How many days to wear a black headscarf after the funeral? On the death, burial and commemoration of the dead.

In this article, we would like to talk about mourning traditions, mourning etiquette, as well as provide interesting historical facts about mourning.

What does mourning mean?

Emotional grief for a person who has passed away is also manifested in external expression: in clothes, emotional behavior.
Each nation at all times had its own peculiarities of wearing mourning clothes and their own mourning customs. Each nation in its own way shows sadness, grief over the untimely loss of a loved one. Black color in mourning is generally accepted in Christianity. It is commonly believed that black is a universal color in the expression of grief. Dressing the mourner in black is a tribute to grief and respect for the deceased.

An interesting fact is that in ancient times, wearing black mourning clothes in the event of the death of a loved one was associated not with the idea of ​​expressing respect and grief, but with a superstitious fear of him. It was believed that the spirit of a deceased relative would not be able to recognize them if they dressed in black and could not take them away. The veil on the face was also supposed to mislead the spirits so that they would leave the soul of the one hiding behind the veil alone and not drag it with them to the underworld. Many of the superstitious traditions have come with us to modern times, it is still customary to hang mirrors in the house during funerals, according to one of the beliefs, if the mirrors are left uncovered, after a while you can see the deceased in the reflection.

Samples of mourning clothes of the 17th century

Over time, mourning clothes finally acquired the meaning that we give them today - a sign of mourning.

Modern mourning clothes

There is white mourning clothes, as an antipode to the symbol of the night, death. White is considered a color that personifies divinity, light, purity, truth. This color in mourning clothes is common in India and other countries of Southeast Asia.
In China, along with white, pink, red-pink and red-violet are also considered mourning, in Egypt it is yellow, among the Persians - brown, among the gypsies - red.

How much mourning is required?

The duration of mourning is always determined by the mourner himself, and the deeper the feeling of grief from the loss of a dear person, the longer the mourning lasts. There is nothing shameful in the fact that a person can soon find the strength to live on and get out of their mourning.
Mourning implies that people in mourning, for the entire period of mourning, refuse all entertainment and entertainment. Previously, it was believed that the exit from mourning should be preceded by sending all your friends and acquaintances postcards informing about this intention in advance. For as long as such a message is not sent, on its own initiative, society will not risk violating the privacy of a grieving person.

These traditions are reasonable. Mourning clothes serve as a kind of protection for the grieving person. The veil will hide the sad face and tears of a woman in mourning from curious prying eyes. At the sight of mourning, a careless or heartless person, at least, will not be able to ignore the misfortune of another or show disrespect to the deceased. Thus, the rules of good manners within the framework of mourning etiquette were fully respected.

Previously, the mourning period for a widow lasted 18 months. The first six months were supposed to wear dull-colored clothes with a white collar and cuffs. Ladies hat - brimless with a long veil. The absence of beads and flowers in the clothes indicated that the mourner was absorbed in deep grief, and not in her appearance. Dark gray kid gloves were worn during the early days of mourning. In the following days it was possible to switch to silk, especially in summer. After six months, clothes of dull colors could be replaced with dresses with discreet trimmings.

After the first year of mourning, a lady, instead of a hat with a long heavy veil, was allowed a lighter option, such as a silk headdress. It was allowed to wear hats of various styles. As a sign of mourning, mourning flowers were worn in the hands and on the wrists. Other colors of the toilet were allowed - gray and purple, mauve, black and white, trimmed with embroidery and black amber beads.

Men in those days usually wore dark monochrome suits, which were suitable for both mourning and office. It was accepted that widowers stopped mourning and went out into society much earlier than widows.
At the discretion of the parents, sometimes children were dressed in mourning clothes. The girl was sewn the same dress that her mother would wear. For example, for semi-mourning, the dress and hat were trimmed with a black bandage, and the buttons on the dress were made of black amber.
Servants usually mourned for the head of the family, but sometimes for other family members as well.

Sooner or later, everyone is faced with the loss of loved ones. How to properly organize the ceremony of farewell to the deceased, what rules must be followed, how to behave during the period of mourning and how long it lasts - these questions arise before many people who are faced with death.

Mourning is a spiritual grief for a deceased person, which has an external manifestation and requires the observance of certain rules of conduct. During the mourning period, the mourner refuses to attend entertainment and entertainment events, wears clothes of a certain color, and observes some restrictions in everyday life. Each religion has its own rules and rituals that should be followed during mourning for the deceased. These features must be taken into account, since neglect can become offensive to the relatives and friends of the deceased.

Mourning in world religions

Different cultures have their own characteristics and rules of conduct during the days of mourning for the deceased.

• orthodoxy- in most cases, it lasts from 40 days to a year, the mourner himself determines the duration of mourning;
• Muslims- Islam does not recommend wearing mourning robes for more than 3 days, the only exception is widows who observe mourning for 4 lunar months and 10 days;
• Buddhism- depending on the degree of kinship, mourning is from 49 to 100 days.

In many countries, there are special traditions of mourning for a deceased person, which have evolved over many centuries. To date, some of these rituals, some of these rituals are not used and are considered relics of the past.

1. Africa - mourning for the deceased is accompanied by chopping off the fingers and cutting off the hair, widows do not leave the closed premises for a month, after which they inflict deep wounds on the limbs and chest with a sharp stone.
2. Japan - the deceased is mourned for 49 days, after which it is believed that his soul leaves the world of the living.
3. Korea - relatives wear mourning for the deceased for 30 days.
4. China - the duration of mourning for deceased parents is 3 years.

Each religion clearly regulates the time and duration of mourning for deceased relatives or loved ones.

How to properly mourn

Christianity highlights several important points in the commemoration of the deceased - the third, ninth and fortieth day after the burial. During this period, close relatives must observe mourning. The external manifestation of spiritual sadness for the deceased is the wearing of mourning clothes. For the Orthodox, black is considered the traditional mourning color, although in some religions it is allowed to replace it with gray or another dark shade.

Basic rules of conduct in the days of mourning:

• refusal to wear bright colors;
• bright makeup, catchy, festive decorations are not recommended;
• you can not attend entertainment events and entertainment venues;
• it is not recommended to drink alcoholic beverages;
• for a year after the death of a loved one, it is necessary to pray for the repose of his soul;
• A widow cannot marry for at least a year after the death of her husband.

How much to mourn

The observance of mourning in Orthodoxy lasts at least 40 days from the moment of the burial of the deceased. During this period, close relatives wear mournful clothes, women wear black scarves. It is believed that on the 40th day after death, the soul of the deceased finally leaves the world of the living and goes to the Almighty, where further purification awaits it. That is why it is extremely important to observe strict mourning for at least 40 days after the funeral.

Mourning in Orthodoxy

When answering the question of how long mourning is observed according to the Orthodox, it is imperative to take into account the degree of kinship with the deceased. For example, many clergy believe that the longest period of mourning should be observed by a widow - a year from the moment of her husband's funeral. A widower mourns for the deceased for 6 months. The same period of mourning is established in relation to brothers, sisters, grandparents. In the event of the death of an uncle or aunt, this period is reduced to 3 months.

Mourning for her husband in Orthodoxy

According to the Orthodox religion, during the first 3 days after the death of the body, the soul of the deceased is directly near the members of his family and leaves the world only for 40 days. That is why it is very important to pray every day for the forgiveness of sins for the deceased relative, and if he was a deeply religious person, be sure to order a memorial service in the church.

How to observe mourning for a father?

The Orthodox religion recommends that the children of deceased parents observe all the rules of grief for a year from the moment of burial. After this period, a person can gradually return to his usual clothes and lifestyle.

Mourning for parents in Orthodoxy

Mourning for deceased parents for children continues throughout the first year after their death. At this time, you need to regularly pray for the soul of the deceased parent, attend church, remember your father or mother only with good, kind words.

In the event of the premature death of a child, parents must also mourn for at least six months. Although the Orthodox religion knows cases when a mother or father whose only child has died observes the rules of grief throughout the rest of their lives.

Mourning for mother in Orthodoxy

Special days of commemoration of the deceased mother are 3 and 40. These days it is necessary to hold a memorial dinner, inviting only the closest relatives and friends to it, order a church service for the repose of the soul of the deceased.

Regarding how much to wear mourning for a dead mother, each person decides this issue for himself individually. If, at the end of the year from the moment of the funeral of the parent, the feeling of deep spiritual grief does not disappear, the duration of mourning can be increased.

Mourning for a deceased relative is not just about wearing black or not attending entertainment events. This is a special way of life, which consists of regular prayers for the salvation of the soul of the deceased, the distribution of alms and the performance of good deeds in memory of the deceased.

Additionally

A sample of the text of obituaries can be found in the media. The article informs about the death of a particular person. The daily newspaper indicates the exact time and date of the memorial service. Nowadays, it loses its relevance, unfortunately. Relatives notify only relatives and friends about the tragic event. Some people don't know what happened. There are many people who knew him during his lifetime and would not want to be left out. For such cases, there are death notices in the newspapers.

An obituary, in its essence, is sad news about what happened to people who do not yet know about death. Usually compiled from a team: colleagues, relatives. It is a photograph of the deceased and an article with a brief biography. A sample obituary in the newspaper is provided in the photo.

Relatives and friends in farewell speech express personal grief. Colleagues, colleagues and acquaintances may not always be present at the funeral. A team in which a person has worked for more than one year cannot remain indifferent to the tragedy. Colleagues often experience loss more than friends who rarely see each other. Do not forget that most people spend much more time at work than with their family.

The differences in writing an obituary from relatives or colleagues lies only in the very attitude towards the deceased. Relatives and friends usually indicate personality traits that deserve attention: kindness, attitude towards people. Everything that was valued in this man. Colleagues emphasize professional qualities. All this below in the text.

There is no single sample obituary for everyone, just as there are no two people with the same fate. True, the best death notices to colleagues are often kept in the trade union department. Obituary samples are divided into age categories, male or female, manager or employee.

If there is no such sample, then it is not difficult to write an obituary on behalf of your team yourself. There are no strict rules in writing an obituary. The text is somewhat concise. Only dry official language is not welcome, in the absence of defining phrases. Your team will definitely notify you “with regret”, etc. Stick to a few ingredients, and you end up with a full obituary text.

1. Full data is placed next to the photo in a black frame:

Full Name.

Date of birth and date of death.

1. The first line of an obituary article usually begins with an indication of the team of which enterprise or organization reports the sad news. It can also be distant relatives and friends of the deceased. Do not forget to add the phrase "regretfully." A naked statement will serve as a bitter reminder of the loss of the relatives of the deceased.
2. What year did he die? What caused this (suddenly, after a long illness, as a result of an accident, etc.)
3. Briefly describe biographical facts, mentioning the importance of individual moments for society and relatives. Colleagues in obituaries indicate the stages of career growth, what degrees and titles he has achieved. Highlight the main achievements in the professional field, what benefit did the production bring to the business of the company.

For relatives, human qualities come first. All the things for which he was valued and respected. For example, "he was a support for relatives", "a loving spouse and father."

1. For an obituary in a newspaper, it used to be necessary to indicate the surviving relatives by seniority. In our time, it will not be superfluous if you write words of consolation in a similar form: “he was a hope and support for his elderly parents”, “a loving husband and father of two small children.”
2. In conclusion, be sure to write that the memory of him will remain in the hearts.
3. The last line can be a short, relevant quotation or epitaph.
4. If the publication of the newspaper in which the obituary is submitted is daily, then the time and place of the burial must be indicated.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the obituary is not just a tribute to tradition. From a properly compiled obituary, even a stranger can well imagine: who he was, what he had to endure and achieve in his life path. An obituary is a sign of respect for the deceased from the living and remembering him.

Often pride does not allow loved ones to ask for help at such a moment, although they need it more than ever. Therefore, paragraph 5 was previously required in the obituary. From it it becomes clear who exactly needs help, words of support.

Sometimes fate disposes in such a way that only an obituary is able to make people meet. For the last time, to say goodbye with dignity and ask for forgiveness. Do not deprive friends of this opportunity, and relatives - help. The obituary needs to be revived.

The Internet has become a full-fledged replacement for television and radio broadcasting and publications in newspapers. You can post farewell lines on your social media page. networks. Many acquaintances and most of your friends will learn about the sad news. After such news, is it possible to post something later? Can a message on the Internet replace an obituary in a newspaper?

With the change of generations, the values ​​of culture also change. Time will show. At the moment, messages in social. networks are not an obituary in the full sense of the word. Everything is mixed on different sites. The post of farewell to the deceased will steadily slide down the “wall” of the page. Tears and sorrow are soon replaced by carelessness and fun. Each subsequent post will cross out all the sincerity of the written words.

At the word epitaph, a short inscription on the monument immediately appears. Endowed with the ability to keep wisdom and inconsolable grief for centuries. More than one generation will change until a tombstone made of granite or marble is destroyed. Nothing lasts forever in this world. Monument from the word "memory". To put an epitaph on a monument means to express respect for the deceased, preserving his memory for many centuries.

Historically, the birthplace of epitaphs is Ancient Greece. Under this concept, any speech over the grave was designated. From the Greek "epi" - over and "taphos" - grave. Only then did it become words on stone. In the Renaissance, the elite sections of the population on the monuments indicated the stages of the birth of their kind, praised the virtue of the deceased and all his relatives with maximum pathos. Perhaps, thanks to this, historians had the opportunity to study in detail the life and life of that time.

In the ancient world, similar inscriptions on the plates are found everywhere. In ancient Egypt, hieroglyphs on sarcophagi and writing on the graves of Babylon. China and Japan transferred their Eastern philosophy from antiquity in epitaphs. For example, the saying: "it is not difficult to die, it is difficult to live."

In Western culture, it is customary to pick up a gravestone inscription for oneself during one's lifetime. It makes sense. Who knows better than ourselves, if not ourselves? You can send a message to posterity, or indicate what to strive for. Even fears can make you write an epitaph for yourself. According to one of the legends, the writer W. Shakespeare was afraid that the robbers of the cemeteries would dig up his body. Therefore, the inscription reads in a free translation: "He who has not touched is blessed for centuries, and he who touches my ashes will be cursed."

Thanks to Peter the Great, European traditions began to take root in Russia. Guaranteed, they adopted the rituals of perpetuating the memory of the deceased after traveling through European countries. It is not given to everyone to compose thoughtful quatrains, therefore poets of that time were attracted to this. Pushkin A.S. did not shy away from this genre. Epitaph of A.S. Pushkin for himself:

“Here Pushkin is buried; he is with a young muse,

With love, laziness spent a merry age,

He did not do good, but he was a soul,

By God, good man."

The attitude towards life and oneself immediately becomes clear. Not everyone wants the memory of him in the hearts to give pain and sorrow. There are many who treat everything with ease and humor. On one of the tombstones there is an inscription: "If you were lying, I would read." We can say with confidence that a man with humor is buried there and chose it during his lifetime. There are many such examples. Eminent poets and writers composed epitaphs. On the monument of rock musician Igor Talkov, the epitaph is the words of one of his songs: "And defeated in battle, I will rise and sing." Perhaps when he composed these lines in his song, he wrote it precisely as an epitaph. By this he immortalized his principles and remained in the memory of the people.

To compose an epitaph for yourself during your lifetime means to preserve your memory in exactly the form that, in your perception, reflects your inner world in the best possible way. Do not shift this burden onto the shoulders of inconsolable relatives. Your loved ones will have a hard time. Maybe your epitaph will serve as a reminder to them that death is just a transition from one world to another. Let us recall the epitaph of Pushkin A.S. At that time, the philosophy of Epicureanism prophesied that death should not be feared: “As long as we exist, there is no death. When there is death, we are no more.”

We offer you a selection of epitaphs on our website Easy Funeral. But before you start looking for ready-made epitaphs, try to answer one question: “What kind of epitaph would you write for yourself?” Perhaps this epitaph will become what you are looking for. Writing epitaphs is not as easy as it seems. In 2-4 lines, put the whole meaning of the life lived, preserving a worthy memory of yourself for centuries.

"Always expect, but do not fear death, both are true traits of wisdom."

Saint John Chrysostom

Can you tell with certainty where great-grandparents are buried? What did the ancestors do before the revolution of 1917? What were they like? Many do not have this information. One century has passed. We do not remember the past, so there is no future. In the past, there was no unified database of deceased people. Several decades pass and the connection between generations is lost. Roots and family traditions are forgotten.

This is due to the fact that parents did not talk much about their parents. Grandparents do not remember about their ancestors. In one century, more than one change of residence, cities and countries could occur. It is possible that your family is not from the same places as you think. On the Internet, you can only find where the graves of celebrities are. The burial places of ordinary people are usually forgotten and they become abandoned.

To prevent this from happening, a "Virtual Cemetery" was created on our website. The Book of Memory is a database of deceased people. It will help to keep everything that you think is important to remember. The Internet cemetery allows you to post a photo of the grave, photographs and videos of a person, to establish the exact coordinates of the burial. If you live in another area, order a service on our website for the care of the specified grave, delivery of flowers to the grave or relatives. Perhaps distant relatives decide to visit the grave. The entered data will allow you to find it.

Let relatives and friends honor the memory of the deceased on the virtual cemetery page. They can complement everything that you wrote about the deceased earlier. In the Internet cemetery there is an opportunity to put a candle to the deceased, to make a virtual gift. Remember, a virtual candle is not a substitute for a real one in church and prayer for the repose. The usual sign of attention relatives. The deceased is not forgotten, he is remembered. Grieving people need such signs of support in a difficult moment for them. In the "Links" tab in one place you can collect all the links on the Internet that mention your relative or close person, including the links of the deceased person to pages in social networks.

We do not affect the interests of religious people of different faiths. The Easy Funeral website aims to keep the memory of those who have passed away alive.

Close the page from prying eyes if you consider the information to be purely personal. Sometimes the burden of unspoken words to a dead person becomes unbearable. Write on the page of the book of memory, everything that you did not have time to say personally. It will seem that your message has been read. Believe me, it will become much easier.

If you wish, you can make this page your diary and share your bitterness and sorrow, achievements and joy. It is especially difficult for those who, due to the great remoteness from the place of burial, cannot do this in reality. The book of memory will allow you to find such an outlet. If you are experiencing a loss very hard, then we recommend that you read the article on how to deal with grief after death.

It is not at all necessary to be an important person in life in order to keep the memory of us. Why, along with the graves of celebrities, do not allow future generations to find on the Internet where your family and friends are buried? will keep the memory of the dead forever.

How do you deal with grief after the death of a loved one? There is already a wrong approach to the problem in the formulation of the question. A couple of effective tips will help you cope with the state of depression and return to your usual lifestyle. Let's start with the fact that you should not try to deal with grief. You will be unsuccessfully at war with yourself. This is part of the inner world. your experiences and memories. Trying to suppress emotions will get you nowhere. Let your pain out, let it out!

Do not artificially suppress your feelings.Trying to muffle the pain, they often look for a way out in intoxication, when all feelings are dulled. Hangover syndrome greatly increases longing and anxiety. Everything that is said and done in a drunken stupor causes a feeling of guilt the next day. Trying to get rid of depression leads to the opposite result. Depression develops at an accelerated rate. It is very easy in such a situation to become an alcoholic or a drug addict.

Nobody likes to listen to advice that has long become a cliché: “don’t drink, you will become an alcoholic”, “cry and you will feel better.” It is wrong to ignore phrases that have been repeated by different people for centuries. If the semantic load would not correspond to reality, why then did these words come down to us through the centuries? All right. Ordinary logic confirms that drunkenness is not an option. Therefore, crying can also relieve pain.

Pride does not allow many to shed tears in vain. Don't want to show weakness in front of others? In this case, you just need to cry alone. Throw out all the burden of accumulated experiences. Drunk tears give no consolation. Crying drunk in the company does not cause sincere sympathy. Only pity bordering on contempt. And you feel ashamed when you sober up. Therefore, only in solitude, without any alcohol. Let the tears flow as long as the weary mind requires.

The opposite situations arise. Tears flow like a river and do not bring any relief. Everything is strictly individual. This is the attitude of each to the tragedy that has occurred through the prism of his personal worldview. There are no universal means. There is no panacea for grief. But what if we could come up with a drug that could help you get rid of your depression? No need to buy expensive drugs. Just dilute 30-50 drops of this remedy in boiled water and drink 1 hour before meals. This miracle remedy is nothing more than the usual motherwort tincture. It is used to prevent depression.

If you rely only on this tool, then you did not carefully read what was written earlier. To get out of a depressed state, you need to let your grief out. Suppressing your feelings will increase your depression. There is another method that can help those who shed tears incessantly. And the one who does not cry because of natural restraint. Therapy by Artur Yanov.

Cry therapy.

Arthur Janov is an American psychologist and psychotherapist. The author of the theory of treatment "Primary cry". This therapy is not only suitable for those who experience grief after the death of a loved one. It is also recommended for those who are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Hidden emotions inside reach a critical mass and the result of this explosion is difficult to predict.

Children scream in pain and resentment. Adults do not hold back from screaming in a major quarrel. As a result, they are released from the negative charge of negative emotions that have accumulated over time. This gives a positive effect. The feeling that you are completely cleared of negative energy. There is balance, peace and tranquility.

If you had to lose someone close to you, then the cry itself breaks out. Inconsolable widows and mothers scream without embarrassment, because the pain is unbearable. She can't be kept inside. Nature itself asks that a surge of negative emotions come out of a person in a cry.

Comparing physical pain with mental pain. The sharp pain from hitting the finger with a hammer will lead to an unconscious scream. Crying is the obligatory follower of pain. One of the main mitigating factors from grief.

In the US, cry therapy is done in groups. For half an hour, everyone screams at each other intensely to get rid of negative emotions. You can relieve stress alone. To do this, you need to find a secluded place where no one will interfere. The main thing is that you yourself have invested in this cry in full. Not distracted by thoughts of what they might hear.

Plan a field trip if possible. A short-term change of scenery can have a positive effect on you. For residents of rural areas and small towns, it will not be difficult to find a deaf and deserted place. A strong effect gives a cry in the mountains or near water bodies.

For residents of large cities, scream therapy can take place in an abandoned area, wasteland or pier. Consider the time so that there are no strangers. You can scream from the roof of houses and balconies. From a great height, the cry below is not heard. Shout in the car, or at work if conditions permit, at home into your pillow or without hiding out loud. It depends on the environment in which one is completely predisposed to withdraw all the pain that has accumulated.

Concentrate so that the feeling of grief is overwhelmed entirely. Remember all the moments that you tried to forget before, what causes the most severe pain: the news of death, the sadness of loss. Remember everything that you had to endure after the death of a loved one and the funeral itself in detail. Put all this longing into a cry. Loud and lingering. Scream until your lungs burn from lack of oxygen. It doesn't matter what you scream. The main thing is that it comes from the depths of the soul. This cry is a farewell to a loved one. Let him hear and understand how hard it is without him.

Even if it happens that someone else suddenly hears your cry of pain. Do you think everyone will immediately rush to help? The cry of pain cannot be confused with anything. Rather the opposite. The casual hearer will run away. Everyone diligently avoids pain. Why should you keep it to yourself? Scream until you feel absolute emptiness in yourself.

This is the peace that can bring you out of a protracted depression. It remains only to fill this spiritual emptiness with positive emotions.

It's all relatively simple once you figure it out. Artur Yanov's scream therapy is able to take you out of the cyclical state inherent in depressed people after the death of a loved one. As soon as you feel that insurmountable grief begins to occupy your consciousness again, remember about scream therapy.

Find an environment where yelling is okay. Now there is no need to be alone. On the contrary, a mass gathering of people will quickly help you return to reality. Fans of football, hockey or basketball teams chant in such a way that screaming becomes the norm. Maybe it's a KVN competition. Choose an event to your liking. Shout, at the same time enjoy the game, get distracted.

Avoid loneliness.Talking to friends and family will help you recover faster. Moral support and perhaps material assistance is the only way for them to somehow reduce your pain. Don't hesitate to help out. The involvement of family and friends in your life can be one of the main factors in healing.

In a healthy body healthy mind.Understanding this principle of the relationship between the physical and emotional state, it is possible, by influencing one, to improve the other. In other words, if the physical condition is at a decent level, then the emotional state will not keep you waiting. The merging process will take place. You will feel much more confident. A healthy lifestyle and healthy eating are the foundation of the basics.

Give yourself gifts.Don't forget about yourself. Shopping will help get rid of depression after the death of a person. Take a look in the mirror. A dull reflection does not match the one you used to see before the death of a loved one, the first sign that it's time to take care of yourself. Do not scare your relatives and friends with your appearance, go to the store. Negative emotions deplete vital energy. Satisfaction from successful purchases and a decent appearance is already a sign of a way out of a depressive state.

Fill your soul void.After scream therapy comes relaxation and spiritual emptiness that needs to be filled with something. This is not a replacement for the place of the deceased person in your memories. This is the place of your grief and experiences. It depends only on you what will happen at this place: the longing and pain that have returned again, or something else.

Fill it with creativity. Perhaps there was once a desire to do a hobby, but there was no time. That time has come.

Letter.Getting out of depression after the death of a loved one often does not give one detail that is not given much importance. Often in moments of sorrow, a single thought gnaws with stubborn constancy. What they did not have time to express to the deceased during his lifetime. This is the love of children for their parents, each other, and hundreds of different words that we do not attach special significance to death.

Write a letter of repentance to a dead person. Let it be on paper or on your own social media page. networks. Write down everything you didn't have time to say. Everything you feel right now. Ask for forgiveness and express your love.

Few people turn to psychologists. Waiting for time to put everything in its place. A year passes, another, but this does not happen. It is necessary to realize the fact that it is up to you to decide when the wound heals. My Soul Hurts. The heart does not want to forget anything. Any careless word or memory returns to a state of severe depression.

The realization that many come out of shock much faster makes the depression even worse. Does everyone bounce back so quickly after the death of a loved one, as it seems from the outside? Knowing how people experience grief at each stage, you yourself will be able to determine what period you have to go through. Keep in mind that in addition to individuality, the process of experiences is also cyclical. The return to the early stages of experience can be temporary and protracted.

Everything is ambiguous. Understanding the various reactions common to people in grief can help those who are suffering. The painful perception of irrevocable separation leads to the fact that people do not understand how to live on after the death of a loved one. Sad experiences and the emotional state of a person are broken down by time.

After death, for several weeks, the mourner has a state of unreality of what is happening. The person refuses to believe what is happening. Appetite disappears, reactions slow down. The general physical condition worsens. On average, it lasts 7-9 days.

Anger and apathy

Often, apathy can be replaced by a feeling of anger. It may occur if all plans and hopes for a happy future are gone with the deceased. A person begins to realize an irretrievable loss, but is not in the mood to believe. It seems that only he can understand his grief. There is no help from relatives in the misfortune that has befallen, support too. The reasons for anger can be completely different. Appears in the mourner often unreasonably. This is an emotional state.

Those close to the mourner need to accept and come to terms with the fact that after a shock, it happens that people who are calm by nature can behave aggressively. Again, everything is individual. Instead of aggression, there is a directly opposite state of mind, when people become isolated after a tragedy. Which in itself is much calmer for others, but more negatively affects the mourner. Avoid long periods of loneliness. The process of getting out of depression can be delayed for a longer period.

Search

After the stage of shock, people often see the deceased on the street. The shock state continues at this stage. It usually lasts 5-12 days. They can hear footsteps and the voice of the deceased. The mind does not want to put up with the loss. Seeks to bring back the dead. Denies the very idea of ​​the irretrievability of loss.

acute grief

The shock is replaced by a stage of acute grief. Duration 6-7 weeks. General ailments appear regardless of physical activity: fatigue, shortness of breath, weakness, sleep disturbance. Increased odors and appetite. It happens that the appetite disappears. It feels like a lump is stuck in the throat and sometimes does not allow breathing. The stomach may feel empty.

mood swings

Three or four months begin to alternate days of spiritual upsurge and falls into the abyss of despair. People become overly irritable, quick-tempered. It all depends on the natural warehouse of character and mind. Hot temper is replaced by excessive touchiness. Any careless word is perceived extremely sharply and painfully. The immune system is suppressed. Colds or infections may occur.

Depression

Any thought, affecting the memory of the deceased, makes one shudder internally. The mourner can mentally "communicate" with the deceased. Share all your innermost thoughts and what happened during the day. As long as this “talk” lasts, the depression will continue. It can subside and intensify. It will periodically occur during the next stage - "recovery".

recovery stage

Over the course of 1 year, the mourner gradually tries to come to terms with the fact of irretrievable loss. Depression periodically makes itself felt with painful memories. Each time, grief attacks appear less frequently. The bitterness of the loss of a loved one reminds of itself already in the form of individual attacks. Health and performance returns to normal.

The final and last stage for the grieving people

About a year later, the final stage of mourning begins. At this stage, a return to a full life is carried out. Life is slowly taking over. An understanding comes that it is not worth living only with thoughts about the death of a loved one. At this stage, the mourner, as it were, emotionally says goodbye to the deceased. For some, personal beliefs and cultural rules slow down the final stage. For example, some widows undertake to wear mourning until the last days for their deceased husband. Different religions hold different views. On a topic with a question how much mourning to wear can be found here.

For grieving people, experiencing grief after the death of a loved one does not require the professional intervention of psychologists. Next to the mourner should be close people who can provide moral support. Only they are allowed to talk about the deceased in an appropriate setting.

It is generally accepted that "spiritual wounds are best left undisturbed." This is already from the category of prejudices. It is necessary to talk about the deceased. Still, do not forget that you can once again inflict pain with a careless word. Check out first phrases that can hurt a grieving person. In the event that there really are no people nearby with whom you can share your grief, you will need to consult a psychologist.

To make the process of experiencing grief less acute or want to speed up the process a little, we suggest reading tips on how to cope with grief after the death of a loved one. .

Customs and various kinds of traditions, b O most of which have neither meaning nor canonical justification. Among them there may be those that do not conflict with the canons of faith and were dictated by time, place and circumstances.

It will be useful to consider this issue from the point of view of the prophetic heritage left by the final messenger of the Creator. A reasonable person will be able to draw parallels between theory and practice, assess the real state of affairs, while maintaining insight and wisdom.

Mourning- a state of sadness, light sadness in memory of a person who has passed away from this life; rejection of what embellishes a person’s appearance, making it bright and attractive; lack of signs of fun and joy. Basically, it concerns a woman who has lost her husband. She has no right to marry another for four months and ten days from the death of her husband.

If she is pregnant, then her mourning ends with the birth of a child, after which she has every right to marry again:

“Pregnant, their period [of mourning expires with] the birth of a child” (see).

During the period of mourning, it is advisable for a woman to leave the house only in forced and vital situations (work, study, visiting relatives, buying groceries, etc.); she does not visit the mosque and does not go on a journey to make a pilgrimage; dresses more modestly; does not apply makeup and does not use perfume, incense; they do not marry her, and she does not marry, although she may receive a proposal for marriage (in the form of a well-meaning hint).

At the end of the term, a woman returns to the usual rhythm of life, her daily worries (raising children, communicating with relatives, friends, work, study, sports, etc.) and has every right to marry another man.

Mourning for other relatives and friends Not lasts longer than three days. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is unacceptable (forbidden) for a believing woman to be in mourning for the deceased for more than three days, except for her husband. Mourning for him is four months and ten days.

Mourning begins on the day of death.

The understanding of mourning lies not so much in the conservatism of clothing, and even more so not in the abundance of emotions and shed tears, but in the internal state of high spiritual sadness, grief. This is a kind of tribute, an expression of blessed memory of the deceased before the Almighty.

Answers to questions about mourning

The other day I found out that my father died two months ago. My parents were divorced, and I didn't see my father for 7 years. We missed him and always hoped that someday we would be together again. I live in Europe, he lived in Asia. To be honest, it breaks my heart that I haven't seen him for so long and won't see him again. We called him, but recently he did not answer calls, and then they called us and said that his father had died. It hurts a lot and I can't calm down because I never told him that he was the best for us. My head is full of “what if” questions. Friends say that it is a sin to think so. Please give advice how to be. Linda.

You should calm down. With all thoughts and state of mind, let him go to another world. Draw a practical conclusion and start paying more attention (at least a little more, but on an ongoing basis) to living close relatives.

I live in Kazakhstan, but Orthodox. At work, I have to communicate a lot with Muslims who have problems and grief. My friend is in great grief: her husband died at the age of 40, a year ago, she is still lost, although she goes to the mosque on Fridays and to the cemetery. I don’t know what words to help her, I want to cheer her up. Victoria.

Grief is always difficult, it is not so easy to go through it, but time passes, and we continue to live. Ahead of us are waiting for a few more (God willing) decades, during which we need to do a lot. After all, on the Day of Judgment everyone will answer for myself, including how he spent the remaining years of his life: in tears and memories, or working on himself, extracting a healing medicine from grief that has befallen, acquiring immunity to troubles and negativity, generating positive energy, charging other people with it, forcing them to live with a relaxed radiant smile on your face. Life is too short to spend it in sadness or to live at half, and even more so at a quarter of strength.

Reassure her with encouraging words. In Islam, one can pray for the dead, asking God for forgiveness and mercy for them, but one cannot mentally and emotionally attach oneself to them. You should be able to let the deceased go to another world, and you yourself should continue an active creative lifestyle, helping yourself and others.

Unfortunately, but true: many people, regardless of culture, religion or nationality, do not have the basic skills of a happy life, despite the number of years they have lived in a worldly abode.

Mourning [from him. trauer] - 1) a state of mourning for the deceased or for any public disaster, catastrophe, accompanied by the wearing of special clothes, the cancellation of entertainment events; 2) black or dark clothes, a bandage, etc., worn as a sign of grief.

“If the spouse has died, then the wife is in anticipation [without marrying] for four months and ten days. When this period ends, then there is no sin on her relatives if she begins to prepare for a new marriage in accordance with generally accepted norms of behavior. Allah (God, Lord) is fully aware of what you are doing” (Holy Quran, 2:234).

“There is no sin on you if you (1) [benevolently] hint to widows [themselves or their guardians] about your intention to marry [which, if properly worded, will give good hopes to both them and you for the subsequent creation of a family] or (2) hide it in your souls [for the time being, do not touch on this topic]. The Almighty knows that you will remember [think] about them [that's why he allowed you to hint about your plans even before the end of the term]. But in secret [from others], do not negotiate with them (with widows) [do not promise marriage, thereby luring you into a network of sin and temptation; leading to the fall], but speak to them only well-behaved words [hinting your desire to marry, the public voicing of which will not make you ashamed].

Year? This is siiiiiiish. There are hardly any canonical prohibitions. Postpone for a month, or until Krasnaya Gorka - this comes out to about 3.5 months of waiting.

• ^59hopscotch8
• January 12, 2010
• 15:24

complex issue...

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 15:43

Who said that carnal kinship means little? Nobody canceled the commandment to honor parents! Of course, for the sake of Christ, we must be ready to leave those closest to us, but only for the sake of Christ, and not for our own sake.

Year - formalism, to be sure. But there are such concepts as parental blessing, obedience. You should not refuse them when building a family. Try to persuade, explain.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 16:00

Honor is not the same as love. Obedience should be to whom, Elena? :)))))) Tricky question...

Let me remind you - 10 commandments, including parents - this is the Old Testament. And the New is Christ's: A man's enemies are his household.

Be healthy.

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 16:49

Not equal. Obedience to parents.

The 10 commandments are (recently) controversial. Christ came to fulfill the law, not to abolish it. Ritual decrees of the Old Testament are unambiguously canceled by the New Testament, but the Decalogue? Expand rather than cancel. The decalogue is transferred from the stone tablets to the tablets of hearts. Otherwise, the Beatitudes are impossible to fulfill (how?!). Christ himself spoke about the respect of parents, look.

A man's enemies are his household. I do not argue. But is it always? When do not fulfill his whim? No way. A man's enemies are at home when they stand between him and God. Parents who send their children to torture. And note that none of the martyrs cursed their parents, on the contrary, they prayed for them. Enemies also need to be loved. This is the New Testament.

• revel
• January 12, 2010
• 16:55

We do not have such instructions. Usually mourning is up to 40 days.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 17:03

"Obedience - to parents." CUT BY ADMIN

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 17:18

"Ha..." What? Let's speak Russian.

Obedience to parents. Even authorities, laws. Also a spiritual father. More to God. It is not difficult to create your own will.

• 3pickaxe
• January 12, 2010
• 17:30

Thank you all very much for your response! :)

Pavel Ivanov

"Let me remind you - 10 commandments, including parents - this is the Old Testament. And the New - Christ's: Enemies of a man are his household." To be honest, this is the first time I've heard this. Can you tell me where you can read it?

I really want to receive a parental blessing, yet I think this is important. Although it will be difficult to convince the feeling ...

especially strong disagreements often arise with my mother. To the point that you even need to see each other less often during this period and considers planning joint trips somewhere for the weekend to be fornication ... It's hard to endure all this when you live with your parents - it seems that you need to respect and honor them, but when they constantly interfere and demand obedience - break down. I would have left a long time ago, but my salary does not yet allow me to rent a separate housing, and I don’t want to cohabit either. I really want to create my own family as soon as possible, but at the same time I am afraid that if I fail to harmonize relations with my parents, then all problems can be transferred to a new life with my husband.

• embassy
• January 12, 2010
• 17:37

My friend's fiancé's father died, and they have already filed an application and agreed on the wedding, but the wedding is not postponed.

• warden46
• January 12, 2010
• 17:39

When my future husband's mother died, we postponed the marriage for a year.

• embassy
• January 12, 2010
• 17:40

No. 11, will you live with your mother?

Are you the only daughter in the family?

• embassy
• January 12, 2010
• 17:42

I read somewhere in some brochure that if a man dies, then mourning lasts 2 years, if a woman, then a year. But now my friend Bogoslovsky has finished, and nothing, the wedding is not postponed.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 17:49

No. 10 in your post, only 3 words are correct: obedience ... even to God. They put God in last place... Oh, Christians... Isn't it difficult to do your own will? :)))))))) Have you tried it? :))) In fact, it is very, very difficult to do something apart from the will of the demons. Spiritual thinking, excuse me, is rather weak.

Gospel. Mt 10:36

• 3pickaxe
• January 12, 2010
• 18:02

Pavel Ivanov

34 Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword, 35 for I came to divide a man from his father, and a daughter from her mother, and a daughter-in-law from her mother-in-law. 36 And the enemies of a man are his household.

I still do not fully understand ... how it is - the enemies of a man - his household. This is possible if they are atheists, for example ... apparently this must be understood somehow non-literally ..

Yes, I am the only daughter. But I will live in the same house with my husband's family. (in the same house, but at the same time separately). With my parents, this would not have been possible for many reasons.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 18:09

Ms. Smoky, I believe that part of the reason why a young family life would be impossible with your parents could be called "enemies of a man's household."

Quotes on the topic: "There is no prophet in your own country", "come out of the people and make up your own individual", "whoever does not reject (listing relatives) for My sake is not worthy of Me."

In general, understand and remember: if there is no God between you and a person, then there is a devil. If for a moment God ceased to be between you, the devil came. The third is not given, no, and will not be. Remember...

And the relatives whom we are accustomed to trust, from whom we internally do not expect a threat - can be a very dangerous tool of the devil...

• 3pickaxe
• January 12, 2010
• 18:18

But how to understand who stands between people - God or the devil?

How can relatives become an instrument of the devil, if they are, for example, church-going people? besides, normal parents only want the best for their child. I would not want that someday I become an obstacle for my future children to spiritual and personal development.

and in general, how to catch this fine line between honoring parents and at the same time following one’s own path, and not the one that relatives want to impose (often out of kindness and love)? ..

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 18:26

1. "But how to understand who stands between people - God or the devil?" Not everything needs to be understood, especially in spiritual matters. Let's just say... keep this plan, spiritual, in mind, and you will see from your own experience what, how and why.

2. "churched people" and you read the psalms of the HOLY King David. That's courage - he openly talks about how bad he is. No joke, hurt people very hard. By the way, the Pharisees were m ... what is now called the word "churched." People go to the cup, but God does not give communion, so you have churching.

3. "Besides, normal parents only want the best for their child."

The very naivety :))))))) Both commendable and fearful... Parents are so driven by the INSTINCT of the race, like animals taking care of children. And people are subject to a larger range of phenomena, and if the instinct is not covered by God's love, it is covered by sinful components. Love of power comes (yeah, you remembered it). And this is no longer love in the Christian sense.

4. God opens to whomever he wants. Loving Him.

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 18:41

#16. I remember quotes. Hierarchy from bottom to top is shown. God comes first, of course. Hope you understand.

About demonic will. There is a joke. Passionate. Batiushka enters the seminarian's cell. He and a candle in a spoon soars an egg. - Excuse me, the demon beguiled, - the student justifies himself. “No, I wouldn’t have thought of that,” a voice answers from the corner. According to the teachings of the holy fathers, all our desires and thoughts come from three origins - from God, from ourselves and from demons. Although there is a folk wisdom that where there is no God, there is a demon.

#19. You will know them by their fruits. Where division, anger, hatred is instilled - there is not God. Seek the will of God. Try to solve everything peacefully. 25 - not the age when you need "rather". Others create families even at 45, and even give birth to children. Only in marriage you need to live not for yourself, not for each other, but only for the sake of your husband and children. This is self-sacrifice. obedience to husband. Obedience to parents would be a good school. You could also ask the advice of a priest.

• 8_7low
• January 12, 2010
• 18:45

Elena, I would have believed your excuses, but again you betray yourself, forgive me for being direct - an atheist. "Only in marriage you need to live not for yourself, not for each other, but only for the sake of your husband and children." Why God? We have our own Gods - husbands and children ... What kind of people ....

• redpoll
• January 12, 2010
• 19:29

My great-grandmother died on the eve of my second cousin's wedding. Not postponed. 9 days did not wait. And on the second day after the wedding, her husband died in a car accident.

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 20:04

No. We have God - we ourselves, our own self. To live for the sake of a husband and children is to serve God by these. Getting married knowing that the husband will be against God, and raising children so that they become on our way to God - you don’t even need to start. Of course, if you have to choose between your family and God... And if you want to live only for the sake of God, there is monasticism.

Interpretation of bliss. Theophylact:

"Do not think that I came to bring peace to the earth, not peace I came to bring, but a sword, for I came to divide a man from his Father, and a daughter from her mother, and a daughter-in-law from her mother-in-law. And the enemies of a man are his household." Agreement is not always good: there are times when separation is also good. The sword means the word of faith, which cuts us off from the mood of our family and relatives, if they interfere with us in the work of piety. The Lord does not say here that we should withdraw or be separated from them without a special reason - we should withdraw only if they do not agree with us, but rather hinder us in faith.

"Whoever loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." You see that it is only necessary to hate parents and children if they want to be loved more than Christ. But what about the father and children? Hear more:

"And whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me."

He who, he says, does not renounce real life and does not betray himself to a shameful death (for this was the sign of the cross among the ancients), he is not worthy of Me. But since many are crucified as robbers and thieves, he added: “and follows Me,” that is, he lives according to My laws!

• sudorific
• January 12, 2010
• 20:05

Modern interpretation (St. Anatoly Garmaev)

"The enemies of a man are his household." What do these words mean and how do they connect with the commandment to love one's neighbor? Learn how to combine it?

In what sense are domestic enemies to a believer? For example, we came to believe, we almost became churched, we began to acquire the image and character of a church person... First of all, this is the assimilation of the statutes of the Church, which means outward piety, going to services, fasting, morning and evening prayers at home, Christian clothes... And suddenly it was revealed to us that our family is not at all like that, they have not changed at all. It turns out that they captivate us very much with their former manners, the nature of life, words, beliefs, their great sorrow for us. How many mothers are grieving today for their adult children who have been churched! And mothers sincerely mourn. It is simply impossible not to hear this maternal pain. If you are a normal person, then you will hear this motherly pain. If you are proud in a Christian rank, then what do you need mother's tears ...

On Wednesday, my mother discreetly, carefully puts me a piece of meat, pounded to a bean state. And suddenly... I discover it... How much righteous anger, how much indignation:

How dare you mother?! After all, today is fasting day!

This is an abnormal Christian ... This is generally an outstanding person; it must be dipped three times in the pool to make it normal.

But a normal feeling will hear the care of the mother in this. How can she, who has not yet believed, hear the meanings that I live now? How much love, how much Christian humility one must have in oneself in order to understand that she lives by her own, albeit material, but maternal meanings, that she lives by the simplicity and unpretentiousness of her sincere, sick maternal heart, her care, she sincerely rejoices, she cried out how many tears because her child did not eat meat or milk for forty days. It is impossible not to hear this maternal participation. A real Christian, hearing this joy for himself, in response to his love will understand and correctly respond to such maternal ignorance.

But a more difficult situation may arise. Life is especially complicated when the family suddenly declares categorically: "Here's what: either-or. Either the church - or we." That's when ... "If the church, then get out of the house" ... There are such cases. In this case, domestics unwittingly, and perhaps even voluntarily, become enemies. And sometimes they become categorical enemies.

But, in spite of everything, you need to remember - if you are a Christian, then you must treat them not according to their outward behavior, but according to the commandment of God: "Honor your father, honor your parents." And the second commandment: "Love your enemy." So, have a sensitive understanding of their motives, their movements of the soul, figure it out, think: where, for what reason is such indignation, such opposition to your churching? Are you not the reason for this? Maybe it's not about your churchness, but about your disposition? Then find yourself, be filled with that wisdom of God, with which you could somehow pacify, calm down and treat your household correctly.

• relict6524
• January 12, 2010
• 20:20

By the way, there is an etiquette for mourning on the Internet ... there, depending on the relative, specific dates for mourning are given. But at least six months, that's for sure ...

• relict6524
• January 12, 2010
• 20:22

"Mourning for father and mother lasts a year. For grandparents - six months; and for uncle and aunt - three months."

• embassy
• January 12, 2010
• 20:36

Pink Haze, will you have a separate or shared kitchen with your parents?

• relict6524
• January 12, 2010
• 20:39

“The terms of mourning are different for different nations. They depend on the degree of closeness to the deceased. The deepest and longest mourning falls on the widow. It is accepted that the widow wears mourning throughout the year, does not wear jewelry, does not attend places of entertainment. maybe not until a year later. A widower wears mourning for half a year. After six months, he can marry, and no one can condemn him."

• revel
• January 12, 2010
• 20:53

And where does this information come from? Just don’t say that it’s from the Internet.) Different peoples have different etiquette!

• relict6524
• January 12, 2010
• 20:56

• canticle
• January 12, 2010
• 21:11

Sorry, the link is written separately. Fix please.

• gigging
• January 13, 2010
• 01:10

Pink haze, I read your messages. A very difficult situation. But perhaps (forgive me if I'm wrong), your parents are against the young man in principle? It can not be so? I just can not understand why this artificiality. Death is natural. Of course, it is very difficult, but if you yourself are not against the wedding, then why put off? To be honest, I don't think your grandmother would be against your marriage (maybe it sounds strange). It seems to me that the death of one person should not mean the end of life for others. You continue to love your grandmother, your grandmother continues to love you, and, I am sure, wishes you happiness. Another thing is if after the death of your grandmother you yourself lost the desire to get married, but then, I think, you would not have asked this question. For any girl to get married is very important. And if, indeed, you are sure that the young man is worthy, and if he calls you to marry, I think you need to go out, because fate gives only one chance. But just be good at everything. Because parents really want the best for their children. And if they still do not want a wedding, think well why. Try to talk to them, find out their opinion about your fiancé. I think everything will be resolved safely! All the best to you! :))

• fiji
• January 13, 2010
• 02:37

I also think a year is too long. All this time, has your mother been suggesting that you live in fornication or abstain?

Is the creation of a new family a sin and disrespect for the deceased? No. It’s worth waiting a bit, and besides, Great Lent is coming soon, and after it, get married, get married and live a full family life.

But the car accident in which the husband of a second cousin died and the death of a great-grandmother, I would not connect and analyze.

• 3pickaxe
• January 13, 2010
• 14:54

Sergey români Khromtsov-Lupan thanks for the info) I also just found this site)

Maria Radish Sidorova. the story is of course very creepy ... even nothing to say

Alena Mereshko. Fortunately, the kitchen will be separate))

Irina Antonova thank you for your support! no, the desire, of course, has not disappeared, but I don’t want to rejoice at all in the near future ... Moreover, my mother is very worried and will probably not come to terms with the loss soon. Probably will have to be postponed for six months for sure.

Olga<Новый 2010! Уряяяяя!>Yevtushenko. my mother is a believer and of course never supported anything related to fornication. Of course, she is for abstinence, and I would like that too. To be honest, the further the harder.

• gigging
• January 13, 2010
• 17:58

Well, then put it off for six months, it's not so long. It will be time to prepare well for the wedding :)

• fiji
• January 13, 2010
• 18:04

Pink Haze! If your mother insists on annual mourning, then it’s more likely that it’s not about mourning for the deceased, but that she is against your marriage to this person in principle. Maybe she doesn't even realize it herself.

A person has gone to another world, but you are alive. In general, the tradition of mourning is a reflection of the inner need of the soul. I think that now, when death is so close, it is hard for you and your mother, and of course, it is difficult to imagine wedding festivities, it even seems blasphemous. But after some time, the pain will recede, you will come to terms with the departure of a loved one, you will get used to living WITHOUT your grandmother. And then it will be possible to create a new family in which a little baby will appear :), named after her great-grandmother! Your grandmother, I think, would be happy to see you happy with your loved one. Do not put off the wedding for a long time, be reasonable.

My husband, a priest, answered this way: "Definitely get married, if mom insists on mourning, then endure mourning for 40 days."

I generally agree with the words of Theophan the Recluse:

he especially emphasized that external mourning is superfluous, and the main thing for a deceased person is our prayer and alms for him:

"Cry or something? I think to rejoice for the deceased. Glory to Thee, Lord! It will no longer toil on this boring and boring land. Maybe you need to cry for yourself? It's not worth it ... How much is left here? A day or two, and we'll go there ourselves. I have always had such an idea that it is not necessary to wear mourning for the dead, but festive clothes, and not mournful songs to sing, but to serve a grateful prayer service ... "

• fiji
• January 13, 2010
• 18:07

Archbishop Vincent of Yekaterinburg and Verkhoturye specifically notes that in Russia the tradition of external mourning became especially strong during the atheistic years, when the church's attitude towards death was forgotten:

“Death for an Orthodox Christian is a transition to another life, to eternal life – either to heaven or hell. And, of course, people to some extent grieve that their loved one has passed away. We even know that Christ the Savior Himself, seeing the death of Lazarus, shed tears. It is our human nature that we grieve. But, of course, we must mourn in moderation so as not to fall into despondency, into despair: everything is lost, there is no person. It is worth constantly in this mournful hour for us to remind ourselves that the soul has gone, and the body has remained here temporarily, until the general resurrection. And the soul went to God, and if she spent her life in piety, then we should rejoice that she got rid of suffering and torment, the difficulties of this life. It often happens that before death a person suffers and gets sick quite a lot, sometimes his strength runs out in the patience of these diseases. We rejoice that the Lord gave him the strength to carry the cross to the end, so that he could be worthy of a crown in the Kingdom of God. … Unfortunately, it also happens in another way: that he is not yet ready and you still need to pray for him; then we grieve that he is gone - we grieve that he still needs help so that the Lord forgives him his sins.

We must restrain ourselves so as not to fall into despondency and despair, when we no longer know what to do, we lose control of ourselves. There is sorrow - our nature is like that; but you need to restrain it with faith that there is eternity and your loved one has gone into eternity, you need to help him, you need to pray. And in prayer for the deceased, we receive comfort in this sorrow. This is no longer mourning, but simply a serious attitude towards the future eternity.

You can’t talk about mourning at all - we funeral the deceased in white clothes, we put on white clothes to show that the person has not died, but gone, and we need to pray for him. This departure for him is joyful and pleasant.

The son did just that. And after 40 days he went and was baptized...