What is the best time to visit the cemetery? Orthodox traditions: what they do on Parents' Day at the cemetery

After the death of a loved one, you want to visit the cemetery more often in order not to break the thin thread that still connects you. But life takes its toll: little by little, visits to the cemetery are reduced and at some point you have to admit the fact that the last visit was a very long time ago. And this thought appears, pouring a “cold shower” from head to toe. This is not your fault. This is a life that gradually dulls the pain, draws you into a whirlpool of events and a series of days passing by. It is then that quite reasonable questions arise: when should one visit the cemetery, how often should it be done. And are there traditions and customs that require visiting a cemetery?

Mandatory visit to the grave of the deceased

For relatives and friends of the deceased, there are days when it is necessary to visit the grave. This is the third, ninth, and also the fortieth day after the death of a person, and it is also necessary to visit the grave on the anniversary of the person’s death. On such days, it is customary to order a memorial service for the deceased in the church, and then go to the cemetery to visit his grave. There people remember him, “talk to him” and pray for his soul.

However, there is a day when all people who have lost their loved ones and acutely feel their absence must visit the cemetery. This day is called Radonitsa or Parents' Day, which follows a week from Easter and is celebrated on Monday or Tuesday. These days the deceased are remembered and also congratulated on the Resurrection of the Lord. On Easter, visiting graves is not recommended, except when the anniversary, third, ninth or fortieth day coincides with this day.

The Church has its own recommendations for visiting the graves of the deceased. This should be done on the day of the deceased angel, as well as St. Demetrius and Trinity parental Saturdays. These are recommendations for visiting. But there are no restrictions on visiting graves. Each person independently decides how, when and how many times to visit the grave of a loved one, how long to stay there, and when to come and leave. Such a visit to the grave is a special connection with the deceased and an opportunity to “communicate” with him.

It is very important to remember that visiting the grave should also be for the purpose of putting things in order, clearing it of unnecessary plants, leaves, planting trees, as well as restoring the tombstone or returning it clean with a damp cloth or updating the paint. It is necessary to honor the memory of relatives by taking such care of their graves, and even the most luxurious bouquet on the anniversary of death will not make the grave more beautiful and tidy than the most ordinary care for it. If it is not possible to frequently visit the cemetery, you can order grave care services from specialized agencies.

Funeral dinners: features of the event

A very important feature of memorial days is the holding of memorial dinners. Moreover, recently it has become important for many people to express their attitude towards this. There are people who commemorate the dead right in the cemetery, and there is a category of people who must point out to them what they are “doing wrong and deliberately insulting them.” It is necessary to be more tolerant of other people and their traditions. Everyone is equal in the cemetery, and if in their rules or according to their customs people are accustomed to commemorate directly in the cemetery, just walk by without looking sideways with an unkind glance and without muttering your curses through clenched teeth.

Some people prefer to leave a glass of vodka or beer at the cemetery, cover it with a piece of bread, add sweets nearby, and, on Easter week, paints. This is not prohibited by the church, but it is not encouraged by it either. It is very important to avoid drinking alcohol at the cemetery, because drunken cemetery visitors will prevent others from honorably remembering the deceased, and will simply disturb those around them. Civilized Orthodox people don’t do that. This is not a wake, but a mockery of the memory of the deceased, which discredits both the drunken person and the memory of the deceased.

You should visit the grave to pray for the soul of the deceased, “communicate” with him, and also put the grave in order. The rest can be done at home.

Our funeral agency provides grave care services at the cemetery. We take care of the grave, tidy it up after winter, remove unnecessary vegetation, paint fences and tables with benches, and can also bring fresh flowers on certain dates. Completion of the ordered work is confirmed by detailed photo reports, if necessary.

Ritual house "Peace" provides comprehensive funeral services in Kyiv and the region around the clock, seven days a week.

Orthodox culture traditionally has great respect for the dead. In this regard, a special time is set aside during which people can honor their deceased relatives with prayer. Such days are called parental Saturdays, and in the church calendar there are seven such days a year. Let us immediately make a reservation that we are not talking about commemorating purely parents. These days, one should remember all departed loved ones, and not just first-degree blood relatives. It’s just that traditionally, when people come to a cemetery, they strive for the resting place of their loved ones. Therefore, over time, special days of remembrance of the dead received the popular name “parental”, then this name acquired a completely official status.

Not every one of us can afford to mark them all due to a busy work schedule, but the most important ones should not be skipped. These include the two Ecumenical Parental Saturdays, when Orthodox Christians honor all departed Christians. The first such Saturday falls one week before the start of Lent, and the second - before Pentecost. Every year their dates shift. What do they do at the cemetery on Parents' Day and how is it usually celebrated?

One of the first questions that arises before a person who is not very well versed in church customs is this: is it necessary to visit a cemetery on parent’s day? According to many clergy, this point is important, but not dominant. The first thing a Christian believer should do on Parents' Saturday is to go to church for worship.

Moreover, first you need to go to church on Friday evening, the day before parent’s Saturday. At this time, a great memorial service is served there. And the next morning, go again to the house of God, where you will listen to the funeral Divine Liturgy and then a general memorial service. This gives those praying the opportunity to ask the Lord for mercy for the deceased and forgiveness of their sins. In addition, it will be convenient to submit a note with the names of the deceased so that the church can pray for their repose.

Another tradition of parenting days is the offering of food and wine to the temple. The first are used by priests to distribute alms to the poor and homeless, who are looked after by each parish. And the wine can subsequently be used in the temple in order to perform the liturgy. Please note that parenting days fall before the start of fasting, so when choosing products that you plan to donate to the temple, give preference to fasting ones.

Only after visiting the church can you go to the cemetery to remember the dead near the graves. There, first of all, light a church candle or a memorial lamp, which can be placed on a gravestone. Then pray for the deceased and be silent for a while, remembering him.

According to church tradition, going to the cemetery on this day is not a firm requirement. Many priests agree that this can be done on any other convenient day, without being particularly tied to specific dates. For our deceased relatives and friends, the memory of them and prayers for their repose are more important than some mechanically performed actions. But going to church on parenting days is considered a stricter recommendation. Therefore, a person who wants to properly honor the memory of his ancestors should postpone all plans in advance for two days at once - Friday evening and the first half of Saturday.

But even in the issue of compulsory church attendance on parental Saturday, relaxations are possible for people who, for objective reasons, cannot attend the liturgy and memorial service. In this case, believers should retire to their home near the “red corner” (the place where the icons hang) and sincerely pray for the departed.

The main things on parenting days are the high thoughts and prayers of believers, the memory of the dead, and visiting the place of eternal rest is considered, although important, but a secondary action.

What should you take to the cemetery?

When going to burial places on parent’s day, you can, in principle, come empty-handed. It is important to take only blessed candles to light them at the grave. But since few of us cannot afford to come to the resting place of our relatives often, then, as a rule, if we decide to go there, we try to arrange a wide wake. At the same time, many make serious mistakes because they do not know the rules about what they take to the cemetery on Parents' Day.

First of all, it is permissible to take fresh funeral flowers to decorate the tombstone with. At the same time, some priests do not recommend buying wreaths of artificial flowers to decorate graves, while others treat this issue leniently. The fact is that there are no special religious rules in this regard. Some clergy advise refraining from artificial flowers, based solely on their environmental friendliness, and not on any special religious taboos. Therefore, the issue of flowers remains at the discretion of each individual person.

Another thing is that there are a number of instructions regarding how to decorate a tombstone with flowers. The following rules have been adopted.

The number of flowers in a bouquet or wreath must be even.
It is necessary to place the bouquet with the corollas of flowers at the head of the grave.
The color scheme of the buds is in restrained tones.

It is acceptable to take some food products to the cemetery on parenting days, in particular sweets: cookies and candies. Surely everyone has seen bags with sweets inside laid out on graves, since many believe that by leaving sweets on a gravestone, they are thereby “treating” their deceased relatives with them. Moreover, even such seemingly inappropriate things as glasses filled with vodka or other alcohol, as well as cigarettes, are often found on graves. The clergy call such offerings superstitions that have survived to this day since pagan times. Then such actions were considered the norm, but now such offerings from believing Orthodox Christians are unacceptable.

Food brought to the cemetery on parenting days can be left, but not on the tombstones, but nearby - on special tables that are often installed near the graves. This is done so that poor people can come, take culturally left food for themselves, and thereby remember the deceased. Another argument expressed against bringing food to graves is that it often becomes the prey of crows or stray dogs, of which there are quite a lot there. They will only tear the package, take away the candy wrappers and wrappers, and litter it.

The most reasonable thing would be not to leave food near the grave, even on the table, but to distribute it to the poor, who usually beg at the entrance to the territory. But in relation to cigarettes and alcoholic beverages left at the cemetery, the church clearly speaks out negatively.

No one forbade you to work

Parents' Saturday is considered a day of mourning, since we must remember the dead, but work is not physically prohibited. Therefore, it is quite acceptable to clean up a little on and around the graves. We are not talking about general cleaning, but rather about touching up the appearance: you may need to remove weeds or replace wilted flowers.

It is recommended to do a lot of tidying up in advance so that on parent’s day you can devote time to prayers and thoughts about your deceased loved ones. As a rule, people restore order to the cemetery after winter, as soon as the snow has melted and the ground has dried out. Then by parent’s day there will no longer be a need to do a large amount of work.

This day can also be dedicated to creative activities. In particular, it is allowed to do such work as mowing the lawn if it is planted, whitewashing trees or planting seedlings.

These flowers are most often planted near graves.

Bulbous flowers are good for the cemetery because they are unpretentious and beautiful. Their disadvantages include the fact that they bloom mainly in spring and early summer. And also in the fall they must be dug up in order to be replanted next spring. It will be much easier with unpretentious annuals, such as marigolds, or with chrysanthemums and other perennials that do not require special care. The only condition: choose low-growing varieties of flowers so that they do not obscure the tombstone and monument. On Parents' Day, it is also allowed to tint the fence and adjust the cross, if necessary.

But what you absolutely cannot do in a cemetery is leave trash behind. This shows disrespect not only for the dead, but also for the living who come there to visit their deceased relatives. And such a strict rule applies not only to parenting days.

What to do at a wake

One of the most pressing issues that confuses many modern people concerns how to commemorate parents’ day in a cemetery. It is quite common for people to come to resting places to remember their loved ones, and as a result, the commemoration smoothly flows into real celebrations. The clergy consider such behavior in the cemetery impermissible on any day of the year, not just on parental days.

It is permissible to remember the deceased near the grave; you can sip a little alcohol and eat it with a small amount of food. But this is where the commemoration should end. You need to eat at home, and not in a cemetery, where it is better to indulge in thoughts about the eternal life of the soul and prayers.

It is allowed to carry foodstuffs such as pancakes, colored eggs, Easter eggs, and kutya to the cemetery on parenting days. Such food would be appropriate for a modest funeral. You can bring alcohol to the cemetery, but it is recommended to consume it in extremely small quantities. Moreover, if a person has problems with alcohol and a strong desire to drink, then the priests advise, on the contrary, to restrain his impulse and remember only with food, thereby paying tribute to the deceased. In addition, during a small memorial meal, it is unacceptable to raise glasses and clink them while toasting - this is bad form. After remembering the deceased, do not forget to carefully clean up after yourself so that scattered scraps do not attract the attention of stray dogs to the grave. And even more so, do not pour the remaining alcoholic drinks onto the mound.

Also, some people are concerned about the question of how to behave correctly at the cemetery on Parents' Saturday, so as not to incur the displeasure of others. This day is considered a mourning day among Orthodox Christians, and therefore you need to behave accordingly: do not talk loudly and do not laugh violently. Still, the place itself is not conducive to a pleasure picnic. Therefore, modesty and calmness in behavior will be most appropriate. The best way to remember the deceased is to pray with a lit candle in your hands. If possible, invite a priest to the grave to perform a litia (this is a short funeral service).

Sometimes understanding the traditions associated with remembering the dead seems difficult due to the layering of religious rules with pagan beliefs. Unfortunately, the latter turned out to be satisfied with the strong and to some extent even became part of the mentality of the Russian people. Therefore, many misconceptions still remain common, such as offering a glass to the deceased.

To finally understand this or that question about the rules, you can seek advice from a priest, who will happily tell you what to do correctly during a particular religious holiday. As for choosing the day to remember your relatives, it is not necessary to do this on church dates. The clergy say that you can come to the cemetery at any convenient time. In particular, remember on the birthday of the deceased or on the day of his angel.

One of the most important elements of the culture of every nation is the remembrance of the dead. In the treasuries of folk and philosophical thought one can find many wise sayings on this topic, but even without them there is no need to explain the importance of this custom, which comes from the depths of centuries and invisibly connects all human generations with each other. Remembrance is of particular importance for those for whom the loss of loved ones is still a fresh wound. For them, visiting cemeteries is one of the ways to cope with their grief.

All religions of the world agree with the folk custom, but they also warn about the undesirability of frequent visits to cemeteries, and the Orthodox Church, for example, even shares the so-called. “days of joy” and “days of sadness” that fall on Easter (one of the main Christian holidays dedicated to the resurrection of Christ). Psychics also agree with religions, claiming that a cemetery is a center of dead energy, and a person who visits it too often not only perceives it in full, but also carries the so-called. "dead land" to your home. That is why it is so important, in their opinion, not to take anything from the cemetery, and upon returning from it (after cleaning the graves or visiting them on certain days), be sure to wash your hands and wipe your feet, leaving this soil outside the threshold.

Since the custom of remembering the dead is associated with many signs, superstitions and the most contradictory information, especially in rural areas, it is not surprising that very often one can hear a question addressed equally to Orthodox priests and ordinary elderly people: when is it possible and when not to go to the cemetery ? Surprisingly, the answers are very different. For example, when asked whether it is possible to visit a cemetery on Easter, one priest will answer negatively, another will say that this is not according to the canon, but nevertheless is not forbidden, but in villages, on the contrary, there is often an opinion that it is possible. In addition, there are stories about how the priests themselves visited cemeteries on Easter and blessed Easter cakes there (such a story, for example, is told by the rector of the church in the village of Maksakovka, Komi Republic, Father Ignatius). Who is right and on what days should one actually visit the place of final rest?

"Time Machine"

Let's start with Easter - more precisely, with a story not about it, but about its history in the twentieth century (this will help to understand the nature of some customs that are widespread in the post-Soviet space to this day). Before the revolution of 1917, it was not just a major religious holiday, but also a state holiday, for which, according to the law of 1897, four days off were given (Friday and Saturday of the Holy Week preceding Easter, and Monday and Tuesday of the following). Thus, residents of pre-revolutionary Russia received small Easter holidays. The first seven days after the holiday were called “Easter week,” and after it the so-called Easter week began. Radonitsa (or Radunitsa) is the oldest folk holiday of remembrance of the dead, which arose in the pre-Christian era and is almost the only one (with the possible exception of the Trinity) that was fully accepted and supported by Orthodoxy. There was no precisely defined day for Radonitsa: it was celebrated on the first Sunday after Easter, and on the following Monday, and on Tuesday. The only thing that can be noted in this regard was a rule common to all localities: they commemorated the dead (and accordingly visited the cemetery) no later than the 9th day after the Resurrection of Christ.

The widespread distribution of Radonitsa is evidenced by the fact that in Russian it has 14 dialect synonyms, in Ukrainian – 5, in Belarusian – 7, and in the border Ukrainian-Polish-Belarusian-Russian Polesie it is called “Joyful Grandfathers”. By the way, the last name is worth paying attention to, as well as some synonyms such as “Babsky Great Day” or “Dead Great Day”, which have taken root in the Ukrainian language. After the baptism of Rus', the people's consciousness firmly connected Easter as a celebration of the resurrection of the Son of God and the resurrection of all the dead on Judgment Day, which he promised through Scripture, which contributed to the emergence of the following interpretation: Easter is a common holiday for all the living and the dead; on this day, God releases souls to earth so that they can celebrate this day with the living, and allows them to stay together for a whole week. Souls return to Radonitsa, and this was also enshrined in some synonymous names of this holiday: “Seeing off” (or “Provodki”) - in Ukrainian and “Navyi prody” - in Russian. That is, Easter became a symbol of the unification of the dead and living world, supported by the gospel story about the descent of Jesus into hell these days and the liberation of all sinners from it, and Radonitsa was perceived as its natural continuation: living people escort the souls of dead relatives back to the cemetery. Despite the fact that this was a non-canonical interpretation of the essence of the holiday, the church did not interfere with it and even encouraged it in some ways - for example, it preferred to call the “dead” “deceased”, in which the popular consciousness saw further confirmation of its rightness. The only thing she warned believers against was excessive revelry and scope during celebrations, characteristic of the Slavic soul (especially after strict Lent).

As you know, the Soviet government did not really favor the Orthodox faith and its servants, and this is putting it mildly. Having taken Karl Marx’s phrase about religion as “the opium of the people” out of context (while completely forgetting that in Marx’s time opium was a painkiller, and its narcotic properties were discovered later), she took it as a slogan and began to act in accordance with him. During the years of the Civil War, clergy were among the first to be subjected to various repressions, and even the search for a compromise between the Soviet government and the church by Patriarch Tikhon (V.I. Bellavin (1865-1925)) was not particularly successful. No assurances of his about the loyalty of the church to the authorities, no help during the confiscation of valuables to help those affected by the famine of 1920-1921. (Tikhon allowed church utensils and decorations “that do not have liturgical use” to be “donated for the needs of the hungry”) could not cancel the fact of the anathema of 1918 and his public condemnation of the actions of the Soviet government during the revolution and civil war. The reaction was appropriate: temples and churches were closed and desecrated, and all previous holidays were declared a “relic of the old regime” and prohibited. Naturally, Easter was included in this list: its open celebration at the state level was prohibited (as, in fact, Radonitsa). An exception was made only for the elderly, but against them (as well as against believers of various age categories, brought up in an appropriate environment and not succumbing to atheistic propaganda), the Soviet government used moral pressure, blocking the approaches to the surviving churches on Saturday and Sunday with volunteers. The logic was not only in preventing parishioners from entering: active non-party people, sympathizers of the Soviet regime, Komsomol members and communists were involved in the cordon, and among them there must have been (and there were) acquaintances and friends of those who went to the service, who reported their names to the party and Komsomol cells. It is not difficult to understand that the consequences for believers could be the most unpleasant and disastrous.

This state of affairs led to the fact that people, under the pretext of “visiting graves,” began to go to cemeteries on Easter Day, where they celebrated Easter together with their deceased relatives and friends. This did not contradict the popular understanding of Easter, which we have already mentioned, and contributed to its final unification with Radonitsa, albeit in a slightly distorted version under the influence of external circumstances. This is how a custom was born, which still misleads many residents of post-Soviet countries.

This continued until 1941. During the war, when the USSR was looking not only for material, but also for moral support wherever it could and in whatever way it could (it is known that on the night of November 19, 1942, before the offensive of the Soviet troops near Stalingrad, a special plane even secretly flew over their positions, having board the relics of the famous commander Tamerlane), relations between the authorities and the church noticeably warmed. Stalin more than once had long conversations in his office with the locum tenens of the patriarchal throne, and then the Patriarch of Moscow and All Rus' Sergius (I.I. Stragorodsky, (1867 - 1944)), and on April 4, 1942, just before the next Easter, a decree was issued, officially allowing its celebration and allowing everyone, despite the curfew and blackout regime, to be on the streets all night.

The consequences of this order were preserved in the archives of the Russian FSB. Thus, according to reports from NKVD officers, that night in Moscow alone, about 85 thousand people attended festive services, and in some churches their number reached 4-6 thousand. It is unlikely that this number was exaggerated: the department knew very well what consequences unreliable information of this kind could entail for the performers. Of course, many skeptics immediately interpreted this step as, in modern terms, a very smart PR campaign, designed not only to ensure support for the power of Soviet believers, but also to gain additional points in the eyes of the allies in the anti-Hitler coalition, but the believers did not care at all. The same reports preserved carefully recorded words of gratitude to Stalin that day, which were spoken by visitors to Moscow churches, and they were completely sincere.

After the war, Easter was no longer officially banned, although there was still opposition to its celebration in the pre-war spirit, especially in the outback. One such celebration was witnessed in 1961 by a mathematics teacher in a rural school, the future world-famous writer A. I. Solzhenitsyn, who reflected his impressions in one of the stories in the “Little Girls” series. In many, even unchurched families, the tradition of celebrating Easter at home was born (and the archives of RIA Novosti preserved many amateur photographs on this topic), after which people went to the cemetery on the same day to remember their relatives and celebrate with them. Thus, the pre-war custom became even more entrenched in the consciousness of Soviet people.

Until the collapse of the USSR, the attitude towards Easter represented an amazing duality inherent in the very essence of Soviet power. Starting in the 70s of the 20th century, closer to the holiday, stores began to sell the so-called. the “Spring” cake, very, very reminiscent in its shape of an Easter cake, and state printing houses - first Moscow, then regional - produced Easter cards. Of course, there were no inscriptions on them like “Happy Easter,” but Easter elements were invariably present. Festive services continued to attract crowds of people, and in Moscow it often got to the point that on Saturday the routes of buses and trolleybuses passing by the most visited churches were canceled: there were so many of their visitors that they could not fit either in the premises or inside the fence and blocked the sidewalk and roadway. On the other hand, Easter was still not officially recognized, the days following it were working days, and the measures of influence became more sophisticated and very effective. For example, on the night from Easter Saturday to Sunday, some popular foreign film (most often a French action movie or comedy) was scheduled to be shown on television (or in a village club), and large discos were held in the outback. Naturally, the choice was often made not in favor of worship. There was a similar attitude towards the commemoration of the dead: since the traditional days for this were working days, the custom of “Parents’ Day” arose, for which they spontaneously chose the 7th day after Easter - Sunday. Visiting the cemetery on Easter was also preserved, especially since many graveyards in the outback were located directly next to churches, and thus people killed two birds with one stone. Those who were forced to leave their homes tried to go to the graves of relatives during vacation, which led to the fact that cemeteries were visited not on any specific day, but on any convenient day.

The customs that developed under the influence of realities led to the fact that when, with the collapse of the USSR in 1991, the church began to openly indicate the inadmissibility of uncontrolled visits to cemeteries, this led to numerous questions and confusion. Its echo is still the different understanding we mentioned of the same holiday by residents of the post-Soviet province and the difference of opinion of Orthodox priests on this matter. However... is it a difference of opinion?

When is the right time to visit cemeteries on Easter?

These days, the answer to this question involves two seemingly mutually exclusive approaches. On the one hand, the church, speaking about “days of joy” and “days of sorrow,” categorically does not advise mixing them with each other. The logic is simple: when visiting a cemetery on Easter day, it is difficult to resist grief for the untimely departed, and even the promise of a future resurrection can do little to console a person. Meanwhile, the essence of Easter is, first of all, the joy of victory over death, and this is how all holiday chants and prayers interpret it. The Church still welcomes visiting the cemetery on Easter days, but advises doing so in such a way as not to confuse one with the other - that is, simply put, to go to the deceased relatives on Radonitsa, also called St. Thomas Week. The question is different - what to do if the 9th day after Easter is still a working day? The answer to it can be found in pre-revolutionary folk traditions: as we have already said, Radonitsa in different parts of Russia was celebrated on any of three days - the first Sunday after Easter (7th), Monday (8th) and Tuesday (9th) . Church regulations allow praying for the dead from Monday. It is best, of course, to go to the cemetery on the 9th day - this is quite consistent with folk ideas about the visiting of the living world by the souls of the dead - but if this is not possible, then it is quite acceptable to go to the cemetery on Sunday or Monday . The only thing that the clergy warn against is that you should not go to cemeteries after Radonitsa, that is, on Wednesday and other days: it is simply meaningless from a Christian point of view. Unless at will...

On the other hand, in the Bible and the Orthodox Church Charter there is indeed no prohibition against visiting a cemetery on Easter, and from a formal point of view it is possible to go there on this day. But, as we have already said, this contradicts the spirit of the holiday, and in a dispute between form and essence, preference should always be given to the essence. In addition, there is one more important nuance: during Easter week in churches they do not commemorate the dead and do not read the magpie, postponing this until Radonitsa. If someone dies on Easter, the church regards this as God’s mercy and grace, and the funeral service for the deceased is performed according to the Easter rite, not the same as on other days. Before visiting cemeteries, priests advise you to go to the temple, pray for the deceased and take communion yourself.

As for the story we mentioned about a priest visiting a cemetery on Easter Day, this actually happened several years ago in one of the Russian cities on the orders of the abbot and, most likely, was not intended to maintain tradition, but to unobtrusively educate. It is known that many clergy, explaining to their parishioners the delicate subtleties of the celebration of Easter and Radonitsa, do not talk about a direct ban on visiting the cemetery on Easter (they cannot talk about it), but only highlight priorities and place semantic emphasis differently - they say, it will be better, if you do this...

When can you still go to cemeteries?

In addition to Radonitsa, there are several more days a year when people go to the cemetery:

the day of the funeral of the deceased person (which goes without saying).
3rd, 9th and 40th days after his death.
annually on the day a person passes away.
meat-eating (the first universal parental) Saturday, after which Maslenitsa begins.
2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Great Lent.
Trinity (universal parent) Saturday is the day before the holiday of Trinity.
Dmitrov Saturday is the first Saturday in November.

In many Russian regions, as well as in the Balkans, these Saturdays were considered the main days of commemoration of deceased ancestors, who, according to popular beliefs, just like on Easter, come to visit their relatives. After visiting the cemetery, a home funeral dinner is expected, usually consisting of an unpaired number of dishes, etc. “Grandfather's evening”, during which they try to have measured conversations and remember all those who have passed away. For their souls, they set aside a little from each dish, light a candle and place it in the grain, and pour alcohol into a separate glass. At the end of the evening, the dishes are usually not removed from the table until the next day.

Often in rural areas you can also find the custom of going to the cemetery a few days before the funeral Sunday or in the period between May 1st and 9th, when they traditionally went to clean up the mass graves of soldiers who died during the Great Patriotic War, and at the same time to restore order at the graves of relatives. Priests say this about this: they say, there is no clear schedule for when to care for graves, but it is best to adhere to established traditions.

It is definitely not recommended by the church to visit cemeteries on the main Christian holidays - Christmas, Annunciation and others. If one of your loved ones died during these days, then to resolve this conflict it is better to turn to an Orthodox priest, although it must be said that the popular consciousness, faced with such a choice, did not hesitate and often chose a visit to the cemetery with burial, motivating its choice the well-known saying “Death and homeland do not wait for gods.” However, neither priests, nor psychics, nor popular wisdom advise going to cemeteries after sunset, and all sorts of statements like “your own people won’t cause harm, so you can even spend the night in a graveyard” are regarded by them as superstitions. You can also come across advice not to visit cemeteries even on designated days:

pregnant women.
those women who have their period (although this advice is not strict, and in the end the church leaves the final decision to the discretion of the women themselves).
on the birthday of the deceased, which is also best spent with family, remembering him with a kind word.

How to behave in a cemetery

The Orthodox Church does not welcome stable folk traditions:

eat and drink in the cemetery while visiting graves to remember the dead.
pour vodka into the grave.
leave food on the grave.

According to the canon, on the days of visiting the cemetery, you should clean the grave, light a candle, pray for the soul of the deceased (for this you can invite a priest) and simply remain silent in memory of him. The funeral lunch/dinner is best done at home. You cannot step on graves or jump over them, clean up other people’s graves unless the relatives of those buried in them ask, and take anything away from the cemetery. If you dropped something, it is better to leave it there. If the dropped item is very important, when taking it, you need to put something in return (sweets, flowers, cookies) - that is, “buy off death,” as psychics say, otherwise a dead person will soon appear in the house. After visiting the cemetery, you should definitely wash your hands, clean your shoes from the “dead earth” and the tools that were used to clean the grave. It is also encouraged to give alms on this day, and it is recommended to distribute the food stored for the cemetery to the hungry and the poor as a “memory of souls.”

Conclusion

Remembering the dead is a very important part of human culture, but it is equally important to do it correctly. Unfortunately, no one can know whether folk customs and the instructions of the church are right or wrong, and a person’s behavior on memorial days is an echo of his secret hopes and belief that everything will be good for everyone in the end. And if so, then it is best to celebrate memorial days with a mandatory visit to the cemetery so that later you will not be ashamed of your behavior or ignorance of something - neither in front of the living nor in front of the dead.

Visiting a cemetery comes with some traditions and superstitions. It is believed that this land belongs to the dead, and they have their own laws that must be observed by the living. How to behave in a cemetery? What can you do and what is strictly prohibited?

Visiting the graves

Visiting the graves of relatives, friends, acquaintances is a tradition that exists in every religion. But the rules for visiting the deceased may vary. According to Orthodox belief, a cemetery is a sacred place. The cross on the grave of the deceased is located at the feet, and the image of the crucifixion on it is facing the face of the deceased.

Draws the attention of Christians to the fact that living relatives monitor the graves of their deceased loved ones. The fence and cross must be painted on time. The well-groomed grave and fresh flowers on it symbolize the memory of the deceased.

How to behave in a cemetery? Is it possible to leave cookies and sweets at the grave of the deceased? Orthodox traditions of visiting a cemetery have strict restrictions in this regard.

Orthodox customs of visiting a cemetery

Prayers are read at will. However, there are special prayers for the deceased:

About a deceased Christian.
Widower's prayer.
Widow's prayer.
About deceased children.
Prayer for deceased parents.
Akathist about the one who died.
Akathist about the repose of the dead.

Priests warn that it is forbidden to drink alcohol at the graves of Orthodox Christians. Visiting a cemetery is not a fun holiday.

Under no circumstances should you pour alcohol or sprinkle crumbs on it. Such actions insult the deceased. It’s better to clean up the grave and remain silent, remembering the deceased. It is prohibited to bring artificial flowers. But you can plant fresh flowers or other plants - they are a symbol of eternal life.

Parents' days

Parents' days - this is what Ecumenical days are called. On these days, it is customary to come to the cemetery and visit the graves of deceased relatives. There are no specific dates of the month on which Parents' Saturdays fall. This is due to the fact that the Lenten-Easter cycle is a transitional one.

Parents' Saturdays. These are Saturdays in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th week of Lent.
Trinity Parents' Saturday. This is the day before the holiday
Meat Saturday. Its time is 8 days before Lent.
This is the Saturday before November 8th. On this day, killed soldiers are remembered.

In addition to Parental Saturdays, there are other days of remembrance:

Radonitsa. This is Tuesday of the 2nd week after Easter.
warriors - May 9.

How to behave in a cemetery?

When visiting a cemetery, you should behave respectfully towards the deceased. Emotional excesses will not lead to good. It is forbidden to talk loudly, sing, shout, have fun, or cry. You cannot walk on burial mounds - there are special paths and paths for this.

There are water pumps, wells or taps on the cemetery grounds. It is intended only for cleaning graves. It is prohibited to use cemetery water for drinking. Drinking water must be brought from home or purchased on the way.

How to behave in a cemetery? Is it possible to leave the deceased’s belongings at the grave? The deceased's favorite cup, watch or other items that he liked can be left at the grave.

You cannot take foreign objects home from a cemetery or grave. They are saturated with “dead” energy. If any thing is taken from the grave, it should be replaced with another. For example, a flower vase breaks - you need to put a new one.

Wipe the monument or fence from dirt and dust only with unnecessary rags. After use, it is thrown into special garbage containers on the territory of the cemetery. Under no circumstances should you use the things of the living to tidy up the grave.

Restrictions on visiting the cemetery

How to behave correctly at a cemetery on Parents' Day? Who can come to the grave? Cemeteries have long been used by dark sorcerers to perform rituals or collect necessary ingredients. The priests assure that a true believer cannot be affected by magical powers.

pregnant women;
nursing mothers;
women with a small (or infant) child.

Pregnant or recently given birth women, children under 7 years of age are sensitive to negative energy. Therefore, it is better for them to avoid the cemetery area. According to legend, a magician can use a special ritual to exchange the life of a seriously ill person for the life of a small child or unborn baby.

How to behave at a funeral?

The funeral of an Orthodox Christian begins with a funeral service in his home or church. For this ceremony, women traditionally cover their heads with a headscarf. Wear a dress (skirt) to the knees or below. T-shirts, shorts, and any frivolous clothing are prohibited. For men - a formal suit or trousers with a shirt (sweater).

How to behave at a funeral in a cemetery? During a funeral, some relatives stay home to prepare the funeral dinner. Attendance at a funeral is voluntary. If you don’t want to or don’t feel well, you don’t have to go to the cemetery.

During a funeral, strong emotions should also be avoided - loud crying and inappropriate actions leave a painful impression. During a funeral, relatives walk behind the coffin. Blood relatives do not wash the floor in the house of the deceased - it is better to do this to good friends and colleagues.

At the cemetery, after saying goodbye, they kiss the crown on the forehead and hand of the deceased. The icon and fresh flowers should be taken from the coffin. Then the face of the deceased is covered with a shroud and the coffin is closed. The towels on which the coffin was lowered into the ground remain in the grave. The men who carried the deceased are given new towels as a souvenir. Women are given new handkerchiefs. After the cemetery, the relatives invite everyone to a funeral dinner.

You can invite a priest to an Orthodox funeral. Burying with music is not Christian.

The Holy Fathers warn that on Parents' Day you should not cry and kill yourself. Prayers, almsgiving, ordering a memorial service - this is how Orthodox Christians remember the dead. You should arrive at the cemetery on Parents' Saturdays in the morning.

How to behave at the cemetery on Parents' Day? The Orthodox Church allows a funeral dinner at the cemetery. Before and after a meal you should read a prayer. As already mentioned, it is prohibited to drink alcohol in the cemetery.

If there is food left over from a funeral dinner, you cannot leave it at the grave of the “dead.” It is better to give it to the poor, asking them to remember the deceased in their prayers.

The words “genus” and “joy” became the basis for the name “radonitsa”. How to behave at the cemetery in Radonitsa? Since ancient times, it has been customary for the whole family to come to the cemetery on this day. Walk around the graves of your deceased relatives, remember their good deeds and deeds.

Appearance

Having figured out how to behave in a cemetery, you should think about the right clothes for visiting it. Usually the color scheme is dark and dim. No cheerful flowers or frivolous polka dots. Strict, comfortable clothes for the weather, without shorts or minis. Legs and arms should be covered as much as possible.

In shoes you should adhere to the same principle. Closed shoes in muted tones are ideal for visiting a cemetery. High heels or flip-flops are not permitted in the churchyard.

Cemetery signs

You should only come to the cemetery with your head covered. Otherwise, lost hair (or other biomaterial of a living person) can be used in black rituals.

After visiting the grave, all disposable items (cups, napkins, plates) are thrown into a trash container on the territory of the cemetery. Or they are washed at home with running water.

The belongings of the living cannot be left in the cemetery. Or take something home from the grave.

If during a visit to the cemetery a thing falls to the ground, it is better to leave it there, it already belongs to the dead. If this is a necessary item (for example, keys), you should rinse it with running water.

You should leave the cemetery the same way you came. Even if the purpose of the visit was several graves and there is an opportunity to exit from the other side of the cemetery, you should not do this.

Is it really forbidden to go to the cemetery on Wednesdays? On what days is it possible? How often can and should this be done? Does everyone know the answers to these questions? Of course not. Only deeply religious people know, who often go to church and follow all church instructions.

The majority sometimes listens to the older generation, but more often than not they act according to the rule “where everyone goes, I go too.” Well, there is a category of people who do not believe in anyone or anything. They usually act at their own discretion.

Bible about visiting the graves of loved ones

days of remembrance, that is, the 3rd, 9th and 40th days after death;
day of death;
Radonitsa;
Saturday (Saturday is considered a funeral day).

Radonitsa or Radunitsa is a holiday of remembrance of the dead; in common parlance it is called parent's day. Celebrated on the ninth day after Easter. On this day, it is customary to rejoice for those who have left this busy world, got rid of the physical shell, freed themselves from suffering and hard life.

Feast of the Holy Trinity

It has become a familiar phenomenon for everyone when, on the day of the Holy Trinity, a huge number of people rush to the cemetery to visit their relatives and friends buried there. And few people know that the church does not advise visiting the cemetery on this day; you can go to the grave of your relatives the day before, but not on the day of the Holy Trinity. The same applies to the Easter holiday, because it is a holiday of the living. It's better to just go to church these days.

Is the day of the week important for visiting a cemetery?

Both the Bible and the church either advise or do not advise visiting the cemetery on certain days, but there are no direct prohibitions, especially since it is not mentioned anywhere at all that you cannot visit the cemetery on Wednesdays.

No one can prohibit visiting the graves of their loved ones if a person has such a desire or need. Often, visiting a cemetery helps people cope with loss, put their thoughts in order and calm down.

Therefore, when it is better to visit the grave of a loved one, everyone chooses for themselves. And it doesn’t matter what day it is, Monday, Wednesday or any other day of the week.

Please add your opinion:

pocemu.ru

Why you can't go to the cemetery on Wednesday

There are many traditions and signs associated with the remembrance of the dead, but not everyone knows why you can’t go to the cemetery on Wednesday. Let's try to figure this issue out together.

Cemetery and signs | Do people go to the cemetery on Wednesday? | On what days should we remember the dead? |When should you not go to a cemetery?

Do people go to the cemetery on Wednesday?

It has long been believed that in the middle of the week, that is, on Wednesday, all the souls of the departed rise from their graves and gather together.
Grandmothers used to say that if a person sets foot in the cemetery on this day, then these souls can take the uninvited guest to another world.
But the priest’s answer to this question is completely different. Absolutely all church employees unanimously say that you can go to the cemetery on Wednesday. Moreover, if the scheduled day or the funeral itself falls on Wednesday, then not going to the cemetery because of some kind of sign is at least stupid.
The Church generally opposes all kinds of popular beliefs in omens, evil spirits and fortune telling. The priests say that one should not be afraid of the dead and ghosts, but of living people, who sometimes turn out to be very cruel.

In Orthodoxy, there are certain days on which one is supposed to go to the cemetery and remember the dead.
As a rule, this is the funeral itself, when all relatives, friends and acquaintances gather at the cemetery near the grave of a deceased relative.
Then the next day after the funeral they go to the cemetery in the morning to remember the deceased.
Then they visit his grave on the 9th day after burial and this day is called destinies.
Next, for the wake, they go to the cemetery in half-shirts. This is the 20th day after the funeral.
Then they visit the deceased loved one on the 40th day after his burial and this day is called Sorochiny.
Well, then they go to the grave every year, that is, a year after the funeral.
Apart from these days, people go to the cemetery on Trinity Sunday. On this holiday they visit all their friends and relatives. Usually this day falls at the end of spring - beginning of summer. Before this holiday, you need to go to the graves and clean them up. Most often this is done on May 9, when all the snow has already melted from the graves.
They also go to the cemetery on the holiday called Radonitsa. This day after Easter is celebrated.
On Parents' Saturday they also visit the cemetery to remember their deceased parents.
In winter, there are no special days to remember the dead. If only someone died at this time, then people go to the cemetery on appointed days and remember the deceased there.

READ MORE Is it possible to work on Parents' Saturday?

When should you not go to a cemetery?

The church warns that it is better to go to the cemetery in the first half of the day. And later it becomes dark there, and this can frighten people who come there.
There is also a warning for pregnant women. It is better for them not to visit the cemetery before the birth of the child, since there is an accumulation of negative energy there, which will not have the best effect on the child.
For the same reason, you should not go to the cemetery with babies who have not yet undergone the sacrament of baptism.
You should not go to the cemetery too often to see your deceased loved one and cry at his grave, because this will disturb him and will not give him peace in the next world.
You shouldn’t go to a cemetery on a holiday like Easter without a special reason (unless it’s a special day or a funeral). The church does not welcome this.

So you found out why you can’t go to the cemetery on Wednesday and realized that this is just an outdated sign that has no basis.

nasheptala.org

Why can't you go to the cemetery on Wednesday?

For most people, a cemetery evokes unpleasant and frightening feelings, and such fears were present among the people in ancient times. All this leads to the presence of various superstitions, for example, many are interested in whether people go to the cemetery on Wednesdays, and when is the best time to do so. Signs are not orders and no one has the right to force them to be followed, so everyone has a choice whether to follow them or not.

Why don't people go to cemeteries on Wednesdays?

Most signs appeared thanks to people’s observation, and some are more just a reflection of fantasies. In addition, in ancient times, omens were only a way to control people, so perhaps the ban regarding not going to the cemetery on Wednesday was invented due to the prevailing circumstances.

To find the answer to the main question, you need to look into the Bible to find out the opinion of the clergy. The Church determines important days when visiting the graves of loved ones is mandatory. First of all, this applies to memorial days: the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after death. It is recommended to go to the cemetery on the day of a person’s death, Radonitsa, and on Saturdays, because these days are considered funeral days. 8 days before the onset of the Great Fast, Orthodox Christians also celebrate Meat Saturday. Many also visit the graves of deceased people on the day of the Holy Trinity, but the church does not recommend doing this, so if you want to visit the deceased, it is better to do it on the eve of the holiday on the day of Trinity Parental Saturday.

Now you need to figure out whether you can go to the cemetery on Wednesday, and whether the day of the week is generally important for visiting deceased relatives and friends. In fact, both the Bible and the church can only advise visiting the cemetery on some days, but there are no direct prohibitions, especially as this applies to why you should not go to the cemetery on Wednesday. The clergy say that no one can forbid visiting the grave of a loved one, especially if a strong desire arises. For many people, coming to a cemetery and talking with the deceased helps them come to terms with their loss, sort out their thoughts and calm down. To summarize, we can say whether or not to go to the cemetery on Wednesday should be decided by the person himself, not paying attention to existing prejudices.

Now let's talk about how to properly visit the graves of relatives and friends who have passed away. The Church, speaking about the deceased, prefers to use the word “dead,” which implies the coming of a time when God will revive believers and the grave will be the place where a person will be resurrected. This is where the tradition and rule of caring for the burial site and decorating it with fresh and artificial flowers came from. When visiting the grave of a loved one, it is recommended to light a candle and perform a litiya, that is, remain silent near the gravestone for some time, and this should be done meaningfully. It is believed that at such a moment, good thoughts will be more important than any words. You can also read a prayer or akathist for repose, which will be much better than sobbing. In addition, psychics generally say that it is impossible to cry for dead people, since souls in the next world drown in them. It is also worth mentioning the widespread tradition among people - setting a table and drinking near the grave, but such actions will only be an insult to the memory of the deceased. One common tradition is to leave food at the grave, but this is pagan and the best solution would be to give the food to those in need. The Church recommends that you visit the temple to submit a note with the name of the deceased. Thus, not only you, but also the church will pray for the soul of the deceased loved one.

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When you can and when you can’t go to a cemetery

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When can you go to the cemetery:

on the day of the funeral;
on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after death;
every year on the day a person passes away;
on memorial days - Monday and Tuesday of the week following Easter;
Meat-eating Saturday, the week preceding Lent;
2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Lent;
Trinity Saturday - the day before the feast of the Holy Trinity;
Dmitrov Saturday is the first Saturday in November.

Orthodoxy does not encourage visiting the graves of relatives on Christian holidays such as Easter, Annunciation and Christmas; Trinity is also not celebrated in the cemetery. On Trinity they go to church;
it is believed that there is no need to go to the churchyard after sunset;
Women are advised not to visit the site of the dead during pregnancy or menstruation. But this is a personal choice of each representative of the fair sex

Some sources report that it would be wrong to go to his tomb on the birthday of the deceased. You can simply remember him with a kind word, among the family and loved ones of the deceased.

How to behave properly in a cemetery:

Upon arrival at the grave, a positive action would be to light a candle and remember the deceased.