Read Leo Tolstoy's diaries. Diaries of a bright genius

It is very scary to take on such a topic as “The Diaries of L.N. Tolstoy.” Firstly, hundreds of smart people spent years studying the life and work of Lev Nikolaevich. Will you be able to say anything new or interesting? Secondly, the power of Lev Nikolaevich began to dissolve me in itself, absorb and subordinate me to its will. I barely made it out; it was not easy to comprehend what the diaries were for Tolstoy himself.

My wonderful literature teacher once resolved an ethical dilemma, “is it good, is it possible to read other people’s letters and diaries,” saying that within the framework of the study of literature, it is good and possible, because this was the will of the authors themselves, otherwise they would destroy this intimate part of their literary heritage. Lev Nikolaevich was not against the publication of his diaries, but revised his attitude to this issue several times. In his declining years, he did not want to leave the diaries of his youth. In his opinion, there was too much “disgusting” in them, but then he changed his mind and kept them. But some of the material was nevertheless removed from the diaries at the request of his wife; Tolstoy removed more than four dozen places where he spoke unflatteringly about her.

A writer's diaries are not his novels. In the diaries you encounter something completely different. It’s amazing how different a literary word is from everyday life in the mouth of the same person, in our case, a brilliant writer. And even if we are talking about sublime things: about God, about philosophy, about Spirit and soul - it comes out unbearably dull and flat. It was with these feelings that I bit into Tolstoy’s diaries. The writer encouraged me with sharp remarks addressed to someone or bursts of self-flagellation.

Young Lev begins his diary while in a clinic in Kazan. The diagnosis of neurasthenia brought the young man to his hospital bed. To one degree or another, Tolstoy had problems with the emotional sphere throughout his life. Severe attacks of depression, panic attacks (just remember the “Arzamas horror”), phobias (he was afraid to pick up babies until he trembled) - all this happened. And he had to seek help from doctors and undergo serious treatment.

Probably, if you give Tolstoy to psychiatrists and psychologists, they will dismantle him into atoms. And if you give it to anthropologists or sociologists, not to mention literary scholars and historians, even more so. What if you manage to crack this tough nut and understand what kind of person Tolstoy was, what is the mystery of his talent?!

There is just no point in such proceedings. Because Tolstoy is a phenomenon. And a phenomenon, as we know, is something that exists without our previous knowledge about it and without further interpretation. A phenomenon is alive, interesting and valuable only as long as it is intact. Plunging into the world of Tolstoy’s diaries, I became convinced that, most likely, this was the right idea. But at the same time, I had almost no chance not to slip into vulgarity and banality when drawing my own conclusions.

Oddly enough, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin came to the rescue, because he gave a very interesting definition of Tolstoy and, in the context of this problem of understanding the phenomenon, it seems that the most accurate. In a conversation with Gorky about Tolstoy, he once exclaimed: “What a lump, eh? What a seasoned little man! This, my friend, is an artist... And, you know what else is amazing? Before this count, there was no real man in literature.” The epithets “block” and “hardened man” are somehow inhuman. Lenin perceived Tolstoy as a phenomenon, without dividing him into a man and a writer. Of course, he used it for selfish purposes, dragged the “mirror of the Russian revolution” to the Olympus of the new Bolshevik gods and used it for utilitarian purposes. He very sharply dismissed the whole “non-format” - Tolstoyan wimps, non-resistance to evil with violence and vegetarian rice cutlets. But at the same time, the first publication of Tolstoy’s complete works after the revolution (in 90 volumes) was initiated by Lenin, giving the instruction: “Tolstoy will have to be restored completely, printing everything that the tsarist censorship deleted.” However, the volumes containing the writer’s diaries and letters were published in a prudently small edition - only 5 thousand copies. To be safe, workers and peasants will suddenly read it and be embarrassed by their weak minds.

Let's return to the diaries. It all starts with “program” statements: we need to come up with rules , tofulfill rules, oh, I didn’t follow them, I was busy with other things, I need to come up with rules , tofulfill rules that will allow you to follow the rules...

But re-reading his early diaries from time to time, the writer remains satisfied and decides to continue, since he sees in this activity an undoubted benefit for himself, only he can discern the signs by which he determined his growth in these notes.

The level of detail in Tolstoy's description of his life is very modest. But if they occur, then only scanty remarks or omissions altogether, this does not mean that the author has gone on a spree, is idle or is a lord, although this has happened. Most often this means that gigantic internal work is being accomplished, T t creative process. There is a gap of 13 years, with rare deviations. Soon after the writer got married, the diary was abandoned. Perhaps partly because Tolstoy gave the diaries to his young bride to read before the wedding? And everything was there. Including gambling debts, drunken parties, passions, and Tolstoy’s promise: “I won’t have a single woman in my village, except in some cases that I won’t look for, but I won’t miss.” Thus, the diary was twice “defiled”, in my opinion, by the fact that it was read by another person, and by the fact that now it would be necessary to write something else in it, because after marriage there came another, better, “clean” one. stage of life. Tolstoy chose to remain silent. But it was an extremely active period, fruitful in every sense.

Desperate to comprehend the greatness of Tolstoy, I succumbed to simple curiosity and decided to find out how he reacted to his birthday. Many people love their birthday. Some people hate it. With age, this day acquires another meaning - an exciting milestone, summing up the results for a certain period.

Tolstoy is almost indifferent to such sentiments. Here, for example, is an entry for August 28, 1852: “I am 24 years old; and I haven't done anything yet. I feel that it is not for nothing that I have been struggling with doubt and passions for eight years now. But what am I assigned to? This will open up the future. Killed three snipes.” And here is an excerpt from a recording made almost forty years later on his birthday: “August 28. Yasnaya Polyana. 90. I’m 63 years old. And ashamed, h That the fact that 1890: 63 = 30, and that my marriage is 28 years old, that these numbers seemed to me something significant, and I was looking forward to this year as a significant one. Got up late..." It seems to me that Tolstoy drew the line every day, he assessed himself strictly and constantly. Therefore, there is no connection to dates, anniversaries, he does not expect anything from them.

In the diaries one can find frequent and very harsh criticism of oneself, for the slightest error or imperfection - merciless self-flagellation. Tolstoy was sharp with his tongue and towards other people. He spares neither friends, nor relatives, nor famous colleagues. The entry dated August 25, 1862 made me laugh: “I’m sad at home. Wrote an article. I started walking and driving. Krasnokutsky (bad thoughts). Pleshcheev (poor nature). Pogodin - glorious old age and life. Wonderful night... Kokhanovskaya is a bitch, and all bitches, dried up in a crinoline.” Or the line was completely discouraging: “I read the second part of Dead Souls, rather clumsily” (08/28/1857).

The Tolstoy phenomenon remains a mystery to me, but accumulated knowledge creates the illusion of understanding. Yes, you can find out that Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy lost his mother early, was a widely educated person, although he did not graduate from university, he was constantly engaged in self-education in all areas, read a lot, translated, wrote moralizing and religious-philosophical articles, huge novels, fairy tales, searched for God, unraveled the meaning of life, endlessly doubted, built schools, published a magazine, plowed and sowed, collected money to send sectarians abroad, argued with the church and the authorities, created his own teaching, became the father of many children, played excellent chess, and skated masterfully on skates, fought bravely, was treated with kumys for depression, quarreled with the classics, became a classic himself, lived a long life, did what he wanted, and felt connected … But you open his novel and disappear. And I no longer want to understand Tolstoy. I manage to find myself when I read his books. They do not answer the questions, but there are new questions that move forward.

Tolstoy's diaries are his personal punishment cell, where he nurtured his spirit. In his notebooks, the gentle, lonely, insecure young man learned to be tough, at least with himself, to begin with, learned to separate feelings from thoughts, and comprehended the secrets of existence. In order to survive, to survive, he learned to control the frantic power of the gift he had received. In order not to burn out, not to perish under its weight and pressure, in his diaries he was aware that for now he was coping with it.

In addition, I agree with the idea that a sentimental person cannot create something significant, he will not have enough strength, such a writer will not be able to kill his heroes, even if the plot demands it, he will feel sorry for everyone, fill him with tears and honey. In order to create epoch-making, deep, piercing books, you need a will free from excessive sentimentality. Tolstoy was hypersensitive from birth. That is why he was able to brilliantly describe the experiences, the subtlest emotional nuances of his heroes: men and women, old people and children, animals. And he had to steel himself to be able to express all this. And if you want to experience for yourself the influence of the energy that Tolstoy had to deal with, read his diaries, seemingly everyday entries, after some time suddenly become transparent, you can look into the abyss and shudder.

And now I assign myself something else, namely the following: look at the company of women as a necessary nuisance of social life and, as much as possible, move away from them. In fact, from whom do we get voluptuousness, effeminacy, frivolity in everything and many other vices, if not from women? Who is to blame for the fact that we are deprived of our innate feelings; courage, firmness, prudence, justice, etc., if not women? A woman is more receptive than a man, therefore in centuries of virtue women were better than us, but in the present depraved, vicious age they are worse than us.

At the age of 19, A. N. Tolstoy began writing diaries about his life. He continued to write them until his death, with some relatively short breaks. Keeping diaries was something of an innovation in 1847, akin to personal LJ in our time. In any case, I am not aware of other similar diaries of great people of that time. Tolstoy wrote down the tasks for the next day (goals) in his diary, noted the progress of their implementation (often non-fulfillment), scolded himself, and also analyzed his behavior and feelings. The diaries also served as a place where Tolstoy wrote down the “rules of life.” That’s exactly what he called his notes about how to behave in society, with affairs, with goals, with activities, etc. Perhaps, long before modern “coaches” and trainers, Tolstoy defined the basic laws of life success or, as they now say, “personal growth.”

For example, Tolstoy set himself guidelines for “pick-up in clubs.”
As soon as you enter the ball, you are immediately invited to dance and do a waltz or polka tour. At the ball, invite the most important ladies to dance.

Personally, for a long time I did not know that Tolstoy kept diaries. I have not read War and Peace, nor have I read Childhood, or Youth, or other works of this greatest man. I came upon these diaries by accidentally reading on the Internet an excerpt from his diary: “slept criminally until eleven.” This phrase aroused in me great interest in the contents of his diaries. And I was not mistaken.

What interesting things can you note from reading?

Young Tolstoy was characterized by all the typical vices of youth and youth. This is the uncontrollable desire of women (“tomorrow I will use all means to have a girl”), vanity (“Before I was vain of wealth, name. Now with kindness, simplicity of treatment”), laziness (“Help me, Lord: overcome my laziness - get used to work and fall in love with him”), drunkenness and revelry (“I changed these rules, namely not to drink, every day”). It is interesting to note two things separately. Firstly, he scolded himself for such manifestations of the weakness of his will, although he constantly broke down. Secondly, these vices did not prevent him from working hard on writing, developing his will and hard work. Such work on himself led him to the heights of literary and philosophical fame.

At different ages, Tolstoy repeatedly noted that work brings him happiness. When he set his goals for the next day, completed them, and could go to bed with a feeling of satisfaction from the tasks completed - he felt happy.

Work, work! How happy I feel when I work!

It was extremely useful and interesting to note that Tolstoy repeatedly noted the importance of will for one’s own development and achievement of success. He spent a lot of time thinking about the question of will. Thus, he divided the will into bodily will, sensory will and rational will. Listed in ascending order of complexity of education. In addition, at some period of his life, Tolstoy emphasized the development of will as the main goal of his life.

What tormented me for a long time was that I don’t have a single sincere thought or feeling that would determine the entire direction of life - everything is as it will be; now, it seems to me, I have found a sincere idea and a constant goal, this is the development of the will, a goal to which I have been striving for a long time; but which I only now recognized not just as an idea, but as an idea that became close to my soul.

So, for example, he completely rewrote the work Childhood three (!) times. Pen. In his diary he writes that if he had the patience to rewrite it a fourth time, it would have turned out well.

Of course, as I wrote above, Tolstoy kept a diary, including for the constant analysis of his own behavior, thoughts and feelings. This implies total honesty with yourself. There is no self-deception: on the contrary, deep reflection and introspection. Even later, already at the end of his years, during a discussion with the editor about the publication of the story of his life, he wished not to hide the dark (rather socially disapproved) spots of his biography, especially his youth, and to appear real, not only to himself, but also to his readers .

Tolstoy believed that in order to achieve your goals, you need to follow a system, be structured, consistent and logical. At the same time, he knew that man is subject to passions. Therefore, he invented and wrote out rules of life for himself, which he tried to follow in order to pacify his passions. He did not always succeed, but I think that ultimately it was this systematic approach that led him to such stunning success that he went down in world history as an excellent writer and philosopher.

Of course, his rules of life deserve a separate review. They are listed separately in the publications that I read. You can and should meditate on them for hours, soaking in their meaning. But at the same time, when applying them to yourself, think about their feasibility and usefulness and, of course, argue with them, coming up with better ones.

Three main points to remember:

1. At the age of 23, Tolstoy did not know that he would be great, but only asked himself the question “am I really ordinary, am I really not destined to do something great?”
2. Development of the will is the main goal of life.
3. Logic, consistency, patience and structure make all the difference. Failures, i.e. deviations from the rules are inevitable even among the great.

The most important. From Tolstoy’s diaries (especially the early ones) it can be seen that he “suffered” from all the problems typical of young people. In other words, he was ordinary. What distinguished him at first was wish become great. What distinguished him later was his will, perseverance and work. He worked hard, did it consistently and became what we know him to be. Great people are not born. People become great through many years of daily work. And in the beginning - yes - in the beginning there was a word (thought).

Tolstoy Lev Nikolaevich

Tolstoy Lev Nikolaevich

Diaries and journal entries (1881-1887)

[DIARY 1881]

Wanderer of Poltava province, originally from Tobolsk. Tall, long-haired, handsome old man. He has everything with him: a knife, scissors, hooks, needles, birch tea, brick tea. Stories about walking around with small goods. He carried 6 poods per 100 verst. He buried 16 souls. They whipped me for my son, 60 rods. He is 62 years old. You can be flogged up to 57 years old. In the office for 3 rubles. for a rod, in the village, 5. - There is no truth. - Milk, pie, food for the convicts in the hallway. In winter, go to the bathhouse.

18 Apr. Destroy universities, i.e. everything fresh, truthful and educated. The dogs ate the sheep. One died, the lambs died. This one is eaten - she cries.

Konstantin's wife gave birth to a girl. It is cheaper to baptize in a church. Don't give the deacon water. About God-bearers. Smeared in mud. Laughing, holding on and snorting. I fed the cattle, they are gaining in Kochaki, I am happy. The bread has arrived. I'm not pushing. The horse was given, satisfied, happy.

Alexander Kozlov. Go to Samara. The main thing is to make the job easier. It’s still okay at home, but it’s difficult in captivity among people. The mother was given unction. The funeral is expected to cost 8 rubles in advance. -

M[at]v[ey] Egorov. As soon as he starts talking about his son, he cries. My grandson has lost weight. Who's good? who's nice? Who is the owner? And I stopped talking. The daughter-in-law knocks down the 2nd son. I'm a cook, you're a coachman.

Shchekinsky man. Consumption. Choking with blood, sweat. I've been bleeding for 20 years now. He mowed down buckwheat and reached for the men. Springs. The shirt is wet. He drinks until his nose drips.

A joke was made on the wife. Damage. Screams. Elbows on the stove, in winter. My sister needs help. I’m plowing, I’ll walk 5 furrows, I’m resting. Koshu. If only God tidied it up and to the side.

But he doesn’t believe that he will die.

Yegor's armless daughter-in-law. I came to ask for a horse. Your hand is light. Foreman 20 k., the shopkeeper gave corned beef.

After lunch, Onisim. There's a beard in the bag. What to do? Forgive? As you say. The quarrel arose over water. Ivan dug a ditch and lowered it into the yard to On[isim]. Then he let me into the barn. - Yashutkin’s little grandson began to contradict. Broke the shovel. The old man came out: “It’s you that I need.” My cheekbone hurts, I haven’t eaten bread all week.

19 Newspapers. Villagers, work, refrain, submit to your superiors. — In Gatchina I received drummers, timpani players, and buglers. Change uniforms.

19 Apr. The Babur[in] people came to ask for taxes, I don’t have money, I refused.

Two wanderers are soldiers.

All the missing people are soldiers or cripples. -

The Shchekino man, cruel, timid, frank, short, asked for money - he refused.

Babur[insky] man with a boy. A drunken man was cutting a knot and cut his nose. We were treated in the hospital for 22 days, stayed for 5 days. 50 k. I couldn’t give it away. "Let's go to the police department." - He went, they brought him into the room, they locked him: “When you bring it, then we’ll let you out.” I left the bread. - Nikita Salamasovskaya, asked for poverty, gave 3 rubles.

Shchekinsky and distant.

Ivan Emelyanov Shchek[insky] for a horse, very poor. I bought a hut.

A Sinyavinsky man was in jail on suspicion of stealing wheat, awaiting trial for 4 months. Asked for oats. - Father and son stole 17 measures of wheat (for the penalty of a stone), and were imprisoned for another six months.

Kolpenskaya boy, 12 years old. The eldest, smaller 9 and 6. Father and mother died. Grandma went and put out some bread. Now the bread is finished. Uncle took the land. The foreman says: we’ll place you somewhere.

Bogoroditsky district - a soldier with his son.

A soldier from Shchekin is feverish. Boy.

Bogoyavlensky was expelled from the university.

Kharinsky - horse - 9 rubles, feeds 5 souls. -- Burnt Ivan Kolchanov. Golovensky is a horse.

Soldier of the Chernigov province.

23 Ap. I went to the village. Lokhmachev’s illness spoils him like needles. Baba is hiding with Dmitry Makarych and Ivan. Nobody went. “I know from my poverty.” In a tavern, a soldier begs for alms. Vasily brought out half a slice. "Nobody is buying."

Matv[ey] Egor[ov] has priests in his hut. In the backyard at the gate they howl in 6 voices. The owner is a boy sitting on a bunk. Sitniks on moved, set tables. -

Sergei: “We are ripe for the harvest—the hair is gray.”

Soldier Kozlov asks for a place at the factory: when the cold grows, the old grows. - You took off your hat, you can’t talk. -

Baba from Sudakov. We got burned. She jumped out as she was. The son climbs into the fire. I still have to disappear. There is no horse. The judges took the horse. Because he led someone else's. -

Man Kryltsovsky. Small, pathetic. The horse died. Did not give. Osip Naumych. The constable ordered the bees to be taken out of the garden, but they flew around. Karp too.

3 soldiers were begging for alms.

The soldier is cheerful and has been walking for 16 years. -

Pirovskaya man. Vlasov offended. 200 rub. didn't receive it. From the men for not wanting to hold the land, 55 rubles. fine[fu]. Cockfight. Mortgages. Man.

24 Apr. The soldier offered a book. Widow Kolpenskaya. 5 children (35 k.). Alexander Kopylov. The horse died and did not foal.

Baburinskaya is lame, refused.

25. Yesterday conversations with Seryozha and Urusov. Today she’s a poor treasurer, drunk. Grumant widow. The boy will plow. The horse asked. Did not give.

Golovensky is a crooked old man with his caftan rolled up over his shoulder. 7 rubles per horse Crying. Don't offend people, remember God. Understood.

Lord have mercy. -

Konstantin sent a note with a girl... He was really tired. I was plowing, there was no piece of bread. The children gave it. -- 3 wanderers.

26 A. Myasoedovskaya woman, small. From a distance she knelt down, “handling”. She left immediately. - The Goroden women will open up. The agent said: line up, I won’t charge you. He will be fined. For 10 rubles. But I won't chase. The agent privately allows. - But officially it’s impossible. They don’t try because, based on per capita income, field land cannot be occupied.

Kislinsky to ask. Larivon Fedorov.

"Fine 10 rubles." Yes, we wouldn’t have stood there. But it’s impossible, father, to go to the world court now. Let them be fined. 10 rub. wherever it went.

Shchekinsky old woman. I was behind two husbands.. They tried everything on. He walks and begs. He's joking. “I’m old, you can’t fatten me up.”

A drunken beggar - a noblewoman with her daughter.

Gorodensky, consumptive, and his son walked all day before me. Sow oat tithe. - He was crawling on his knees. I got it from the decogu.

Shchekinskaya is crazy, about the mill, “let’s say” - I didn’t understand what was needed.

Kryltsovskaya woman's petition to help a soldier out of service.

27 Ap. Vologda young man, sick, with icons and mallow. Offers to buy.

A soldier from Tverskaya, Novotorzhskaya, heard about Shevalino, that the people are merciful. The ragged old woman, Odoevskaya. Old woman Myasoedovskaya.

Yesterday Masha herself gave 20 kopecks, no one saw it.

Burned without me, my wife burned. - Old woman Kolpenskaya. I reproached him, my son has 8 children and has no bread. I started crying. - I went to Degotna. At the cemetery, an old soldier was straightening the grave of an old woman. “He’s been going around for a year now, looking for benefits. “My eyes would not look at entering the village”). I walked around the saint with images. We spent the night. The old women pray to God all night, the candles are burning. - How Parmen was flogged. He stole money, squash and beer to buy in a tavern. - He's been walking around for a year, looking for benefits. They gave a certificate, but the years were wrong by 6 years. “I’m not the only one, there are a lot of people walking around.” One abandoned, the other died this winter, walking.

You can’t deprive millions of people of what they may need for their souls. I repeat: “maybe.” But even if there is only the slightest probability that what I have written is needed by the souls of people, then one cannot deprive them of this spiritual food so that Andrei can drink and debauch and Leo smear and... Well, God be with them. Do your own thing and don’t judge... Morning.

The day is like the previous days: not well, but there is less unkindness in my soul. I’m waiting for what will happen, and that’s what’s bad.

Sofya Andreevna is completely calm.

July 30. Chertkov drew me into the struggle, and this struggle is very difficult and disgusting to me. I will try loving(it’s scary to say, I’m so far from this) to lead her.

In my current situation, perhaps the most important thing I need is not doing, not saying. Today I vividly realized that I just need not to spoil my situation and vividly remember that I nothing, nothing no need.

July 31st. The evening passed idly. The Ladyzhenskys came, I chatted too much. Sofya Andreevna did not sleep again, but she was not angry. I'm waiting.

August 1. I slept well, but still boring, sad, lifeless, with a heavy consciousness of unlove around me and, alas, in myself. Help me, Lord! Sasha coughs again. Sofya Andreevna told Posha the same thing. All this lives on: jealousy of Chertkov and fear for property. Very hard. I can’t stand Lev Lvovich. And he wants to settle here. Here's a test! Letters in the morning. I wrote it badly, I corrected one proof. I go to bed in a difficult mental state. I'm bad.

August 2. E. b. and. I really, really realized my mistake. It was necessary to gather all the heirs and declare their intention, and not secretly. I wrote this to Chertkov. He was very upset. I went to Kolpna. Sofya Andreevna came out to check, keep watch, and was rummaging through my papers. Now she was interrogating who was delivering the letters from Chertkov: “You are conducting a secret love correspondence.” I said I didn’t want to talk and left, but gently. Unhappy, how can I not feel sorry for her. I wrote a letter to Galya.

August 3rd. You go to bed with sadness in your heart and wake up with the same sadness. I can't overcome everything. Walked in the rain. I studied at home. I traveled with Goldenweiser. For some reason it’s hard for me with him. Letter from Chertkov. He is very upset. I say yes and decided to wait and do nothing. The very good thing is that I feel trashy. In the evening, a crazy note from Sofia Andreevna and

requirement that I read. I looked in and gave it away. She came and started talking. I locked myself in, then ran away and sent Dushan. How will it end? Just don't sin yourself. I'm going to bed. E. b. and.

August 4th. Nothing was hard today, but it’s hard for me. I finished proofreading, but didn’t write anything. I got excited with the high school students and in vain, I accepted and gave the book to the student and his wife. There's a lot of fuss. I went with Dushan to the Ladyzhenskys. Posha leaves, and Korolenko arrives.

5th of August. I thought a little brighter. My abstinence from communicating with Chertkov is shameful, shameful, comical and sad. Yesterday morning I was very sorry, without anger. I am always so happy about this - it is so easy for me to feel sorry for her and love her when she suffers and does not make others suffer.

August 6. Today, while lying in bed, a thought came to me that seemed very important to me. I thought I'd write it down later. And I forgot, I forgot and I can’t remember. Now I met Sofya Andreevna right there where I wrote this down. She walks quickly, terribly excited. I felt very sorry for her. He told her at home to look after her secretly, where she went. Sasha told me that she doesn’t walk without a purpose, but to watch for me. It became less pitiful. There is unkindness here, and I still cannot be indifferent - in the sense of loving what is unkind. I’m thinking of leaving, leaving a letter, and I’m afraid, although I think it would be better for her. Now I’ve read the letters, picked up “Madness” and put it aside. There is no desire to write, no strength. It's now 1 o'clock. It’s hard to hide forever and be afraid for her.

August 7. Conversation with Korolenko. A smart and good person, but completely under the superstition of science. The work ahead is very clear, and it would be a pity not to write it, but it seems like there is no strength. Everything is mixed up, there is no consistency and persistence in one direction. Sofya Andreevna is calmer, but the same unkindness towards everyone and irritation. I read “paranoia” by Korsakov. How it was copied from her. Sasha had the book, and the passages were probably underlined by her. Korolenko says to me: “What a good person Alexandra Lvovna is.” But I have tears in my throat from emotion, and I can’t speak. When I recovered, I said: I have no right to speak, she loves me too much.

Korolenko. Well, I have the right. It’s still hard with Leo, but thank God there is no bad feeling.

8 August. Got up early. Many, many thoughts, but all scattered. Well, it is not necessary. I pray, I pray: help me. And I can’t, I can’t help but wish, not wait with joy for death.

The separation from Chertkov is more and more shameful. I'm clearly to blame.

I'm like a good sheep. How it barks at us.

Again the same thing with Sofia Andreevna. He wants Chertkov to go. Again I didn’t sleep until 7 am.

“We went with wine policy.”

I lost my memory, completely, and, amazingly, not only did I not lose anything, but I gained an awful lot - in clarity and strength consciousness. I even think that one is always to the detriment of the other.

August 9. I take life more and more seriously. Excitement again. Conversations with Fere, with Sasha. Sasha is cutting. Leva is a big and difficult test.

10th of August. Still hard and unwell. It's good to feel guilty, and I do. [...]

For the first time yesterday, when I wrote a letter to Galya, I felt guilty about everything and a natural desire to ask for forgiveness, and now, thinking about it, I felt “perfect joy.” How simple, how easy, how it frees you from human glory, how it makes relationships with people easier. Oh, if only it weren’t self-deception and it would hold.

11th August. My health is getting worse and worse. Sofya Andreevna is calm, but also alien. Letters. Two answered. It's hard with everyone. I can't help but wish for death. A long letter from Chertkov, describing everything that preceded it. It was very sad, hard to read and remember. He is absolutely right, and I feel guilty towards him. Posha was wrong. I'll write to both. I am writing all this.

12th of August. Yesterday I decided to tell Tanya everything. This morning I have a heavy feeling, unkind towards her, towards Sofya Andreevna. And I need to forgive and regret, but I can’t yet.

Told Tanya. She is happy and agrees. Chertkov is very pleased with my letter, according to Sasha. Didn't go out all day. In the evening Ge spoke well about Switzerland. Sofya Andreevna is very excited and always in this position - obviously sick - I feel very sorry for her. I'm going to bed.

August 13. Everything is the same and just as difficult and dangerous with her. A good letter from Chertkov - telling me not to go to say goodbye if this might interfere with my departure. Tanechka is pleasant, sweet.

August 14. Worse and worse. Didn't sleep at night. I jumped out in the morning. "Who are you talking with". Then she told me something terrible. [...] It's scary to say. [ 3 words deleted.]

It’s terrible, but, thank God, it’s pathetic, I can regret it. Will

tolerate. God help. I exhausted everyone, and most of all myself. He's coming with us. It’s as if I’m kicking Varya out. Sasha is upset. I'm going to bed.

August 15. On the way to Kochety I thought about how, if these anxieties and demands start again, I will leave with Sasha. That's what he said. That's what I thought dear. Now I don't think so. We arrived calmly, but in the evening I took a notebook from Sasha, she saw: “What is it?” - Diary. Sasha is cheating.

August 16. I didn't sleep again this morning. She brought me a note that Sasha was copying my accusations against her from Chertkov’s diary. Before dinner, I tried to calm him down by telling the truth that Sasha was only writing down individual thoughts, and not my impressions of life. She wants to calm down and is very sorry. Now it's 4 o'clock, something will happen. I can not work. It seems that there is no need. Not bad at heart.

August 17. Today is a good day. Sonya is very good. It’s good because it makes me sad. And longing is expressed through prayer and consciousness.

August 18. Sofya Andreevna, having learned about Chertkov’s permission to live in Velyatinki, fell into a painful state. "I will kill him". I asked not to speak and remained silent. And it seemed to work well. Something will happen. Help me, God, to be with you and do what you want. What happens is none of my business. Often, no, not often, but sometimes I am in such a state of mind, and then how good it is!

August 19. In the morning, Sofya Andreevna asked to promise the same promises and not take portraits. I agreed in vain. The letter from Chertkov is good. He writes correctly about those techniques that work best on patients. During lunch, I inappropriately spoke about Arago tout court. And I felt ashamed. And it's a shame that it's a shame.

August 20. He spoke well to the watchman. It’s not good that I told about my situation. I rode on horseback, and the sight of this kingdom of masters torments me so much that I’m thinking about running away, hiding.

Today I thought, remembering my marriage, that it was something fatal. I've never even been in love. But he couldn’t help but get married.

August 21. Got up late. I feel fresher. Sofya Andreevna is still the same. Tanya told how she didn’t sleep at night because she saw Chertkov’s portrait. The situation is threatening. I want, I want to say, that is, write.

August 22. A letter from Rossolimo, wonderfully stupid about the situation of Sofia Andreevna, and a letter from B. is very good.

I'm behaving pretty well.

August 23 and 24. I'm coming to life little by little. Sofya Andreevna, poor thing, suffers incessantly, and I feel it is impossible to help her. I feel the sin of my exclusive attachment to my daughters.

25. Varvara Mikhailovna writes about Zvegintseva’s gossip. This annoys Sasha. Thank God, I don’t care, but it worsens my feeling for her. No need. Oh, if only I could be gentle but firm.

August, 26th. Sofya Andreevna spoke heatedly to Tanya at night. She is completely hopeless with her inconsistency of thought. I am glad that I remained silent in response to her calls and complaints. Thank God, I don’t have the slightest bad feeling.

August 27. Terribly pitiful and difficult. Just this evening I started talking about portraits, obviously from my own painful point of view. I tried to get away. And left.

August 28. It’s getting harder and harder with Sofia Andreevna. Not love, but a demand for love, close to hatred and turning into hatred.

Yes, selfishness is madness. Her children saved her - animal love, but still selfless. And when this was over, all that was left was terrible selfishness. And selfishness is the most abnormal state - madness.

Just now I spoke with Sasha and Mikhail Sergeevich, both Dushan and Sasha do not admit the disease. And they are wrong.

29 and 30. Yesterday was a terrible morning for no reason. She went into the garden and lay there. Then she became quiet. They spoke well. When leaving, she touchingly asked for forgiveness. Today I'm 30 and I'm not feeling well. Mavor. Sasha telegraphed that it was good. Will something happen?

31 [August], 1 [September.] I wrote a letter from my heart to Sonya.

Today- September 2, I received a very bad letter from her. The same suspicions, the same malice, the same comical, if it weren’t so terrible and painful for me, demand for love.

Today in Schopenhauer’s “Reading Circle”: “Just as an attempt to force love causes hatred, so...”

September 3 and 4. Sasha has arrived. Brought bad news. All the same. Sofya Andreevna writes that she will come. He burns portraits and holds a prayer service in the house. When I'm alone, I get ready

to be firm with her and as if I could, but with her I weaken. I will try to remember that she is sick.

Today on the 4th I was sad, I wanted to die and still want to.

5, 6, 7, 8. Sofya Andreevna has arrived. She is very talkative, but at first there was nothing serious, but since yesterday, hints began, searching for pretexts for condemnation. Very hard. This morning I came running to tell something nasty about Zosya. I hold on and will hold on as long as I can, and feel sorry for her, and love her. God help.

8, 9, 10. Yesterday, the 9th, I was hysterical all day, didn’t eat anything, and cried. I was very sorry. But no beliefs or reasoning are acceptable. I said something and, thank God, without bad feelings, and she accepted, as usual, without understanding. I myself was bad yesterday - gloomy, despondent. She received Chertkov's letter and answered him. A letter from Goldenweiser with an extract from V.M., which horrified me.

Today on the 10th everything is the same. Doesn't eat anything. I entered. Now there are reproaches about Sasha and that she needs to go to Crimea. In the morning I thought that I couldn’t stand it and would have to leave her. There is no life with her. One flour. As I told her: my grief is that I cannot be indifferent.

[11 September.] By evening, scenes of running into the garden, tears, and screams began. Even to the point that when I followed her into the garden, she screamed: this is an animal, a killer, I can’t see him, and she ran off to hire a cart and leave now. And so the whole evening. When I lost my temper and told her son fait, she suddenly became healthy, and so it is today on the 11th. It is impossible to talk to her because, firstly, she is not required to have any logic, truth, or truthful transmission of the words that are spoken to her or that she speaks. I'm getting very close to running away. My health has become poor.

[September 16-17.] But the letters from Yasnaya are terrible. The hard thing is that among her crazy thoughts there is also the thought of making me look like a weakened mind and therefore invalidating my will, if there is one. In addition, all the same stories about me and confessions of hatred towards me. I received a letter from Chertkov confirming everyone’s advice about firmness and my decision. I don't know if I can stand it. .

It's the night of the 17th.

I want to return to Yasnaya on the 22nd.

* all the truth (French).

22 am. I’m driving to Yasnaya, and I’m terrified at the thought of what awaits me. Only fais ce que doit...* And the main thing is to remain silent and remember that the soul in her is God.

II

September 24.[Yasnaya Polyana.] I lost my little diary. I am writing here. The start of the day was calm. But at breakfast a conversation began about “Children’s Wisdom,” which Chertkov, a collector, had collected. Where will he put the manuscripts after my death? I asked a little heatedly to leave me alone. It seemed like nothing. But after lunch the reproaches began that I shouted at her, that I should feel sorry for her. I was silent. She went to her place, and now it’s the 11th hour, she doesn’t come out, and it’s hard for me. A letter from Chertkov with reproaches and accusations. They're tearing me apart. Sometimes I think: get away from everyone. It turns out she was sleeping and came out calm. I went to bed after 12.

September 25. I woke up early and wrote a letter to Chertkov. I hope he accepts it as I ask. I'm getting dressed now. Yes, my whole business is with God, and I have to be alone. Again, please stand for the photograph in the pose of loving spouses. I agreed, and I feel ashamed all the time. Sasha was terribly angry. It hurted me. In the evening I called her and said: I don’t need your shorthand, but your love. And we both had a good cry, kissing.

September 26. Again the scenes are due to the fact that I hung the portraits as they were. I began to say that it was impossible to live like this. And she understood. Dusan said that she shot from a child's pistol to scare me. I wasn't scared and didn't go to her. And indeed, better. But it's very, very difficult. God help me.

September 27. How comical is the opposition in which I live, in which, without false modesty: I nurture and express the most important, significant thoughts, and next to this: the struggle and participation in women’s whims, and to which I devote most of my time.

In the matter of moral improvement, I feel like just a boy, a student, and a bad student, not very diligent.

Yesterday there was a terrible scene with Sasha returning. She screamed at Marya Alexandrovna. Sasha left today

* do what you have to... (French)

in Velyatinki. And she is calm, as if nothing had happened. She showed me a scarecrow pistol - and shot, and lied. Today she followed me on a walk, probably tracking me down. It's a shame, but it's difficult. God help me.

September 28. Very hard. These expressions of love, this talkativeness and constant interference. It’s possible, I know that you can still love. But I can’t, I’m bad.

September 29. Sasha still wants to live outside the house. I'm afraid for her. Sofya Andreevna is better. Sometimes I feel false shame for my weakness, and sometimes, like today, I rejoice at this weakness.

Today, for the first time, I saw the opportunity to conquer her with kindness - with love. Oh, if only...

September 30th. Today everything is the same. He talks a lot for the sake of talking and doesn't listen. There were difficult moments today, due to my weakness: I saw the unpleasant, the difficult, where it does not and cannot exist for true life.

October 1st. It’s terribly difficult to have an unkind feeling towards her, which I cannot overcome when this talking begins, talking endlessly and without meaning or purpose. Devil's article about the soul and God, I'm afraid it's too clever for the mind. It is joyful that all truly original religious people have the same thing. Antoin's le Guérisseur too.

2 October. In the morning, the first word is about my health, then condemnation, and endless conversations, and interference in the conversation. And I'm bad. I can’t overcome the feelings of badness and unkindness. Today I vividly felt the need for artistic work and I see the impossibility of giving myself up to it, from the persistent feeling about it, from the internal struggle. Of course, this struggle and the possibility of victory in this struggle are more important than all possible works of art.

III

October 5, 10. I gave away the sheets of paper and now I’m starting a new one. And as if I needed to start something new: on the 3rd, after a nap before lunch, I fell into unconsciousness. They undressed me, put me to bed, [...] I said something and don’t remember anything. I woke up and came to my senses at about 11. Headache and weakness. Yesterday I lay in the heat all day, with a headache, didn’t eat anything and felt the same weakness. So is the night. Now it’s 7 o’clock in the morning, my head and liver and legs still hurt, and I’m weak, but better. The main thing about my illness is that it reconciled Sasha with Sofia Andreevna. Sasha was especially good.

Varya has arrived. We'll see. I am struggling with my unkind feelings towards her, I cannot forget these three months of torment of all the people close to me and me. But I will overcome. I didn’t sleep that night, and I can’t say that I thought, but thoughts wandered around in my head.

[October 7th.] Yesterday October 6th. He was weak and gloomy. Everything was hard and unpleasant. A letter from Chertkov. He thinks this is in vain. She tries and asked him to come. Today Tanya went to see the Chertkovs. Galya is very irritated. Chertkov decided to arrive at 8, now at 10 minutes. Sofya Andreevna asked me not to kiss him. How disgusting. There was a hysterical attack.

Today 8th. I told her everything I thought was necessary. She objected and I got annoyed. And it was bad. But maybe there will still be something left. It’s true that the whole point is to not do bad yourself, but not always, but for the most part you sincerely feel sorry for her. I go to bed having had a better day.

October 9. She is calm, but starts talking about herself. I read hysteria. Everyone is to blame except her. I didn’t go to the Chertkovs and I won’t go. Peace of mind is more valuable than anything. It's stern and serious at heart.

October 11. In the morning there was talk about how I secretly saw Chertkov yesterday. I didn't sleep all night. But thank you, he is struggling with himself. I behaved well and remained silent. She translates everything that happens into confirmation of her mania - nothing...

October 12. Again in the morning conversation and scene. Something, someone told her about some kind of bequest of my diaries to Chertkov. I was silent. The day was empty, I couldn’t work well. In the evening the same conversation again. Hints, probing.

October 13. It turns out that she found and took away my small diary. She knows about some will, to someone, about something - obviously concerning my writings. What a torment because of their monetary value - and he is afraid that I will interfere with its publication. And she’s afraid of everything, poor thing.

October 14. A letter of reproaches for some kind of paper about rights, as if everything is important in the money issue - and this is better - it’s clearer, but when she exaggeratedly talks about her love for me, kneels down and kisses my hands, it’s very hard for me. I still can’t decisively announce that I will go to the Chertkovs.

I wanted to go to Tanya, but I hesitate. Hysterical attack, angry.

The whole point is that she suggested that I go to the Chertkovs, asked about it, and now, when I said that I would go, she began to rage. Very, very difficult. God help. I said that I would not make and do not make any promises, but I would do everything I could so as not to upset her. I will hardly carry out my departure tomorrow. But it is necessary. Yes, this is a test, and my job is not to do anything unkind. God help.

17 October. Weak Sofya Andreevna is better, as if she is repenting, but there is also a hysterical exaggeration in this. Kisses hands. She's very excited and doesn't stop talking. I feel morally good. I remember who I am. Read Sri Shankara. The basic metaphysical idea about the essence of life is good, but the whole teaching is a confusion, worse than mine.

October 18. The same heavy attitude of fear and alienation. There was nothing today. I started talking about faith in the evening. He just doesn’t understand what faith is.

October 19. Very difficult conversation at night. I took it badly. Sasha talked about selling for a million. Let's see what. Maybe for the better. Just to act before the highest judge and earn his approval.

The 20th of October. There is nothing bad to write down. Badly. I’ll write down one thing: how happy I am and how dear and sweet Sasha is to me.

October 21. I bear my trial very hard. The words of Novikov: “I used a whip, I became much better” and Ivan: “In our everyday life we ​​use reins,” everyone remembers, and he is dissatisfied with himself. At night I thought about leaving. Sasha talked to her a lot, and I can hardly contain my unkind feeling.

22 of October. There is nothing hostile on her part, but this pretense on both sides is hard for me. From Chertkov a letter to me, a letter to Dosev and a statement. Everything is very good, but the violation of the diary’s secret is unpleasant. Dunaev spoke well. It’s terrible that he told him and Maria Nikolaevna from her words.

October 23. The mutual pretense is still hard, I try to be simple, but it doesn’t work. The thought of Novikov does not leave me. When I rode on horseback, Sofya Andreevna went to keep an eye on me to see if I had gone to Chertkov. I’m ashamed to admit my stupidity even in my diary. Since yesterday I started doing gymnastics - to look younger,

he’s a fool, he wants to - and he knocked the cabinet over himself and suffered in vain. What an 82-year-old fool.

24October. Sasha was crying that she had quarreled with Tanya. And me too. It’s very difficult, the same tension and unnaturalness.

the 25th of October. Still the same heavy feeling. Suspicion, peeping and a sinful desire for her to give a reason to leave. So I'm bad. And I’m thinking about leaving and about her situation, and it’s a pity, and I also can’t. She asked me for a letter to Gala Chertkova.

October 26. I am becoming more and more burdened by this life. Marya Alexandrovna doesn’t order me to leave, and my conscience won’t let me either. Tolerate it, endure it, without changing the position of the external, but working on the internal. Help me, Lord.

[27th October.] October 25th. I saw my hard struggle with her all night. I wake up, fall asleep, and the same thing again. Sasha told about what was being said to Varvara Mikhailovna. I feel sorry for her and unbearably disgusting.

October 26th. There was nothing special. The feeling of shame and the need to take action only grew.

[28 of October. Optina Pustyn.] From 27-28 there was that push that forced me to take action. And here I am in Optina on the evening of 28. I sent Sasha both a letter and a telegram.

[29th of October.] Sergeenko arrived. Everything is the same, even worse. Just not to sin. And have no evil. Now it's gone.

Tolstoy L.N. Diaries. “Diary for oneself” // L.N. Tolstoy. Collected works in 22 volumes. M.: Fiction, 1985. T. 22. P. 413-424.

Leo Tolstoy is an absolute classic. And, like any classic, it is not only often read, but too often not read. We have collected several non-trivial quotes from the diaries of the great writer. And after more than a hundred years, many of them remain relevant.

1. About life

Cleaned up. I was at the gym. Very refreshed. Let's go. Enjoyed it. I decided that I had to love and work, and that’s all. How many times! Dear loved.

Had arrived. Tired. He didn’t love and didn’t work.

2. About the ministry of the writer

I thought that if I serve people with Scripture, then the only thing I have the right to do, what I must do, is to expose the rich in their lies and reveal to the poor the deception in which they are being held.

3. About love

21st of June. 1910 We have been given one thing, but the inalienable benefit of love. Just love, and everything will be joy: the sky, the village, the people, and even yourself. And we look for good in everything, but not in love. And this search for him in wealth, power, fame, exclusive love - all this, not only does it not give him any benefit, but probably deprives him.

Today 17.97. Yasnaya Polyana

I was also thinking today, quite unexpectedly, about the charm—precisely the charm—of nascent love, when against the background of cheerful, pleasant, sweet relationships this little star suddenly begins to shine. It’s kind of like the sudden smell of linden or the shadow of the moon beginning to fall. There is still no full color, no clear shadow and light, but there is joy and fear of the new, charming. This is good, but only when it’s the first and last time.

The position of one who does not feel his unity with all individual beings is terribly lonely. When you think about all the people, the creatures living separately, it’s terrifying. It calms and makes you happy even when you hug them with reason and love.

4. About creativity

Life is constant creativity, that is, the formation of new higher forms.

When this formation, in our opinion, stops or even goes backwards, that is, existing forms are destroyed, this only means that a new form, invisible to us, is being formed. We see what is outside of us, but we do not see what is in us, we only feel it (if we have not lost consciousness and do not recognize the visible external throughout our entire life). The caterpillar sees itself drying up, but does not see the butterfly that will fly out of it.

5. About human nature

One of the greatest misconceptions when judging a person is that we call, define a person as smart, stupid, kind, evil, strong, weak, but a person is everything: all possibilities, is a fluid substance, etc.

This is a good theme for a work of art and is very important and kind, because it destroys evil judgments - cancer - and suggests the possibility of all good things. Workers of the devil, confident in the presence of evil in man, achieve great results: superstition, execution, war. God's workers would achieve greater results if they had more faith in the possibility of goodness in people. […]

How good it would be to write a work of art in which to clearly express the fluidity of a person, that he is one and the same, now a villain, now an angel, now a sage, now an idiot, now a strong man, now a powerless being.

Each person, like everyone else, imperfect in everything, is still more perfect in one thing than in another, and these perfections are presented as demands on others and condemned.

6. About repression

From the famous article “I cannot be silent”

You say that you are fighting the revolution, that you want to establish calm and order, but if you are not wild animals, but at least a little kind and reasonable people, you cannot believe what you say. How! you will bring peace by destroying in people every last remnant of Christianity and morality, committing - you, representatives of power, leaders, mentors - all the greatest crimes: lies, betrayal, all kinds of torment and the last, eternally disgusting to every person who has not lost the last the remnants of morality are not murder, but murders, endless murders, dressed in some kind of deceitful clothes in which murders would cease to be crimes.

(You) say that this is the only means of extinguishing the revolution, calming the people. Can you believe that, by not satisfying the demands, the specific demands of the entire Russian people and the demands of the most primitive justice, already recognized by the majority of people, the demands for the destruction of land property, not even satisfying the other demands of the youth, on the contrary, irritating the people and youth, you can you calm the country down with murders, prisons, exiles? You cannot help but know that by doing this, you not only do not cure the disease, but only strengthen it, driving it inside. It's all too clear. Children cannot help but see this.

You say that the revolutionaries began, that the atrocities of the revolutionaries can only be suppressed by the same measures. But no matter how terrible the deeds of the revolutionaries are: all these bombs, and Plehve, and Sergei Alexandrovich, and those unfortunate people unintentionally killed by the revolutionaries, their deeds, both in terms of the number of murders and their motives, are almost a hundred times less in number and, most importantly, less morally worse than your crimes. In most cases, in the deeds of revolutionaries there is, albeit often a childish, rash, desire to serve the people and self-sacrifice; most importantly, there is a risk, a danger that justifies in their eyes, the eyes of carried away youth, justifying their atrocities. It’s not the same with you: you, from the executioners to Pyotr Stolypin and Nikolai Romanov, are guided only by the most vile feelings: lust for power, vanity, self-interest, hatred, revenge.

7. About art

What I thought about art was that nothing hurts conservatism more than art.

Art is one of the manifestations of a person’s spiritual life, and therefore, just as if an animal is alive, it breathes and releases the product of respiration, so if humanity is alive, it exhibits the activity of art. And therefore, at every given moment it must be - modern - the art of our time. You just need to know where it is. (Not in the decadents of music, poetry, novels.) But you need to look for it not in the past, but in the present. People who want to show themselves as connoisseurs of art and, for this purpose, praise past art - classical and scold modern art, only show that they are not at all sensitive to art.

I very vividly imagined the inner life of each individual person. How to describe what each individual self is? But it seems possible. Then I thought that this, in fact, is the whole interest, the whole meaning of art - poetry. […]

Music, like any art, but especially music, evokes the desire for everyone, as many people as possible, to participate in the pleasure experienced. Nothing shows the true meaning of art more than this: you are transported into others, you want to feel through them.

8. About your own laziness

How insignificantly the days pass!

Here is the current one. How, not a single memory, not a single strong impression. I got up late with that unpleasant feeling when waking up that always affects me: I did something bad, I overslept. When I wake up, I experience what a cowardly dog ​​feels in front of its owner when it is guilty. Then I thought about how fresh a person’s moral strength is upon awakening and why I cannot always keep them in this position. I will always say that consciousness is the greatest moral evil that can befall a person. It hurts, it hurts very much to know in advance that in an hour I will be the same person, the same images will be in my memory, but my view will change independently of me, and at the same time consciously. I read Horace. My brother said the truth that this person is similar to me. The main feature: nobility of character, loftiness of concepts, love of glory - and a complete inability to do any work. This inability comes from lack of habit, and lack of habit comes from upbringing and vanity.

9. About progress and civilization

People usually measure the progress of mankind by its technical and scientific successes, believing that civilization leads to good. This is not true. Both Rousseau and all those who admire the savage, patriarchal state are just as right or as wrong as those who admire civilization. The benefit of people living and enjoying the highest, most refined civilization, culture, and the most primitive, wild people are exactly the same. It is just as impossible to increase the benefit of people through science - civilization, culture - as it is to make sure that on a water plane the water in one place is higher than in others.

The increase in the good of people only comes from an increase in love, which by its nature equals all people; Scientific and technical successes are a matter of age, and civilized people are just as little superior to uncivilized people in their well-being as an adult is superior to a non-adult in their well-being. The benefit comes only from increased love.

10. About the revolution

What the revolution did in our Russian people was that they suddenly saw the injustice of their situation. This is a fairy tale about a king in a new dress. The child who said what is, that the Tsar is naked, was a revolution.

The people have become aware of the untruth they are suffering, and the people have varied attitudes towards this untruth (most of them, unfortunately, with malice); but all the people already understand it. And it is no longer possible to eradicate this consciousness. And what our government is doing, trying to suppress the ineradicable consciousness of the untruth being endured, is increasing this untruth and causing an increasingly angry attitude towards this untruth.

11. About the purpose of Russia

Russia's universally popular task is to introduce into the world the idea of ​​a social system without land ownership.

"La propriété c'est le vol" will remain more true than the truth of the English constitution as long as the human race continues to exist. This is an absolute truth, but there are also relative truths that follow from it - applications.

The first of these relative truths is the view of the Russian people on property. The Russian people deny the most durable property, the most independent of labor, and the property that more than any other constrains the right of other people to acquire property, land property.

This truth is not a dream - it is a fact - expressed in peasant communities, in Cossack communities. This truth is understood equally by the learned Russian and the peasant who says: let them enroll us as Cossacks and the land will be free. This idea has a future. The Russian revolution can only be based on it. The Russian revolution will not be against the tsar and despotism, but against land ownership. She will say: from me, from a man, take and take whatever you want, and leave all the land to us. Autocracy does not interfere with, but promotes this order of things. -(I saw all this in a dream on August 13.)

12. About church and state

I read the newspaper about executions, and about the atrocities for which executions were executed, and so it became clear the corruption committed by the church - by hiding Christianity, by perverting conscience, and by the state - by legitimizing, not only justifying, but also exalting pride, ambition, greed, humiliation of people and, in particular, all violence, murder in war and executions.

It would seem that this is so undoubtedly clear, but no one sees, no one wants to see it. And they - both the church and the state, although they see the ever-increasing evil, continue to produce it. Something similar is happening to what people who only know how to plow and have only plowing tools and who can live only by their work, by plowing, would do if these people plowed fields on which shoots had already sprouted.

If the affairs of church and state might have been necessary in their time, they are clearly destructive in our time and continue to be done.

At night I thought about how to clearly define those villainous positions that not only a Christian, but simply a decent person - not a villain who wants to feel like he is not a villain - cannot perform.

I know that a merchant, manufacturer, landowner, banker, capitalist, harmless official, like a teacher, professor of painting, librarian, etc., lives as a thief, robbed, but we must make a distinction between the thief and robber himself and the one who lives as a thief. And these thieves and robbers themselves should be singled out from the rest, the sinfulness, cruelty, and shamefulness of their activities should be clearly shown.

And such people are legion. 1) Monarchs, ministers: a) internal affairs, with police violence, executions, pacifications, b) finance - taxes, c) justice - courts, d) military, e) confessions (deception of the people), and all employees, all the army, all the clergy. After all, these are millions. Just to make it clear to them what they are doing.