Psychology: how to learn to communicate. Brain workout or list of smart words

What is the difference between a pleasant and a repulsive interlocutor? Is it all down to an innate inclination to communicate? In fact, in 90% of cases, it is not talent that saves, but resourcefulness, self-discipline and continuous work on oneself. It's no secret: every detail is important - posture, facial expressions, gestures, tone. And if these components can be quickly mastered with the help of physical effort, competent speech requires something more. How to speak correctly and be a great storyteller?

Use verified data

Spreading gossip damages the reputation of a decent person. Any unverified or dubious information is considered gossip. To avoid awkward moments and to avoid putting yourself in a bad light, it is better to use only reliable facts in your story.

However, there are situations in which any detail is important, even the unlikely one. Then, in order not to mislead the opponent, sentences begin with the phrases:

“I'm not sure if this is true, but...”;
“I heard such information from neighbors/acquaintances/passers-by, but I don’t know how true it is...”;
“I don’t have a definite answer to this question, but there are several hypothetical versions...”;
“I think so, but it’s quite possible that I’m wrong. Double-check the information in reference books or with specialists.”

In other words, these statements have only a speculative, hypothetical connotation. The interlocutor clearly understands: the information may not correspond to the truth. However, the details will help you find the answer and give you direction.

Arm yourself with arguments

This concerns controversial issues. Even if a question has an irrefutable answer, the interlocutor may not know about it. In such situations, you cannot insult your opponent, laugh at him, or accuse him of ignorance. Attempts to insist on an answer without proper argumentation will also be useless. Therefore, the best solution would be a detailed explanation with the announcement or demonstration of evidence. They may be:

results of scientific research;
real life examples;
material evidence - video or audio recordings, photographs, samples;
authoritative literary sources - reference books, encyclopedias, textbooks;
statistics, experiments, logical conclusions.

Maintain clean speech

Fashion even affected spoken language. Therefore, words of foreign origin have become the norm. Sometimes they really come to the rescue, as they save time and help to briefly describe phenomena and objects that are difficult to translate into your native language in one phrase. However, sometimes these “linguistic foreigners” sound ridiculous.

“We will use a beauty center to demonstrate the fashion collection.”

“Team building will be held at Open Air Place.”

“There is no connection with the cleaning worker.”

How to explain to a person accustomed to normal speech that these sentences talk about a fashion show, a corporate party and a cleaning lady? To avoid semantic errors and misunderstandings, it is better to use Russian analogues whenever possible.

A few more problems of modern “fashionable” language- slang, jargon, deliberate abbreviation of words. The phrase “grandmothers spin like this”, uttered by the financial director, will not add respect or trust to him. And the words “hey, cool chick, don’t you want to ride in a car?” are unlikely to help you develop a healthy romantic relationship. Funny? Nevertheless, these are realities; to confirm them, it is enough to listen to the conversations of others. The result will be rather disastrous.

Serves as a huge ulcer on the body of speech obscene language. It is most often used for three reasons:

an attempt to attract attention, appear older, “fit in” with the company (for teenagers);
creating a comic or emotionally rich effect;
expression of negative emotions.

And now it’s time for a paradox: scientists have found that swearing is good for the body, as it makes it easier to endure pain. It turns out that a “sharp word” sometimes helps? Perhaps, but not during a business meeting, communication with a stranger, or as an insult. Therefore, you should not forget about the limits of decency.

Should we talk about illiterate speech? The rules of conjugation, declension, and pronunciation exist for a reason. They show the level of education and culture.

Pay attention to sound

The volume, timbre of the voice, and clarity of pronunciation have a significant impact on the interlocutor and the audience. The tone of the narrator is equally important. It is unacceptable for a well-mannered person to conduct a conversation in an arrogant, arrogant tone. You should not make your voice overly instructive - this humiliates and insults the listener.

A good conversation is one in which the sound matches the situation.

When communicating with children, an emotionally bright, positive, cheerful tone is used. Defending a scientific paper requires a neutral, narrative tone. Sellers of goods “for adults” lower their voices, speak slowly, and often use meaningful pauses.

What happens if you change everything?

Will kids like the dryness of a research assistant? How will the audience of scientists react to the speaker’s unusual voice - low, hoarse, slightly breathy? And what will happen if in a sex shop a shy buyer suddenly stumbles upon a salesperson who is too loud and cheerful?

Establish contact with your interlocutor

During a conversation, it is important to spend time with your opponent. Otherwise, all you get is a boring, long monologue. One-time, because no one wants to meet such a “talker” twice. A few rules for polite dialogue:

show respect, call the interlocutor by name (first and patronymic);
ask questions - simple and rhetorical;
forget about monosyllabic or vague answers “yes”, “no”, “maybe”, “who knows”, “we’ll see”;
look at the interlocutor, do not ignore him, do not be distracted by trifles;
maintain distance according to the level of proximity.

Conversation is reminiscent of passing a ball: if you speak up yourself, pass the ball to another player. It is completely impolite to hold this ball in your hands for a good half hour, and then leave with it without making a “pass”.

Find a balance between topic and digressions

Jokes, lyrical and philosophical digressions, memories, and secondary topics fuel interest in the conversation. But only if they do not ignore the main subject of conversation.

A person comes to the clinic to find out the cost of services. He doesn't care when this hospital was founded, what doctors work here and how many diplomas the local nurses have. Yes, this is important information, and you can mention it, but after the price list has been announced and without intrusiveness.

Avoid taboo topics

If the interlocutor is an unfamiliar person, it makes sense to limit the range of issues discussed. This will save you from awkward situations and conflicts. These topics include:

religion;
policy;
attitude towards sexual minorities;
diseases;
any problems in the life of the interlocutor;
intimate, personal issues;
gossip, discussions with a negative slant.

You can talk about work, culture, hobbies, institutions, animals, and so on. Discussion of topics from the list is permissible only with a close person who inspires trust and shows it in return. If a new acquaintance suddenly begins to broach an awkward topic, you can try to smoothly change the subject of conversation or directly, but politely, state your reluctance to discuss this issue.

Tips on how to speak correctly may seem easy, but practice proves otherwise. To successfully apply them, you will have to learn self-control and develop attentiveness. A good interlocutor monitors his speech and the reaction of his opponent at the same time. He always accurately notices when it is better to change the subject or stop the conversation altogether. Such skills require careful work on yourself. But it is they who serve as the calling card of a person with whom it is truly pleasant to communicate.

Hello, dear readers! The ability to speak beautifully is useful to every person. One way or another, we come across other people and we have to interact. It is up to you to make this interaction enjoyable and rewarding. Today I want to talk about how to learn to talk with people, what additional skills will help you in communication, and what simple rules you should follow in any communication, be it business or friendly.

Recipe for success

Look at the people who are sure to be the center of attention. Try to independently analyze the behavior of the person who is the soul of the company. Why is it pleasant to communicate with him, how does he behave, what and how does he say. Surely you will notice that such a person communicates freely and is not shy.

Let's find out what other traits are inherent in such people.

Politeness and respect. In my humble opinion, these things are the pillars of communication. When you enter into a dialogue with a person, you should always remember the basic rules of politeness. If you remember that every person deserves respect, then you will not have serious problems.

It's nice to communicate with someone who is not rude or insolent. Agree, no one likes rudeness. Therefore, try not to switch to “you” until the interlocutor suggests it himself or ask if he is against it.

Be sure to familiarize yourself with the rules of etiquette: who should be the first to offer a hand when meeting or greeting, who should be the first to walk through the door, how to properly say goodbye to a stranger. All these questions are very important for competent interaction with people.

Openness and kindness. Two aspects that undeniably attract you. An open and friendly person will always receive smiles in return. Of course, if this is not a mask or feigned kindness. People who are overly friendly and welcoming are intimidating.

Always remember social distancing. You should not touch a person again without a reason. Not everyone perceives tactile contact well.

When you speak, use more positive words. Use denials and negative statements less often. People are more pleased to hear approving and affirmative sentences. Try to use open postures and gestures. This will show that you are not lying and are not hostile towards the other person.

Smile and friendliness. In addition to being open and friendly, try to smile more often. It attracts people. But you shouldn’t do this feignedly, when only your lips are involved and your eyes remain lifeless. It looks even worse than not smiling at all.

Try to call your interlocutor by name more often. We all love to hear our name on other people's lips. Ask questions, but not too personal or provocative, unless you want to make the person uncomfortable.

There are never too many books

Books are useful not only from the point of view of “having a pleasant evening,” but also from the point of view of developing imagination, increasing vocabulary, and much more.

By reading the classics of world literature, you will be able to compose phrases competently and beautifully. Your speech will be filled with metaphors, beautiful figures of speech, you will expand your vocabulary of synonyms and antonyms. Remember Ellochka the cannibal. The speech of many comrades today reminds me of this very character.

It will never be superfluous to develop culturally. Except, of course, if you live in a remote village and are cutting down wood. And even in such a situation, speaking with pretexts alone will not work.

Correct speech helps not only to attract the attention of other people, but also to correctly express your thoughts. Sometimes you listen to a person and don’t understand what he is talking about. The words all seem understandable, but are completely unrelated to each other.

By reading books, you become involved in different situations. And this, in turn, helps to maintain a conversation on any topic. Of course, if you don’t know how a lathe works, then you’re unlikely to be able to carry on such a conversation. But you can always give an example of the incorrect use of such a machine.

Remember the old joke when a student only learned a ticket about fleas, but he got one about an elephant. So he was not at a loss and began to answer like this: an elephant is a mammal and if it had fleas, then...

What to give up

Do you know what your speech sounds like? I'm sure not. But this can be easily solved. Ask a friend, wife, or mother to talk to you to record on a voice recorder. You can tell funny stories, share childhood memories, even just describe your day in detail.

I often hear the question - how to learn to speak without an accent. When learning foreign languages, the most important part is practice. Moreover, the best practice will be with a native speaker.

You will hear foreign speech as it should be, and you will memorize, practice, and over time you will speak English as if it were your native Russian. But some people believe that an accent adds charm to speech. Decide for yourself.

If you speak too quietly, they may simply not even be heard. Of course, you shouldn’t yell in your interlocutor’s ear, but whispering is not always appropriate. My client’s boss almost always talks in two modes: nothing can be heard and her eardrums burst. Avoid such problems. A vocal teacher will help you develop your voice.

Useful skills

We use speech in different situations. Sometimes you have to be tough and your voice must match the situation. When everything is good, we are relaxed and calm. And our speech is measured and melodious.

Sometimes you have to quickly explain something to a person, and if your speech is crumpled and unclear, then you may not convey important information.

Learn tongue twisters. They help with diction. All TV presenters must know a dozen tongue twisters in order to train their speech. After all, it is trained, like any other skill. Don't you think that Ivan Urgant was born such a talker?

Pay attention to the book " How to communicate effectively with people» Dale Carnegie. You will probably find a lot of useful tips in it.

What is your problem with speech? How often do you have to speak in public? Are you studying foreign languages?

Be patient and good luck. You will definitely succeed!

The world is so arranged that some people talk too much, without stopping for a second, while others in society cannot squeeze out a word. What is this connected with? The inability to express one’s thoughts, maintain a conversation and conquer one’s interlocutors with the filigree of one’s style depends primarily on one’s complexities and lack of self-confidence, and not on a lack of intelligence, as many believe. However, continue to close yourself off, calming your soul with the dubious “I don’t like communicating with people and I won’t!” not worth it under any circumstances. Even erudite people who have a rich inner world, who have read hundreds of books and are distinguished by remarkable intelligence, may experience difficulties in communication.

The word is one of man's most powerful weapons

The ability to communicate and influence people with the power of words is considered the golden quality of a modern person. Without correctly constructed phrases, you will not be able to conclude a contract, deliver a banal congratulation at a wedding, or win a girl’s heart, not to mention the fact that many promising professions will be inaccessible to you. In the beginning there was the word, and it will always be.

“Every thought expressed in words is a force whose action is unlimited.” These are the words of L.N. Tolstoy, once again proving that you need to learn and be able to communicate with people. People who know how to masterfully use words are everyone’s favorites, all doors are open to them, it is much easier for them to build a career and achieve their goals. Their secret is that they know how to communicate with people, they know where, when and what to say, where to remain silent and where to argue. However, they do not have any extrasensory abilities or developed intuition. Anyone can master the art of communication if they have the desire.

Secrets of a fruitful conversation

The basic principle of communication with people is based on the mirror rule: “As you treat others, so they treat you.” Your rudeness will cause a negative response, inattention will be paid for in the same coin, and sharp gestures, abrupt speech and the habit of interrupting will make you one of the most unpleasant interlocutors.

So, how to communicate with people correctly? The most important components of a proper conversation are:

politeness;
interest;
interest;
attention;
moderate gesticulation;
leisurely and calm speech;
sensitivity and responsiveness;
listening skills.

As you can see, nothing supernatural! There is no need to memorize jokes and long tirades, there is no need to show tricks to be appreciated, just basic politeness - and the interlocutor will favor you!

Let's look at 10 basic rules of communication, mastering which you will become one of the most pleasant interlocutors.

A smile is another secret weapon in the arsenal of beneficial effects on people. After all, who would like to talk to a person who has a lifeless, detached expression on his face? The same can be said about a person who constantly smiles - he may be mistaken for an abnormal person. The main thing in a conversation is to maintain balance. Smile politely from time to time, but do not laugh out of place, especially at the moment when they tell you about their problems, but also do not laugh forcefully - a fake laugh is noticeable a mile away.

When communicating, try to look your interlocutor in the eyes, continuing to maintain a polite interest on your face even when the topic of conversation is not at all interesting to you. People don’t like those who look at the floor or to the side - this indicates either the interlocutor’s dishonesty or his bad upbringing. Follow these two rules, and soon the problem of how to communicate with people will be irrelevant for you.

Moderate gestures

In the psychology of communication, along with a smile, gestures are no less important. Try not to make sudden movements or fuss during a conversation, creating the impression of a nervous person. And even more so, don’t bang your mobile phone on the table, don’t drum your fingers, don’t look at yourself in the mirror and don’t put on lipstick. At best, the interlocutor will think that you are bored, and at worst, he will form an opinion of you as an ill-mannered and impolite person.

All people, without exception, welcome leisurely, soft gestures, open postures (no crossed arms) and palms. At the same time, follow the widespread method of “mirroring”: discreetly repeat the gestures of your interlocutor and position yourself in his position. The method works flawlessly - the person on a subconscious level will feel some unity with you, and then sympathy.

I don’t know how to communicate with people, or How to start a conversation

Have situations ever happened to you when you just needed to start a conversation, but you didn’t know how to start it, with what words and on what topic? In such cases, choose any universally secular topics, such as weather, news, work, people around you, cars. If you are aware of the interests and hobbies of your interlocutor, the best move is to ask him a question in this area, and then ask him to enlighten you. Communication will be provided to you!

If you are in an unfamiliar society, it is better not to engage in conversation until you become imbued with the “common spirit” and understand what people are interested in. To do this, simply listen carefully to each speaker. Your position as a listener, combined with well-directed clarifying remarks, will be appreciated, because everyone loves to talk, but only a few know how to listen.

Don't interrupt

This is perhaps the main principle of any conversation on which the ability to communicate with people is built. Unnecessary remarks, shifting the conversation to one’s own person, impatience, not the desire to listen, but the desire to speak out, while blatantly interrupting the speaker, will not be pleasant to anyone. Such behavior will soon scatter your social circle, because selfishness, dominance and lack of sensitivity in conversation characterize you as an extremely unpleasant interlocutor.

Listening is what everyone needs

Ask the right questions

However, silently listening to your interlocutor, having managed not to utter a word during his entire monologue, is also not the best option. Ask him questions from time to time, showing your interest and letting him know that you enjoy talking with him and listening to him. Try not to overdo it with questions, otherwise the conversation will smoothly flow into the framework of an interrogation. Those who find it difficult to communicate with people can begin to fight their complexes with this method. In this case, the questions may be something like this: “Yes? Really? What happened next? Yah! Is it true? What are you talking about? What's next?" At the same time, it is not recommended to:

criticize the interlocutor’s profession;
unceremoniously inquire about his income;
confuse his name;
load him with your problems;
show excessive familiarity (pat on the shoulder, shake, grab a button, etc.);

get into an argument;
show your superiority in every possible way.
act arrogantly and arrogantly, according to the principle “I don’t communicate with anyone, but I condescended to you, so be happy”;
do not admit that you are wrong, even though it is obvious.

Try to communicate with everyone kindly and politely, avoiding slang and familiarity. Don’t complain to everyone about your unhappy fate, your low-paid job, your oppressive boss, your traitorous friends. They will listen to you once, twice, but the third time they will start to avoid you, since you have a bad habit of sowing negativity. If you are open, optimistic and responsive in communication, doors to any society will open for you.

Control negative emotions

How to learn to communicate with people and make long-term acquaintances? To do this, first of all, you should work on yourself, on those character qualities that prevent you from winning over people.

The ability to communicate with people is a special kind of art that also needs to be worked on. This means that a person must be able to admit his mistakes and try to prevent them in the future, as well as control negative emotions.

Expand your horizons

In order for you to be in the eyes of people not only an ordinary listener, but also a person with whom it is pleasant and interesting to talk, actively expand your horizons. Read books, be interested in news, events, people. Agree, a conversation with an erudite interlocutor is much more interesting than with a person who cannot connect two words. For a fruitful and exciting conversation, not only the rules of behavior are important, but also what you can give to the other side, whether you can understand your interlocutor and maintain a conversation on a particular topic. After all, a comprehensively developed person knows how to communicate with people correctly, knows how to quickly adapt to a conversation and quickly finds a common language with people.

Speak clearly and clearly

To learn to communicate - communicate!

Many people, feeling awkward and embarrassed when talking, try not to talk to anyone, thereby further aggravating their situation. A person who avoids communication will never become a good conversationalist! You will learn to have a casual conversation only if you actively communicate. Put aside your “I’m afraid to talk to people” complex and start talking. No one requires you to make a fiery speech from a leader, a captivating story from a speaker, or a persuasive monologue from an advertiser; you can start by simply asking questions, talking about familiar topics, and listening. Remember, the more you communicate, the faster you will learn the basics of communication. At the same time, you don’t need to complicate your life by reading literature on this topic, studying hundreds of sources on the Internet and carefully preparing every word. You just need to communicate by regularly practicing your skills with different people.

Talk to sellers at the market, in the supermarket and boutiques, communicate with colleagues and acquaintances. Every conversation, every new meeting will become a building block in your experience and help increase your self-confidence. Record your monologue on video and watch your facial expressions, gestures, and speech. You will immediately understand what you need to work on and what your advantage is. Train and remember that the power of words is great, multifaceted and can have a powerful impact on your life.

We hope that we have given comprehensive answers to the question of how to learn to communicate with people.

Every day a person interacts with other people through communication. People bump into each other at school, work, and various events. Communication plays an important role in a person’s life, helping him develop, gain certain information and experience. But what to do if a communication barrier arises? How to learn to communicate with people?

The reason why a person cannot start a conversation is called a barrier. Why does it arise?

Firstly, a barrier may be a person’s inability and lack of desire to listen to his interlocutor. He tries to start his speech while his opponent is still speaking. Without the ability to listen, a person will not be able to achieve success in those areas of life where the main link to achieving a positive result is communication with people. After all, when the interlocutor constantly tries to interrupt, inserting some of his own thoughts, it is very confusing and annoying.

The lack of desire to listen is a slightly different problem. In this case, the opponent does not interrupt, but simply shows his complete indifference to the conversation. The reason for this may be that the person is not interested in the topic of conversation or he already has an opinion about the problem being discussed, and he is not going to change it.

At the same time, it is necessary to remember that the interlocutor can pretend that he is interested. The result is that the person is wasting time on this conversation. You can check whether your opponent is listening to the speech. To do this, you just need to ask the question: “What do you think about this?” If a person has not heard the last of what was said, then he will not be able to express his opinion.

Secondly, the barrier may act as an inability to demonstrate that a person is really interested in the issue being discussed. A conversation goes much easier when all participants like the topic of conversation. However, if the interlocutor simply shows interest without actually having it, then the communication will not make sense. But often the fear of offending a person forces you to remain silent about your indifference to this topic of conversation.
Thirdly, a barrier may be the lack of desire to understand the feelings of your interlocutor. It often happens that a person begins communication without paying attention to the mood of the opponent or to what feelings this particular topic evokes in him. And this is a very important point in communication.
Fourthly, the fear of opening up to them prevents you from talking to people. Usually this is fully manifested when people have just met. Not every person is ready to open his soul to another, because for this you need to be confident in him and trust him completely. Although some people may tell everything about themselves at the first meeting, which is also not desirable. You need to carefully talk about yourself, choosing what is worth telling and what is better to remain silent about.
Fifthly, the fact that people often have too different levels of development and education can interfere with starting a conversation. The easiest way to interact with each other is people who have almost the same intellectual level. If the interlocutor is tall, then the opponent tries to somehow please him, take an example from him, and acquire some skill.

The worst thing is when one person has a lower intelligence level than another. Then the interest in the conversation will be minimal, and there will be no desire to support it. But even to this pattern there are exceptions.
For example, if the interlocutor has been engaged in mental activity all day, then he is unlikely to want to talk about serious topics. Then he can easily carry on any casual conversation, even the most trivial one. Therefore, in this case, the intellectual level of the opponent will not play any role.

Psychology of communication with people

The psychology of communicating with people is based on certain rules. The famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie managed to formulate them best. He has in his arsenal excellent and well-known books on communication, which were written back in the 1930s and 40s. At the moment they remain just as relevant.

It's important to be truly interested in other people. After all, every person believes that he is unique, and therefore wants to be interesting to society. Usually the interlocutor is more willing to enter into a conversation with the opponent who shows the most interest in him. At the same time, little importance is given to what exactly he says.
You must always smile. A smile is a tool that helps to win over your interlocutor. She demonstrates pleasure in communication.
Don’t forget about your opponent’s name, because this is the most pleasant word for any person. During the conversation, you need to name your interlocutor. A name expresses personality, which is why many people don't like it when someone calls it incorrectly.
It is very important to listen to the person. With this skill, the opponent shows his attention and interest in the conversation. Unfortunately, not all people know how to listen, trying to quickly wedge themselves into the conversation by expressing their point of view. You need to listen carefully to your interlocutor, ask him questions, and show your emotions when appropriate. If you also remember some successful phrase from your opponent, and then express it during the conversation, then he will be doubly pleased and there will be no doubt about whether he was heard.
The conversation should be based on what interests both participants in the discussion. It’s good if a person can identify or already knows a topic that will definitely not be indifferent to the interlocutor. This will be a great way to win someone over.
You always need to show a person that he is important. At the same time, this must be done exclusively sincerely. This is a very difficult moment in the field of communication psychology. The opponent can always feel false interest in him, feigned admiration. Even if people prefer flattery, they may still feel some discomfort. Therefore, you should find those aspects of a person that actually seem unique and best, and praise him for them.

People who are reserved face the impossibility of stepping over themselves to utter any phrase in order to maintain a conversation. But this skill is necessary for every person as much as the ability to write and read. Psychologists have created some recommendations on how to learn to communicate with people.

It's good to practice on inanimate objects. You can simply talk to your furniture, for example, tell your desk how great today was and what interesting events happened.

Experts say that such an exercise actually allows you to learn how to communicate correctly with people, express your thoughts, construct sentences logically, and train your facial expressions and gestures. However, for many people such an idea seems crazy. In any case, you can change the furniture for a pet. For example, a dog will always faithfully listen to all the stories of its owner.

Another exercise is praise. When a person enters into a conversation, he should always try to compliment his interlocutors and highlight their special qualities and skills. Many people are embarrassed to express their feelings, but everyone knows perfectly well that people love to be praised.

It is important to take into account that kind words must be sincere and come from the heart. You shouldn’t flatter on purpose, it can be noticeable.

The best type of exercise on how to communicate correctly with people around you is direct communication with random opponents. You need to make it a goal to engage in conversation with a stranger every day. For example, when you go to a grocery store, you can talk to the seller about the quality of a particular product.

Or when you need to find a specific address, you can ask random passersby how to get to it. Also, when entering the room, you can warmly greet the concierge, ask about her mood, talk about the weather, and so on. When talking to strangers, it is important to always smile. This attracts people to each other.

Facial expressions and gestures in communication

Learning to speak correctly with people is not everything. It is necessary to acquire the skill of correct gestures and facial expressions. Sometimes body language says more than the words themselves. When the interlocutor speaks, the people around him evaluate not only his speech, but also the position and movement of his arms, legs, head, and eyes.

In order for people to listen to speech, it is necessary to adhere to the following rules:

It is important to learn how to look at your interlocutor correctly. Sometimes a person has such a look that another person gets a lump in their throat and is afraid to say anything. Therefore, it is necessary to look at your opponent openly, avert your eyes, and constantly show your interest in him. Depending on what topic the conversation is about, the view may be different. You should not look “eye to eye”; this creates additional tension during communication. If the person you're talking to is trying to look you straight in the eyes, you can look in their direction, but without focusing your gaze on them. Look as if through the person's face.
It is necessary to monitor your facial expressions and the facial expressions of your interlocutor. A person always expresses some kind of emotion on his face. You can learn to recognize your partner’s mood by facial expressions, as well as express your feelings yourself using it.
You need to be able to determine a person’s mood by gestures. If a person crosses his legs, clutches a folder to himself, hides his hands in his pockets, then we can confidently say that he is trying to isolate himself. Then the conversation is unlikely to be open and interesting from the first minutes.

The posture should be open, gestures smooth and slow, palms open. This will indicate that the person is calm and ready to talk. Some people who skillfully use psychological techniques often use the “mirroring” method. It consists of repeating the partner’s gestures or pose after a short period of time. This technique allows people to open up better.

Communication with other people is an integral part of human life. Without this, personal development is impossible. To acquire a communication skill, you must constantly practice it. The more a person talks to people, the faster he will lose all the constraining barriers that were in his way.

But if you get off the transport at your stop and soon forget about the unpleasant incident, then communication with friends, colleagues, family is a much more serious issue, and the consequences of errors in communication in this case leave an imprint on many areas of life. How to learn to communicate with people is not an idle question, and this skill really needs to be given special attention.

Talk or communicate?
It would seem – what’s so complicated? Since childhood, we all know how to speak and somehow communicate with others. The key word here, alas, is “somehow.” After all, the main task of communication is not to speak, but to be heard. And hear. To communicate effectively, you don’t need to have eloquence, be a virtuoso comedian, or a professional speaker (although all of these are certainly useful skills). In order for your message to reach the recipient, first of all you need to “build bridges.” If a person doesn’t like you, if on the “friend or foe” scale he clearly classifies you as a stranger, no amount of eloquence will help to reach him. And if he likes you, then he will try to listen to you, even if you are extremely tongue-tied.

Win sympathy
We often try to impress others, present ourselves in the most favorable light, and emphasize our many advantages. We put a lot of effort into this - and completely in vain. During a conversation, our interlocutor does not think about us at all - he is most likely worried about the impression he makes on you. The conclusion that can be drawn from here is simple - do not try to arouse admiration from your interlocutor, but let him impress you.

And be sure to remember the name of the person you are talking to. Poor memory for names is not an innate feature, but evidence of the “unimportance” of a given person to you. After all, you easily remember the names of people you are interested in.

Listen carefully
The ability to listen without interrupting and to delve into the essence of what a person is telling you is one of the most important in the art of communication. When your interlocutor speaks, do not be distracted by anything: put aside all small matters, do not look at the clock. Ask clarifying questions. Let the questions be open-ended (so that they cannot be answered “yes” or “no”). If you are sincerely interested in a person and his affairs, rest assured, he will consider you a good conversationalist. At the same time, be tactful: everyone has topics that they do not want or like to discuss.

Speak to a person in his own language
Even if you do not need a translator and you both understand Russian perfectly, this does not mean that you speak the same language. Make sure you are understood: are you using technical or jargon words? You always need to be aware of what idea you want to convey to your interlocutor, as well as what words you will use for this. Remember the old joke:

Dad, why is it raining?

You see, water evaporates from the surface of the earth, steam rises to high atmospheric layers, where under the influence of low temperatures it condenses and clouds form. When the mass of droplets becomes too large, it rains. Understand?

Yes, I understand. Dad, who were you just talking to?

Choosing the right words is another cornerstone of effective communication with people.

Tell stories
Remember how in childhood we learned lessons about this world through fairy tales. Nothing has changed since then. If you want to be listened to and heard with interest, do not voice “dry” facts and do not give instructions, but add stories to your speech - from anecdotes to real-life incidents. They should be interesting, not too long, and the conclusion that listeners will draw for themselves should be exactly what you want. When preparing for an important conversation, remember a couple of stories that are appropriate for the occasion and use them.

Be kind
Sargent remarks and attacks may be met with a bang by the company, but the one who has become the target of your wit is unlikely to be grateful to you. So if a joke that’s about to roll off your tongue might offend someone, it’s better to remain silent. But the ability to laugh at oneself and self-irony have always been valuable.

What else should be avoided is “off-screen” discussion of absentees. Firstly, your unflattering reviews may still reach the addressee, and in corrected and supplemented form. And secondly, those to whom you say something unflattering about others will themselves treat you with caution: you never know what you will say about themselves when they turn away. It’s better to say good things about people – both in person and behind their backs.

Politeness
It would seem that there is no need to talk about this separately, but politeness is still one of the best ways to establish quality communication. Simple words like “hello”, “please” and “thank you” still act as magic spells in matters of relationships between people. If you want to learn how to communicate with people and do it effectively, do not ignore these “platitudes” under any circumstances.

Don't argue!
Remember one important rule: if you win an argument, you have already lost. It is important for every person to remain significant and right - at least in their own eyes. And the feeling of awkwardness and annoyance that he will experience in case of defeat will now be inextricably linked with you for him. Is this exactly what you wanted? Same thing.

The only way to win an argument is to avoid it. No truths will be born there, don’t even hope. Only misunderstandings and mutual dissatisfaction are born in disputes.

If your interlocutor has already managed to force a dispute on you, simply admit that he is right. Nothing bad will happen. If you cannot completely agree with his position, find at least something with which you agree. Do not continue to “bend your own” until the interlocutor agrees with you. It's useless: he still doesn't hear you and doesn't think about your words. Now he only thinks about what to answer you and how to “save face”, and also formulates counterarguments, and therefore becomes even more convinced of the correctness of his position. Disputes in communication are a road to nowhere.

Criticism
The positive significance of criticism is greatly exaggerated. If, when criticizing a person, you think that you are doing it for his own good, at least stop thinking so. Any criticism is destructive in essence. Deep down, people still don’t accept it, even if they agree with it. So reprimanding an employee for a mistake in work is as ineffective as reprimanding a loved one for being late or a child for getting a bad grade. When you scold a person, he thinks badly of you and waits for you to finally finish. The educational effect, as you understand, is zero. The only benefit of criticism (also very relative) is that you can let off steam.

What if you just need to point out flaws (for example, in a report completed by your employees)? Do this as concisely and without emotion, not forgetting to note how much you value the “offenders” and their contribution to the common cause. Always allow your interlocutors to look decent in your and their own eyes.

Learning to communicate with people, being known as a “great guy” and a charming person - doing all this is much easier than is commonly believed. Love people, respect them, be interested in them, and NEVER infringe on their importance. Don’t doubt it - this way you will become simply an excellent conversationalist, whose company many are looking for.