...And follow the rules The manipulations described above with new phones on the part of Techi, be it an innocent request from a friend or cooperation with an intermediary company, are illegal. More administrative punishment in the form of a fine, of course, is unlikely to threaten, but sometimes even this

Rules I follow a few simple rules to stay out of trouble on the highway, and to be honest, playing chess at high speed, which can be compared to driving, appeals to me. Approximately half of the drivers on the highway play this game, and with them you can

This book, first published in 1890 in St. Petersburg, contains rules of etiquette intended for the upper strata of Russian society at the end of the 19th century. The book consists of four sections, which describe in detail: the behavior of a secular person in society (from the first appearances to the art of dressing); arrangement of home life (from furnishing the premises to the most important events in the family); life outside the home (which describes how to behave in church, in the theater, when traveling, etc.); life at court, containing the rules and customs necessary when communicating with reigning persons. In conclusion, writing etiquette and rules of behavior for men in society are given. Despite the fact that the book is addressed to representatives of the noble class, the rules contained in it are perceived as an example of grace, sophistication, and sophistication characteristic of the period of the “Silver Age” of Russian culture. Therefore, the book will be of interest to both professional historians and cultural experts, and a wide range of readers who want to become familiar with the values, norms and traditions of pre-revolutionary Russia.

“A man is always obliged to help a woman in difficulty - no matter whether she is old or young, beautiful or ugly. In response to her expression of gratitude, he raises his hat and immediately leaves; to impose his company would be indelicate, and would have the appearance of payment for the service provided.

It is awkward for a woman to refuse these small favors, or accept them as courtship. This would serve as a sign of stupid pride if she decided to interpret any kindness in such a direction, just as if a man takes a woman’s simple politeness for a personal bias towards him.”

Here! Wonderful guide! How many misunderstandings, reproaches and even broken hearts could have been avoided... It would seem, what could be simpler?.. But, alas!.. As in the song: “But a woman’s heart is more tender than a man’s...” Again, our imagination is our god didn't offend. We come up with ideas ourselves, then we suffer...

Pictures: Oscar Blum

Description of the engagement and the period before the wedding in the book "Life in the world, at home and at court", St. Petersburg, 1890

Here’s how: “A young man who has chosen his future wife will do it prudently if, before the proposal, he is convinced that the girl herself and her family will willingly become related to him; It also doesn’t hurt to make accurate inquiries about the dowry, so that you don’t subsequently offend your chosen one with involuntary disappointment. We are talking here about prudent marriages, in which love and reason are given an equal share.

With the proposal, the man turns to the father and the girl, and not to her mother. If the groom is pleasant, then the parents, of course, give their consent. The bride is not present during negotiations regarding the dowry and other business matters.

After accepting the proposal, both families notify their relatives, friends and acquaintances about the upcoming marriage of their son and daughter. Having received such a notice, it should be responded to with warm congratulations...”

If the girl agrees, her chosen one needs to ask the parents for their daughter’s hand in marriage, as it was beautifully called in the old days. Usually the daughter's chosen one is already familiar with the future father-in-law and mother-in-law. Good relations are established between the groom and the bride's parents. And if a young man decides to declare his intention to get married, this can be done in a relaxed manner when meeting with his parents over a glass of wine. It is highly undesirable for such a step to come as a surprise to the girl’s parents. It is always better if the daughter talks to her parents first, so that if they have doubts, they can express them in a timely manner.

If the girl’s future groom is not yet acquainted with the parents of his chosen one, then in this situation a “courtesy visit” to the bride’s family is quite appropriate. As a rule, the girl herself is not present, since at this time it is customary to negotiate about financial matters.

If the young man meets the requirements set by the girl's parents, then they invite him to visit them again and set a day for him to visit. An important point in preparing for the visit is a clear agreement with the parents on the specific time of the visit. The potential groom (preferably with a bouquet for his future mother-in-law) must appear exactly at the appointed time. It is necessary to prepare for the fact that the visit may last slightly longer than usual; At the same time, the young man should not abuse the courtesy and time of his future relatives. At the appropriate moment, he must delicately ask permission to take his leave.

After this, the bride and groom first pay a visit to his parents. In this case, they dress smartly; the bride’s dress must be light-colored

The bride's visit to the house of the future husband's parents, in terms of its etiquette standards, is not much different from the tradition of inviting the groom described above. The only important nuance of this situation is that the girl is visiting her future relatives, accompanied by a young man.

If the invitation has already been accepted, it is unacceptable not to attend the meeting. The deadline when it is not too late to refuse a dinner party is two days before the scheduled meeting, and during the conversation you need to give a good reason for the refusal. If the promise is still not kept, it is necessary to explain to the inviting party as quickly as possible in the most correct way.

The duration of the bride's visit to the groom's house is not regulated by etiquette, so in this matter the girl must show maximum tact and insight.

The bride's acquaintance with the groom's parents can also take place outside the home, for example, while visiting the theater together or on a walk. In this case, the atmosphere of the meeting will be much more relaxed.

One cannot fail to mention one delicate detail that must be taken into account when communicating with the parents of the future husband. An important detail of family etiquette is the correct choice of specific addresses that will appear in a conversation with parents. This seemingly insignificant issue can often develop into a serious communication problem.

When communicating with the parents of your future spouse, you should not allow yourself to use familiar language from the very beginning, since after the wedding it will be very difficult to rebuild your communication style. To avoid awkward situations, it is best to follow a neutral path, addressing parents by their first and patronymic names.

If the parents live in another city, then the future spouses can notify them of their intention by letter.

At the ball

Girls begin to go out into the world no earlier than 18 years of age. From this age they begin to accompany their mothers on visits, help them receive them at home and attend balls.

At the ball, decency requires that the master of the house and his sons dance at least once with all the dancing ladies. This duty cannot be violated; First of all, the most important ladies are invited.

There is also an indispensable rule that the invited young man dance first of all with the mistress of the house or her daughter; only after that can he invite other ladies, starting with those in whose houses he is received. (I don’t quite understand this rule; it turns out that if there are fewer dancers than gentlemen, then someone will never dance? Strange...)

The dancing girl must accept without choice everyone who invites her; under the pretext of fatigue, refusing one, and at the same time accepting another, she risks incurring significant troubles. In the same way, it is careless and risky to forgetfully confuse the gentlemen and, having promised one, to dance with the other; although this often happens completely involuntarily, it may seem offensive to the forgotten, it is better, if possible, to avoid any misunderstandings that make an unpleasant impression.

A young man who invites a lady and forgets to find her before the dance begins is unforgivably rude and exposes himself to the danger of being insulted by the lady's father or companion. A good memory is essential at the ball.

During the waltz, you should stop for a minute's rest not far from the place of the dancing lady.

A young man attending a ball must certainly be able to dance; nothing can be more unpleasant for yourself and those around you than mixing up the figures of a quadrille or lancier. It is torture for a woman to waltz with an incompetent gentleman. Those who don’t dance would do better if they completely refuse the invitation to the ball, where, not participating in the general fun, they will only be a burden to the owners of the house. When dancing, the gentleman should not hug his lady if she is a girl, but his hand should touch the middle of her back at the bottom of the waist with his palm. I dance with a married woman, you can put your arm around her waist. It is very vulgar to waltz without holding your lady's hand or holding her hand to your side or flying away. (An interesting point, if you remember how they dance in Polites). The lady holds a handkerchief or fan in her hand, placed on the gentleman’s shoulder. Having invited the lady in advance, the gentleman approaches her at the first bars of the dance and bows; she gets up and accepts his offered right hand in order to get to the place where they will start dancing. The gentleman always takes his lady with his right hand; in quadrilles she always stands to his right. At the end of the dance, the gentleman again offers the lady his right hand and takes her to her place, bows, she also bows to him, sits down, and the gentleman immediately moves away.

Young men should not touch their lady’s fan, scarf, or bouquet: this is too familiar, indecent and puts the girl in an awkward position. If a man accidentally breaks a woman’s fan, no matter whether she is young or old, he must, after apologizing and asking permission, put it in his pocket, and the next day send a new one, if possible similar to the broken one, and even better, but not too magnificent, so as not to offend a woman with inappropriate generosity. A very expensive fan that cannot be replaced should be repaired by a skilled craftsman.

Girls sit at the ball with their mothers, or the elderly ladies accompanying them, and should never choose a seat away from them, much less in another room.

Also, they do not go to the buffet alone with their gentlemen, but are always accompanied by their mother. Social decency requires that not a crumpled flower from a headdress or a scrap of dress be left in the ballroom. Persons with intelligence and tact leave the ball in the same fresh suit as when entering the hall. Confused flowers, burst corsages, etc. Testify to sudden movements, disorderly dancing, and a visible lack of modesty and restraint.

A girl who is not invited by anyone should not be visibly angry about this, but try to start a conversation with her neighbor so as not to let her embarrassment be noticed. One of the duties of the mistress of the house is to provide gentlemen to ugly and independent ladies. This responsibility requires tact and delicacy. First of all, in this case, they turn to their closest friends. It is also necessary that the girl does not guess about such a violent invitation and does not feel her pride is offended.

Neither ladies nor gentlemen take off their gloves at the ball and never dance without them.

Whispering and laughing with a gentleman, covering himself with a fan, is a sign of very bad taste.

It is not customary to dance with the same person more than three times during the evening, unless it is the bride and groom, or if the dancing does not take place in the closest circle.

At the entrance to the ball, the father leads his daughter by the arm, and the son leads his mother; father and daughter enter first. In no case should a young girl enter arm in arm with a young man, even with the groom; her brother and his friend and, in general, any young man bring in the mother, and after her, if there is no elderly companion, the young girl follows alone; if the brother and his friend are accompanying her, then she takes her brother’s hand. If there are two daughters, then the father enters arm in arm with the mother, and the girls follow them.

Of course, it is better if the owners introduce the ladies to unfamiliar gentlemen who want to dance with them; but sometimes this proves inconvenient or impossible, and in such cases it would be undue scrupulosity to refuse strangers. You can also sit through this all evening without dancing. However, at evenings in casinos, on the water, or at informal balls, girls should be too strict in choosing gentlemen and not compromise themselves by dancing with the first person they meet. They just need to be able to put their refusal into a soft, delicate form. Without a performance they dance only with officers, famous officials, and so on, whose uniform indicates their position in society.

At such meetings, decent young men do not dare to invite a girl they do not know and always try to be introduced to her through a mutual friend. If one is not found, then the person who wants to meet introduces himself to the girl’s parents, giving them his business card; but such an act means a very strong desire to get to know each other.

The girl should talk to her gentleman during breaks in the dance, but without familiarity or much animation; the conversation usually revolves around the most ordinary objects of daily life, and the slightest slander must be very carefully avoided.

It is indecent for girls and boys to play any kind of games, and it is better if they do not even approach the gambling tables at all.

Performances require great tact: they have many almost imperceptible shades, the observance of which is a whole science.

A woman should never express a desire to meet a man, much less be introduced to him, unless she intends to ask him for some favor.

Before introducing two people, you need to ask each separately if he wants this. However, sometimes performances happen completely unexpectedly, impromptu.

A young person is always presented as an elder, a lower-ranking person as a superior, a man is presented to a woman, and never vice versa, except if the man is a high-ranking or clergy person.

Usually (of course, there are exceptions) a daughter does not introduce men to her parents, and a wife does not introduce men to her husband; the husband, on the contrary, introduces his friends to his wife, and the son to his parents. High-ranking officials are not introduced to anyone unless they wish to do so. Among equals, the first to introduce their relatives is that a husband introduces his wife to a lady of the same circle, and a daughter can introduce her mother to an elderly person, if the need arises.

Culture of behavior in the theater or at a concert

In the theater it should behave in the same way decently and well-mannered, as in a high-society drawing room. "Life in the world, at home and at court"

Going to the theater is such a rare event for some people that it may even seem extraordinary. A person is afraid of an unfamiliar environment, and therefore begins to get nervous. However, knowing the basic rules of etiquette, you can be sure that you will pass for not just a cultured and educated person, but even a regular at cultural events.

The first thing you start to think about before going to the theater is wardrobe. And it often happens that you need to go to the theater immediately after a working day, without being able to go home to change clothes. No problem: just when going to work, try to dress up your business suit more festive look. For a man, a dark suit, light shirt, and tie are required. A woman puts on an elegant dress or suit.

For young girls Light shades of dress are preferable. At ceremonial performances, dresses are cut out with short sleeves. For ladies sitting in the stalls, a black dress is preferable. And as one of the rules, the less attention you pay to yourself, the better.

When going to the theater as a couple, it is better to coordinate your outfits. If you go by invitation, then the suit for men should be a tuxedo, and for ladies - evening dress. In the winter season, a lady should take her shoes with her to change them in the theater. Strong odors should be avoided. This applies not only to eau de toilette, but also to the food consumed before going to the theater.

It would be ideal to come to the theater 15-20 minutes before the start performance. When entering the theater foyer, a man must take off his headdress, then help the lady undress, and only then undress himself.

To the auditorium The man enters first. But the first lady is moving towards the place indicated on the ticket. You should walk between rows facing those sitting. Friends in the hall greet with a slight nod of the head, smile, give a hand only to those who are in close proximity to you. It is indecent to talk to friends across several rows, as well as to call out to them.

If suddenly your the place will be taken, under no circumstances should you borrow anything else. The person whose place you took will be in an awkward position. Just show your tickets and politely ask the people in your seat to check theirs. If difficulties arise, for example, two tickets were sold for one seat, you should contact the attendant for clarification of the situation.

If your seats are in the stalls, amphitheater, or dress circle, then you should take them no later than the third bell. When the seats are located in the middle of the row, it is better to take them in advance, and if on the edge, then you can wait a little so that the audience is seated in the middle. You need to sit straight and calm. It is indecent to occupy two armrests.

Those who were late for the performance Seats located on the sides are waiting. Or you will have to stand at the entrance waiting for intermission. The main and first condition in the hall when watching a performance is silence. Respect for the public who wishes to listen to a work of art requires silence and calm in the hall. Anyone who doesn’t know the performers should take the poster and read it. All the attention of the audience during the action on stage should be concentrated there, on the stage, and not on the auditorium in search of acquaintances or looking at toilets. If you want to express your approval, you can resort to loud applause, but this is mostly the job of men.

This is what was written in the brochure “Life in the world, at home and at court” published in St. Petersburg in 1890 from the “Library of Practical Information” series about the intricacies of correspondence - feelings, the expression of which is allowed in letters, decorum that must be observed.

"A young girl never writes to a man, even on behalf of her parents; it is best if not a line written by her is in the hands of a man who is not her relative or who is not yet completely old. A self-respecting woman should not correspond with a man who is not her husband or a close relative. To step beyond this strict rule and enter into correspondence with some bright star of the male intelligentsia, while indulging in completely innocent and purely intellectual pleasure, can only an independent woman, possessing impeccable morality, having no husband, no children, no family and afraid of losing herself in public opinion.

The letter must be written cleanly, neatly, clearly, without blots, which are allowed only in correspondence between close friends. Handwriting, letter folding, shape, quality and type of paper - all these seemingly little things determine the age, position and character of the writer. The style of the letter testifies to his tact and secularism.An attentive observer can recognize the true character of a man, and even more so of a woman, by handwriting; just as the expression of the eyes belies the words that are sometimes spoken, the handwriting belies the syllable of the letter. Therefore, the art of correspondence does not lie in one syllable alone: ​​only a truly well-bred, decent person knows how to coordinate his handwriting with his syllable.”

Letters always begin with a response to the letter received, and if there was none, then with a few words relating to the last meeting of the correspondents. First, you should write about the person to whom the letter is intended, and touch on subjects that may interest him, and then you can tell about yourself, describe your surroundings and the way you spend your time, in conclusion, again turn to the personality of the correspondent, ask about various circumstances relevant to attitude towards him, and then express a desire to see him soon.

Guided by the desire to talk as little as possible about oneself, one should not, however, go to the extreme and fillhis message by mere repetitions of his correspondent's letter.
When writing letters to persons of higher social status and senior age, it is indecent to express brevity that does not actually exist in personal relationships.

To interest your correspondent, you need to express your opinion in a letter, discuss what he has written as if in a live conversation, then talk about what he does not know, and satisfy his curiosity and friendly concern by reporting about your own affairs. As Madame de Sevigne said: “Your letter should open to me your soul, not your library.”

In correspondence one must avoid wit and ambiguity and very soften expressions; The written transmission of thoughts has a big drawback, not having the ability to convey the intonation of the voice and facial expression of the writer. And everyone knows how important tone and look are in a conversation. You can read the same phrase in ten different intonations, and each time it will have a new meaning.

Therefore, you need to write with the greatest caution and be very lenient about the information provided in the letters you receive.

You must always remember that spoken words are spoken into the wind and no traces remain of them, otherwise “What is written with a pen cannot be cut out with an axe.” A cautious person will never dare to slander anyone in writing and will never allow himself to express too harsh opinions that could later turn to his detriment. Gossip and gossip should be completely excluded from correspondence; It is difficult to imagine how many troubles and even misfortunes one careless word can cause, for a remark in one letter immediately gives rise to comments and is conveyed in another as something completely reliable. If people were prudent, then before sending a letter, everyone would ask himself whether it could be read aloud publicly without him having to blush for something written in it. Too much writing ruins people even more often than too much talking. Therefore, cunning people always write very little, while frank and simple people write a lot, for which they sometimes have to pay. First trips into the world (of a young girl and a young man). )

A woman is a slave who forces her to serve herself, a man is a master who obeys. (c)"Life in the light of home and court." 1980. Saint Petersburg

We continue the “politeness column”, or rather talk about the etiquette of the 19th century. Today we will talk to you about the relationship between men and women, and the rules that guided polite young people of the 19th century. Unlike the previous material, today we will not quote the original source in full, but will provide information in an easier to understand form focusing only on the main points. Those who are interested in reading 19th century texts can find the book "Life in the light of home and court" 1980 publishing house and “gain many pleasant moments.”

“In etiquette and relationships established by light, there are many degrees and shades. There is a difference in attitudes towards complete strangers and only superficially familiar people; then follows intimate relationships with friends and, finally, family relationships. But all these gradations are subject to one general rule, which consists in the indispensable observance of politeness, courtesy and tact, and in the absence of selfishness: guided by this, it is easy to get on the real road.

• For men, seeing friends in the theater, it is indecent to make signs to them, much less call them; they simply bow slightly without getting up from their seats.
• Seeing a very important person in the theater, he to bow he should stand up respectfully
• During intermissions, and men approach the ladies they know, no matter where they are sitting. The conversation should not be too long, since it is considered indelicate. During the next intermission, you can only approach these same ladies with their permission.
• If the ladies are without a gentleman they should be invited to show them to the lobby and see them off when they leave, but if they refuse, they should not insist
• For menIt is forbidden to offer treats to strangers, if there is no close acquaintance at home, or if they are not relatives.
• If a man accompanies the ladies he should offer them ice cream, soft drinks or candy.
• A man should not leave a lady, with whom he accompanies in order to talk with other women or offer them his services.
• If he wants to go out during intermission, but she prefers to sit in the box, then a man is allowed to leave only for a few minutes in order to exchange a few words with a friend, but he has no right to stay with other women.
• Man walking arm in arm with a respected woman, wife or relative should not bow to women without social status
• In the theater, as well as on the street Gestures and loud conversations should be avoided, pointing fingers at acquaintances and discussing the acting too loudly.
• Ladies should not accept treats from strangers.
• Woman considered to have lost her position in society from the moment she entered into a reprehensible relationship with a man.
• If a man, accompanying a respected woman or wife, bowed or paid attention to a woman who had lost her position in society, a decent woman should leave him immediately
• For young girls it is more decent to look at actresses, and she should avoid looking at love scenes and low-cut costumes.
• To men and women, Those occupying a high position in society are applauded silently: a slight gesture of approval is enough from them.
• It's rude to be late.
• Man, wanting to serve a woman accompanied by a gentleman, for example by offering a chair, in order to avoid troubles, he must turn to his companion, and not to herself.
• Too much indiscriminate courtesy and helpfulness towards strangers is reprehensible and imprudent.
• If a man accompanies several ladies his attentiveness, helpfulness, and kindness should be unlimited. He must help women, serve and yield to them in everything
• It is a shame to look at a man walking empty-handed next to his wife, carrying bundles or a child: he is obliged to relieve women from all anxiety and fatigue
• Many predict the introduction in the near future of an English fashion of bowing, where women bow first: we do not entirely understand this custom.
• Do not bow to a woman when you meet her in a public place means insulting her and himself. By such an act, one either recognizes oneself as compromising or the woman has lost her position in society.
• A woman should be so modest and self-possessed in her actions and words as not to give rise to unceremoniousness in the environment around her, and so bold and firm as to suppress this unceremoniousness if it did arise.
• Men, even the rudest, to their credit, always turn out to be extremely sensitive to the lesson of politeness they received from a woman with tact
• A woman should avoid receiving social acquaintances in your bedroom; a young girl cannot afford this under any pretext. Only a doctor, a close elderly relative, or a priest enters the bedroom, and then only if she is sick and cannot get up.
• If a woman is not very sick and the illness does not require lying down, she can receive guests on the couch; neither hood nor untidy head is allowed.
• A woman does not have the right to be the first to ask a man about his health; Only after he inquires about how she is feeling does she ask about the same thing, but in passing.
• All conversations about feelings are excluded between young people and girls and ladies.
• When a woman meets a man on the street, who would have the tactlessness to stop her or go next to her, oh must immediately find an excuse to leave him, by going into a store or taking a carriage.
• A respected man does not compromise a woman by being next to her but on the contrary, it makes you respect her too.
• A woman is a slave who forces her to serve herself, a man is a master who obeys.
• Woman does not pick up things that a man drops, but makes him pick up what she drops.
• Woman doesn't let him through the door first.
• Woman doesn't get up when he sees a man
• Woman serves men only at the table.
• Woman accepts the services and courtesies of his gentleman. She is polite and appreciative.
• Giving up your hand acquaintance men, woman insults him. It is impossible to refuse.
• Walking with my husband and another man along the street or in the garden the woman must walk between them: It goes without saying that she goes arm in arm with only one: walking arm in arm with both is extremely funny and ugly.
• Leaving the carriage, even public, a woman has the right to accept help even from a stranger and thank him with kind words.
• Man always obliged to help a woman in difficulty.
• To a woman It’s awkward to refuse a man offering her help.
• Decent woman She will never agree to visit a man who has not introduced his wife to her.
• During visits woman cannot say goodbye and leave with one of the visitors, so as not to give rise to slander.
• A man entering a carriage home or other public place gotta tip his hat or touch her despite no one in particular.
• Women do not bow when entering a public place, but if they are alone there and the man entering bows to them, then they respond with a slight nod of the head.
• In all closed places where there are women, men should be without hats and must not smoke.
• A man should never allow a woman to buy a bouquet in his presence: he should hurry to pay for it and the lady should not interfere with him.
• Out of delicacy, a lady should not want to buy flowers, knowing what this will oblige her gentleman to.

Life into the light.

Knowledge of the world in general.
By knowledge of the world we mean knowledge of secular customs and politeness, and although quite a few manuals have been written on this issue, there remains much to be said about it, if not new, then at least useful.
The knowledge of the world prescribes different laws for different positions, ages, sex; These laws are not the same for a society lady and a bourgeois woman, for a young man and an old man, for a young man and a young girl.
What would be the height of secular decency for some would seem the height of rudeness for others, but we must not forget that knowledge of the world combines customs with politeness.
Great minds assert that the knowledge of the world comes from the heart and does not need to be subject to rules, that grace, dignity, good manners are innate in persons of good society, and you often have to listen to the impertinent remark that you will never acquire these qualities by desire, unless you possess them arbitrarily, by right of birth. Such speeches are an insult and vile flattery, since reason will tell you that there is no point in trying to acquire what you already have, or modesty will inspire you with humble hopelessness. Without a doubt, a certain amount of tact, common sense and feeling replaces knowledge of secular rules for many, and we are often surprised at the observance of decorum by people from whom we least expected it; The three qualities mentioned above seem to suggest what to do and prevent a positive violation of secular decorum. This property can simply be called sensitivity of nature.
The heart to teach us to sympathize with the misfortunes of our neighbors and treat them with kindness, no matter how we ourselves are placed - this is the knowledge of the world; common sense convinces us to respect merit, no matter what place it occupies in society - this is politeness; tact tells us when we should say goodbye so as not to seem intrusive - this submission to secular laws.
But just as not everyone belongs to exceptional natures, not everyone has tact, common sense and feeling; it is better to humbly follow the known, established rules. Besides, having the most beautiful heart, you may at the same time not know which corner of the business card should be folded as a sign of condolence and which as a sign of gratitude!
It would be a mistake, however, to think that it is necessary to obey the slightest rules of etiquette, and that those who do not comply with these rules deserve contempt. We must be strict with ourselves and strictly adhere to politeness, courtesy, etc., in relations with our neighbors, and in relation to these latter, on the contrary, show the greatest condescension; It must be remembered that many sin not intentionally, but out of ignorance, and those who are offended by the lack of decorum in others show even less tact than the accused themselves.
You must also be able to avoid petty rules of etiquette that can embarrass the owners of the house, while always observing the greatest politeness towards them.
Constant confinement in the circle of public ceremony cools short relationships; one should, however, strictly observe the known shades, giving the owners of the house more freedom than themselves.
Before proceeding to describe the conditions of life in the world at home and at Court, we will say a few words about tact, politeness, decorum and customs.

Politeness.

“Politeness is to the mind what beauty is to the face,” said Voltaire.
Labrussiere adds that “one must have very outstanding qualities in order not to need politeness.”

Politeness includes all the social virtues that we need in order to be useful and pleasant to others. It is obligatory in social life as well as in business and in life relationships in general. Without it, any relationship with people becomes impossible. Politeness softens morals, prevents quarrels, pacifies irritation and hatred, forcing us to restrain ourselves; Thanks to her, we gain the love of the higher and the respect of the lower.
It replaces friendliness if, unfortunately, we are deprived of this dignity.
Politeness, neither a quality nor a virtue, is a quality that we learn and must teach our children, just as we learn to speak correctly and dress with taste. Isn't politeness the form in which we clothe our actions?
There is an innate politeness of heart that cannot be learned, but, we repeat, we are not addressing selected natures who do not need a leader, but ordinary mortals who have human weaknesses, such as indifference, frivolity, etc.
Politeness towards inferiors is a sign of real superiority and the best way to force them to be polite.
Politeness draws its rules from secular customs.
It must be instilled in the child from a very tender age so that later it does not become hypocritical; Exaggerated politeness can become an insult to the one to whom it applies, and baseness on the part of the one showing it. Everything that is insincere is unnatural and more or less exaggerated.

Tact.

Tact is one of the most important conditions of light. Like many other things, tact can be developed, and there is no need to despair if it is not an innate quality. It is acquired through reflection and observation; These two acts lead to the formation of a judgment and to recognition—from here tact is born.
Then it is no longer difficult to become loved and respected by everyone, without offending anyone, showing affection to everyone, and, without having much intelligence, to be known as a well-mannered and sweet person. Tact and prudence in many cases replace education and even heart.
By the way, a gift given, a courtesy expressed in a timely manner, always has a double price; on the contrary, being irrelevant, they lose all meaning.
It must be admitted that he who possesses the highest degree of knowledge of society and decency is not only an elegant, dignified, polite person, but at the same time he is patient, condescending, kind to inferiors, respectful to superiors, he is sensitive, he never offends anyone. A woman who has this knowledge always enjoys a good reputation, never violates decency, and does not force anyone to talk about herself. She has friends, and what’s even more, friends, she knows how to raise her children, her house is peaceful, calm, decent, she doesn’t need to be young and beautiful, she is always graceful and involuntarily charms everyone who approaches her.
It is difficult to establish unchanging rules for various circumstances of life, since the course of action often depends on the situation in which people find themselves.
What is impermissible in one case will be decent in another, depending on the individual, age, position and situation.
Circumstances govern actions.
Sometimes one must act in accordance with the strictest etiquette, but sometimes the heart and common sense are the best advisers.
Tact is the head of everything: having it, you will always find a way out of difficulties.
Tact is not exactly the same as common sense, although it follows from this latter, it is a refined feeling, as if of second sight, indicating where and when you need to stop, what is indecent to show, and what, on the contrary, will make a pleasant impression on your interlocutor.
Tact suggests how one should dress on various occasions: diamonds are appropriate for visiting a friend who is proud of you, a modest toilet is necessary for a visit to one who likes to excel. There are many, almost imperceptible shades that tact teaches you to notice, forming the most charming character in home and social life.
There are individuals with a heart of gold and many virtues, but at the same time extremely awkward. Let us add that for the most part they have enough insight to notice their awkwardness when it is too late, and, trying to correct the mistake, they increase it even more.
Such personalities will certainly manage to touch your sensitive string; they are drawn, as if by a magnet, to a sore spot, carefully hidden from prying eyes.
Despite all their efforts to avoid this, they cannot resist. When visiting a sick person, with the intention of doing something pleasant, they will certainly talk about another patient who died from the same disease. We witnessed a conversation between two ladies in a very decently, but not richly furnished living room; there was no chandelier on the ceiling, and the young mistress of the house dreamed of the day on which she would buy a chandelier with the money she had saved. The visitor, who was very eager to please the young woman and even had a great interest in this, could not find anything better to notice than the fact that a chandelier on the ceiling was necessary.
Who among us does not know such talkers?

They talk to the poor about the wealth of their neighbor, to the losers about the offensive successes of their rivals, to the sick about pleasures that are inaccessible to them, or about the bad course of their illness. Under the slightest circumstances of life, they will always have inappropriate and offensive words, a reminder of what it is desirable to forget.
Sometimes you want to call them evil people; nothing happened: they are just awkward and indelicate. The wicked often have more tact; at least you can object and pay in the same coin. We are powerless against the tactless. They always appear at the wrong time and do not leave on time; Their lack of intelligence sometimes causes great trouble. The tactless never know what to do; they hesitate and always make things worse. I’ll give you a very innocent example. One mother, a secular woman, found it necessary to instill in her daughter that she should avoid talking face to face with young people. One day a close friend of her brother entered the room where the young girl was sitting with a friend, waiting for her mother to return from a walk. A few minutes later, the friend got up to bring something from the next room. “Wait, I’ll go with you,” the young girl immediately said, thus awkwardly expressing her reluctance to be alone with the young man.
This was exaggerated modesty, and the young man had the right to be offended. Soon after the girl returned to the living room, the daughter of the mistress of the house herself was called for something by the servant, and left, leaving her friend with one or two tactlessness, since, in her opinion, it was indecent! A friend was found, sat down at the piano and began to play in order to avoid a conversation that threatened to be interrupted by unpleasant silence, and played music until the mistress of the house appeared. The same young girl, in a similar case, called her maid in order to have a third person with her; she obviously did not know how to adapt to circumstances.
There are characters endowed with innate tact, and it must be admitted that this quality alone makes their company extremely pleasant. Many shortcomings are forgiven them; they never touch a sore spot, but, on the contrary, choose pleasant objects, stop in time in praise, without turning into flattery or banality, as well as in reproach, without becoming either cruel or evil. They often speak much more boldly than others, but they know how to choose the appropriate time and expression.
Such individuals do not know difficulties; they always get out of the most awkward situations. Their tact and delicacy are reputed to be kindness, without being it... but in life so often they are content with mere appearance!
And why not admit that tact comes from the heart, which is the source of all delicate feelings?
In the world, tact serves as an enormous resource; he alone can lead a person far: but one should not, however, assume that tact is not needed in the family circle.
Tact, as a feeling, cannot be defined; it is something elusive. For this reason, rude characters do not notice it, and only selected impressionable natures know its value.
Sometimes tact is given to a person without education and wealth, and at the same time, people who are placed very highly are deprived of it.
Tact indicates which of the visitors to your living room should be given honor, what kindness to say to each of them; tact doubles the price of alms and greetings, deprives ridicule of its poisonousness and softens the reproach. With tact you can do almost anything, you can say and write almost everything.
Tact and intelligence are twins and almost inseparable. Intelligence extends more widely, touching upon the most important subjects. Tact is limited to a more personal area.

First trips into the world (of a young girl and a young man).

A girl begins to go out into the world between the ages of 16 and 20, depending on her development and also on certain circumstances relating to her mother and older sisters. The expression “begins to go out into the world” does not mean that the girl has still been locked up, away from society; she appeared in the living room when she was called there; I’ve been to concerts and children’s parties; but when visiting with her mother, she did not sit with adults, but entered the rooms of her peers. In short, until now she was considered a child, and only after she reached the age of a bride did the doors of social life open before her. Now she begins to go to theaters, to receptions, balls and dinners, makes all the visits with her mother and, together with her, receives guests at home.

For the first ball, it is customary to dress a young girl in a light, simple, white suit, with a daisy or pink bud in her hair and a blue or pink ribbon belt. No jewelry, except perhaps a string of pearls. The hairstyle should be simple, without frizzy curls and, especially, without frizzy hair. The corsage should not be too low-cut.
If a girl has a father, then he leads her into the hall by the hand, introduces her to his old friends, and the gentlemen who want to dance with his daughter are introduced to him.
A young girl showing up to the first ball in a pink dress, trimmed with flowers and ribbons, with gold necklaces and bracelets, would make an extremely unpleasant impression.
For daytime visits, they wear a short dark suit, a waist-length outerwear and a cap hat. For home functions, a suit of gray (gris-perle) or other suitable fashionable color is preferred.
From the day the girl first appeared in the world, visitors left business cards for her in the same way as for her mother; In the invitation notes they invite her to evenings and dinners.

The first outing into the world of a young man who has just left school is also surrounded by certain formalities. First of all, when appearing at a ball for the first time, he must take extreme care of his costume, be it a tailcoat or a uniform; boots, gloves, hat, tie, hairstyle - everything should be impeccable. Whatever the moral and mental qualities of the young man, he must forget about them and remember that at the ball he is only a dancer and an amiable gentleman. Therefore, he should try to be as attentive as possible to the owners of the house and to his ladies with whom he dances. The ability to deftly maneuver between long trains, without stepping on them or breaking them, reveals that the young man belongs to elegant society; his helpfulness to ladies young and old, beautiful and ugly, poor and rich, testifies to his excellent upbringing and refinement of feelings.

To be continued...

Gallantry, respectfulness, courtesy, courtesy, politeness, haberdashery, bonton, tactfulness, deference, courtliness, delicacy, courtesy, subtlety, correctness Dictionary of Russian synonyms. courtesy see... ... Synonym dictionary

Courtesy- Courtesy ♦ Courtoisie Court politeness, similar to civil courtesy. There is undoubtedly more subtlety, sophistication and elegance in politeness than in mere politeness. Much more? Then this is no longer politeness, but snobbery or affectation... Sponville's Philosophical Dictionary

SUITE, oh, oh; Iv. Respectfully polite. U. visitor. U. bow. To answer politely (adv.) Ozhegov's explanatory dictionary. S.I. Ozhegov, N.Yu. Shvedova. 1949 1992 … Ozhegov's Explanatory Dictionary

courtesy- the greatest courtesy... Dictionary of Russian Idioms

courtesy- COURTESY, and, f The same as politeness. Exquisite, subtle courtesy was a characteristic of Larisa’s manner of communication... Explanatory dictionary of Russian nouns

J. abstract noun according to adj. polite Explanatory dictionary of Efremova. T. F. Efremova. 2000... Modern explanatory dictionary of the Russian language by Efremova

Courtesy, courtesy, courtesy, courtesy, courtesy, courtesy, courtesy, courtesy, courtesy, courtesy, courtesy, courtesy (Source: “Full accentuated paradigm according to A. A. Zaliznyak”) ... Forms of words

Rudeness... Dictionary of antonyms

courtesy- courtesy, and... Russian spelling dictionary

courtesy- (3 f), R., D., Ave. take note... Spelling dictionary of the Russian language

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