he did his business.
Night. Vovochka comes into her parents’ bedroom and pulls her sleeping dad by the hand:
- Dad, I want to whistle!
Dad, sleepy, looking at his watch:
- Vova, are you crazy? Two o'clock in the morning!
- But I really want it!
Dad tries to calm the child down:
- Vova, mom is sleeping, grandma is sleeping, everyone is sleeping. Go to bed, too, and tomorrow we’ll whistle together as much as you want.
Vovochka, almost crying and shifting from foot to foot:
- Dad, I can't stand it anymore. I'll whistle right now!
Dad, turning over on his side, falling asleep:
- Okay, whistle. Just quietly in my ear.

Vovochka came to school in first grade and immediately in the first lesson told the teacher:
- Marya Ivanovna, I’m too smart for first grade! Let me go straight to the third!
The teacher brings him to the director: so, so and so.
Director:
- Well! We'll check it now! And how much, Vova, is 3 times 3?
Vovochka:
— 9!
- Right! What is 6 times 6?
— 36!
- Right! I think, Marya Ivanovna, we can transfer him to 3rd grade!
Marya Ivanovna:
- Let's test him for logical thinking! What is it, Vovochka, the cow has four, and I have two?
Vovochka, thinking:
- Legs!
- Hmm, what do you have in your pants that I don’t?
The stunned director didn’t even have time to open his mouth before Vova said:
- Pockets!
Marya Ivanovna:
- That's right, come on, Vova, go to third grade!
Director:
- But I think, Marya Ivanovna, that Vova can be transferred straight to the 5th grade, because I was wrong on the last two questions!

— Children, school will give you knowledge that will help you earn money in the future...
- Marya Ivanovna! And on the Internet it is written that the most profitable professions in the world are selling weapons and selling drugs! What lesson will we take this in?