Depression. What to tell a person? How to calm a loved one with words during a nervous hysteria

Nowadays, every person experiences many different emotions every day, among which you can find both positive and not so positive. Hysterics, nervous breakdowns, severe emotional states - all this negatively affects the health of our psyche and worsens the quality of life.

If you see that a loved one or another person you care about is in such a difficult state, it is important to know how to calm the person with your words and your actions. If we help others, then they may also provide invaluable help to us.

Types of emotional states

There are two main types of states in which a person can be if any problem arises - emotional stupor and hysteria. In this case, you should act completely differently.

• Hysteria in case of a nervous breakdown. In such a situation, the person should be supported somehow, despite his screams and curses, try to calm him down and wait out this state for 10-15 minutes. The hysteria most often ends and turns into an emotional stupor.
• Emotional stupor. In this case, the situation also cannot be left to chance - a loved one or anyone else must be taken out of this state. You can shake them by the shoulders, take them outside to get some fresh air, and so on.

In both cases, you should talk to the person softly, not raise your tone, and carefully touch on any topic that is sore for him. When the person finally comes to his senses, try to ask him about what happened, and if possible, offer your help. Remember, it is not enough to simply reassure a person with words, it is important that he feels supported as much as possible and can rely on you.

How to quickly calm down a loved one with words

If your significant other or close relative is in a depressed emotional state, his nerves are on edge, there is hysteria, you can try the following actions:

• Walk up to the person and give them a sincere hug.
• Reassure with words, say that everything will get better with time and everything will be fine.
• If strangers rarely explain the problem in detail, then you need to try to get your loved one to talk - he must emotionally relive the episode that contributed to the appearance of such a condition.
• During this, negative emotions may make themselves felt again, so listen patiently to the other person, do not raise your voice, but simply sympathize with him.
• Offer help - loved ones need it even more than other people. They want to feel that they are not alone in this world, that there is someone to support them.
• Offer your options for solving the problem, since from the outside it is much clearer what to do in this or that case.
• After your loved one has completely calmed down, distract him from unpleasant thoughts. This is not easy to do, but if desired, it is quite possible. You will go out to the river, into the forest, go somewhere - to the theater, cinema, entertainment complex, paintball, etc.

All these activities will help calm a nervous person who is gnawed by some problem.

What should you not do at such moments?

Never read to a person in such a state of morality!

• You can’t read “morals” to a person. This causes a feeling of guilt, the loved one withdraws even more into himself, his condition worsens, which can lead to prolonged depression with serious consequences.
• Never compare his problem with yours. He may think that you consider his trouble insignificant or, on the contrary, too serious. Try to put yourself in his position and simply analyze the situation.
• Emotions are transmitted, so try not to enter into their state when you reassure another person with words. This is fraught with aggravation of the situation.

Use these tips to calm your loved one or another person so they can gather their strength and begin to take constructive action to solve their problem.

During the day, a person experiences many feelings and emotions, some of which we can control, and some of which are extremely difficult to control. How to cope with uncontrollable emotions that go beyond the normal behavior and emotional state of a person, such as hysteria, despair, emotional breakdown? How to help a person when he is in a state of hysteria or complete despair?

At such moments, it is very important that someone is close to the person experiencing such powerful emotions.

The first thing is necessary when a person is already immersed in a state of hysteria, melancholy, sadness, it's just to hug him, firmly and with love, because it’s not easy for a person now. And at this moment words are not needed, sit there until the emotions subside.

Next, listen carefully, without interrupting, to the person, sincerely show interest in his problem, put yourself in his position. It is necessary for the person to speak out, as if to talk about his problem, with details. During the conversation, emotions may rage again, a second wave of hysteria, but be patient, calming down again.

During the conversation, the person is still on the verge of a breakdown and therefore choose your words carefully so as not to offend nothing more than this raging “volcano” of emotions. Phrases such as “Be taller”, “It’s such little things” or “Get your act together!” leave them for later, they can only make a person feel embarrassed about his condition. He will understand that his behavior has gone beyond the bounds of decency and will turn his problem inward, which should not be allowed in such situations.

There are two options: either do not bring yourself to such states, or if this has already happened, fully allow this state to manifest itself by coming out. Therefore, the best option would be to calmly listen to your friend, occasionally agreeing with him and completely entering into his position, into the situation in which he finds himself. This way he will gradually calm down. Don’t act indifferent, try to understand, because you could be in his place in the same situation, and you, too, would want warmth and attention at such moments.

Perhaps your interlocutor will need help or advice, so ask if there is anything you can do to help him in this situation. Sometimes just being around that person is enough.

After such an emotional outburst help the person return to normal by distracting him from the problem. If possible, go outdoors together, cook something special, watch a comedy.

Such emotional states are very draining on a person’s morale; your task is to support and help restore balance. Sometimes it's hard to cope with yourself alone.

Sometimes the hysteria goes far and lasts for more than an hour. What to do in such situations?

Start asking distracting simple questions, the person will begin to answer them little by little, turn on logical thinking and, thereby, reduce his emotional outburst. This quickly relieves affective tension and leads to a sober assessment of the situation.

With prolonged hysteria, which can last for hours and almost lead to physical fainting, it is sometimes necessary to use extreme measures.

In such cases, you can try to bring the person back to his senses in a harsh way - slap him in the face, sharply pull him by the arm, or do something similar. It will be a bit of a shock to him, but it will help distract him from the state in which he is so deeply immersed. This will bring the person “to the surface” for a while and help regain self-control.

This is where it is necessary to force a person to talk about his condition, problem, situation in which he finds himself. Next, support, as described above, and help find a solution to the problem or a way out of the current situation.

Sometimes a person reaches a dead end and begins to struggle from powerlessness, not finding a way out. But another person’s “outside view” can easily find it. Give the person a hint or share your speculations about this, and then the interlocutor will be able to handle it himself.

What should you not do in such situations?

First, at such times it is inappropriate to teach, instruct or lecture a person: “I told you that you need to be afraid of him/you need to be careful/you can’t do that.” This will only awaken a feeling of guilt in him, which will aggravate his situation and aggravate his condition.

Secondly, after listening to your interlocutor’s story, you should not mention your problem, which seems similar to yours . This takes the conversation in a different direction, focusing on yourself, you leaving an upset person unattended. There is no need to compare problems, assess the situation, reduce the significance of what happened or, conversely, exaggerate the scale of what happened. Yes, our problems are all similar in essence, but they still have their own characteristics and should not be lumped together with the same brush. It’s better to try to understand your friend’s situation and give advice based on the data collected.

And finally, one more piece of advice for those who find themselves next to a person in an emotional state.

Don't let yourself fall into the same state. Entering into the position of your interlocutor does not mean adopting his emotional state, but simply trying to understand his situation. It is no secret that emotions are transmitted, but try not to get involved in them, otherwise you will not be able to help your interlocutor by entering the same state. Be carefull.

By following our advice, you will help your interlocutor quickly calm down and begin to think constructively to solve the problem.

Tim Lawrence, a psychotherapist and journalist, wrote an article in which he talks about how you can really help a person experiencing grief. He warns that you need to be more careful with common phrases that are usually uttered for support - they can hurt even more.

We are publishing an article by Tim, who himself experienced the loss of loved ones at a young age and knows what we really need in difficult times.

I listen to a psychotherapist friend of mine talk about his patient. A woman was in a terrible accident, she is in constant pain and her limbs are paralyzed. I've heard this story ten times already, but one thing always shocks me. He told the poor woman that the tragedy had led to positive changes in her life.

“Everything in life happens for a reason,” these are his words. It amazes me how deeply ingrained this platitude is, even among psychotherapists. These words hurt and hurt cruelly. He wants to say that the incident forces the woman to grow spiritually. And I think this is complete nonsense. The accident broke her life and destroyed her dreams - that's what happened and there is absolutely nothing good about it.

Most importantly, this mindset prevents us from doing the only thing we should do when we are in trouble: grieving. My teacher Megan Devine says it well: “Some things in life cannot be fixed. This can only be experienced".

We grieve not only when someone close to us dies. We indulge in sadness when loved ones pass away, when hopes are dashed, when a serious illness strikes. The loss of a child and the betrayal of a loved one cannot be corrected - it can only be experienced.

If you are in trouble and someone tells you the following well-worn phrases: “everything that doesn’t happen is for the best”, “this will make you better and stronger”, “it was predestined”, “nothing happens for nothing”, “you need to take responsibility for your life”, “everything will be fine” - you can safely cross this person out of your life.

When we say things like this to our friends and family, even with the best of intentions, we are denying them the right to mourn, be sad, and be sad. I myself have experienced a huge loss, and I am haunted every day by the guilt that I am still alive, but my loved ones are no longer alive. My pain didn't go away, I just learned how to channel it through working with patients and understand them better.

But under no circumstances would it have occurred to me to say that this tragedy was a gift of fate that helped me grow spiritually and professionally. To say this is to trample on the memory of loved ones whom I lost too early, and those who faced a similar misfortune, but could not cope with it. And I'm not going to pretend that it was easy for me because I'm strong, or that I became "successful" because I was able to "take charge of my life."

Modern culture treats grief as a problem to be fixed, or as a disease to be cured. We do everything to drown out, repress our pain or somehow transform it. And when you suddenly face misfortune, the people around you turn into walking platitudes.

So what should you say to friends and family who are in trouble, instead of “everything in life is not accidental”? The last thing a person crushed by misfortune needs is advice or guidance. The most important thing is understanding.

Literally say the following: “I know you’re hurting. I am here with you".

This means that you are willing to be there and suffer with your loved one - and this is incredibly powerful support.

There is nothing more important for people than understanding. It does not require any special skills or training, it is simply a willingness to be nearby and stay nearby as long as necessary.

Stay close. Just be there, even when you feel uncomfortable or feel like you're not doing anything useful. In fact, it is precisely when you are uncomfortable that you should make an effort to stay close.

“I know you're hurting. I'm near".

We so rarely allow ourselves to enter this gray zone - the zone of horror and pain - but this is where the roots of our healing lie. It begins when there are people who are ready to go there with us.

I ask you to do this for your loved ones. You may never know it, but your help will be invaluable. And if you ever get into trouble, find someone willing to be there for you. I guarantee he will be found.

Everyone else can go.

In the article you will learn:

How to calm a person in hysterics using psychological methods?

Hello friends! Have you ever encountered inappropriate behavior from loved ones or friends? I had to. And this was not the most pleasant experience. I was at a loss then and did not understand what to do, how to calm a person in hysterics. Firstly, it was scary for him - it was unknown what he would do. Secondly, it’s terrible to feel your own powerlessness when you really want to help.
But that was a long time ago. We all get a little freaked out by the winds of change sometimes. And now I know, I can, and I practice how to provide first aid to a victim. And, of course, I will be happy to share my findings with you.

Don't let the hurricane rage

A person who is in a hysterical fit screams a lot, speaks emotionally, may cry, make nervous movements and rash actions. The deep purpose of this behavior is demonstrative, the desire to involve one in one’s own volcano of experiences.
Therefore, the task of the one who is nearby is to extinguish it at the stage of conception. But not with words, in this case they may not help, but, on the contrary, harm. Any response, especially an emotional and negative one, can provoke the further development of a nervous breakdown.

To calm a person, you need to give valerian or bring ammonia in the very first minutes. Any sedative, except alcohol! Also stick to the rule, silence is golden. That is, do not try to calm down verbally, and especially do not get excited in this situation yourself, do not swear or shout.
It's better to hug tightly and wait for the emotions to subside. After a couple of minutes, begin to carefully, calmly ask questions and discuss the problem.

Intensity of emotions

If the process cannot be stopped and there is no response to your attempts, then you will have to resort to harsh methods. When a person is trembling and shaking, there is no point in hugging and reassuring. Actions are needed that will distract a person from his condition.
To stop a hysteria, you need to ask distracting questions that will engage the logic of our mentally damaged person. Ask about work, children, anything unrelated to the problem. Try to turn on the brains of those who have gone crazy. This method, by the way, is good if you have to calm a person over the Internet.
If the attempt is hopeless, proceed to physical actions:

- clap your hands
- press on the painful point just below the elbow bend
- give a slap, but be careful not to get bitten
- shake your shoulders two or three times
- splash a glass of water
- pour water under the shower
- drop the chair
- jump onto the windowsill, table

Such distracting actions can pull a person out of his state and calm raging nerves. After this, short commands should be given: “Drink water!”, “Come with me!”, “Lie down!”, They also help restore normal psyche.
Since after a hysteria, as a rule, a loss of strength occurs, then, in accordance with the commands, give a glass of cold water or hot tea and put him to bed. Now you can console with words, support, encourage, talk. But, under no circumstances read morals or lecture! “I told you so”, “I warned you” - such phrases should not exist.

Safety precautions

When trying to stop inappropriate behavior, think about safety rules:
1. Under no circumstances leave the person alone. Be there if the tantrum continues. An exception may be when the process has just begun and you can return to the victim at any time in less than 1 minute.
2. Remove all dangerous objects from the premises. There are especially many of them in the kitchen. Therefore, hide the knives and forks, or take the person to another room.
3. At the beginning of the article, I mentioned that hysteria is caused by demonstrative reasons, so it is necessary to clear the room of all third parties. And if the hysteria happened on the street or in a crowd, then take him to a secluded place. Deprive the actor of his audience.

Think about the psychological safety of a person who has been unsettled. After he has calmed down, be sure to talk to him about the problem. Don't leave him alone with his troubles. Don’t lead conversations in a different direction, but listen calmly and carefully.
I would like to emphasize that it is important not to become infected with other people’s emotions. Avoid excessive sympathy and pity. If necessary, let me cry. But think about your own condition, do not take everything to heart.
Also, do not give any advice or offer a solution to the problem in this situation. Because at the moment there is a process of understanding what happened. A person is now incapable of solving this in any way. And your proposals can only cause a new wave of worries.

If a child is hysterical

For infants, loud crying is a signal of discomfort, pain, or unmet need. For older children, crying and hysterics are often a way of manipulating parents to get what they want.
And, as a rule, it is very difficult for parents to calm a raging child. No matter how they persuade, exhort or threaten, nothing works. Over time, such manipulations become a habitual pattern of behavior.

The task of mothers and fathers is to accustom their child to the fact that not all his wishes can come true. How to stop the child's violent protests?
1. Parents should master themselves first. There is no point in explaining to the child the reasons for refusal, shouting at him and attacking him. Moreover, there is no need to punish! If this is difficult, move away from him. But without emotional outbursts and comments, calmly.
2. If you see that your child is scared by his own reaction and “crazy,” then hug him and provide support. Explain, if he does not show irritation, that this happens and it will pass. The baby should not worry about this.
3. Next, distract the child with a game, an interesting cartoon, or a snack. And don't focus on what happened.
4. Unfortunately, most often children begin to behave uncontrollably in stores, clinics, and on the street. In this case, you need to go to a place where there are fewer people and turn away from the crying child. Deprived of spectators, he will quickly stop making noise.

In addition to the fact that the main task is not to be provoked, parents must understand why their little one does this. Perhaps this is the only way to express your desires when parents are overly authoritarian. Then you should reconsider your attitude towards your child and become more democratic.
Or she does this because she doesn’t know how to show her emotions. In this case, you need to teach it. For example, talk about the emotions that the child experiences. “Now you are irritated, but this is temporary”, “I see that you are angry now”, etc.

Preventive measures

The best way to deal with stressful situations for adults and children is to prevent them. Of course, we cannot influence events that are beyond our control. For example, difficulties at work, accidents or the loss of a loved one. But many nervous conditions can be avoided by discussing problems in a timely manner.
Don’t wait for them to accumulate and explode, but speak out and show emotions towards them. Throw out everything that is unpleasant to the soul. If necessary, contact specialists in a timely manner. Or use the psychological methods that I told you about today.

With love to you, June!
Let me remind you that you can subscribe to news. And if you liked the article, share it with your friends. Bye everyone!

We all know how difficult it is to find yourself in a situation where you need to console someone, but you can’t find the right words.

Fortunately, most often people do not expect specific advice from us. It is important for them to feel that someone understands them, that they are not alone. So first, just describe how you feel. For example, using the following phrases: “I know that it’s very difficult for you now,” “I’m sorry that it’s so difficult for you.” This way you will make it clear that you really see what it’s like for your loved one right now.

2. Confirm that you understand these feelings.

But be careful, don’t draw all the attention to yourself, don’t try to prove that it was even worse for you. Briefly mention that you have been in a similar position before, and ask more about the condition of the person you are comforting.

3. Help your loved one understand the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways to resolve a difficult situation, first he just needs to talk it out. This especially applies to women.

So wait to offer solutions to the problem and listen. This will help the person you are comforting understand their feelings. After all, sometimes it is easier to understand your own experiences by telling others about them. By answering your questions, the interlocutor can find some solutions himself, understand that everything is not as bad as it seems, and simply feel relieved.

Here are some phrases and questions that can be used in this case:

• Tell me what happened.
• Tell me what's bothering you.
• What led to this?
• Help me understand how you feel.
• What scares you the most?

At the same time, try to avoid questions with the word “why”; they are too similar to judgment and will only anger the interlocutor.

4. Do not minimize the suffering of your interlocutor and do not try to make him laugh.

When we encounter the tears of a loved one, we, quite naturally, want to cheer him up or convince him that his problems are not so terrible. But what seems trivial to us can often upset others. So don't minimize another person's suffering.

What if someone is really worried about a trifle? Ask if there is any information that conflicts with his view of the situation. Then offer your opinion and share an alternative way out. It is very important here to clarify whether they want to hear your opinion, otherwise it may seem too aggressive.

5. Offer physical support if appropriate.

Sometimes people don’t want to talk at all, they just need to feel that there is a loved one nearby. In such cases, it is not always easy to decide how to behave.

Your actions should correspond to your usual behavior with a particular person. If you are not too close, putting your hand on your shoulder or giving him a light hug will suffice. Also look at the behavior of the other person, perhaps he himself will make it clear what he needs.

Remember that you should not be too zealous when you console: your partner may take it for flirting and be offended.

6. Suggest ways to solve the problem

If a person only needs your support and not specific advice, the above steps may be sufficient. By sharing your experiences, your interlocutor will feel relieved.

Ask if there is anything else you can do. If the conversation takes place in the evening, and most often this happens, suggest going to bed. As you know, the morning is wiser than the evening.

If your advice is needed, ask first if the interlocutor himself has any ideas. Decisions are made more readily when they come from someone who is themselves in a controversial situation. If the person you are comforting is unclear about what can be done in their situation, help develop specific steps. If he doesn’t know what to do at all, offer your options.

If a person is sad not because of a specific event, but because he has a problem, immediately move on to discussing specific actions that can help. Or suggest doing something, like going for a walk together. Unnecessary thinking will not only not help get rid of depression, but, on the contrary, will aggravate it.

7. Promise to continue to support

At the end of the conversation, be sure to mention again that you understand how difficult it is for your loved one right now, and that you are ready to continue to support him in everything.