Nekrasov Nikolai Alekseevich mother's love to read. Anatoly Nekrasov: Mother's love

I was traveling in a subway car from the theater after watching a well-known play about maternal love, or rather, the lack of it. Many people have studied the topic: when a mother abandons her child. Yes, this drama occurs in life, but, in fact, this is not the worst misfortune; another drama occurs much more often, which is not so pronounced and therefore less attention is paid to it: this is when maternal love is manifested in abundance, and then it brings people the greatest problems. This is exactly what I thought about while sitting in the carriage.

Late evening, few people. There is a heavy aftertaste in my soul after watching the play due to the fact that the topic is not really covered, despite the fact that the play has been running for more than a hundred years and was written by a famous classic. And here the idea of an “alternative” performance began to emerge. Just an idea - without any plans for its implementation. Firstly, I never considered drama as my field. Secondly, the heavy workload of other issues did not allow us to delve deeper into this topic. Although I immediately felt confident that I could write this play, since the topic is familiar to me, and from the other, more tragic and larger-scale side.

And suddenly, at the bus stop, a woman comes in who looks like two peas in a pod like my old patient! In the same black clothes as many years ago when they brought her to me. That woman lost her son and had already lived for two years, immersed in her grief. She could not see the joyful faces - after all, her son died! It was a difficult case - no one could bring her out of this state, and I only had two hours before her departure. I managed to bring her back to life thanks to the fact that I understood the main cause of the tragedy and was able to convey it. And I remembered this incident for the rest of my life.

And so she appeared in the subway car to tell me that the topic was alive and important, and it needed to be revealed and conveyed to people. Of course, it was not the same woman, but she was very similar to her. I have not been surprised by such creativity of the World for a long time. This was a clear clue to me, and I sat down to work. This is how the chapter “Motherly Love” was written for the book “Living Thoughts”.

Several years have passed, and all this time this topic has been making itself felt. Many new examples accumulated, I researched this issue even deeper, and when I was about to write the next book in the “The World in Me” series, several more signs came that left no doubt about what to write about. In fact, there are many examples of excessive maternal love. Literally, every day. This is truly a massive phenomenon, and when you read this book, you will see what is happening much deeper and will be able to look at this problem from all sides.

Well, for example, what a sign - the magazine “Seven Days” comes and on the cover it is written in large letters: “Olga Ponizova: “I live only for my son.” And this has a circulation of more than a million copies. I already know what life will be like for this son. Well, okay, these are her personal problems, but her worldview is brought to a huge audience, and it can become an example for many. And nothing is opposed to this, no one will say in the same million copies that she is ruining her son! The TV show “My Family,” which attracts tens of millions of people to their televisions, also does not consider the destructive influence of excessive maternal love. Almost no one talks about this, except, perhaps, in special psychological literature, and even then it is not studied deeply enough.

On the day when I was leaving on a “creative business trip” to write a book in the city of Ozyory, I received a letter from the city of S., in which a woman said that her twelve-year-old son had died. The letter is permeated with the woman’s grief, and it shows that she separated from the boy’s father five years ago because “he began to abuse alcohol.” The letter shows great love for his son and great unity with him. In all cases, she says “we”: “we were treated,” “we did this…” and the like. There is a common picture of excessive maternal love leading to tragedy.

This letter was the last straw, and before that I received a sign of another kind. The First International Congress of Mothers took place in Moscow. It was held in the cathedral hall of the Cathedral of Christ the Savior. Everything was very respectable: the luxurious hall itself, many foreign delegations, representative guests, serious topics of speeches, and the high status of the forum.

I was invited to speak at this congress, and I decided to announce the topic “Mother’s love - the other side of the coin.” As I expected, all the speakers spoke only about one side of maternal love, about the great role of the mother, and no one spoke about the female role, or the role of the man and the couple. It’s as if all life lies precisely in motherhood, and it exists as if by itself, without the unity of a man and a woman, without their love. Even an Orthodox priest in his speech said: “Where have you put the men?”

The psychology professor leading the meeting began to slowly push back my speech, as she was familiar with my report and did not agree with my position. I noticed this and reminded her of myself. Finally, she gives me the floor, prefacing it with these words: “Now I give the floor to a person with whose opinion you probably will not agree, but be patient and listen.” Every cloud has a silver lining. Thus, she only aroused interest in my speech and woke up the falling asleep audience.

And what’s surprising is that my words about the enormous harm of excessive maternal love, that in the value system, love between parents, and not for the child, should come first, caused understanding and a positive reaction among the majority! This made me happy. But the presenter did not give up. She put the main postulates of my speech to a vote (an unusual case!) and found herself in the minority - only two people (she and her assistant) in an audience of one and a half thousand voted “against”!

I received confirmation that my research is going in the right direction, that in the depths of their consciousness many understand the other side of the coin of maternal love, I just need to transfer this into the practice of life. This is how this book was born.

The theme of excessive maternal love is global in nature, only in some nations it manifests itself weaker and in others stronger, but it is present and gives rise to many problems throughout the world. From minor family troubles and divorces, to the death of children and complex social problems and wars - here is a range of situations where the main reason is excessive maternal love.

Don't rush to deny! Read, think, watch life, and you will probably agree with me, and you yourself will find many confirmations of what has been said. And this will change your worldview, and you will become wiser. Well, and most importantly, if you don’t deny and approach this topic creatively, you can change a lot in your life and in the lives of your children for the better.

The book I read, “Mother’s Love,” evoked very conflicting feelings. To be honest, she followed me everywhere - on the Internet, on a friend’s shelf, in a friend’s bag, in conversations with my mother, etc. So I got to it.
Yes, A. Nekrasov, shows us the other side of excessive maternal love. But let's take things in order. From his point of view, all the troubles on earth come from this. At the beginning, this confuses and causes protest, but more and more you understand that if this topic is not exaggerated as he does, then ordinary people will not understand all the consequences. Yes, he writes about the death of children, too categorically, but it’s necessary. So that mothers imagine the death of their children for a moment, stop and, in the end, think, and not, as before, continue to love thoughtlessly. For a woman, this is on an instinctive level - she gave birth, which means she needs to protect (even from her own husband), feed, help (after all, he is a baby, completely helpless). But for some reason this help, which is unconditional and necessary for the child in the first years of life, lasts throughout his entire life. It’s as if mothers believe that they can pretend to live another life, but in their child (learn to walk again, go to college and even get married).
Of course, it’s not good to blame everything on mothers, women who create troubles precisely because of excessive love. And to say that the male component took place only when a child was conceived. It is the man who should be the head of the family. And don’t hang out at work, with friends, as long as you’re not in a hurry to get home, where the atmosphere of “clutter” overshadows all thoughts, deeds, etc. There is a subtle point here. If the husband says that the house is dirty, the woman will be offended/not offended, but will clean up. If your husband says that you are too busy with the child and forgot about me, the woman will definitely be offended, plus she will get angry and blame her husband for not helping her take care of the child and she does everything herself (forgetting, of course, that her husband brings home the money). Those. Not every man can find an approach to a female overcome by instincts, so that, being the head of the family, he can build everything so that the husband-wife relationship becomes stronger, and the child grows up in the love of parents who do not lay claim to him, because they have each other.
We come to the conclusion that love, which is actually maternal egoism, is instinctive, thoughtless, unconscious. And in order for a woman to be able to understand this (see herself from the outside), give birth and cement a family, raise children and cultivate femininity in herself at the same time, she needs the help of a man who can intelligently direct the life of the family in the right direction.
In addition, it is important to understand after reading that our mothers are not to blame for the way we live, that there is no need to blame them for anything, but only to “understand and forgive” that it is never too late to change your attitude towards your children and grandchildren. Everyone makes mistakes, the main thing is to understand these mistakes in time and stop so as not to harm anyone, including yourself.

The book is very strong. The main message is that children are not our property, only happy parents can raise happy children. I know firsthand about the hyperprotection and hyper-love of a mother for her son (my husband). The constant interference of our parents, especially our mother-in-law, in our family severely blocked the development of our relationship with my husband, and my husband in particular (he did not work, he went with the flow). I understood that while my mother was taking care of her over-aged child, neither he personally nor we as a family had any chance, but it was difficult to convey this idea even to my husband, and there was nothing to say about his parents. Recommended this book. I read it and received a tremendous internal response! My husband read it and was skeptical, but something in their relationship changed, the grain began to sprout. I gave it to my mother-in-law - she was very offended and put it aside, without reading it on principle. My father-in-law read it and INSISTED that my mother-in-law read it as a very important and necessary book! After reading it, my mother-in-law came and told me: “THANK YOU! Buy me such a book, I want to give it to my daughter. Such a book should be given as a wedding gift to all couples, before they become parents!” She, as a mother, wanted only the best for her son! I just didn’t understand that with my care I was energetically blocking my son’s opportunity to grow. Her handouts in the form of a couple of hundred hryvnias (to maintain pants while her son was not working), which we managed just fine without, did not help, but only aggravated the situation. It’s difficult for a mother-in-law, but after reading the book we both drew conclusions and are looking for common ground: the mother-in-law is trying (very!) to accept her son’s family as a separate unit of society and has almost come to terms with the idea that our family is me, my husband and our son, and for us they are not family members, but close relatives; I am very understanding about the manifestations of “love” of parents - they need it to feel needed and simply because they have an excess of free time. The book is useful for both parents and children. Now we have NORMAL family relationships and a successful man (my husband) who provides for HIS family (me and my son). A man must be separated from his mother (psychologically born)! After reading the book, I once again became convinced that the child should not be the center of the mother’s universe.

Anatoly Nekrasov

Mother's love

INTRODUCTION

MOTHERHOOD AND LOVE

Mother's heart in children

and the child's is in stone.

(Proverb).

Interesting encounters happen on the train every time. In the cramped space of a carriage compartment, 2–4 people are confined for many hours, like in a pressure chamber, thereby creating excellent conditions for deep communication. And the World always gives me different situations to learn, gain experience and help people. I have described road stories many times already. They are usually simple and ordinary, but they carry a lot of wisdom. So this time a conversation started in the compartment. Nadezhda (that was the name of my traveling companion) was traveling to Moscow.

I’m going to see my son, he’s graduating from military school.

Apparently, the “son” is already 22–23 years old. B O little “son”, and you still call him so diminutively.

And he will be small for me until the end of my days! After all, he is my baby. Yes, besides, he is the last one, that’s what I call him - “my little one.”

I realized that the World had again brought me a classic version of excessive maternal love, and I decided to play a psychological play with this woman.

I wonder how you gave birth to a child without a man? Why do you say that the child is “mine” and not “ours”?

Yes, of course, my husband took part in his birth, what would we do without him, but I’m used to considering the child my own, especially since we have a bad relationship with my husband, and besides, he drinks. All mothers say this: “my child.”

Yes, indeed, many mothers say this about their children. Fortunately, not all! And you know, I noticed that when a mother calls a child “hers” and not “ours,” this immediately shows what kind of relationships there are in the family and even what the fate of the child will be. This is like a simple test, but it is always accurate and gives a very objective picture.

And a bad relationship with your husband is most likely precisely because children are the greatest value in life for you. And men often drink because there is no woman’s love, because she transfers all her feminine energy into motherhood, depriving her husband. So they start drinking, partying...

I was riding in a subway car from the theater after watching a well-known play about maternal love, or rather, the lack of it. The topic has been studied by many: when a mother abandons her child. Yes, this drama occurs in life, but, in fact, this is not the worst misfortune; another drama occurs much more often, which is not so pronounced and therefore less attention is paid to it: this is when maternal love is manifested in abundance. This is what brings people the greatest problems, but little is said or written about it. This is exactly what I thought about while sitting in the carriage.

Late evening, few people. There is a heavy aftertaste in my soul after watching the play due to the fact that the topic is not really covered, despite the fact that the play has been running for more than a hundred years and was written by a famous classic. And here the idea of an “alternative” performance began to emerge. Just an idea - without any plans for its implementation. Firstly, I never considered drama as my field. Secondly, the heavy workload of other issues did not allow us to delve deeper into this topic. Although I immediately felt confident that I could write this performance, since the topic is familiar to me, and from a different, more tragic and larger-scale side.

And suddenly, at the bus stop, a woman comes in who looks like two peas in a pod like my old patient! In the same black clothes as many years ago when she was brought to me. That woman lost her son and had already lived for two years, immersed in her grief. She could not see joyful faces - how can people smile when her son died! It was a difficult case - no one could bring her out of this state, and I only had two hours before her departure. I managed to bring her back to life thanks to the fact that I understood the main cause of the tragedy and was able to convey it to the woman. And I remembered this incident for the rest of my life.

Several years have passed, and all this time this topic has been making itself felt. Many new examples accumulated, I researched this issue even deeper, and when I was about to write the next book in the “The World in Me” series, several more signs came that left no doubt about what to write about. In fact, there are many examples of excessive maternal love. Literally every day. This is truly a massive phenomenon, and when you read this book, you will see what is happening much deeper and will be able to see this problem from all sides.

Well, for example, what a sign - the magazine “Seven Days” arrives and on the cover it is written in large letters: “Olga Ponizova: “I live only for my son.” And this has a circulation of more than a million copies. I already know what life will be like for this son. Well, okay, these are her personal problems, but her worldview is brought to a huge audience, and it can become an example for many. And nothing is opposed to this, no one will say in the same million copies that she is ruining her son! The TV show “My Family,” which attracted tens of millions of people to their televisions, also did not consider the destructive influence of excessive maternal love. Almost no one talks about this, except, perhaps, in special psychological literature, and even then it is not studied deeply enough.

On the day when I was leaving on a “creative business trip” to write a book in the city of Ozyory, I received a letter from the city of S., in which a woman said that her twelve-year-old son had died. The letter is permeated with the grief of this woman, and from this letter it becomes clear that she and the boy’s father separated five years ago because “he began to abuse alcohol.” The letter shows great love for his son and great unity with him. In all cases, she says “we”: “we were treated,” “we did this…” and the like. There is a common picture of excessive maternal love, which led to tragedy.

I was invited to speak at this congress, and I decided to announce the topic “Mother’s love - the other side of the coin.” As I expected, all the speakers spoke only about one side of maternal love, about the great role of the mother, and no one spoke about the female role, or the role of the man and the couple. It’s as if all life lies precisely in motherhood, and it exists as if by itself, without the unity of a man and a woman, without their love. Even an Orthodox priest said in his speech: “Where have you put the men?”

The psychology professor leading the meeting began to slowly push my speech back, since she was familiar with my report and, as I realized later, did not agree with my position. I noticed this and reminded her of myself. Finally she gives me the floor, prefacing it with these words: “Now I give the floor to a person with whose opinion you will probably not agree, but be patient and listen.” Every cloud has a silver lining. With such a preface, she only aroused interest in my speech and woke up the falling asleep audience.

And what’s surprising is that my words about the enormous harm of excessive maternal love, that in the value system, the love between parents, and not for the child, should come first, caused understanding and a positive reaction among the majority! This made me happy. But the presenter did not give up. She put to a vote (an unusual case!) the main postulates of my speech and found herself in the minority - only two people (she and her assistant) in an audience of one and a half thousand voted “against”!

The theme of excessive maternal love is global in nature, only in some nations it manifests itself weaker and in others stronger, but it is present and gives rise to many problems all over the world: from minor family troubles and divorces to the death of children and complex social problems and wars - this is the spectrum situations where the main reason is excessive maternal love.

Don't rush to deny! Read, think, watch life, and you will probably agree with me and you yourself will find many confirmations of what has been said. And it will change your worldview, and you will become wiser. Well, most importantly, if you do not deny and approach this topic creatively, you can change a lot in your life and in the lives of your children for the better.

Motherhood and love

Interesting encounters happen on the train every time. Several people are confined in the cramped space of a carriage compartment for many hours, like a pressure chamber, thereby creating excellent conditions for deep communication. And the World always gives me different situations to learn, gain experience and help people. I have described road stories many times already. They are usually simple and ordinary, but they carry a lot of wisdom. So this time a conversation started in the compartment. Nadezhda (that was the name of my traveling companion) was traveling to Moscow.

– I’m going to see my son, he’s graduating from military school.

– Apparently, the “son” is already 22–23 years old. Big “son”, but you still call him by such a diminutive.

– And he will be small for me until the end of my days! After all, he is my baby. And besides, he is the last, I call him “my little one.”