Our people will be considered the plot plan. Our people - let's be numbered (1850)
FACES:
Bolshov Samson Silych– merchant
Agrafena Kondratievna- his wife
Lipochka- their daughter
Podkhalyuzin- clerk
Ustinya Naumovna– matchmaker
Fominishna– housekeeper
Rispozhenskiy Sysoy Psoich- solicitor
Tishka- boy
Act one
Living room in Bolshov's house.
Ostrovsky. Our people - we will be numbered. Play
First appearance
Lipochka (sitting by the window with a book). What a pleasant activity these dances are! How good it is! What could be more amazing? You arrive at Sobranie or someone’s wedding, you’re sitting, naturally, all in flowers, dressed up like a toy or a magazine picture, suddenly a gentleman flies up: “Give me happiness, madam!” Well, you see: if a person has some kind of army concept, you just squint and answer: “If you please, with pleasure!” Oh! (with fervor) Ocha-ro-va-tel-but! This is simply mind-boggling! (Sighs.) Most of all, I don’t like dancing with students and clerks. Isn’t it a matter of being different from the military! Oh, lovely! Delight! And mustaches, and epaulettes, and a uniform, and some even have spurs with bells. The only killer thing is that there is no saber! And why do they untie her? Strange, by God! They themselves don’t understand how to shine more charmingly! After all, you should look at the spurs, how they ring, especially if a lancer or colonel paints them - a miracle! Admiring is cute and expensive! Well, he also attached a saber: you simply won’t see anything more interesting, you’ll hear enough of thunder better than music. What kind of comparison is there: military or civilian? A military man - you can see that now: dexterity and everything, but what about a civilian? So kind of inanimate! (Silence.) I wonder why so many ladies sit with their legs tucked under them? Formally, there is no difficulty in learning! That’s what I was ashamed of as a teacher, but in twenty lessons I definitely understood everything. Why not learn to dance? This is nothing but superstition! Mom used to get angry that the teacher would grab everyone by the knees. All this is due to lack of education! What importance! He is a dance master, not anyone else. (Thinks.) I imagine: suddenly a military man wooes me, suddenly we have a ceremonial conspiracy: candles are burning everywhere, waiters are walking around in white gloves; Naturally, I’m in a tulle or gauze dress, and suddenly they start playing a waltz. Oh, how embarrassed I am in front of him! Oh, what a horror! Where to go then? What will he think? Here, he will say, you are an uneducated fool! No, how is this possible! However, I haven’t danced for a year and a half! I'll try it now in my spare time. (Waltzing badly.) One... two... three... one... two... three...
Second phenomenon
Lipochka and Agrafena Kondratyevna.
Agrafena Kondratievna (entering). Yes, yes, shameless girl! It was as if my heart felt: not the light of day, without eating the bread of God, and immediately for the dance!
Lipochka. How, Mama, I drank tea and ate cheesecake. Look at this, okay? One, two, three... one... two...
Agrafena Kondratievna (chasing her). So what did you eat? I really need to watch how you commit sin!.. I’m telling you, don’t turn around!..
Lipochka. What a sin! Nowadays everyone is having fun with it. - One... two...
Agrafena Kondratievna. It’s better to hit the table with your forehead, and don’t be mischievous with your feet! (Runs after her.)- Why are you, why did you decide not to obey!
Lipochka. How not to obey whoever told you! Don't interfere, let me finish as needed! One two Three…
Agrafena Kondratievna. How long can I run after you in my old age! Wow, tortured me, barbarian! Do you hear me, stop it! I'll complain to my father!
Lipochka. Now, now, mommy! Last circle! That's why God created you, to complain. You yourself are not very significant to me! One, two...
Agrafena Kondratievna. How! You’re still dancing, and you’re still swearing! Give it up this minute! It will be worse for you: I’ll catch you by the skirt and tear off your entire tail.
Lipochka. Well, have fun! You'll have to sew it up! That's it! (Sits down.) Phew... phew... how she got wrapped up, as if she was carrying a cart! Wow! Give me a handkerchief, mummy, to wipe off the sweat.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Wait, I’ll wipe it myself! Look, I'm tired! But even to say that it was as if they were forced. If you don’t honor your mother, then Stan would be ashamed! Father, my dear, moves his legs with great strength, and here you are jumping like a spinning top!
Lipochka. Come with your advice! What do you think I should do? Are you going to get sick yourself? Here's a different manner, if only I were a doctor! Wow! What kind of disgusting concepts do you have! Oh! what are you, mama, by God! Really, sometimes I have to blush at your stupidity!
Agrafena Kondratievna. What a darling child! Please think about how she honors her mother! Oh, you stupid chatterbox! Is it really possible to vilify parents with such speeches? Did I really give birth to you, teach you, and take care of you more than a straw?
Lipochka. It was not you who taught - strangers; completeness, please; You yourself, to be honest, are not educated in anything. Well? You gave birth - what was I then? A child, a child without a concept, did not understand the address. And I grew up and looked at the secular tone, and I see that I am much more educated than others. Why should I indulge your nonsense! Why! There is an opportunity.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Calm down, hey, calm down, you shameless girl! If you drive me out of patience, I’ll go straight to my father, and I’ll kick myself at his feet, I’ll say, no life from my daughter, Samsonushko!
Lipochka. Yes, you have no life! I'm imagining. - Do I have anything to live from you? Why did you refuse your fiance? What is not an incomparable party? Why not capidon? What did you find gullible in him?
Agrafena Kondratievna. Or even a gullible one who was scoffing! It arrived, broke, broke, spun, spun. What a surprise!
Lipochka. Yes, you know a lot! It is known that he is a noble man and acts in a delicate manner. In their circle they always do this. - How else do you dare to defame such people whom you have no idea? He's not some kind of merchant. (Whispers to the side.) Darling, cutie!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Yes, good darling! Tell me please! It's a pity that they didn't give you away for a buffoon. After all, look, what a whim there is in you; After all, it’s you who are whispering under your mother’s breath out of spite.
Lipochka. There is a visible reason that you don’t want my happiness. You and your auntie are only making slander and being tyrannical.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well, think as you want. The Lord is your judge! And no one cares for their child as much as the mother’s womb! Here you are, fussing and digging up all sorts of nonsense, and my father and I are worrying day and night about how to find a good man for you and settle you in as quickly as possible.
Lipochka. Yes, it’s easy for you to talk, but let me ask, how does it feel for me?
Agrafena Kondratievna. Don't I feel sorry for you, don't you think? What can I do? Be patient a little, since you’ve been waiting for many years. After all, you can’t suddenly find a groom; soon only cats catch mice.
Lipochka. What do I care about your cats! I need a husband! What it is! It’s a shame to meet friends, in the whole of Moscow they couldn’t choose a groom - everyone was different and different. Who wouldn’t be touched to the quick: all my friends have been with their husbands for a long time, but I’m like an orphan! I found one, but they also refused him. Listen, find me a groom, definitely find one!.. I tell you ahead, definitely find one, otherwise it will be worse for you: on purpose, to spite you, I’ll secretly get an admirer, I’ll run away with the hussar, and we’ll get married on the sly.
Agrafena Kondratievna. What, what, dissolute! Who drove such bad things into you! Dear Lord, I can’t gather my courage... Oh, you stub of a dog! Well, there's nothing to do! Apparently, I'll have to call my father.
Lipochka. You just get along as father and father; You’re afraid to talk in front of him, but try it yourself!
Agrafena Kondratievna. So, what do you think, am I a fool? What kind of hussars you have there, your shameless nose! Ugh, devilish obsession! Ali, do you think that I have no power to order you? Tell me, your shameless eyes, why do you have such an envious look? Why do you want to be faster than your mother? I don’t have long, I’ll send pots to the kitchen to steam. Look! Look! Ah!.. Oh my mothers! I’ll sew a full-length sundress and put it on your head! I’ll put you with the piglets instead of their parents!
Lipochka. Why! Let me boss you around! Here's more news!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Shut up, shut up, tarant Egorovna! Give up the upper hand to your mother! Eco seed is disgusting! If you say a word, I’ll sew your tongue below your heels. The Lord has sent us consolation! The girl is rude! You are a boy, a scoundrel, and everything on your mind is not feminine! Ready, tea, jump on the horse like a soldier!
Lipochka. You, I imagine, will soon drag in all the watchmen. It would be better to remain silent if they were not brought up like that. I’m all bad, but what are you like after that? What, do you want to send me to the other world prematurely, to plague me with your whims? (Cries.) Well, perhaps I’m already coughing like a fly. (Cries.)
Agrafena Kondratievna (stands and looks at her). Well, that's enough, that's enough!
Lipochka cries louder and then sobs. Well, that's enough, that's enough! They tell you, stop it! Well, it's my fault, stop it, it's my fault. Lipochka is crying. Lipochka! Linden! Well, it will! Well, stop it! (Through tears.) Well, don't be angry with me (crying)...stupid woman...unlearned... (They both cry together). Well, forgive me... I’ll buy some earrings.
Lipochka (crying). What do I need your earrings for, my toilet is already full. And you will buy bracelets with emeralds.
Agrafena Kondratievna. I’ll buy it, I’ll buy it, just stop crying!
Lipochka (through tears). Then I will stop as soon as I get married. (Cries.)
Agrafena Kondratievna. Come out, come out, my darling! Well, kiss me! They kiss. Well, Christ is with you! Well, let me wipe away your tears. (Wipes.) Today Ustnya Naumovna wanted to come, and we’ll talk.
The third phenomenon
The same and Fominishna.
Fominishna. Guess, Mother Agrafena Kondratyevna, who deigns to come to us?
Agrafena Kondratievna. I can't say. What am I to you, a guessing grandmother, or what, Fominishna?
Lipochka. Why don’t you ask me if I’m stupider than you and Mama?
Fominishna. I don’t even know how to say it; In words you are very quick with us, but in reality you are not there. I begged and begged, not just for anything, just give me a handkerchief, you have two heaps lying around without any care, but it’s still not there, it’s all just strangers and strangers.
Agrafena Kondratievna. This, Fominishna, I won’t understand until the end.
Lipochka. Look at her! You know, the beer took a sip after breakfast, and stuck miracles here in a sieve.
Fominishna. Let's face it; Why laugh? What is the end, Agrafena Kondratievna, sometimes the beginning is worse than the end.
Agrafena Kondratievna. You won't be separated! If you start to interpret, then just flapping your ears. Who was it that came there?
Lipochka. Man or woman?
Fominishna. All the men in your eyes are jumping. Where have you seen that a man wears a cap? The widow's case - what should it be called?
Lipochka. Naturally, unmarried, widow.
Fominishna. So, is it true? And it turns out that she is a woman!
Lipochka. What a clueless one! Who is the woman?
Fominishna. That’s it, she’s smart, but not quick-witted: there’s no one else to be but Ustinya Naumovna.
Lipochka. Oh, mama, how opportune this is!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Where is she still? Lead her quickly, Fominishna.
Fominishna. She appears in a second: she stops in the yard and scolds the janitor: he didn’t open the gate soon enough.
The fourth phenomenon
The same with Ustinya Naumovna.
Ustinya Naumovna (entering). Oof, fa, fa! What is it with you, silver ones, what a steep staircase: you climb, you climb, you have to crawl.
Lipochka. Oh, yes, here she is! Hello, Ustinya Naumovna!
Ustinya Naumovna. Don't be in such a hurry! There are others older than you. Let's have a chat with mommy first. (Kissing.) Hello, Agrafena Kondratievna, how did you get up and spend the night, is everyone still alive, bright?
Agrafena Kondratievna. Glory to the creator! I live - I chew bread; I've been playing ball with my daughter all morning.
Ustinya Naumovna. Tea, everything about outfits. (Kissing Lipochka.) Now it's your turn. Why do you seem to have gained weight, emerald? Let's go, creator! What’s better than to bloom with beauty!
Fominishna. Ugh, you sinner! You might still jinx it.
Lipochka. Oh, what nonsense! It seemed so to you, Ustinya Naumovna. I’m getting weaker: sometimes I have colic, sometimes my heart beats like a pendulum; It’s as if you’re being washed away, or you’re floating on the sea, and melancholy ripples in your eyes.
Ustinya Naumovna (Fominishne). Well, you and I, God’s old lady, we’ll kiss by the way. True, they were saying hello in the yard, silver, so there was no need to move lips.
Fominishna. As you know. It is known that we are not masters, we are small fry, but we also have soul, not steam!
Agrafena Kondratievna (sitting down). Sit down, sit down, Ustinya Naumovna, you stand like a cannon on wheels! Go ahead and tell us, Fominigan, to warm up the samovar.
Ustinya Naumovna. Saw, saw, pearl; collapse on the spot - she drank and ran in just like that, for a minute.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Why are you, Fominishna, fooling around? Run, my mother, faster.
Lipochka. Excuse me, mummy, I’ll run quickly, you see how clumsy she is.
Fominishna. It’s not a trick where they don’t ask! And I, Mother Agrafena Kondratievna, think this: wouldn’t it be nicer to serve balsanza with herring?
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well, balsan is balsan, and the samovar is a samovar. Do you feel sorry for other people's goods? When it’s ready, tell them to bring it here.
Fominishna. Of course! I'm listening! (Leaves.)
Fifth appearance
The same without Fominishna.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well, is there anything new, Ustinya Naumovna? Look, my girl is completely homesick.
Lipochka. And in fact, Ustinya Naumovna, you walk and walk, but there’s no point.
Ustinya Naumovna. Look, it won’t take long for you to figure it out, braliant ones. Your little brother thinks he’s rich: he says, Fedot will even leave the gate, as long as there’s money, and he’ll give me less of a dowry. Mama, Agrafena Kondratyevna also strives for her own pleasure: you should definitely give her a merchant, so that he has a salary, and he would keep good horses, and he would cross his forehead in the old way. You have your own thing on your mind too. How can I please you?
Appearance Six
The same Fominishna comes in and puts vodka and a snack on the table.
Lipochka. I won’t marry a merchant, I won’t marry him for anything, - Is that why I was brought up like that: I learned French, and piano, and dancing! No no! Take it wherever you want, but get the noble one.
Agrafena Kondratievna. So you talk to her.
Fominishna. What did you get from these noble ones? What's that special flavor about them? Naked on naked, and there is no Christianity at all: he neither goes to the bathhouse, nor bakes pies on holidays; But even though you’ll be married, you’ll still get tired of the sauce and gravy.
Lipochka. You, Fominishna, were born among peasants and you will stretch your legs like a peasant. What do I care about your merchant! What weight can it have? Where is his ambition? Do I need his washcloth?
Fominishna. Not a washcloth, but God’s hair, madam, that’s right!
Agrafena Kondratievna. After all, your little brother is not some kind of fool, and his beard is not shabby either, but you kiss him somehow.
Lipochka. My darling is one thing, and my husband is another thing. Why are you bothering me, mama? I already said that I wouldn’t marry the merchant, so I still won’t! I’d rather die now, I’ll cry for the rest of my life: there won’t be enough tears, we’ll eat pepper.
Fominishna. Are you going to cry? And I couldn’t think! And how you like to tease, Agrafena Kondratyevna!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Who's teasing her? She's picky herself.
Ustinya Naumovna. Perhaps, since you have such an appetite, we’ll find you a noble one. Which one do you want: more solid or crispy?
Lipochka. Nothing thicker, he wouldn’t be small. Of course, it’s better to have a tall guy than some little guy, and most of all, Ustinya Naumovna, so that he doesn’t have a snub nose, he certainly has to be dark-haired; Well, of course, he should be dressed like a magazine. (Looks in the mirror.) Oh, my God! and now I’m all disheveled like a broom.
Ustinya Naumovna. And now I have a fiancé, just like you, the brilliant one, describe him as: noble, tall, and brule.
Lipochka. Ah, Ustinya Naumovna! Not brulee at all, but brunette.
Ustinya Naumovna. Yes, I really need, in my old age, to break my tongue in your way: as it was said, so it lives. And there are peasants, and an order around their necks; Just go and get dressed, and mummy and I will talk about this matter.
Lipochka. Oh, my dear, Ustinya Naumovna, come into my room already: I need to talk to you. Let's go, Fominishna.
Fominishna. Oh, you're a fiend to me! They will please.
Seventh Appearance
Agrafena Kondratyevna, Naumovna and Ustinya
Agrafena Kondratievna. Shouldn't we drink some balsanza before tea, Ustinya Naumovna?
Ustinya Naumovna. It’s possible, braliant, it’s possible.
Agrafena Kondratievna (pours). Eat to your health!
Ustinya Naumovna. Yes, you would have done it yourself first, Yakhontovaya. (Drinks.)
Agrafena Kondratievna. I'll still have time!
Ustinya Naumovna. Wah! ugh! Where do you get this potion?
Agrafena Kondratievna. From a wine shop. (Drinks.)
Ustinya Naumovna. Buckets of tea?
Agrafena Kondratievna. Buckets. What if it’s a little, will you stock up? We have a lot of expenses.
Ustinya Naumovna. What to say, mother, what to say! Well, I really worked, I worked hard for you, Agrafena Kondratievna, I cut, cut the pavement, and I dug up the groom: gasp, braliant, and that’s all.
Agrafena Kondratievna. It was with great effort that she uttered a clever word.
Ustinya Naumovna. Of noble birth and a significant person; such a nobleman that you have never seen in your dreams.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Apparently, you should ask Samson Silych for a couple of Arabs.
Ustinya Naumovna. It’s okay, pearl, I’ll take it. And there are peasants, and an organ on the neck, and how smart, it’s just a golden idol for you.
Agrafena Kondratievna. You should, Ustinya Naumovna, report ahead that we don’t have mountains for our daughter, they say, they are golden.
Ustinya Naumovna. Yes, he has nowhere to put his people.
Agrafena Kondratievna. That would be good, it’s painfully good; only this, Ustinya Naumovna, judge for yourself, mother, what I will do with my noble son-in-law! I can’t even say a word to him, it’s like being in the forest.
Ustinya Naumovna. It’s definitely pearly, wild at first, but then you get used to it, you’ll get by somehow. Yes, I need to talk to Samson Silych, maybe he knows him, this man.
The eighth phenomenon
The same and Rispozhensky.
Rispozhensky (entering). And I’m coming to you, Mother Agrafena Kondratievna. I was about to push towards Samson Silych, but I see he’s busy; So I’m thinking: I’ll go see Agrafena Kondratyevna. What is this, vodka? I, Agrafena Kondratievna, will have a glass. (Drinks.)
Agrafena Kondratievna. Eat, father, to your health! Please sit down; How do you live? Can you?
Rispozhensky. What a life we have! So, we smoke the sky, Agrafena Kondratievna! You know it yourself: the family is big, the affairs are small. But I don’t grumble, it’s a sin to grumble, Agrafena Kondratievna.
Agrafena Kondratievna. This is the last thing, father.
Rispozhensky. Whoever grumbles means he opposes God, Agrafena Kondratyevna. Here's the story...
Agrafena Kondratievna. What is your name, father? I forget everything.
Rispozhensky. Sysoy Psoich, mother Agrafena Kondratyevna.
Ustinya Naumovna. How is it so: Psovich, silver? What is this like?
Rispozhensky. I don’t know how to tell you for certain; my father’s name was Psoy - well, that means I’m Psoich and I’m going out.
Ustinya Naumovna. And Psovich, so Psovich; Well, that’s nothing, and it can be worse, braliant.
Agrafena Kondratievna. So what kind of story did you, Sysoy Psovich, want to tell?
Rispozhensky. So, Mother Agrafena Kondratyevna, there was a story: not so much a parable or some kind of fairy tale, but a true incident. I, Agrafena Kondratievna, will have a glass. (Drinks.)
Agrafena Kondratievna. Eat, father, eat.
Rispozhensky (sits down). There lived an old man, a venerable old man... Well, mother, I forgot where, but only in the side so... uninhabited. He had, my madam, twelve daughters - a little less. I can’t work myself, my wife is also an old woman, the children are still small, but I need to drink and eat. What was good, everyone lived into old age, there was no one to give water or food! Where to go with little kids? So he thinks like that, thinks like that - no, my madam, you can’t come up with anything here. “I’ll go,” he says, to the crossroads: “Will there be anything from willing donors?” One day he sits - God will provide, another day he sits - God will provide; Here he is, mother, and complained.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Ah, fathers!
Rispozhensky. Lord, he says, I’m not a bribe-taker, I’m not a covetous one... it’s better, he says, to lay hands on myself.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Oh, my father! Rispolozhensky. And be it, my madam, a dream in the night...
Bolshov enters.
Appearance Ninth
Same with Bolshov.
Bolshov. A! and you, master, are here! What are you preaching here?
Rispozhensky (bows). Is everyone healthy, Samson Silych?
Ustinya Naumovna. Why are you, yacht, seeming to have lost weight? What kind of injury did you get?
Bolshov (sitting down). He must have caught a cold, or the hemorrhoids were going away...
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well, then, Sysoy Psovich, what was next for him?
Rispozhensky. Afterwards, Agrafena Kondratyevna, after I’ll finish the story, when I’m free I’ll run into the twilight and tell you.
Bolshov. What are you doing, or have you taken up holiness? Ha, ha, ha! It's time to feel it.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well, you'll start! You won’t let me talk to my heart’s content.
Bolshov. To your liking!.. Ha, ha, ha... And you ask how his case disappeared from the court; He’d better tell you this story.
Rispozhensky. But no, it’s not lost! That’s not true, Samson Silych!
Bolshov. Why did they kick you out?
Rispozhensky. But for what, mother Agrafena Kondratyevna. I took one case home from court, but on the road with a friend I turned it away, the man is weak, well, you know... if I may say so, at least to the cellar... I left it there, but I must have forgotten it because I was drunk. Well, it can happen to anyone. Then, my madam, the court missed this case: they searched and searched, I even went to the house twice with an executor - no matter what! They wanted to put me on trial, but then I remembered that I must have forgotten it in the cellar. Let's go with the executor - it's there.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well! It’s not just the same with those who drink and those who don’t drink. What kind of trouble is this!
Bolshov. How come you weren’t exiled to Kamchatka?
Rispozhensky. And to Kamchatka! And why, let me ask you, why should I be sent to Kamchatka?
Bolshov. For what! For the disgrace! So should I indulge you? That way you'll end up drunk.
Rispozhensky. But they've forgiven me. Well, Mother Agrafena Kondratyevna, they wanted to put me on trial for this very thing. I’m going to our general now, banging at his feet. Your Excellency, I say! Don't ruin it! Wife, I say, the children are small! Well, he says, God be with you, they don’t beat someone who is lying down, so, he says, resign, so that I don’t see you here. So I forgave. Well! God bless him! He doesn’t forget me even now; sometimes you run to him at a holiday: what, he says, are you, Sysoy Psoich? Happy holiday, your Excellency, I came to congratulate you. I recently went to Trinity and brought him some mallow. I, Agrafena Kondratievna, will have a glass. (Drinks.)
Agrafena Kondratievna. Eat, father, to your health! And you and I, Ustinya Naumovna, let’s go, tea, the samovar is ready; let me show you, we have some new dowries.
Ustinya Naumovna. You already have plenty of tea prepared, braliantovaya.
Agrafena Kondratievna. What should I do? New materials have come out, but it’s as if we won’t pay money for them.
Ustinya Naumovna. What can I say, pearly! Your own store is like growing in a garden.
They leave.
The tenth phenomenon
Bolshov and Rispozhensky.
Bolshov. And what, Sysoy Psoich, tea, have you wasted a lot of ink in your lifetime with this chicanery?
Rispozhensky. Heh, heh... Samson Silych, the material is not expensive. I just popped in to see how you're doing.
Bolshov. You ran in! And you need to know what hurts! That’s why you are such a vile people, some kind of bloodsuckers: as soon as you sniff out something like that, then you’ll wind around here with your devilish instigation.
Rispozhensky. What kind of instigation can happen, Samson Silych, from me? And what kind of teacher am I when you yourself are perhaps ten times smarter than me? Whatever they ask me, I will do. Why not do it! I would have been a pig if I hadn’t done this, because I, one might say, have been blessed by you and the kids. And I’m still quite stupid to advise you: you yourself know your business better than anyone.
Bolshov. You know! That’s the trouble, that our brother, the merchant, is a fool, he doesn’t understand anything, and this plays into the hands of leeches like you. After all, now you’ll beat all my thresholds by dragging around.
Rispozhensky. How can I not drag myself around! If I didn't love you, I wouldn't bother coming to you. Don't I feel it? Am I really a brute or something, some kind of dumb?
Bolshov. I know that you love - you all love us; You just won’t get anything worthwhile from you. Now I’m struggling, struggling with the matter, I’m so exhausted, would you believe it, with just this one opinion. At least hurry up, or something, and get out of my head.
Rispozhensky. Well, Samson Silych, you are not the first, you are not the last; Is there something others don't do?
Bolshov. How not to do it, brother, and others do it too. And that’s how they do it: without shame, without conscience! They ride on recumbent foresters and live in three-story houses; another such belvedere with columns will show that he and his image are ashamed to enter there; and then it’s kaput, and there’s nothing to take from it. These strollers will go to God knows where, the houses are all mortgaged, will there be anything left for the creditors, maybe three pairs of old boots? That's all you have to do. Moreover, he will deceive someone: for example, he will let some poor people around the world in one shirt. And my creditors are all rich people, what will happen to them!
Rispozhensky. A well-known case. Well, Samson Silych, it’s all in our hands.
Bolshov. I know what’s in our hands, but will you be able to do this? After all, you are people too! I already know you! You are quick with words, but then you go fornication.
Rispozhensky. Why, Samson Silych, for mercy's sake, this is not my first time! You don’t even know this yet! heh, heh, heh... I did such things... but I got away with it. Someone else would have been sent away for such things a long time ago, where Makar didn’t send calves.
Bolshov. Oh? So what kind of mechanics do you recommend?
Rispozhensky. And there, depending on the circumstances. I, Samson Silych, will have a glass... (Drinks.) Now, the first thing, Samson Silych, is to mortgage the house and the shops or sell them. This is the first thing.
Bolshov. Yes, this definitely needs to be done in advance. Who can blame this burden on? But maybe for the wife?
Rispozhensky. Illegal, Samson Silych! It is illegal! The laws state that such sales are invalid. After all, it won’t take long to do it, and there won’t be any hooks left afterwards. You have to do it this way, Samson Silych, more firmly.
Bolshov. And the point is that there is no looking back.
Rispozhensky. Once you pin something on someone else, there’s nothing to complain about. Argue after, go, Against genuine papers.
Bolshov. The only problem is; As soon as you secure someone else’s house, he will probably get stuck there, like a flea in a war.
Rispozhensky. You are looking, Samson Silych, for such a person that he knows his conscience.
Bolshov. Where will you find him today? Nowadays everyone is trying to grab you by the collar, but you wanted conscience.
Rispozhensky. And here’s what I’m wondering, Samson Silych, whether you want to listen to me or not: what kind of person is our clerk?
Bolshov. Which? Lazarus, or what?
Rispozhensky. Yes, Lazar Elizarych.
Bolshov. Well, no Lazarus, so let him go; He is a guy with a concept, and he is a capitalist.
Rispozhensky. What do you order, Samson Silych: a mortgage or a deed of sale?
Bolshov. Anything less than a percent is a harp. As soon as you do everything in the Akurat, I’ll give you such a mogarych, Sysoy Psoich, just to say, you’ll get burned.
Rispozhensky. Rest assured, Samson Silych, we know our business. Did you talk to Lazar Elizarych about this matter or not? I, Samson Silych, will have a glass. (Drinks.)
Bolshov. Not yet. Let's talk about it today. He’s a smart guy, just blink at him and he’ll understand. And if he does anything, you won’t be able to put your finger on it. - Well, we’ll mortgage the house, and then what?
Rispozhensky. And then we’ll write a register that says this and that, twenty-five kopecks per ruble: well, go to the creditors. If someone balks too much, you can add more, and pay the other angry person everything... You pay him, and he should write that he received twenty-five kopecks from the deal, just for appearance’s sake, to show others. Well, so and so, well, others, looking at them, will agree.
Bolshov. That’s for sure, it doesn’t hurt to bargain: if they don’t take twenty-five, they’ll take half; and if they don’t take half a dime, then they will grab seven hryvnias with both hands. Still a profit. Whatever you say, I have a daughter who is fiancée, even now out of the woodwork and out of the yard. And yes, my brother, it’s time to rest; We would have laid ourselves lying on our sides, and to hell with all this trade. Yes, here comes Lazarus.
Appearance eleventh
The same and Podkhalyuzin (enters).
Bolshov. What do you say, Lazarus? Are you from the city, or what? How are you there?
Podkhalyuzin. Thank God, sir, it’s going little by little. Sysoy Psoich! (Bows.)
Rispozhensky. Hello, Father Lazar Elizarych! (Bows.)
Bolshov. And it goes, so let it go. (Pause.) But you, Lazar, when you made a ballanza for me in your spare time, would have taken into account the retail part of the master’s part, and the rest of what else is there. Otherwise we trade and trade, brother, but there’s not a penny of benefit. Or maybe the inmates are sinning, dragging it to their relatives and mistresses; I would admonish them a little. Why, without any profit, are we going to smoke the sky? Don't they know the trick? It's about time, it seems.
Podkhalyuzin. How is it possible, Samson Silych, not to know the skill? It seems like I’m always in the city myself, sir, and I’m always talking to them about it.
Bolshov. So what are you talking about?
Podkhalyuzin. It’s a well-known thing, sir, I try to keep everything in order and as it should be, sir. You, I say, guys, don’t yawn: you see just the right thing, the buyer, perhaps, some cuff turned up, or a color with a pattern the young lady liked, he took it, I say, and threw a ruble or two on an arshin.
Bolshov. Tea, brother, you know how the Germans rob the bars in our stores. Let’s assume that we are not Germans, but Orthodox Christians, and we also eat pies with filling. Is that true, huh?
Rispozhensky laughs.
Podkhalyuzin. The matter is clear, sir. And, I say, you also need to measure more naturally: pull and sip. just, just so that, God forbid, it doesn’t burst, because it’s not for us, I say, to wear afterwards. Well, if they gape, it’s no one’s fault, so you can, I say, just sneak an extra yard through your hand.
Bolshov. There’s only one thing: the tailor will steal it. A? Will it steal?
Rispozhensky. He will steal, Samson Silych will certainly steal; I already know these tailors.
Bolshov. That's it; They are all swindlers all around, but the glory is on us.
Rispozhensky. That's for sure, Samson Silych, otherwise you would like to tell the truth.
Bolshov. Eh, Lazar, the profits are bad these days: not the old times. (Pause.) What, did Vedomosti bring?
Podkhalyuzin (taking it out of his pocket and handing it over). Please get it, sir.
Bolshov. Well, let's see. (Puts on glasses and looks through.)
Rispozhensky. I, Samson Silych, will have a glass. (He drinks, then puts on glasses, sits down next to Bolshov and looks at the newspapers.)
Bolshov. (reads aloud). “Announcements from government and various societies: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6, from the Orphanage.” This is not our part, we don’t buy peasants. “7 and 8 from the Moscow University, from the Provincial Boards, from the Orders of Public Charity.” Well, that's over. "From the City Six-Voice Duma." Come on, is there anything! (Is reading.)“The Moscow City Six-Party Duma hereby announces: would anyone be willing to take into account the following quitrent articles?” It’s not our business: you have to present pledges. “The office of the Widow’s House hereby invites you...” Let him invite us, but we won’t go. "From the Orphan's Court." They themselves have neither father nor mother. (Looks further.) Hey! Look where it went! Listen up, Lazarus! “Such and such a year, September of such and such a day. according to the decision of the Commercial Court, the first guild, the merchant Fedot Seliverstov Pleshkov was declared an insolvent debtor; as a result of which..." What is there to interpret here! It is known that this happens as a result. That's Fedot Seliverstych! What an ace he was, but he went down the drain. What, Lazarus, doesn’t he owe us?
Podkhalyuzin. I should a little, sir. They took about thirty or forty pounds of sugar for the house.
Bolshov. This is bad, Lazarus. Well, he’ll give it to me in full as a friend.
Podkhalyuzin. Doubtful, sir.
Bolshov. We'll meet somehow. (Is reading.)“The Moscow first guild merchant Antip Sysoev Enotov was declared an insolvent debtor.” Is there anything behind this?
Podkhalyuzin. For Lenten oil, sir, for Lent they took a barrel of three sir.
Bolshov. These are dry eaters, fasters! And they strive to please God at someone else’s expense. You, brother, don’t believe this power! These people cross themselves with one hand, and climb into someone else’s bosom with the other! Here is the third: “Moscow merchant Efrem Lukin Poluarshinnikov of the second guild was declared an insolvent debtor.” Well, what about this one?
Podkhalyuzin. There is a bill, sir!
Bolshov. Protested?
Podkhalyuzin. Protested, sir. He's hiding himself, sir.
Bolshov. Well! And the fourth one is here, Samopalov. What, they conspired, or what?
Podkhalyuzin. Such a despicable people, sir.
Bolshov (turning sheets). You won’t be able to re-read them until tomorrow. Take it away!
Podkhalyuzin (takes the newspaper). They're just doing dirty tricks on the newspaper. All merchants have this kind of morality.
Silence.
Rispozhensky. Goodbye, Samson Silych, I’ll run home now: I have some things to do.
Bolshov. Yes, you should sit for a while.
Rispozhensky. No, by God, Samson Silych, this is not the time. I'll come see you early tomorrow.
Bolshov. Well as you know!
Rispozhensky. Farewell! Farewell, Lazar Elizarych! (Leaves.)
Appearance Twelfth
Bolshov and Podkhalyuzin.
Bolshov. So you know, Lazarus, what trade is like! You think that! So take the money for nothing. If not money, he will say, he saw how frogs jump. Here, he says, it’s a bill. And what will you take from others on the bill of exchange! Here I have a hundred thousand people lying around, and with protests; All you have to do is add it every year. I'll give everything for even half a piece of silver! You won’t find debtors for them, tea, even with dogs: those that have died out, and those that have run away, there is no one to put in a hole. And even if you put him in prison, Lazarus, he himself is not happy: the other one will hold on so much that you won’t be able to smoke him out of it with a cigarette. He says it’s good for me here, but you get lost. Is that right, Lazarus?
Podkhalyuzin. This is as usual.
Bolshov. Everything is a bill and a bill! What is this bill? So, paper, and that's all. And if you give it away at a discount, the interest will be so high that your stomach will growl, and then respond with your kindness. (Pause.) It’s better not to mess with the policemen: everything is in debt and in debt; But whether he brings it or not, he’ll bring it in blind change and in Arabic, you’ll see - no legs, no head, and for the little things there’s no rank for a long time. But here you are, as you wish! It’s better not to show it to the local merchants: he’ll go into any barn and do nothing but sniff, sniff, pick, pick, and then go away. It would be amazing if there weren’t any goods, what other way to sell them. One shop is mosquito, another is red, the third has groceries; so no, nothing is lucky. Don’t show up at the auction: they’re driving down prices worse than God knows what; and you’ll put on a collar, and give him a knitting, and Mogarychi, and treats, and all sorts of shortcomings with sag. That's it! Can you feel it?
Podkhalyuzin. It seems like I should feel it, sir.
Bolshov. This is what trading is like, so trade here! (Pause.) What do you think, Lazarus?
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, how to think, sir! It's as you please. Our business is subordinate.
Bolshov. What's important here: speak to your heart's content. I'm asking you about the matter.
Podkhalyuzin. This is again, Samson Silych, as you wish, sir.
Bolshov. I fixed one thing: as you wish. How are you?
Podkhalyuzin. I can't know that, sir.
More in (after a pause). Tell me, Lazarus, in all honesty, do you love me? (Silence.) Do you love it, or what? Why are you silent? (Silence.) He gave him water, fed him, and brought him out into the public, it seems.
Podkhalyuzin. Eh, Samson Silych! What's there to talk about, sir, don't doubt me! Just one word: that’s how it is, it’s all here.
Bolshov. So what are you all about?
Podkhalyuzin. Either way, you’ll be satisfied: I won’t feel sorry for myself.
Bolshov. Well, there's nothing to talk about. For me, Lazarus, now is the time; We have enough cash, all bills have come due. What are you waiting for? You'll probably wait for some of your own brother, a dog's son, to rob you clean, and then, lo and behold, he'll make a deal for a hryvnia for a ruble, and he's sitting on a million and doesn't want to give a damn about you. And you, an honest merchant, look and be executed, blink your eyes. So I’m thinking, Lazar, to offer the creditors this article: will they take twenty-five kopecks from me per ruble? How do you think?
Podkhalyuzin. And for me, Samson Silych, if you pay twenty-five, it’s more decent not to pay at all.
Bolshov. And what? After all, it’s true. You won’t surprise anyone with bravery, but it’s better to handle the business in a quiet manner. There after judge the lord at the second coming. It's just a lot of hassle. I will mortgage the house and shops to you.
Podkhalyuzin. It’s impossible without hassle, sir. Here the bills need to be sold for something, sir, the goods need to be transported to somewhere far away. Let's get busy, sir!
Bolshov. It is so. Yes, old man, I’m starting to get busy. Will you help?
Podkhalyuzin. For mercy, Samson Silych, I will climb into fire and water, sir.
Bolshov. That's better! What the hell is it like to make money there for pennies! He waved immediately, and it was a coven. Just here, God bless you with courage. Thank you, Lazarus. Made friends! (Rises.) Well, get busy! (Walks up to him and pats him on the shoulder.) If you do the job carefully, then we will share the profits with you. I will reward you for life. (Goes to the door.)
Podkhalyuzin. I, Samson Silych, besides your peace of mind, do not need anything, sir. Having worked with you since childhood and seeing all your good deeds, one might say, I was taken from the bench as a boy, therefore, I should feel.
Act two
Office in the house of Bolshov A. Straight ahead is the door, on the left side there is a staircase going up.
First appearance
Tishka (with a brush on the proscenium). Eh, life, life! That's what you sweep the floors with! Is it my business to take revenge? We are not like people! For other owners, if there is a boy, he lives in the boys, so he is present at the shop. And with us, here and there, all day long you shuffle along the pavement like crazy. You'll soon get tired of it, keep your pocket. Good people have a janitor to keep them going, but here he lies on the stove with the kittens or gets laid with the cook, but he’ll be the one to ask you. Others still have freedom; Sometimes you get fined for something or other, due to your youth it comes down to you; but with us - if it’s not the one, then the other, if not himself, then she herself will give a beating; and then here is the clerk Lazar, and then here is Fominishna, and then... all sorts of trash are commanding over you. What anathema life she is! And this is to escape from home, with three-leaf friends, or to fight against the wall - and don’t think better of it! Well, in my head, it’s really not the same! (Climbs onto the chair with his knees and looks in the mirror.) Hello, Tikhon Savostyanich! How are you? Are you all thank God? Come on, Tishka, throw away your knee. (Makes a grimace.) That's it! (Another one.) It's like... (Laughs.)
Second phenomenon
Tishka and Podkhalyuzin (sneaks and grabs him by the collar).
Podkhalyuzin. What are you doing, little devil?
Tishka. What? it is known that! I washed off the dust.
Podkhalyuzin. I erased it with my tongue! What kind of dust did you find on the mirror? I'll show you the dust! Look, it's breaking! But I’ll tape you upside the head, so you’ll know.
Tishka. Will know! What else would it be for?
Podkhalyuzin. And for what! If you talk, you’ll see why! Here's another peek!
Tishka. Yes, pick it up again! I’ll tell the owner that you won’t take anything!
Podkhalyuzin. I’ll tell the owner!.. What is your master to me... I, for that matter... is your master to me!.. That’s why you’re a boy, to teach you, but you thought that! They'll shoot you, don't beat you, and you'll never see any good. This prakhtika is well-known. I, brother, have walked through fires, waters, and copper pipes myself.
Tishka. We know that it has passed.
Podkhalyuzin. Whoa, little devil! (Swings.)
Tishka. Go ahead, try it! I won’t say anything, by God, I will!
Podkhalyuzin. What can you say, damn pepper shaker!
Tishka. What will I say? And the fact that you bark!
Podkhalyuzin. Important food! Look, what a master! Come on! Was there Sysoy Psoich?
Tishka. It is known that he was.
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, you little devil, speak clearly! Did you want to come in?
Tishka. I wanted to come in!
Podkhalyuzin. Well, then run away at your leisure.
Tishka. Ryabinovka, or what?
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, mountain ash. We need to treat Sysoy Psoich. (Gives money.) Buy half a glass and take the change for gingerbread. Just make sure you’re quick so you don’t get missed!
Tishka. A girl with short hair won't braid her hair. This is how you have to flutter around – in a lively manner.
Tishka leaves.
The third phenomenon
Podkhalyuzin (one). What a problem! This is where the trouble came to us! What should we do now? Well, that's bad! Now we cannot avoid being declared insolvent! Well, let’s say the owner will have something left, but what will I have to do with it? Where should I go? Selling dust in the aisle! He served and served for twenty years, and then he stepped off the pavement. How should this matter be judged now? A product, perhaps? I ordered the bills to be sold (takes it out and counts), it should probably be possible to use it here. (Walks around the room.) They say you need to know your conscience! Yes, it’s a well-known fact, you need to know your conscience, but in what sense should you understand this? Everyone has a conscience against a good person; and if he himself deceives others, then what kind of conscience is there! Samson Silych is a very rich merchant, and now he started this whole business, one might say, to pass the time. And I'm a poor man! Even if I use something extra in this matter, there is no sin; That’s why he himself acts unfairly, goes against the law. Why should I feel sorry for him? The line came out, well, don’t make a mistake: he is pursuing his own policy, and you drive away your article. I would have done something else with him, but I don’t have to. Hm! After all, such a fantasy will creep into a person’s head! Of course, Alimpiyada Samsonovna is an educated young lady, and, one might say, like no other in the world, but this groom won’t take her now, he’ll say, give me the money! Where can I get money? And now she can’t be a noble, because she has no money. Whether it’s early or late, you’ll have to give it up for the merchant! (Walks in silence.) And having collected some money, and bow to Samson Silych: they say, I, Samson Silych, am at such an age that I should think about procreation, and I, Samson Silych, did not spare my sweat and blood for your peace of mind. Of course, they say, Alimpiyada Samsonovna is an educated young lady, but I, Samson Silych, am no stranger, as you can see for yourself, I have capital and can limit myself to this subject. - Why not give it for me? Why am I not human? Not noticed in anything, respectful to elders! Yes, with all that Samson Silych mortgaged my house and shops, even a mortgage can be intimidating. And knowing the character of Samson Silych, what he is, this could very well happen. They have such an establishment: once something gets into their head, nothing can knock them out. It’s the same as in the fourth year they wanted to shave their beard: no matter how much they asked Agrafena Kondratyevna, no matter how much they cried, no, she says, after that I’ll let you go again, but now I’ll put it on my own, they took it and shaved it. So this is the thing: whether I make fun of them, or get into their head, tomorrow it’s down the aisle, and that’s it, and don’t you dare talk. Yes, from such pleasure you can jump off Ivan the Great!
The fourth phenomenon
Podkhalyuzin and Tishka.
Tishka (included with damask). Here I come!
Podkhalyuzin. Listen, Tishka, is Ustinya Naumovna here?
Tishka. Up there. Yes, and the stralulist is coming.
Podkhalyuzin. So you put the vodka on the table and get some snacks.
Tishka puts down the vodka and takes out the snacks, then leaves.
Fifth appearance
Podkhalyuzin and Rispozhensky.
Podkhalyuzin. Ah, ours for you, sir!
Rispozhensky. To you, Father Lazar Elizarych, to you! Right. I think, you never know, maybe that’s what’s needed. Is this your vodka? I, Lazar Elizarych, will have a glass. Somehow my hands began to shake in the morning, especially the right one; How to write something, Lazar Elizarych, I hold everything with my left hand. By God! And if you drink vodka, it’s better. (Drinks.)
Podkhalyuzin. Why are your hands shaking?!
Rispozhensky (sits down at the table). From care, Lazar Elizarych, from care, father.
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, sir! And I think so because you rob people too much. God punishes for untruth.
Rispozhensky. Eh, heh, heh... Lazar Elizarych! Where should we rob! Our little deeds We, like birds of heaven, peck at the grain one by one.
Podkhalyuzin. You, therefore, are more concerned with details|
Rispozhensky. You’ll be on the lookout for little things, if there’s nowhere to get them. Well, it’s not even just one, otherwise I have a wife and four children. Everyone is asking for food, my dears. One says - darling, give me, the other says - darling, give me. I assigned one to the gymnasium: I need a uniform, this, that! And where is the little house!.. You’ll wear out only your boots walking to the Resurrection Gate from Butyrok.
Podkhalyuzin. That's for sure, sir.
Rispozhensky. Why do you go: to whom you will pretend to be asking, to whom you will attribute to the bourgeoisie. Some days you won’t bring home even half a ruble in silver. By God, I'm not lying. What is there to live here? I, Lazar Elizarych, will have a glass. (Drinks.) And I think: I’ll run to Lazar Elizarych, see if he’ll give me some money.
Podkhalyuzin. And for what kind of offenses are these?
Rispozhensky. What kind of offenses! What a sin, Lazar Elizarych! Why am I not serving you? To the death of a servant, force him to do whatever you want. And I got you a mortgage.
Podkhalyuzin. After all, you've already been paid! And you don’t have to talk about the same thing!
Rispozhensky. That’s for sure, Lazar Elizarych, it’s been paid for. That's for sure! Eh, Lazar Elizarych, poverty has overcome me.
Podkhalyuzin. Poverty has overcome! It happens, sir. (He comes and sits down at the table.) But we have extra ones, sir: there’s nowhere to put them. (Places wallet on table.)
Rispozhensky. What, Lazar Elizarych, are you really superfluous? Are you kidding me?
Podkhalyuzin. Apart from any jokes, sir.
Rispozhensky. And if there are extra, then why not help the poor person. God bless you for this.
Podkhalyuzin. How much do you need?
Rispozhensky. Give me three rubles.
Podkhalyuzin. Why so little, sir?
Rispozhensky. Well, give me five.
Podkhalyuzin. And you ask for more.
Rispozhensky. Well, if you have mercy, give me ten.
Podkhalyuzin. Ten! So, for free?
Rispozhensky. What a waste! I’ll deserve it, Lazar Elizarych, we’ll get even someday.
Podkhalyuzin. It's all bullshit, sir. Julitta is coming, but someday she will be there. And now we’ll get into this matter: how much did Samson Silych promise you for all this mechanics?
Rispozhensky. I’m ashamed to say, Lazar Elizarych: a thousand rubles and an old raccoon fur coat. Nobody will take me less than me, by God, at least come and ask the price.
Podkhalyuzin. Well, so that’s it, Sysoy Psoich, I’ll give you two thousand, sir... for this same item, sir.
Rispozhensky. You are my benefactor, Lazar Elizarych! I will go into bondage with my wife and children.
Podkhalyuzin. One hundred silver now, sir, and the rest after, at the end of this whole incident, sir.
Rispozhensky. Well, how can you not pray to God for such people! Only some uneducated pig could not feel this. I will bow at your feet, Lazar Elizarych!
Podkhalyuzin. What's that for? Only, Sysoy Psoich, don’t turn your tail back and forth, but walk carefully, hit this point and turn on this line. Do you understand, sir?
Rispozhensky. How can you not understand! What are you, Lazar Elizarych, little, or what, I! Nora understand!
Podkhalyuzin. What do you understand? Here are some things, sir. Listen first. Samson Silych and I arrived in the city, and this register was brought as it should be. So he went to the creditors: he didn’t. I agree, the other disagrees; Yes, not a single one will go for this thing. This is what an article is.
Rispozhensky. What are you saying, Lazar Elizarych! A! Here you go! Here are the people!
Podkhalyuzin. How can we not go wrong with this matter now! Do you understand me or not?
Rispozhensky. That is, about insolvency, Lazar Elizarych?
Podkhalyuzin. There is inconsistency there in itself, but at the expense of my affairs.
Rispozhensky. Heh, heh, heh., that is, a house with benches... like that... a house... heh, heh, heh...
Podkhalyuzin. What?
Rispozhensky. No, sir, this is me, Lazar Elizarych, out of stupidity, as if for a joke.
Podkhalyuzin. Just for fun! And you're not joking about this, sir! It’s not like there’s a house here, I now have such a fantasy in my head about this subject that I need to have an extensive talk with you, sir! Come to me, Tishka!
Appearance Six
The same and Tishka.
Podkhalyuzin. Clean it all up here! Well, let's go, Sysoy Psoich!
Tishka wants to put away the vodka.
Rispozhensky. Wait, wait! Eh, brother, how stupid you are! You see that they want a thread, just wait. Just wait. You are still young, so be polite and condescending. I, Lazar Elizarych, have a glass.
Podkhalyuzin. Drink, but just hurry, just look, he’ll come.
Rispozhensky. Now, Father Lazar Elizarych, now! (Drinks and has a snack.) Yes, we’d better take her with us.
They leave. Tishka is tidying up some things; Ustinya Naumovna and Fominishna come down from above. Tishka leaves.
Fominishna. Solve her needs, Ustinya Naumovna! Look, the girl is completely exhausted, but it’s time, mother. Youth is not a bottomless pot, and even that, they say, empties itself. I already know this from myself. I was getting married when I was thirteen, and in a month she will have a blowjob when she turns nineteen. There's no point in tormenting her. Others in her time had taken their children out long ago. That's it, my mother, why bother her?
Ustinya Naumovna. I understand all this myself, silver, but it’s all up to me; My grooms are like greyhounds. Look, he and Mama are very picky.
Fominishna. Why take them apart! Well, it’s a known thing that people should be fresh, not bald, so that they don’t smell of anything, but no matter what, they’re all human.
Ustinya Naumovna (sitting down). Sit down, silver. I’m exhausted this day and every day, since early morning I’ve been moaning like some kind of scammer. But you can’t ignore anything; everywhere, therefore, there is a necessary person. It’s a well-known fact, silver, every person is a living creature; this one needs a bride, that one needs a groom, give it to him, and then somewhere there’s a wedding. And whoever composes it is me. Ustinya Naumovna take the rap for everyone. Why are you taking the rap? Because apparently it’s structured this way—since the beginning of the world, this wheel has been wound up. Exactly, we must tell the truth, they don’t bypass us for our efforts: who will put fabric on your dress, who will put on a shawl with fringes, who will make a cap for you, and where there is a gold one, where there will be more - it is known that it is worth what, depending on the strength of opportunity .
Fominishna. What to say, mother, what to say!
Ustinya Naumovna. Sit down, Fominishna, your legs are old and broken.
Fominishna. And, mother! once. After all, what a sin: somehow we don’t go out of town, we all go out of fear; Just look, a drunk will arrive. And how good it is, Lord! Some kind of mischief will arise!
Ustinya Naumovna. It’s a well-known thing: with a rich guy, you won’t soon figure out what the hell is going on.
Fominishna. We already saw passion from him. Last week, at night, he arrived drunk: he was so upset that he was sure. Passion and nothing more: smashing dishes... “Ugh!” - he says, “you are like that and such, I’ll kill you right away!”
Ustinya Naumovna. Lack of education.
Fominishna. It's true, mother! And I’ll run, dear, upstairs - Agrafena Kondratyevna is the only one there. When you go home, stop by and see me and I’ll tie a piece of leg for you. (Goes to the stairs.)
Ustinya Naumovna. I'll come in, silver, I'll come in.
Podkhalyuzin enters.
Seventh Appearance
Ustinya Naumovna and Podkhalyuzin.
Podkhalyuzin. A! Ustinya Naumovna! How many years, how many winters!
Ustinya Naumovna. Hello, living soul, how does it feel to jump?
Podkhalyuzin. What are we doing, sir? (Sits down.)
Ustinya Naumovna. Mamzelka, if you want, I’ll woo you!
Podkhalyuzin. Humbly thank us - we don’t need it yet.
Ustinya Naumovna. If you don’t want it yourself, silver one, I’ll give it to a friend. After all, you have friends around the city like dogs.
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, there is something like that, sir.
Ustinya Naumovna. Well, if there is, then thank God! Just a little bit of a groom, whether he is single, unmarried, or a widower of some kind, just bring him to me.
Podkhalyuzin. So are you going to marry him?
Ustinya Naumovna. So I'm getting married. Why don't you get married, and you won't look like a wife?
Podkhalyuzin. This is a good thing, sir. But now I’ll ask you, Ustinya Naumovna, why do you come to us so often?
Ustinya Naumovna. What sadness do you have! Why wouldn't I go? I’m not something stolen, I’m not a sheep without a name. What kind of demand are you?
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, sir, isn’t it in vain?
Ustinya Naumovna. How in vain? Why did you, silver one, come up with this! Look what kind of groom you found. “Noble sir, there are peasants, and they’re great.”
Podkhalyuzin. What was the matter, sir?
Ustinya Naumovna. Nothing happened! I wanted to come tomorrow and get acquainted. And then we’ll wrap it up, and it won’t take long.
Podkhalyuzin. Wrap it, try it, he will ask you after the soot.
Ustinya Naumovna. Are you healthy, yachtie?
Podkhalyuzin. You'll see!
Ustinya Naumovna. You won’t live to see the evening; You, diamond, are either drunk or completely crazy.
Podkhalyuzin. Don’t worry about this, if you please, think about yourself, and we know what we know.
Ustinya Naumovna. What do you know?
Podkhalyuzin. Little do we know, sir.
Ustinya Naumovna. And if you know something, tell us; Maybe the tongue won't fall off.
Podkhalyuzin. That’s the power of not being able to say anything.
Ustinya Naumovna. Why can’t you, you’re ashamed of me, braliant, say nothing, there’s no need.
Podkhalyuzin. This is not a matter of conscience. But tell me, you might end up babbling.
Ustinya Naumovna. I want to be anathema, if I say it, I give my hand to be cut off.
Podkhalyuzin. That's the same, sir. An agreement is better than money, sir.
Ustinya Naumovna. A well-known case. Well, what do you know?
Podkhalyuzin. But here’s the thing, Ustinya Naumovna: is it possible to refuse your fiancé, sir!
Ustinya Naumovna. What, henbane, have you eaten too much?
Podkhalyuzin. Haven't eaten anything! And if you want to speak from your heart, from your conscience, this is the kind of thing, sir: I have a Russian merchant I know, and they are very much in love with Alimpiyada Samsonovna, sir. What, he says, can’t be given, just to get married; I won’t regret anything, he says.
Ustinya Naumovna. Why didn’t you tell me before, diamond?
Podkhalyuzin. There was nothing to say, based on what I myself recently found out, sir.
Ustinya Naumovna. It's too late now, braliant!
Podkhalyuzin. What a groom, Ustinya Naumovna! Yes, he will shower you from head to toe with gold, sir, and make a fur coat out of live sables.
Ustinya Naumovna. Yes, my dear, you can’t! I would be glad with joy, but I gave my word.
Podkhalyuzin. Well, whatever you want, sir! And if you marry him for this, you will get into so much trouble that you won’t be able to get rid of it afterwards,
Ustinya Naumovna. Well, you judge for yourself with what snout I will show myself to Samson Silych? I told them a lot that I was rich and handsome and so in love that I couldn’t live, but now what will I say? After all, you yourself know what your little child Samson Silych is like, because he, at an uneven hour, will wrinkle his cap.
Podkhalyuzin. He won't remember anything, sir.
Ustinya Naumovna. Yes, and she teased the girl, she sends her twice a day: how is the groom, and how is the groom?
Podkhalyuzin. And you, Ustinya Naumovna, don’t run from your happiness, sir. Do you want two thousand rubles and a sable fur coat just to upset this wedding, sir? And for matchmaking we will have a special agreement, sir. I’m telling you, sir, that the groom is something you’ve never seen before, only here’s one thing: he’s not of noble origin.
Ustinya Naumovna. Are they really noble? That's the trouble, yacht! Nowadays the establishment is so vulgar that every bast shoe girl strives for the nobility. Even if Alimpiyada Samsonovna, of course, God grant her good health, favors her like a prince, but her origin is probably worse than ours. My father, Samson Silych, traded in sheep on Ba. tts-d chug; good people called me Samsoshka and gave me slaps on the head. Yes, and Mother Agrafena Kondratievna is almost a panevnitsa - taken from Preobrazhensky. And they made money and became merchants, so the daughter strives to become a princess. And all this is money. Here I am, the worse she is, but watch her tail. God knows what kind of upbringing he had either: he writes like an elephant crawling on its belly, in French, or on the pianoforte, too, here and there, and there’s nothing; Well, if I break off the dance, I’ll blow dust into my nose.
Podkhalyuzin. Well, you see, it’s much more decent for her to be a merchant.
Ustinya Naumovna. But how can I deal with my fiance, silver one? I really assured him that Alimpiyada Samsonovna is such a beauty, that she is a real patron for you, and educated, I say, and knows French and different manners. What am I going to tell him now?
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, and now you tell him the same thing, that, they say, she is beautiful, and educated, and has all sorts of manners, but, they say, they were upset about the money, so he himself will refuse!
Ustinya Naumovna. And what, it’s true, braliant! No, wait! Why! After all, I told him that Samson Silych doesn’t have a lot of money.
Podkhalyuzin. That's it, you're very quick to talk about. How do you know how much money Samson Silych has, what did you count?
Ustinya Naumovna. Yes, no matter who you ask, everyone knows that Samson Silych is a rich merchant.
Podkhalyuzin. Yes! You know a lot! What happens after you woo a significant person, but Samson Silych won’t give you the money? And after all this he will stand up and say: I am not a merchant, that you can deceive me with a dowry! Moreover, as a significant person, he will file a complaint in court, because a significant person has a way everywhere, sir: Samson Silych and I got caught, and you can’t get away either. After all, you yourself know that you can deceive our brother with a dowry and get away with it, but if you deceive a significant person, you will never get away with it.
Ustinya Naumovna. It's too much for you to scare me! Completely confused.
Podkhalyuzin. But you take a deposit of one hundred silver, and deal with it, sir.
Ustinya Naumovna. So you, yachtsman, say that two thousand rubles and a sable fur coat?
Podkhalyuzin. Exactly so, sir. Be at peace! “If you put on a sable fur coat, Ustinya Naumovna, and go out for a walk, someone else will think what a general’s wife.”
Ustinya Naumovna. What do you think, and really! As soon as I put on a sable fur coat, cheer up, and put my hands on my hips, your bearded brothers will open their mouths. They'll blow so hard that you can't flood them with a fire pipe; your wives will rip off your noses out of jealousy.
Podkhalyuzin. That's right, sir!
Ustinya Naumovna. Give me a deposit! Was not!
Podkhalyuzin. And you, Ustinya Naumovna, free spirit, don’t be timid!
Ustinya Naumovna. Why be timid? Just look: two thousand rubles and a sable fur coat.
Podkhalyuzin. I'm telling you, we'll make them out of the living. There's no need to interpret it!
Ustinya Naumovna. Well, goodbye, emerald! I'll run to the groom now. I'll see you tomorrow, so I'll tell you everything.
Podkhalyuzin. Wait! Where to run? Come to my place and let’s drink some vodka, sir. Quiet! Quiet!
Tishka enters.
Look, if the owner comes, then come running for me at that time.
They leave.
The eighth phenomenon
Tishka (sits down at the table and takes money out of his pocket). Half a ruble in silver is what Lazar gave today. Yes, the other day, when Agrafena Kondratyevna fell from the bell tower, they gave her a ten-kopeck coin, and she won a quarter in a toss, and the owner forgot a third of the rubles on the counter. What a lot of money! (Counts to himself.)
Tishka. What else is there?
“Are you at home, Laaar?”
It was there, but it all came out!
“Where did he go, Lord?”
How do I know; Why is he asking me! If only I had asked, I would have known.
Fominishna comes down the stairs.
What do you have there?
Fominishna. But Samson Silych arrived, but he was intoxicated.
Tishka. Phew! Gotcha!
Fominishna. Run, Tishka, for Lazarus, my dear, run quickly!
Tishka is running.
Agrafena Kondratievna (shows on the stairs). What, Fominishna, mother, where is he going?
Fominishna. No way, mother, here! Oh, I’ll lock the doors, by God, I’ll lock them; let him go up, and you, my dear, sit here.
Go, father, go to sleep, Christ is with you!
Bolshov. (behind the doors). What, you old hag, have you gone crazy?
Fominishna. Oh, my darling! Oh, I'm blind! But show me like a fool that you came drunk. Excuse me, I have become deaf in my old age.
Samson Silych enters.
Appearance Ninth
Fominishna and Bolshov.
Bolshov. Was there a solicitor?
Fominishna. And they cooked, father, cabbage soup with corned beef, fried goose, and fight.
Bolshov. Have you eaten too much henbane or something, you old fool!
Fominishna. No, father! She punished the cook herself. Big. Go away! (Sits down.)
Fominishna goes through the door, Podkhalyuzin and Tishka enter.
Fominishna (returning). Oh, I'm a fool, a fool! Don't blame your bad memory. - The cold little pig has completely lost his mind.
The tenth phenomenon
Podkhalyuzin, Bolshov and Tishka.
Bolshov. Get back to the pigs! Fominishna leaves. (To Tishka.) Why did you open your mouth! Don't you care?
Podkhalyuzin (Tishke). I think they told you!
Tishka leaves.
Bolshov. Was there a solicitor?
Podkhalyuzin. Was with!
Bolshov. Have you spoken to him?
Podkhalyuzin. But what, Samson Silych, does he feel? You know, inky soul, sir! One thing is fine - to be declared insolvent.
Bolshov. Well, to show up, to show up, is one end.
Podkhalyuzin. Oh, Samson Silych, what are you saying?
Bolshov. Well, should I pay the money? Where did you get this from? Yes, I’d rather burn everything with fire, and I won’t give them a penny. Transport goods, sell bills, let them drag and steal whoever wants, and I’m not their payer.
Podkhalyuzin. Have mercy, Samson Silych, our establishment was such an excellent one, and now everything must be in disarray.
Bolshov. What do you care? It wasn't yours. Just try - you won’t be forgotten from me.
Podkhalyuzin. I don’t need anything after your blessing. And it’s in vain that you have such a story about me. I am now ready to give my whole soul for you, and not just to make some kind of mistake. You are moving towards old age, Agrafena Kondratievna is a pampered lady, Alimpiyada Samsonovna is an educated young lady even at such age; It is necessary to take care of her too, sir. And now these circumstances: you never know what can happen from all this.
Bolshov. What could happen? I alone am responsible.
Podkhalyuzin. What can I talk about you! You, Samson Silych, have outlived your days, thank God, you have, but Alimpiyada Samsonovna, as you know, is a young lady like no other in the world. I’m telling you, Samson Silych, in all honesty, that is, how it’s all according to my feelings: if I’m trying for you now and putting in all my efforts, one might say, without sparing my sweat and blood, it’s more and more because I’m sorry me of your family.
Bolshov. Full, right?
Podkhalyuzin. Allow me, sir: well, let’s assume that this will all end well, sir, okay, sir. You will have something left to accommodate Alimpiyada Samsonovna. Well, there’s nothing to talk about this, sir; If there was money, there would be suitors, sir. Well, what a sin, God forbid! When they find fault, they start dragging them through the courts, and the whole family will be subject to a kind of morality, and also, perhaps, they will take away all their property: they will have to endure hunger and cold and without any charity, like some defenseless chicks. Yes, God forbid! What will happen then? (Cries.)
Bolshov. What are you crying about?
Podkhalyuzin. Of course, Samson Silych, I say this for example - in good times, to remain silent, in bad times, one cannot speak; But the enemy is strong - he is shaking mountains.
Bolshov. What should you do, brother, you know, this is God’s will, you can’t go against it.
Podkhalyuzin. That's right, Samson Silych! But still, according to my stupid reasoning, if I could settle Alimpiyada Samsonovna for the time being as a good person, then, at the very least, she would be behind a stone wall, sir. Yes, the main thing is that a person has a soul, that’s how he will feel. And then he wooed Alimpiyada Samsonovna, the noble one, and turned the shafts back.
Bolshov. How to go back? Why did you come up with this?
Podkhalyuzin. I, Samson Silych, didn’t make it up, you ask Ustinya Naumovna. He must have heard something, who knows.
Bolshov. Come on! According to my business, this is no longer necessary.
Podkhalyuzin. You, Samson Silych, take this into account: I am a stranger, not a relative, but for your well-being I don’t know peace either day or night, and my heart is exhausted; and for him they give a young lady, one might say, an indescribable beauty; and they still give him money, sir, but he breaks down and puts on airs - well, does he have a soul after all this?
Bolshov. Well, if he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t have to, we won’t pay!
Podkhalyuzin. No, you, Samson Silych, think about this: does a person have a soul? I’m a complete stranger, but I can’t see all this without tears. Understand this, Samson Silych! Anyone else wouldn’t bother to worry so much about someone else’s business, sir; but now you even drive me away, even beat me, but I won’t leave you; That’s why I can’t - my heart is not like that.
Bolshov. But how can you leave me: the only hope now is that you. I myself am old, things are getting tight. Wait: maybe we’ll do something else that you don’t expect.
Podkhalyuzin. I can’t do this, Samson Silych. Understand from this: I’m not that kind of person at all! To another, Samson Silych, of course, it doesn’t matter, sir, he can’t even grow grass, but I can’t, sir, you can see for yourself, sir, whether I’m bothering or not, sir. Like the devil, I’m killing myself now because of your business, sir, because I’m not that kind of person, sir. This is done out of pity for you, and not so much for you as for your family. If you please know for yourself, Agrafena Kondratyevna is a pampered lady, Alimpiyada Samsonovna is a young lady, the likes of which are not known in the world, sir...
Bolshov. Is it really not in the world? Isn’t that what you are, brother?..
Podkhalyuzin. What, sir?.. No, I’m okay, sir!..
Bolshov. That's it, brother, you better speak frankly. Are you, perhaps, in love with Alimpiyada Samsonovna?
Podkhalyuzin. You, Samson Silych, may be joking.
Bolshov. What a joke! I'm asking you this without joking.
Podkhalyuzin. For mercy, Samson Silych, do I dare to think this, sir.
Bolshov. Why wouldn’t you dare? What kind of princess is she?
Podkhalyuzin. Although not a princess, how could you have been my benefactor and instead of my own father... No, Samson Silych, for mercy’s sake, how is this possible, sir, really I don’t feel it!
Bolshov. So you don't love her then?
Podkhalyuzin. How can you not love, sir, for mercy, it seems, more than anything else in the world. No, sir, Samson Silych, how is this possible, sir.
Bolshov. You would say that I love you more than anything in the world.
Podkhalyuzin. How can you not love it, sir! If you please, judge for yourself: I think day, I think at night... I mean, it’s a well-known thing, Alimpiyada Samsonovna is a young lady, like no other in the world... No, that’s impossible, sir. Where are we, sir!..
Bolshov. Why can’t you, you idiot?
Podkhalyuzin. How can it be, Samson Silych? How, having known you as my own father, and Alimpiyada Samsonovna, and again knowing myself what I mean, where am I with a cloth snout, sir?
Bolshov. Nothing made of cloth. Snout like a snout. If only you had intelligence in your head, you would be smart, God rewarded you with this goodness. So, Lazar, should I woo you Alimpiyada Samsonovna, huh?
Podkhalyuzin. For mercy's sake, do I dare? Alimpiyada Samsonovna, maybe they won’t want to look at me, sir!
Bolshov. Important matter! I can’t dance to her tune in my old age. For whom I command, he will go for him. My brainchild: I want to eat it with porridge, I want to churn butter. - You talk to me.
Podkhalyuzin. I don’t dare, Samson Silych, to talk to you about this, sir. I don't want to be a scoundrel against you.
Bolshov. What a stupid brother you are! If I didn't love you, why would I talk to you like that? Do you understand that I can make you happy for the rest of your life!
Podkhalyuzin. Why don’t I love you, Samson Silych, more than my own father? May God punish me!.. What kind of brute I am!
Bolshov. Well, do you love your daughter?
Podkhalyuzin. I'm exhausted all over! My whole pretense turned upside down a long time ago, sir!
Bolshov. Well, if your soul is spoiled, then we will correct you. Own, Thaddeus, Pasha Malanya.
Podkhalyuzin. Daddy, why are you complaining? But I’m worth it, I’m not worth it! And my face is completely different.
Bolshov. Well, her face! But I’ll transfer all my property to you, and then the creditors will regret that they didn’t take twenty-five kopecks.
Podkhalyuzin. They'll regret it, sir!
Bolshov. Well, now you go to the city, and really go to the bride: we’ll play a joke on them.
Podkhalyuzin. I’m listening, darling! (Leaves.)
Act three
Decoration for the first act.
First appearance
Bolshov (enters and sits on a chair, looks around the corners for a while and yawns). This is life; truly it is said: vanity of vanities and all vanity. The devil knows, you won’t even be able to figure out what you want. If only you had a bite to eat, you’d ruin dinner, but sitting there would make you feel stupefied. Ali would like to be pampered with some tea or something. (Silence.) That's how it is: a man lived and lived, and suddenly he died - and so everything goes to dust. Oh, my God, my God! (Yawns and looks around the corners.)
Second phenomenon
Agrafena Kondratyevna and Lipochka (dressed up).
Agrafena Kondratievna. Go, go, my little one; the door is more careful, don’t catch it. Look, Samson Silych, admire, my sir, how I dressed my daughter up! Ew, go away! What is your peony rose! (To her.) Oh you, my angelica, princess, my little cherum! (To him.) Is it true, Samson Silych? If only she could ride in the carriage with a gear.
Bolshov. Even a couple will pass by - not a great landowner!
Agrafena Kondratievna. It’s already known that she’s not the General’s daughter, but just as she is, a beauty!.. Yes, take care of the child, you’re muttering like a bear.
Bolshov. How else can I take a sip? Should I lick my hands or bow to my feet? What an incredible thing! We've seen better things.
Agrafena Kondratievna. What did you see? So something, but this is your daughter, your blood child, you are a man of stone.
Bolshov. So what about daughter? Thank God - shod, dressed, fed; what else does she want?
Agrafena Kondratievna. What do you want! Are you, Samson Silych, crazy, or what? Fed! You never know if you're fed! According to Christian law, everyone must be fed; and they look down on strangers, not just their own, - but it’s a sin to say to people: no matter what, my dear child!
Bolshov. We know that she is dear, but what else does she need? Why are you explaining these parables to me? You can’t put it in a frame! We understand that the father.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Yes, if you, father, are a father, then don’t be a father-in-law! It’s time, it seems, to come to your senses; you have to part soon, but you won’t even say a kind word; It would be useful to advise something like this from everyday life. You don’t have any parental customs!
Bolshov. But no, so what’s the problem; therefore, God created it this way.
Agrafena Kondratievna. God created! What are you doing? After all, she too seems to be a divine creation, or isn’t she? Not some kind of animal, God forgive me!.. Yes, ask her something.
Bolshov. What kind of demand am I? The goose is not the pig's friend: do as you want.
Agrafena Kondratievna. But in fact, we won’t ask, you’re a bit of a pokemon. A person will come as a stranger, an outsider, after all, try it on as you want, but a man - not a woman - will ride on him for the first time without even seeing him.
Bolshov. They said leave me alone.
Agrafena Kondratievna. You are such a father, and you are also called dear! Oh, you, my abandoned child, stand there like some orphan with your head bowed. They abandoned you, and they don’t even want to know; Sit down, Lipochka, sit down, my darling, my beloved treasure! (Sits down.)
Lipochka. Oh, leave me alone, mummy! They completely crushed it.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well, then I’ll look at you from afar!
Lipochka. Please take a look, but don’t fantasize! Php, mummy, you can’t dress decently: you’ll immediately get emotional.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Yes, yes, child! But when I look at you, it’s like this pity.
Lipochka. Well, you have to someday.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Still, it’s a pity, little fool: we were raised, raised, and raised, but for no reason at all we are given away to strangers, as if we were tired of you and bored with your stupid little childishness, with your meek behavior. Now we’ll drive you out of the house, like a thief from the city, and then we’ll catch you and come to our senses, and there’s nowhere to take you. Judge, good people, what it’s like to live in someone else’s far side, choking on someone else’s piece, wiping away tears with your fist! Yes, God have mercy, it will turn out to be uneven, an uneven fool will impose himself, or what a fool - a stupid son! (Cries.)
Lipochka. So you suddenly burst into tears! Really, what a shame, mom! What kind of fool is that?
Agrafena Kondratievna (crying). Yes, that’s what they say, by the way.
Bolshov. What could you possibly be fussing about? Let me ask you, you don’t know.
Agrafena Kondratievna. I don’t know, father, oh, I don’t know: I found this verse.
Bolshov. That's stupid. Your tears are cheap.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Oh, they are cheap, father, they are cheap; I myself know that they are cheap, but what can I do?
Lipochka. Wow, mama, how are you suddenly! Completeness! Well, suddenly he comes - what a good thing!
Agrafena Kondratievna. I’ll stop, child, I’ll stop; I'll stop now!
The third phenomenon.
The same and Ustinya Naumovna,
Ustinya Naumovna (entering). Hello golden ones! Why are you so unhappy - are you hanging your nose?
They kiss.
Agrafena Kondratievna. And we've been waiting for you.
Lipochka. What, Ustinya Naumovna, will she arrive soon?
Ustinya Naumovna. I'm guilty, now I'm going to fail, I'm guilty! But our silver affairs are not very good!
Lipochka. How? What's the news?
Agrafena Kondratievna. What else did you come up with?
Ustinya Naumovna. And then, braliant, that our groom is somehow wrinkled.
Bolshov. Ha, ha, ha! And also a matchmaker! Where can you find a match?
Ustinya Naumovna. He stood his ground like a horse - whoa, whoa, whoa; You won’t get any good words out of him.
Lipochka. What is this, Ustinya Naumovna? How about you, really!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Ah, fathers! How can this be?
Lipochka. How long has it been since you saw him?
Ustinya Naumovna. This morning it was. He came out as is in only his dressing gown; and already he regaled it - it can be attributed to honor. And he ordered coffee and rumka, and then he piled up crackers - apparently and invisibly. Eat, says Ustinya Naumovna! I was talking about something, you know, something needs to be decided; I say, you wanted to go today to get acquainted; but he didn’t say anything worthwhile to me about it. “Here,” he says, after thinking about it and taking some advice, he just tugs on his belt.
Lipochka. Why is he being sentimental through his sleeves? Really, it’s really sickening to watch all this continue.
Agrafena Kondratievna. And is it really that it breaks? Are we worse than him?
Ustinya Naumovna. Oh, peck the frog, why don’t we find another one?
Bolshov. Well, don’t look for anything else, otherwise the same thing will happen again. I’ll find you another one myself.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Yes, you will find it, sitting on the stove; You’ve already forgotten, it seems that you have a daughter.
Bolshov. But you'll see!
Agrafena Kondratievna. What to see! There's nothing to see! Don't tell me, please don't upset me. (Sits down.)
Bolshov laughs. Ustinya Naumovna moves with Lipochka to the other side of the stage. Ustinya Naumovna examines her dress.
Ustinya Naumovna. Look how dressed up you are - the dress you’re wearing is so fashionable. Didn't she make it herself?
Lipochka. This is terribly necessary! What do you think we are, beggars? And what about madams?
Ustinya Naumovna. Wow, you are already beggars! Who tells you such nonsense? Here they talk about the housekeeping, that you didn’t sew it yourself, but, well, your dress is rubbish.
Lipochka. What are you, what are you! Are you crazy? Where are your eyes? Why did you want to embarrass yourself?
Ustinya Naumovna. Why are you so angry?
Lipochka. What an opportunity! I will tolerate such nonsense. What kind of uneducated girl am I?
Ustinya Naumovna. Where did you get this from? Where did you get such a whim? Am I blaspheming your dress? Whatever it is, it’s a dress, and everyone will say it’s a dress. Yes, it’s not suitable for you, because of your beauty, it’s not at all necessary - my soul disappears if I’m lying. Gold is not enough for you: give us something embroidered with pearls. - So she smiled, emerald! I know what I'm saying!
Tishka (included). Sysoy Psovich was ordered to ask if it was possible to ascend. They are there, from Lazar Elizarych
Bolshov. He went, call him here, and with Lazarus.
Tishka leaves.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well, it’s not for nothing that the appetizer is prepared – so let’s have a bite. And you, tea, Ustinya Naumovna, have you been wanting vodka for a long time?
Ustinya Naumovna. A well-known thing - the admiral's hour - is the real time.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well, Samson Silych, move away from where you are sitting.
Bolshov. Wait, they’ll come up – you’ll still have time.
Lipochka. Mama, I’ll go and undress.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Come, child, come.
Bolshov. Wait until you undress, the groom will arrive.
Agrafena Kondratievna. What kind of groom is there - he's just fooling around.
Bolshov. Wait, Lipa, the groom will arrive.
Lipochka. Who is this, darling? Do I know him or not?
Bolshov. But you’ll see, and maybe you’ll find out.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Why are you listening to him, what kind of jester will come! This is how my tongue itches.
Bolshov. They tell you that he will come, so I know what I’m saying.
Agrafena Kondratievna. If someone really comes, then you should have said it in the right way, otherwise they will come, they will come, and God knows who will come. It's always like this.
Lipochka. Well, then, Mama, I’ll stay. (He goes to the mirror and looks, then to his father.) Baby!
Bolshov. What do you want?
Lipochka. I'm ashamed to say, darling!
Agrafena Kondratievna. What a shame, you fool! Speak when you need to.
Ustinya Naumovna. Shame is not smoke - it will not eat your eyes.
Lipochka. No, by God, it’s a shame!
Bolshov. Well, shut up if you're embarrassed.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Do you want a new hat?
Lipochka. Well, you guessed wrong, it’s not a hat at all.
Bolshov. So what do you want?
Lipochka. Marry a military man!
Bolshov. Wow, what did you take out!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Axe, you dissolute one! Christ is with you!
Lipochka. Well, others are coming out.
Bolshov. Well, let them go out, and you sit by the sea and wait for the weather.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Don’t you dare stutter with me! I won’t even give you a parental blessing.
The fourth phenomenon
The same Lazarus, Rispozhensky and Fomiishna (at the door)
Rispozhensky. Hello, Father Samson Silych! Hello, Mother Agrafena Kondratyevna! Olympiada Samsonovna, hello!
Bolshov. Hello, brother, hello! Please sit down! Sit down too, Lazarus!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Would you like to have a snack? And I have a snack prepared.
Rispozhensky. Why, mother, don’t you have a snack? I would like to have a glass now.
Bolshov. But now let's all go together, and now let's talk a little.
Ustinya Naumovna. Why not talk! Well, my dears, I heard that it was published in the newspaper, is it true or not, that another Bonaparte has been born, and as if, my dears...
Bolshov. Bonaparte Bonaparte, and we most of all hope for God's mercy; and that’s not what we’re talking about now.
Ustinya Naumovna. So what are you talking about, Yakhontovy?
Bolshov. And the fact that our years are advancing in old age, our health is also interrupted every minute, and only the creator knows what will happen in the future: so we decided, even during our lifetime, to give our only daughter in marriage, and in considering the dowry, we can also hope that she will not ostracize our capital and origin, but equally and in front of others
Ustinya Naumovna. Look, as he so sweetly says, brilliant.
Bolshov. And since now our daughter is here, and for all that, being confident in the honest behavior and sufficiency of our future son-in-law, which is very sensitive for us, in the consideration of God’s blessing, we appoint him as Teverite in the public eye. - Lipa, come here.
Lipochka. What do you want, darling?
Bolshov. Come to me, I won’t bite you, I suppose. Well, now you, Lazarus, crawl.
Podkhalyuzin. Long time ready, sir!
Bolshov. Well, Lipa, give me your hand! Lipochka. Like, what kind of nonsense is this?
Lipochka. Why did you come up with this?
Bolshov. Worse yet, I’ll take it by force!
Ustinya Naumovna. Here's to you, grandma, and St. George's Day!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Lord, what is this?
Lipochka. I don't want, I don't want! I won't marry someone so disgusting.
Fominishna. The power of the cross is with us!
Podkhalyuzin. Apparently, darling, I won’t see happiness in this world! Apparently, it won’t happen at your request!
Bolshov (takes Lipochka and Lazar by force). How can it not happen if I want it? What am I and a father good for if I don’t give orders? Was it for nothing that I fed her?
Agrafena Kondratievna. What you! What you! Come to your senses!
Bolshov. Know your cricket! None of your business! Well, Lipa! Here's your groom! Please love and favor! Sit down next to each other and talk well - and then have an honest feast and for the wedding.
Lipochka. Why, I really need to sit with an ignoramus! What an opportunity!
Bolshov. If you don’t sit down, I’ll force you to sit down and make you simper.
Lipochka. Where have you seen well-mannered young ladies marry their employees?
Bolshov. Better shut up! I tell you, you will marry me as a janitor. (Silence.)
Ustinya Naumovna. Please understand, Agrafena Kondratyevna, what kind of trouble this is.
Agrafena Kondratievna. My dear, I was eclipsed, just like a closet. And I can’t understand where this came from?
Fominishna. God! I’ve been alive for ten years, I’ve celebrated so many weddings, but I’ve never seen such badness.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Why did you, murderers, disgrace the girl?
Bolshov. Yes, I really need to listen to your fanfare. I wanted to marry my daughter to a clerk, and I will stand my ground, and don’t you dare talk; I don’t even want to know anyone. Now let’s go get something to eat, and let them play around, maybe they’ll get along somehow.
Rispozhensky. Come on, Samson Silych, and I’ll have a glass with you for company. And this, Agrafena Kondratyevna, is the first duty, so that children obey their parents. This was not started by us, and it will not end by us.
Everyone gets up and leaves except Lipochka, Podkhalyuzin and Agrafena Kondratyevna.
Lipochka. What is this, Mama? What did they get, a cook or something? (Cries.)
Podkhalyuzin. Mama! You can’t find a son-in-law who would respect you and, therefore, put your old age to rest - besides me, sir.
Agrafena Kondratievna. How are you, father?
Podkhalyuzin. Mama! God put such an intention in me, because, sir, the other one won’t even want to know you, mama, and I am to the death of my life (crying) must feel, sir.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Ah, father! How can this be?
Bolshov. (from the door). Wife, come here!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Now, father, now!
Podkhalyuzin. You, mama, remember this word that I just said
Agrafena Kondratyevna leaves.
Fifth appearance
Lipochka and Podkhalyuzin.
Silence.
Podkhalyuzin. Alimpiyada Samsonovna, sir! Alimpiyada Samsonovna! But it seems you abhor me! Say at least one word, sir! Let me kiss your hand.
Lipochka. You are an uneducated fool!
Podkhalyuzin. Why do you, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, deign to offend?
Lipochka. I’ll tell you once and for all that I won’t marry you, I won’t.
Podkhalyuzin. It's as you please, sir! You won't be nice by force. I’ll just tell you this, sir...
Lipochka. I don’t want to listen to you, leave me alone! No matter how courteous a gentleman you are: you see that I don’t want to marry you for any treasure, you should refuse.
Podkhalyuzin. So you, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, deign to say: refuse. Only if I refuse, what will happen then?
Lipochka. Otherwise it will happen that I will marry a noble man.
Podkhalyuzin. For the noble one! A noble man will not take you without a dowry.
Lipochka. Without a dowry? Why are you making a fuss! Look at the dowry I have, it will catch your eye.
Podkhalyuzin. Rags, sir! A noble man won't take rags. The noble man needs money, sir.
Lipochka. Well! Dad will give you money too!
Podkhalyuzin. Okay, whatever! What if you have nothing to give? You don’t know daddy’s affairs, but I know them very well: your daddy is bankrupt, sir.
Lipochka. How's the bankrupt? What about the house and the shops?
Podkhalyuzin. And the house and shops are mine, sir!
Lipochka. Yours?! Come on! Why do you want to fool me? You found yourself stupid!
Podkhalyuzin. But we have legal documents! (Takes it out.)
Lipochka. So you bought it from daddy?
Podkhalyuzin. I bought it!
Lipochka. Where did you get the money?
Podkhalyuzin. Money! We, thank God, have more money than some noble.
Lipochka. What is this they are doing to me? They brought them up, they brought them up, and then they went bankrupt!
Silence.
Podkhalyuzin. Well, suppose, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, that you marry a noble man - but what will be the point of that, sir? Only one glory is that of a lady, but there is no pleasantness at all, sir. If you please judge, sir: ladies often go to the market on foot, sir. And if they go somewhere, it’s only glory that they’re four, and worse than one, they’re with a merchant. By God, it's worse, sir. They don’t dress too pompously either, sir. And if you, Alimpnyada Samsonovna, marry me, sir, then the first word: you will wear silk dresses at home, sir, but on visits or to the theater, sir, we will not wear anything other than velvet ones. When discussing hats or coats, let’s not look at different noble decorums, but let’s put on whichever one is more wonderful! We'll get Oryol horses. (Silence.) If you have doubts about the physiognomy, then, as you please, sir, we will also put on a tailcoat and shave the beard, or cut it in fashion, sir, it’s all the same for us, sir.
Lipochka. Yes, you all say that before the wedding, and then you deceive.
Podkhalyuzin. You can’t leave your place, Alimpiyada Samsonovna! I want to be anathema if I lie! What is it, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, why are we going to live in a house like this? We’ll buy it in Karetny Ryad, sir, and we’ll paint it like this: we’ll paint birds of paradise, sirens, and various capids on the ceilings—they’ll just give us money if they look at it.
Lipochka. Nowadays they don’t draw capids.
Podkhalyuzin. Well, we'll send them bouquets. (Silence.) If only you would agree, otherwise I don’t need anything in life. (Silence.) How unhappy I am in my life that I can’t give any compliments.
Lipochka. Why don’t you, Lazar Elivarich, speak French?
Podkhalyuzin. And for the fact that we have nothing to do with it. (Silence.) Make me happy, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, show me such kindness, sir. (Silence.) Order him to kneel.
Lipochka. Stand!
Podkhalyuzin becomes.
What a nasty vest you have
Podkhalyuzin. I’ll give this one to Tishka, sir, and I’ll order it for myself on Kuznetsky Most, just don’t ruin it! (Silence.) Well, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, sir?
Lipochka. Let me see.
Podkhalyuzin. But what to think about, sir?
Lipochka. How can you not think?
Podkhalyuzin. Don't think so.
Lipochka. You know what, Lazar Elizarych!
Podkhalyuzin. What do you want, sir?
Lipochka. Take me away slowly.
Podkhalyuzin. But why do it slowly, sir, when little daddy and mommy agree?
Lipochka. Yes, that's what they do. Well, if you don’t want to take him away, then, perhaps, so be it.
Podkhalyuzin. Alimpiyada Samsonovna! Let me kiss your hand! (He kisses, then jumps up and runs to the door.) Daddy, sir!..
Lipochka. Lazar Elizarych, Lazar Elizarych! Come here!
Podkhalyuzin. What do you want, sir?
Lipochka. Oh, if you only knew, Lazar Elizarych, what a life I have here! Mama has seven Fridays a week; Daddy, even if he’s not drunk, is silent, but even if he’s drunk, he’ll kill him in no time. What is it like for an abused young lady to endure! If I had married a noble man, I would have left home and forgotten about all this. And now everything will go back to the old way.
Podkhalyuzin. No, sir, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, this will not happen! We, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, as soon as we have the wedding, we will go to our own house, sir. And we won’t give them command, sir. No, it’s over now, sir! That's enough for them - they've done something weird in their time, now it's time for us!
Lipochka. Yes, you are so timid, Lazar Elizarych, you don’t dare say anything to your father, but with a noble man they would talk a little.
Podkhalyuzin. That’s why I’m timid, sir, because it was a subordinate matter - it’s impossible, sir. I don’t dare argue. And how we live in our own home, no one can tell us. But you are all talking about the noble ones. Will the noble one love you as much as I will love you? The noble man is at work in the morning, and wanders around the clubs in the evening, and his wife must sit alone at home without any pleasure. Do I dare to do this? All my life I must try to give you every pleasure.
Lipochka. So look, Lazar Elizarych, we will live on our own, and they on their own. We will run everything according to fashion, and they will run it the way they want.
Podkhalyuzin. This is as usual, sir.
Lipochka. Well, now call auntie. (Gets up and preens himself in front of the mirror.)
Podkhalyuzin. Dad, sir! Dad, sir! Mama!..
Appearance Six
Podkhalyuzin (goes towards Samson Silych and rushes into his arms). Alimpiyada Samsonovna vows, sir! |
Agrafena Kondratievna. I'm running, father, I'm running.
Bolshov. Well, that's it! Same thing. I know what I'm doing, it's not up to you to teach me.
Podkhalyuzin (to Agrafena Kondratyevna). Mama! Let me kiss your hand.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Kiss, father, both are clean. Oh, child, how could it be like this just now, huh? By God! What is this? And I didn’t even know how to judge this matter. Oh, my darling!
Lipochka. Mama, I had no idea at all that Lazar Elizarych was such a courteous gentleman! And now I suddenly see that he is much more respectful than others.
Agrafena Kondratievna. That's it, you fool! Your father won't wish you any harm. Oh, my dear! What a parable, isn't it? Oh, my mothers! What is this? Fominishna! Fominishna!
Fominishna. I run, I run, mother, I run. (Enter.)
Bolshov. Wait, Taranta! So you sit down next to us, and we’ll look at you. Yes, give us a bottle of fizz.
Podkhalyuzin and Lipochka sit down.
Fominishna. Now, father, now! (Leaves.)
Seventh Appearance
The same ones, Ustinya Naumovna and Rispozhensky.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Congratulate the bride and groom, Ustinya Naumovna! God brought us to our old age and we lived to see joy.
Ustinya Naumovna. But what can I congratulate you with, emerald green ones? The dry spoon hurts my mouth.
Bolshov. But we'll wet your throat.
The eighth phenomenon
The same ones, Fominishna and Tishka (with wine on a tray).
Ustinya Naumovna. This is a different kind of thing. Well, may God grant you to live and grow younger, get fat and get rich. (Drinks.) Bitter, braliant!
Lipochka and Lazar kiss.
Bolshov. Let me congratulate you. (Takes a glass.)
Lipochka and Lazar get up.
Live as you know - you have your own mind. And so that your life won’t be boring, so here, Lazar, the house and shops will go to you instead of a dowry, and we’ll count it out of the cash.
Podkhalyuzin. Have mercy, darling, I’m already very pleased with you.
Bolshov. What's there to show mercy! He made his own property. I give it to whoever I want. Pour some more!
Tishka pours.
What's there to talk about? At the mercy of the court, no. Take everything, just feed the old woman and me and pay the creditors ten kopecks each.
Podkhalyuzin. Is it worth talking about this, darling? Is there something I don't feel? Our people - let's count!
Bolshov. They tell you, take everything, and the matter is over. And no one can tell me! Pay only creditors. Will you pay?
Podkhalyuzin. For mercy, my dear, the first duty, sir!
Bolshov. Just be careful - don’t give them too much. Otherwise, you, tea, are foolishly happy to give everything away.
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, darling, we’ll get along somehow. Have mercy, your people.
Bolshov. That's the same! Don't give them more than ten kopecks. It will be with them... Well, kiss!
Lipochka and Lazar kiss.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Oh, my darlings! How can this be so? Just like crazy.
Ustinya Naumovna. Where has this been seen, Where has this been heard, for a hen to give birth to a bull, and a little piglet to lay an egg!
He pours some wine and approaches Rispozhensky. Rispozhensky bows and refuses.
Bolshov. Drink, Sysoy Psoich, for joy!
Rispozhensky. I can’t, Samson Silych, it’s disgusting.
Bolshov. That's enough! Drink for joy.
Ustinya Naumovna. Still there, it breaks!
Rispozhensky. Abhorrent, Samson Silych! By God, it disgusts me. So I’ll have a glass of vodka! But nature does not accept this. Such a weak build.
Ustinya Naumovna. Oh, you wire neck! Look, his nature doesn’t accept him! Let me pour it down his collar if he doesn’t drink.
Rispozhensky. Indecent, Ustinya Naumovna! This is indecent for a lady. Samson Silych! I can’t, sir! Would I refuse? Heh, heh, heh, what kind of a fool am I that I would do such an ignorant thing; We’ve seen people, we know how to live; I’ll never give up vodka, maybe even now I’ll drink a glass! But I can’t do this - that’s why it disgusts me. And you, Samson Silych, don’t allow outrages; it doesn’t take long to offend, but it doesn’t do well.
Bolshov. Good on him, Ustinya Naumovna, good on him!
Rispozhensky is running.
Ustinya Naumovna (puts wine on the table). You're lying, vitriol soul, you won't leave! (Pushes him into a corner and grabs him by the collar.)
Rispozhensky. Guard!!
Everyone is laughing.
Act four
Podkhalyuzin’s house has a richly furnished living room.
First appearance
Olympiada Samsonovna sits by the window in a luxurious position; she is wearing a silk blouse and a cap of the latest style. Podkhalyuzin in a fashionable frock coat stands in front of a mirror. Tishka tugs at him and grooms him.
Tishka. Look how it’s fitted, just right!
Podkhalyuzin. What, Tishka, do I look like a Frenchman? A? Look from a distance!
Tishka. Two drops of water.
Podkhalyuzin. That's it, fool! Now look at us! (Walks around the room.) That's right, Alimpiyada Samsonovna! And you wanted to marry an officer, sir. Why are we not great? So they took a brand new frock coat and put it on.
Olympiada Samsonovna. Yes, you, Lazar Elizarych, don’t know how to dance.
Podkhalyuzin. Well, no, we won’t learn; Once we learn it, in the most important way. In winter we will go to the Merchant Assembly, sir. So know ours, sir! Let's dance the polka.
Olympiada Samsonovna. You, Lazar Elizarych, buy that stroller that you looked at from Arbatsky.
Podkhalyuzin. Why, Ayanmpiyada Samsonovna, sir! Give it to buy, give it, sir.
Olympiada Samsonovna. And they brought me a new mantel, so we could go to Sokolniki on Friday.
Podkhalyuzin. Well, sir, we’ll definitely go, sir; and we'll go to the Park on Sunday. After all, the carriage costs a thousand rubles, and the horses cost a thousand rubles and the harness is made of silver - so let them look. Quiet! phone!
Tishka leaves.
(Sits down next to Olympiada Samsonovna.) That's right, Alimpiyada Samsonovna! Let them look.
Silence.
Olympiada Samsonovna. Why don’t you, Lazar Elizarych, kiss me?
Podkhalyuzin. Why! Have mercy, sir! With our pleasure! Please give me a pen! (Kisses. Silence.) Tell me, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, something for me in the French dialect, sir.
Olympiada Samsonovna. What can I tell you?
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, say something - just a little, sir. I don't care!
Olympiada Samsonovna. Com vous et joly.
Podkhalyuzin. What is this, sir?
Olympiada Samsonovna. How sweet you are!
Podkhalyuzin (jumps up from chair). This is our wife, sir! Oh yes Alimpiyada Samsonovna! Respected! Please give me a pen!
Tishka enters with a pipe.
Tishka. Ustinya Naumovna has arrived.
Podkhalyuzin. Why the hell did he bring her?
Tishka leaves.
Second phenomenon
The same with Ustinya Naumovna.
Ustinya Naumovna. How do you live, can you, braliant?
Podkhalyuzin. With your prayers, Ustinya Naumovna, with your prayers.
Ustinya Naumovna (kissing). Why do you seem to have become prettier and swollen?
Olympiada Samsonovna. Oh, what nonsense you are talking about, Ustinya Naumovna! Well, where did you get this from?
Ustinya Naumovna. What nonsense, golden one; that's what it's all about. Rada is not happy - there is nothing to do!.. Love to ride, love to carry sleds!.. Why have you completely forgotten me, braliant ones? Haven't you had time to look around yet? That's it, tea, admiring each other and making almonds.
Podkhalyuzin. There is that sin, Ustinya Naumovna, there is that sin!
Ustinya Naumovna. That’s the same: what a trick I gave you!
Podkhalyuzin. Many are satisfied, Ustinya Naumovna, many are satisfied.
Ustinya Naumovna. I wouldn't be happy, golden one! What do you want? Now, you guys are always worrying about outfits. Have you done a lot of other fashionable things?
Olympiada Samsonovna. Not that much. And even more so because new matters have emerged.
Ustinya Naumovna. It’s a well-known fact, pearly, but a commissar can’t be without pants: even thin ones, but blue ones. Which ones did she concoct more - woolen or silk?
Olympiada Samsonovna. Various - both woolen and silk; Yes, I recently sewed a crepe with gold.
Ustinya Naumovna. How much do you have, emerald green?
Olympiada Samsonovna. But consider it; a wedding blond on a satin cover and three velvet ones - that will be four; two gas and crepe, embroidered with gold, that’s seven; three satin and three grosgrain - that's thirteen; Seven Grodenaples and Grodafrics are twenty; three marceline, two muslindeline, two chineroyal - is that a lot? - three and four seven, and twenty - twenty-seven; four crapeshelids is thirty-one. Well, there are also up to twenty pieces of muslin, cotton and chintz; Yes, there are blouses and hoods - either nine or ten. Yes, I recently sewed it from Persian fabric.
Ustinya Naumovna. Look, God bless you, how much you have accumulated. Go ahead and choose for me which one is wider from the Grodafrik ones.
Olympiada Samsonovna. I won’t give Grodafrikov, I only have three; Yes, it won’t fit around your waist; Perhaps, if you want, take crepe-chaff.
Ustinya Naumovna. What kind of Jew do I care about the ratchet: well, obviously there’s nothing to do with you, I’ll make peace with the satin one, so be it.
Olympiada Samsonovna. Well, the satin ones too - somehow not quite right, sewn in a ballroom style, very open - you know? And we’ll make a hood out of crepe shell, loosen the folds, and it will be just right.
Ustinya Naumovna. Well, let's talk about it! You got it, braliantovaya! Go unlock the cupboard.
Olympiada Samsonovna. I'm here now, wait a little.
Ustinya Naumovna. I'll wait, honey, I'll wait. I also need to talk to your husband.
Olympiada Samsonovna leaves.
Why have you, braliant, completely forgotten your promise?
Podkhalyuzin. How can you forget, sir, we remember! (Takes out his wallet and gives her a banknote.)
Ustinya Naumovna. What is this, diamond?
Podkhalyuzin. A hundred rubles, sir!
Ustinya Naumovna. How is that a hundred rubles? Yes, you promised me one and a half thousand.
Podkhalyuzin. What?
Ustinya Naumovna. You promised me one and a half thousand.
Podkhalyuzin. Won't it be greasy and will it fall off unequally?
Ustinya Naumovna. Why, son of a hen, are you thinking of joking with me? I, brother, and the lady myself are rollicking.
Podkhalyuzin. Why should I give you money? It would be amazing what a job!
Ustinya Naumovna. Whether for business or for idleness, come on - you yourself promised!
Podkhalyuzin. You never know what I promised! I promised to jump from Ivan the Great if I married Alimpiyada Samsonovna - so I’ll jump?
Ustinya Naumovna. What do you think, I won’t find a case against you? It is of great importance that you are a merchant of the second guild, I myself am in the fourteenth grade, no matter what, I am still an official.
Podkhalyuzin. Even if it’s the general’s wife, I don’t care; I don’t even want to know you, that’s the whole conversation.
Ustinya Naumovna. But you’re not completely lying: you also promised me a sable coat.
Podkhalyuzin. What, sir?
Ustinya Naumovna. Sable coat. Are you deaf?
Podkhalyuzin. Sobolii, sir! Heh, heh, heh...
Ustinya Naumovna. Yes, sable! Why are you laughing, why are you staring at your throat!
Podkhalyuzin. They haven’t come out with their snouts yet - they’re walking around in sable cloaks!
Olympiada Samsonovna takes out the dress and gives it to Ustinya Naumovna.
The third phenomenon
The same goes for Olympiada Samsonovna.
Ustinya Naumovna. What do you really mean - do you want to rob me?
Podkhalyuzin. What a robbery, go with God, that’s all here.
Ustinya Naumovna. You have already begun to drive me away; Yes, and I, a stupid fool, contacted you - now it’s clear: bourgeois blood!
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, sir! Tell me please!
Ustinya Naumovna. If that’s the case, I don’t even want to look at you! I won’t agree with you for any treasures or anything! I’ll run around thirty miles, but I won’t pass you! I’d sooner close my eyes and bump into a horse than look at your lair! I want to spit, but I won’t turn down this street. I'll burst into ten pieces if I'm lying! You'll go to hell if you see me here!
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, auntie, lightly; Otherwise we’ll send for the police officer.
Ustinya Naumovna. I’ll print you out, golden ones: you’ll know! I’ll make you so famous all over Moscow that you’ll be ashamed to show your eyes to people!.. Oh, I’m a fool, a fool, who did I get involved with! A lady with a rank... Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! (Leaves.)
Podkhalyuzin. Look, the noble blood is spreading! Oh, my God! There's an official there! Here is a proverb that says: thunder does not thunder from a cloud, but from a dung heap! Oh, my God! Look at her, what a lady!
Olympiada Samsonovna. You wanted, Lazar Elizarych, to get involved with her!
Podkhalyuzin. For mercy's sake, a completely incongruous woman!
Olympiada Samsonovna (looks out the window) They didn’t let the baby out of the hole - look, Lazar Elizarych!
Podkhalyuzin. Well, no, sir: the little one won’t be released from the pit any time soon; but one must assume that he was entered into the competition, so he asked to go home... Mama, sir! Agrafena Kondratyevna! Dad is coming, sir!
The fourth phenomenon
The same ones, Bolshov and Agrafena Kondratyevna.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Where is he? Where is he?! You are my dear ones, you are my darlings!
They kiss.
Podkhalyuzin. Daddy, hello, our respects!
Agrafena Kondratievna. You are my darling, Samson Silych, you are my golden one! You left me an orphan in my old age!
Bolshov. Come on, wife, stop it!
Olympiada Samsonovna. Why are you, Mama, as if you were crying for a dead person! God doesn't know what happened.
Bolshov. It’s true, daughter, God knows what, but still your father is sitting in a hole.
Olympiada Samsonovna. Well, my dear, they are better than you and me.
Bolshov. They sit, they sit, but what is it like to sit! What is it like to walk down the street with a soldier! Oh, daughter! After all, everyone in the city has known me for forty years, for forty years everyone has bowed to the waist, and now the boys are pointing fingers.
Agrafena Kondratievna. And you don’t have a face, my dear! It’s like you’re from the other world!
Podkhalyuzin. Eh, darling, God is merciful! Everything will be ground - there will be flour. What, my dear, are the creditors saying?
Bolshov. So what: they agree to the deal. Why, they say, wait, will you take more or not, but give me something clean, and God bless you.
Podkhalyuzin. Why not give it, sir! Give it to me, sir! How much are they asking for, my dear?
Bolshov. They're asking for twenty-five kopecks.
Podkhalyuzin. This, my dear, is a lot!
Bolshov. And, brother, I know that it’s a lot, but what can I do? They don't charge less.
Podkhalyuzin. As if ten kopecks, that would be fine, sir. Seven and a half for satisfaction, and two and a half for competition expenses.
Bolshov. That's what I said, but they don't want to hear it.
Podkhalyuzin. It hurts to be arrogant! Don't they want eight kopecks in five years?
Bolshov. Well, Lazar, we’ll have to give twenty-five, because we ourselves suggested that before.
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, of course, darling! After all, you yourself then deigned to say, sir, not to give more than ten kopecks, sir. Judge for yourself: twenty-five kopecks is a lot of money. Would you like to have something to eat, darling? Mama! Order some vodka and order the samovar to be put on, and we’ll have a drink for company, sir. - And twenty-five kopecks is a lot, sir!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Now, father, now! (Leaves.)
Bolshov. What are you telling me: I myself know that it’s a lot, but how can I be? They'll spend a year and a half in a hole, and every week they'll take a soldier through the streets, and just look at him, they'll move him to prison: you'll be glad to give him half a ruble. From one shock you don’t know where to hide.
Agrafena Kondratyevna with vodka; Tishka takes the snack and leaves.
Agrafena Kondratievna. You are my darling! Eat, father, eat! Tea, they starved you out there!
Podkhalyuzin. Eat, darling! Do not demand what God has sent!
Bolshov. Thank you, Lazar! Thank you! (Drinks.) Drink yourself.
Podkhalyuzin. For your health! (Drinks.) Mama! Would you like it, sir? Do me a favor!
Agrafena Kondratievna. And, father, what do I care about now! Such a divine permission! Oh, my God! Oh you, my darling!
Podkhalyuzin. Eh, Mama, God is merciful, we’ll get off somehow! Not suddenly, sir!
Agrafena Kondratievna. God forbid! And then, looking at him, I was all exhausted.
Bolshov. Well, what about Lazarus?
Podkhalyuzin. Ten kopecks, if you please, I’ll give you, as they said.
Bolshov. Where can I get fifteen? It’s not like I’m melting them out of sackcloth.
Podkhalyuzin. I, darling, can’t, sir. God knows, I can’t, sir!
Bolshov. What are you, Lazar, what are you! Where are you going with the money?
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, if you please judge: I’m busy with trade, I’ve finished up my little house. Yes, eat something, daddy! At least the Madeira people, sir! Mama! Give your little one a treat.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Eat, father, Samson Silych! Eat! I'll pour you some punch, father!
Bolshov (drinks). Help me out, kids, help me out!
Podkhalyuzin. So you, my dear, would you like to say, where am I doing with my money? How, sir? Judge for yourself: we’re starting to trade, it’s a well-known fact, without capital it’s impossible, sir, there’s nothing with which to sculpt; I bought a house, they started all sorts of household things for the establishment, horses, this and that. Judge for yourself! We need to think about the children.
Olympiada Samsonovna. Well, darling, we can’t be left with nothing to do with it. After all, we are not some kind of philistines.
Podkhalyuzin. You, darling, if you please judge: nowadays you can’t do without capital, sir, without capital you can trade a little.
Olympiada Samsonovna. I lived with you, my dear, until I was twenty years old - I never saw the world. Well, will you order me to give you the money and go back to wearing cotton dresses?
Bolshov. What do you! What do you! Come to your senses! After all, I’m not asking you for alms, but for my own goods. Are you people?..
Olympiada Samsonovna. It’s a well-known fact, my dear, people, not animals.
Bolshov. Lazarus! Yes, remember those, because I gave you everything, everything is clean; This is what I left for myself, you see! After all, I took you into my house as a boy, you insensitive scoundrel! He gave him water, fed him instead of his own father, and brought him into the public eye. Have I seen any gratitude from you? Have you seen it? Remember, Lazarus, how many times I noticed that your hands were not clean! Well? I didn’t drive you away like some cattle, I didn’t make you famous throughout the city. I made you the chief clerk, I gave you all my fortune, and to you, Lazar, I gave my daughter too with my own hands. But if this permission had not happened to me, you would not have dared to look at her.
Podkhalyuzin. Have mercy, darling, I feel all this very well, sir!
Bolshov. You feel it! You would have to give everything, like me, to remain in one shirt, just to help out your benefactor. Yes, I don’t ask for this, I don’t need it; you just pay for me, what now follows..
Podkhalyuzin. Why not pay, sir, but they ask for a price that is completely unreasonable.
Bolshov. Why am I asking! I begged, begged, bowed at your feet for every penny of yours, but what should I do when they don’t want to give up anything?
Olympiada Samsonovna. We, dear, told you that we can’t give you more than ten kopecks, and there’s no point in talking about it.
Bolshov. Just tell me, daughter: go, you old devil, into the pit! Yes, into the hole! To jail him, the old fool. Let's get to work! Don't chase after more, be happy with what you have. But if you chase after more, the last will be taken away, they will strip you clean. And you will have to run to the Stone Bridge and throw yourself into the Moscow River. Yes, and from now on you will be pulled out by the tongue and put in prison.
Everyone is silent. Bolshov drinks.
And just think about what it’s like for me to go into the pit now. Should I close my eyes, or what? Now Ilyinka will seem a hundred miles away to me. Just think what it’s like to walk along Ilyinka. It’s the same as the devils, God forgive me, dragging a sinful soul through ordeals. And there, past Iverskaya, how can I look at her, at my mother?.. You know, Lazarus, Judas - after all, he also sold Christ for money, just as we sell our conscience for money... And what did he get for it? And there are government offices, the Criminal Chamber... After all, I am malicious - deliberate... because they will send me to Siberia. Lord!.. If you don’t give me money, give it for Christ’s sake! (Cries.)
Podkhalyuzin. What are you, what are you, darling? Completeness! God is merciful! What are you? We'll fix it somehow. All in our hands!
Bolshov. We need money, Lazarus, money. There's nothing else to fix. Or. money, or to Siberia.
Podkhalyuzin. And we’ll give you money, sir, just to get rid of it! So be it, I’ll add another five cents.
Bolshov. What a year! Do you have Christianity in you? Twenty-five kopecks are needed, Lazar!
Podkhalyuzin. No, my dear, that’s a lot, sir, by God it’s a lot!
Bolshov. You are sneaky snakes! (He lowers his head onto the table.)
Agrafena Kondratievna. You're a barbarian, you're a barbarian! You are such a robber! You don't have my blessing! You’ll dry up even with money, you’ll dry up before you reach the age. You are a robber, such a robber!
Podkhalyuzin. Come on, mama, it’s enough to anger God! Why are you cursing us without sorting out the matter? You see, daddy’s getting a little drunk, and you’re just about done with it.
Olympiada Samsonovna. You, Mama, would be better off keeping silent! Otherwise you are glad to be damned to hell. I know: you will be attracted to this. For that reason, God must not have given you other children.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Shut up yourself, you dissolute one! And God sent you alone as punishment.
Olympiada Samsonovna. All of you are dissolute - you are the only good ones. You should look at yourself if you just finished Monday, otherwise not a day will go by without barking at someone.
Agrafena Kondratievna. Look! Look! Ah, ah, ah!.. Yes, I will curse you at all the councils!
Olympiada Samsonovna. Curse me, perhaps!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Yes! That's how! You will die, you will not rot! Yes!..
Olympiada Samsonovna. Very necessary!
Bolshov (rises). Well, goodbye, children.
Podkhalyuzin. What are you doing, darling, sit down! The matter must be finished somehow!
Bolshov. So why finish? I already see that the matter is over. The slave beats herself if she does not reap cleanly! Don’t pay anything for me: let them do what they want with me. Goodbye, it's time for me!
Podkhalyuzin. Goodbye, darling! God is merciful - it will work out somehow!
Bolshov. Goodbye wife!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Farewell, Father Samson Silych! When do they let you into the pit?
Bolshov. Don't know!
Agrafena Kondratievna. Well, then I’ll pay a visit: otherwise you’ll die here without seeing you.
Bolshov. Goodbye, daughter! Farewell, Alimpiyada Samsonovna! Well, now you will be rich, you will live like a lord. This is at festivities, at balls - to amuse the devil! And don’t forget, Alimpiyada Samsonovna, that there are cages with iron bars where poor prisoners sit. Don't forget us poor prisoners. (Leaves with Agrafena Kondratyevna.)
Podkhalyuzin. Eh, Alimpiyada Samsonovna! Awkward, sir! I’m sorry for my darling, by God, I’m sorry! There’s no point in going and haggling with creditors yourself! Al is not necessary, sir? He himself would rather pity them. A? or go? I'll go, sir! Quiet!
Olympiada Samsonovna. Do as you wish - it’s your business.
Podkhalyuzin. Quiet!
Comes in.
Give me an old frock coat, which is worse.
Tishka leaves.
Otherwise they will think; rich, it must have been impossible to say in those days.
Fifth appearance
The same ones, Rispozhensky and Agrafena Kondratyevna.
Rispozhensky. Mother Agrafena Kondratievna, have you deigned to pickle the cucumbers yet?
Agrafena Kondratievna. No, father! What cucumbers now! Do I really care? Did you add salt?
Rispozhensky. Why, mother, did they add salt? The roads are very bad these days; They say the frost was enough. Lazar Elizarych, father, hello. Is this vodka? I, Lazar Elizarych, will have a glass.
Agrafena Kondratievna leaves with Olympiada Samsonovna.
Podkhalyuzin. Why did you come to the ladies?
Rispozhensky. Heh, heh, heh!.. What a joke you are, Lazar Elizarych! Well-known cause, why!
Podkhalyuzin. Why would it be desirable to know, sir?
Rispozhensky. For the money, Lazar Elizarych, for the money! Who's after what, and I'm all about money
Podkhalyuzin. Yes, you go for money too often.
Rispozhensky. Why not go, Lazar Elizarych, when you give five rubles each. After all, I have a family.
Podkhalyuzin. Well, you can't afford to give it.
Rispozhensky. If they had given it back right away, I wouldn’t have come to you.
Podkhalyuzin. That's why you don't understand anything, and yet you take the Hapans. Why should I give it to you?
Rispozhensky. How for what? - You promised!
Podkhalyuzin. You promised! After all, they gave it to you - if you used it, well, it will be, it’s an honor to know.
Rispozhensky. How is it time to know honor? Yes, you owe me another thousand and a half.
Podkhalyuzin. Must! Also “must!” It's like he has a document! And for what – fraud!
Rispozhensky. How about fraud? For your hard work, not for fraud!
Podkhalyuzin. For your efforts!
Rispozhensky. Well, whatever it is, give me the money, or else a document.
Podkhalyuzin. What, sir? Document! No, come later.
Rispozhensky. So, do you want to rob me with small children?
Podkhalyuzin. What a robbery! But take another five rubles, and go with God.
Rispozhensky. No, wait! You won't get rid of me with this!
Tishka enters.
Podkhalyuzin. What are you going to do with me?
Rispozhensky. My language is not acquired.
Podkhalyuzin. So, do you want to lick me?
Rispozhensky. No, not to lick, but to tell kind people.
Podkhalyuzin. What to talk about, vitriol soul! Who else will believe you?
Rispozhensky. Who will believe?
Podkhalyuzin. Yes! Who will believe? Look at yourself.
Rispozhensky. Who will believe? Who will believe? But you'll see! But you'll see! My fathers, what should I do? My death! He's robbing me, robber, he's robbing me! No, wait a minute! You'll see! There are no orders to rob!
Podkhalyuzin. What is there to see?
Rispozhensky. Here's what you'll see! Wait, wait, wait! Do you think I won’t find a case against you? Wait a minute!
Podkhalyuzin. Wait a minute! I've already waited long enough. You're completely scary: it's not scary.
Rispozhensky. Do you think no one will believe me? Won't you believe it? Well, let them offend! I... I’ll do this: respectable audience!
Podkhalyuzin. What you! What you! Wake up!
Tishka. Look, where are you going with your drunken eyes?
Rispozhensky. Wait, wait!.. Honorable audience! A wife, four children - these are skinny boots!..
Podkhalyuzin. Everything is lying, sir! The most empty man, sir! Come on, come on... First of all, look at yourself, where are you going?
Rispozhensky. Let me go! He robbed his father-in-law! And he robs me... Wife, four children, thin boots!
Tishka. You can throw up the soles!
Rispozhensky. What are you doing? You are such a robber!
Tishka. Never mind, let's go!
Podkhalyuzin. Oh! Well, why are you spreading such morality!
Rispozhensky. No, wait a minute! I'll remember you! I'll take you to Siberia!
Podkhalyuzin. Don't believe it, everything is lying! So, sir, the most empty person, sir, not worth attention! Eh, brother, how ugly you are! Well, I didn’t know you - I wouldn’t get involved with you for any reason.
Rispozhensky. What, did you take it? What, took it! Here you go, dog! Well, now choke on my money, to hell with you! (Leaves.)
Podkhalyuzin. How hot! (To the audience.) Don’t believe him, it’s what he said, sir, it’s all lies. None of this happened. He must have dreamed this. But we are opening a store, you are welcome! If you send a small child, we won’t fool you.
- the main idea
- Summary
- Summary of actions
- Conclusion
Text for a reader's diary
The play is about a merchant family whose head is so greedy that he wants to hide his wealth. His capricious daughter marries the person to whom he transfers their property. Young people live in luxury, not caring about their parents. The father should even be put in debt. However, he is more offended by the cruelty of “his” children.
the main idea
A play about greed and selfishness. She teaches that by raising children by their bad example, parents get the same.
Summary Ostrovsky We will count our own people
The play begins with a scandal between mother and daughter. The girl Lipa demands that a groom be found for her, because she is bored. The name is a matchmaker, but her task is very difficult: give your daughter a noble groom, give your father a rich one, and give your mother a courteous one. Trying to please everyone, she finds almost an ideal, but the other groom will not give in to “her.”
The family's clerk is Lazar Podkhalyuzin. He himself deceives customers and teaches workers. He likes Lipa, and even more - the beautiful life. And the clerk bribes the matchmaker so that she cancels the acquaintance with the candidate for husband.
Lazar himself becomes the groom, although at first Lipa is against it - he is too simple. But, taking advantage of her father’s trust in him, playing on his greed, Podkhalyuzin convinces him to transfer all their property to himself - to hide the wealth. Now the Olympics agrees, fearing poverty, to a “rich” groom.
At the wedding, the parents ask not to offend them, because all the wealth is now on the son-in-law. He throws out the phrase that gives the play its name. However, after some time, Lipa and Lazar, enjoying luxury, refuse their parents a penny, and the father even has to fall into debt. Olympias laughs at them and is not afraid of curses, believing that she did not receive enough wealth from them in her youth. Lazarus still tries to deceive the creditors by wearing a worse frock coat.
All the heroes turn out to be greedy deceivers, but only the older generation has already received a “reward” from children like them, and the children, apparently, are yet to do so.
Read the summary: Our people will be considered Ostrovsky by their actions
Action 1
Olympiada Bolshova, or as she is affectionately called Lipochka, has reached the age when it’s time to get married. This girl sits all day long with a book, looking out the window, but her thoughts are not at all about what she read, but about dancing.
The Olympics indulges in memories of the ball, which took place about a year and a half ago. Now she is saddened by the fact that she has lost her beautiful dancing skills. And if she had to dance today, it would turn out badly. She tries to perform different dance steps, but this activity does not bring her pleasure.
In the next episode, Alexander Ostrovsky shows the reader another heroine - Lipa's mother, whose name is Agrafena Kondratyevna. Mother scolds Lipochka for dancing early and for not having poppy dew in her mouth in the morning. As a result, this conversation develops into a quarrel. The main reproach from daughter Lipochka is that her mother has not yet found a suitable match for her.
The following describes Lipochka's hysteria, and most importantly, the Olympics will not calm down until they marry her to a good fellow. The mother cannot look at her daughter’s tears and invites a matchmaker. The matchmaker's name is Ustinya Naumovna. She comes quickly and has a drink with Lipa’s mother, discussing various events along the way.
Ustinya Naumovna complains that it is not possible to find a groom for the Olympics due to the fact that they all do not know what they want. And, most importantly, Lipa’s mother and father also cannot decide what kind of guy their only beloved daughter needs as a husband.
While there is talk about the groom, Sysoy Psoich Rispozhensky arrives. This is a minor employee who was once kicked out of court for abusing alcoholic beverages. At the same time, Bolshov arrives and together with Sysoy Psoich they discuss how Father Lipochka can improve his financial situation.
As a result, Bolshov decides to declare himself bankrupt. But first, he is thinking of transferring all his property to his clerk Lazar Podkhalyuzin.
Act 2
Alexander Nikolaevich Ostrovsky introduces the reader to Podkhalyuzin, who at this moment is only thinking about the Bolshova Olympics. He loves her for a long time and hopelessly. Intellectually, Podkhalyuzin understands that Lipa has an education and needs a good groom, an “equal.” Podkhalyuzin has some savings at this point in time. As a result, Podkhalyuzin decides to go to Bolshov and woo his daughter.
Podkhalyuzin is in a good mood and even sends his servant for a rowan tincture. Around the same time, Podkhalyuzin is visited by Rispozhensky, who talks about Bolshov and his generous payment for his services. Podkhalyuzin understands that an opportunity has come and offers twice as much for his part.
After this conversation, Lipochka’s matchmaker, Ustinya, appears and talks about how difficult it is for the bride to find a noble groom now. Podkhalyuzin begins asking the matchmaker about this and that, and in the end she tells him that she has found a profitable match for Lipochka. Podkhalyuzin promises matchmaker Ustinyushka a certain amount of money if she spreads gossip that the merchant is a beggar.
Then Alexander Nikolaevich Ostrovsky describes the episode in the office. Podkhalyuzin gradually hints at marriage with Lipochka. Bolshov does not allow this thought. And Lipa and Podkhalyuzin talk about their upcoming engagement and talk about mutual love.
Act 3
Again Alexander Ostrovsky moves the action to Lipa’s house. At this moment she is very smart, cheerful and waiting for her betrothed. The mother is touched by her daughter. The father, on the contrary, is restrained and little emotional, as befits a true man.
Ustinya, the matchmaker, appears and says that the groom is hesitating and won’t dare to marry Lipochka. Women get emotional. Bolshov decides to find a profitable match for his daughter on his own. Lipochka is about to go to her maiden room, but her father says that it is at this moment that the groom will appear. At this moment Lazarus enters the house. Father announces Podkhalyuzin as the groom of the Olympics.
Everyone present is shocked. Lipochka is unhappy with her father's choice. She dreamed of an educated groom. Podkhalyuzin is not a suitable match for her. Lazarus sees that what happened was not exactly what he wanted. Bolshov himself is adamant. He says that he will not change his decision as a man. He tells the young people to sit down next to each other and exchange a word, and invites the rest to the table.
The wife and matchmaker express dissatisfaction with Bolshov regarding the choice of groom for Lipochka. He is adamant in his decision and will not change anything.
Left alone with Lipa, Lazar decides to find out why he fell out of favor with her. She also refers to his lack of education. He, in turn, admits his poverty, but at the same time emphasizes that a rich groom will need a rich dowry of the bride and her father may go bankrupt as a result of this.
After this conversation, Lazar shows Olympiad official papers, according to which he is the owner of all “Bolshov’s goods.” Lipa begins to think... She eventually decides that her father’s choice is “like nothing.”
Then Lipa watches his speech and realizes that he does not speak French. For some reason this fact depresses her. Lazarus, on his knees, begs to make him happy. After all, Lipochka for him is his whole life, his happiness... Then Olympias asks Lazar to take her somewhere far away from “this hell.”
As a result, the newlyweds play a wedding. Everyone is happy and happy... Nobody thinks about what is there in the near future?
Act 4
Ostrovsky Alexander Nikolaevich takes the reader to the house of the young Podkhalyuzins. Everything in this house is arranged in a new order. Lazar admires his beloved's terrible French pronunciation. She is ideal for him.
Ustinya appears. She comes to Lazar Podkhalyuzin for a reward, but instead of the promised money and an expensive fur coat, she receives pennies and tatters. Leaving their house, the matchmaker shouts that he will make the young couple famous throughout the village.
Suddenly Olympias sees his father through the window. He and his mother enter the young couple’s house and explain that he is bankrupt. Neither daughter nor son-in-law want to help their parents.... From a respected person, Bolshov turned into a laughing stock. He is escorted on the streets, he is not free.
Bolshov is furious at his son-in-law’s actions and regrets what he did. He is disturbed by the thought that he, as they say, dug a hole for himself with his own hands. But, as you know, you can’t take back what’s been done.
Bolshov is again forced to ask his daughter for money, otherwise he will be imprisoned and sent to Siberia. She gives him nothing, and then the father and mother want the young people to continue to please the devil. At the end of their visit, they curse their daughter.
Lazar Podkhalyuzin is confused after the visit of his father-in-law and mother-in-law. He even wants to go and work for Bolshov’s debts. But at this moment Rispozhensky appears to collect the debt. He is denied money, then this man wants to tell everyone about Lazar's documentary and financial fraud. Lazarus assures the respectable public that he can be trusted.
Conclusion from the story
Ostrovsky's play by Alexander describes an ordinary merchant family. The father of the family, Bolshov, is incredibly stingy and greedy, so he wants to hide his good financial condition. He has a capricious and spoiled daughter named Olympias. The head of the family insists on her marriage to Lazar Podkhalyuzin, because he has become the owner of his fortune. The young family is bathed in luxury, and the father is bankrupt at this time. He is very sad to realize that his own only daughter is cruel and selfish.
Ostrovsky Alexander Nikolaevich in the play “Our People - We Will Be Numbered” exposes selfishness and greed. The classic of the second half of the 19th century seeks to show the reader that children are a mirror of their parents. Therefore, it is important to pay attention, first of all, to ourselves when we have our own children. A well-known saying comes to mind: “There’s no point in blaming the mirror if your face is crooked.”
Picture or drawing Our people will be numbered
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Act I
Lipochka, Olympiada Samsonovna Bolshova, a merchant's daughter, has long been a girl of marriageable age. She sits by the window with a book, but her thoughts revolve around dancing. She remembers with pleasure how she danced at a ball a year and a half ago, then she is upset that she forgot everything long ago and is now “embarrassed,” so she tries to waltz, but it turns out badly.
Her mother, Agrafena Kondratievna, comes in and reproaches her for having already started dancing at the crack of dawn. The mother suspects that her daughter hasn’t even eaten anything yet, but Lipochka convinces her that she drank tea and ate cheesecake. Word after word, mother and daughter begin to quarrel. Lipochka reproaches her mother for the fact that she still cannot find a groom.
They say that all the girlfriends are already with their husbands, and she is ashamed to appear in front of her, as if she were an orphan. The daughter cries bitterly and says that she will not calm down until they bring her a groom. Agrafena Kondratievna says that the matchmaker will come now. Ustinya Naumovna arrives. He, his mother and Fominishna drink a glass each, discussing various news. The matchmaker complains that it is impossible to find a groom for Lipochka, because everyone wants different things: the daughter is “of the nobles,” “capid” (Cupid), the father wants a richer groom to improve his affairs, and the mother dreams of a merchant like her husband , Samson Silych, so that “he baptizes his forehead in the old way.”
At this time, Rispozhensky Sysoy Psoich arrives - a lawyer who was expelled from court for drunkenness: he once forgot a case in the cellar, but in court they missed it - there was no case. They wanted to put Sysoy Psoich on trial, but he “fell at the feet” of the general, and he sent him into retirement. The matchmaker makes fun of his unusual middle name, but he is not offended, but asks the hostess for a glass.
Bolshov appears, and he and the lawyer begin to discuss how he can improve his financial affairs. Alternatively, Samson Silych is going to declare himself an insolvent debtor, bankrupt, then all his property will be described and taken away for debts, and he needs to register it in someone’s name. He sees his clerk Lazar Podkhalyuzin as such a person.
Act II
Meanwhile, Podkhalyuzin is thinking about how he could marry Lipochka, with whom he has been in love for a long time. He understands that she is an educated young lady and dreams of a “noble” groom, but he has little capital. Therefore, the young man wants to directly turn to Bolshov for help in order to ask him for his daughter’s hand in marriage.
Podkhalyuzin sends his servant Tishka for rowan tincture, and when the lawyer Rispozhensky comes to him, he asks him how much Bolshov paid him for his services. The lawyer admits that it was a thousand rubles and a raccoon coat. The customer is ready to pay twice as much.
Housekeeper Fominishna and matchmaker Ustinya Naumovna appear. They talk about how difficult it is to marry Lipochka, who dreams of marrying only a noble groom. The matchmaker sits down to rest, and the clerk begins to pester her with questions about why she comes to the Bolshovs’ house so often. She admits that she has found a groom for the merchant’s daughter. Podkhalyuzin promises her two thousand and a sable fur coat if she discourages the groom by spreading a rumor that the merchant is ruined.
In the merchant’s office, the clerk starts a conversation about marriage, but from afar, not directly. He says that “Alimpiyada Samsonovna is a young lady like no other in the world.” Bolshov hints at marriage, but Podkhalyuzin declares that he “with a cloth snout” has no business even thinking about such a bride. But Bolshov solemnly declares that whoever he orders, she will marry. They agree to be engaged and swear eternal love to each other.
Act III
A dressed-up Lipochka appears, waiting for the groom. The mother is touched and once again emphasizes that such a beauty is only worthy of riding around in carriages. But Bolshov does not show much joy, which causes Agrafena Kondratyevna sincere bewilderment: he will soon have to part with his daughter, but the father does not seem to be upset.
The matchmaker arrives with disappointing news that the groom is still hesitating and will not decide on matchmaking. The women gasp and groan, and Bolshov declares that he himself will find a better groom. Lipochka is about to change clothes, but her father insists that her real groom will arrive right now.
At this time, Podkhalyuzin, Rispozhensky and Fominishna appear in the house. First, everyone discusses the latest news about the chain of bankruptcies that have occurred recently, about Bonaparte who appeared out of nowhere. But Samson Silych again starts a conversation about the marriage of his only daughter and announces Lazar Podkhalyuzin as the groom.
Everyone is dumbfounded. Lipochka doesn’t even want to approach such an “ignoramus”: she tells her father, where has it been seen, that owners give their daughters, “well-mannered young ladies,” to their own workers. Podkhalyuzin bitterly says that he will not see happiness. But Bolshov forcibly joins the hands of Lipa and Lazar and orders them to sit next to each other to talk, and calls the others to the table to celebrate the engagement.
To his wife and Fominishna, who reproach him for disgracing his daughter by passing her off as a clerk, Bolshov declares that he is a father and knows better what will be good for his daughter. Lipochka, crying, turns to her mother for help, but Podkhalyuzin tells his future mother-in-law that she, besides him, cannot find a better son-in-law, because she will become dearer to him than her mother.
Left alone with the owner’s daughter, Lazar asks “Alimpiyada Samsonovna” why she doesn’t like him so much that she doesn’t want to marry him. She calls him “an uneducated fool” and again declares that she will only marry a noble man. Lazar humbly agrees that “you won’t be nice by force,” but at the same time explains that give the noble a dowry, and her little brother is bankrupt.
Lipochka doesn’t believe it, but the cunning clerk shows her documents that clearly show that the house, the shops, and all the other property of the Bolshovs were bought by him. He declares that he has more money than any noble. Lipochka is lost in thought, and the clerk continues to sing Lazarus. He says that he will provide her with the best: silk and velvet dresses, Oryol trotters, a house in Karetny Row, painted with “capidons” and birds of paradise.
Olympiada Samsonovna notes with regret that he does not speak French. Then Lazarus kneels down and swears that only she can make him happy. Lipochka asks to take her away immediately, because she’s tired of being in her parents’ house: mummy has seven Fridays a week, and baby, when he’s not drunk, is silent, and when he’s drunk, he’ll kill someone.
The newlyweds decide to have an urgent wedding, and then move into their own house and arrange everything there in their own way. They call their parents and guests, and Lazar reports that Olympiada Samsonovna agrees to marry him. Bolshov promises to give Podkhalyuzin almost all his wealth as a dowry, only so that he and his wife will feed them and pay their creditors ten kopecks each. The clerk reassures: “We’ll be our own people.” Everyone is about to wet their throats to celebrate, but Rispozhensky refuses, then Bolshov pours wine down his collar, and everyone around them laughs.
Act IV
In the new house of the Podkhalyuzins, everything is arranged in a fashionable way: a richly furnished living room, the hostess in a silk blouse and a cap of the latest style, and the owner in a fashionable frock coat. Lazar Elizarych listens with delight as his wife speaks bad French and admires it. He promises to buy a new carriage for a thousand rubles and horses for the same amount so that he can go and have fun in Sokolniki.
Ustinya Naumovna comes for the promised reward, but instead of one and a half thousand she receives a hundred, and instead of a sable fur coat she receives Lipochka’s old dress. The matchmaker is so offended that she promises to go around their house thirty miles away and “glorify” them throughout Moscow.
Lipochka sees her father through the window, and a minute later she and her mother enter her son-in-law’s house. It turns out that the father is sitting in a hole of debt, promising to pay creditors 25 kopecks each, but his own daughter does not want to pay so much money for debts, because she will supposedly have to wear cotton dresses again. And neither she nor her son-in-law are at all embarrassed by the fact that their father is being taken along the street with a soldier, the boys are pointing at him, and everyone who knew him for 40 years as an honest merchant has now turned away.
Bolshov is indignant: he is not asking for alms, but for his acquired property. He reproaches Lazar for not kicking him out, even noticing that he was dishonest, but on the contrary, he made him the chief clerk, brought him into the public eye, and even gave his only daughter to him.
Samson Silych bitterly says to his daughter: “To prison for him, the old fool!” He understands that it was impossible to chase after more - now all that remains is to throw himself into the Moscow River, but even from there he will be pulled out and put in prison.
He reminds Lazarus that Judas also sold Christ for money, just as he now sold his conscience. For Christ's sake, he asks his son-in-law for money, explaining that he will be sent to Siberia if he does not pay. But the former clerk promises to add only five kopecks. The father bitterly calls them “underwater snakes,” and Agrafena Kondratievna calls his son-in-law a “barbarian” and a “robber,” promising that someday he will dry up with his money, “before he reaches his age.” She and her daughter are going to curse “at all councils,” but Bolshov takes her away with him, wishing the young people to continue to have fun and amuse the Devil, but sometimes to remember the prisoners who sit behind iron bars.
Podkhalyuzin is somewhat dumbfounded, he is even going to go bargain with creditors for the “tyatenka”, but then Rispolozhesky comes for his promised reward. They refuse him completely, and the solicitor promises to tell people everything: that he robbed his father-in-law, that he himself was robbed and deceived, and promises to send him to Siberia. But Podkhalyuzin, addressing the “most respectable public,” assures that they are honest people and can be trusted.
Year of writing:
1849
Reading time:
Description of the work:
The work Our People - We Will Be Counted was written by Alexander Ostrovsky in 1849. Initially, the play had the titles "Bankrupt", "Insolvent Debtor" and "Bankrupt, or our own people - we will be numbered." This comedy is written in four acts, and the initial public reading in the house of Mikhail Pogodin took place on December 3, 1849. Nikolai Gogol was present at the creative event. A little later, Ivan Goncharov and Leo Tolstoy spoke flatteringly about the comedy.
Below read the summary of the comedy Our People - We Will Be Numbered.
A merchant's daughter of marriageable age, Olympiada Samsonovna (Lipochka) Bolshova, sits alone at the window with a book and, reasoning, “what a pleasant activity these dances are,” begins to waltz: she hasn’t danced for a year and a half and is afraid, if anything, “to be embarrassed.”
She doesn't dance well. The mother, Agrafena Kondratievna, enters: “Not the light of day, without eating the bread of God, and immediately for the dance! Mother and daughter argue, apparently habitually: “All my friends have been with their husbands for a long time, but I’m like an orphan!<…>Listen, find me a groom, definitely find him!<…>I’m already coughing like a fly! (Cries.)"
Matchmaker Ustinya Naumovna arrives. Lipochka wants a “noble” groom, her father is rich, her mother is a merchant, “so that he can baptize his forehead in the old way.” Sysoy Psoich Rispozhensky, a lawyer expelled from court for drunkenness, comes. They make fun of him. But the newly arrived owner, Bolshov, seriously needs a lawyer: he is considering whether to declare himself an insolvent debtor (the first title of the comedy was “Bankrupt”). The women leave, and the owner and the lawyer delve deeper into this topic. The solicitor advises to transfer all property to the clerk Lazar Elizarych Podkhalyuzin. He also comes in, telling how he teaches the shop assistants how to deceive customers “more naturally.”
Bolshov is reading a newspaper. In Moscow there is a chain of bankruptcies, mostly, apparently, “malicious”, intentional ones; and each, each refusal to pay debts naturally entails the following. “What, they agreed or something!.. You can’t count them here...” And the merchant makes up his mind. The main question is: can you trust the person to whom you transfer your property in order to hide it from the inventory for debts?
Podkhalyuzin sends the boy Tishka to get rowan wood for Rispozhensky, with whom he has business, and indulges in thoughts out loud. “I am a poor man! Even if I use something superfluous in this matter, there is no sin, because he himself<…>It’s against the law!” Lazar is in love with Lipochka and is already making new plans, including marrying her: “Yes, from such pleasure you can jump off Ivan the Great.”
And, treating the lawyer, he asks how much Bolshov promised him for “all this mechanics,” and he himself promises not a thousand, but two.
The matchmaker comes, he promises her the same amount and a sable fur coat in addition - “we’ll make it from the living” - if she discourages the already planned “noble” groom: let her tell him that Bolshov is ruined. Bolshov himself comes home, the house panics by mistake: it seemed that he was “intoxicated.” Lazar starts a conversation with him about marriage - not directly, but, having heard for the third time that Lipochka is “a young lady like no other in the world,” Bolshov takes the bull by the horns. Lazarus is modest: “Where am I with a cloth snout, sir? - Nothing made of cloth. Snout like a snout.” Of course, transferring more goods not to the clerk, but to the future son-in-law is in Bolshov’s interests.
The house is getting ready for matchmaking. Samson Silych is also solemn in his own way, but Ustinya Naumovna appears with bad news: supposedly the groom is being capricious. “Oh, peck the frog, why don’t we find another one? - Well, don’t look for anything else, otherwise the same thing will happen again. “I’ll find you another one myself,” says Bolshov himself and he knows what he’s saying.
The housekeeper Fominishna, Rispozhensky, Lazar join the company, and Bolshov solemnly announces Lazar as the groom. Commotion. Lipochka is just making a scandal. “I order you to marry the janitor!” - Bolshov tuts at his daughter. “Mama, sir! You need a son-in-law who would respect you and, therefore, put your old age to rest - you won’t find anyone other than me, sir.<…>“You, mamma, remember this word that I just said,” Lazar says after the hostess and, left face to face with the enraged Lipochka, informs her that the house and shops are now his, and “little darling is yours: bankrupt.” With!<…>What is this they are doing to me? They raised them, they trained them, and then they went bankrupt!” And Lipochka, after a pause, agrees, with the condition: “We will live on our own, and they on their own. We will run everything according to fashion, and they will do it as they want.” Immediately they are called “them” and the family celebration begins. And Bolshov announces: “You, Lazar, will have a house and shops instead of a dowry, and we’ll count it out of the cash.<…>Just feed the old woman and me, and pay the creditors ten kopecks each. - Is it worth talking about this, darling?<…>Our people - we will be numbered!” The celebration is in full swing. The matchmaker pours wine down the lawyer's collar.
Initial remarks of the last act: “In the Podkhalyuzin house there is a richly furnished living room. Olympiada Samsonovna is sitting by the window in a luxurious position, wearing a silk blouse and a cap of the latest style. Podkhalyuzin in a fashionable frock coat stands in front of the mirror.” The couple enjoys happiness. Lipa asks to buy the thousandth stroller. Lazarus is ready. Lipa says a French compliment. Lazarus is delighted. Ustinya Naumovna comes to get what she promised. “You never know what I promised!” - Podkhalyuzin directly says to the matchmaker, and she leaves with a hundred-dollar note instead of the promised thousands and an unimportant dress from Lipochka instead of a sable coat. “They didn’t let the baby out of the hole,” Lipochka looked out the window. “Well, no, sir, they won’t let the little one out of the pit any time soon; but one must assume<…>so I asked to go home” - and Lazar calls his mother-in-law.
Bolshov had complained about his health before; “As if he came from the other world,” the wife laments. He wants to give the creditors twenty-five kopecks per ruble of debt, as he himself intended at the beginning. They agree (in the debt prison, “pit”, imprisoned debtors were kept at the expense of creditors). But Bolshov sits, and Podkhalyuzin decides: now the money is his. And he refuses with Lipochka’s full support. “I, darling, can’t, sir! God knows, I can’t, sir!<…>- Help me out, kids, help me out!<…>I lived with you, my dear, until I was twenty years old - I never saw the world. Well, will you order me to give you the money and go back to wearing cotton dresses? - What are you, what are you! Come to your senses! After all, I’m not asking you for alms, but for my own good! “We, dear, told you that we cannot give more than ten kopecks - therefore, there is no point in talking about it.” This is Lipochkina’s last word. “After all, I am malicious - deliberate... I will be sent to Siberia. God! If you don’t give me money, give it for Christ’s sake!” - Bolshov is already crying. Agrafena Kondratyevna loudly curses both her son-in-law and her daughter. The whole result: “So be it, I’ll add another five kopecks,” Lazar sighs. The desperate Bolshov gets up and leaves with Agrafena Kondratyevna.
“It’s awkward, sir!<…>Quiet! Give me an old frock coat, which is worse.” Podkhalyuzin decides to go and bargain with creditors himself. Rispozhensky appears, like the matchmaker, for the promised money, and he is treated the same as the matchmaker, and even worse: “They must! You should too! It's like he has a document! And for what - fraud! - No, wait! You won't get rid of me with this! - What will you do with me? - My language is not bought. - What, do you want to lick me? - No, not lick, but<…>- I... I’ll do this: respectable audience! - What are you, what are you, wake up! “Look, you’re getting out of your drunken eyes!” Rispozhensky climbs straight into the auditorium shouting: “He robbed his father-in-law! And he’s robbing me... Wife, four children, thin boots!” But the last word here, too, belongs to Podkhalyuzin: “Don’t believe him, what he said, sir, is all lies. None of this happened. He must have dreamed this. But we are opening a store: you are welcome! If you send a little kid, we won’t treat you like an onion.”
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